Chapter 73: Chapter 73
We had lunch at a pizzeria, I raised my brows as I stared at the restaurant specializing in Italian food.
“Pizza, huh?” I asked while looking at Sean who was in front of the car, he shrugged his shoulders with a crooked smile.
“Just wanted, I hope you don’t hate pizza,” he said which made me smile holding back my laughter, was he in a bad mood? I don’t know I’m not in the mood to guess and observe it further. Sean took my hand then held it we walked hand in hand into the restaurant. Sean ordered two large pizzas and deluxe beef bruschetta, I ordered tropical punch and choco Lava cake for dessert while Sean ordered cola. I think we ordered quite a lot considering it was just the two of us, but Sean eats like a horse it’s only natural that his body is stout but still looks sexy.
I feel neglected by his current attitude, I waited for him to speak but all he did was play on the phone, oh, my God! Why is this man so draining of my emotions? Alright I’ll start.
“Doctor Merlin said you were feeling insecure about yourself.”
Sean raised his eyebrows and sighed heavily his attention was turned towards me, good job, girl! My senses complimented with her bright smile, My Inner Goddess rolled her eyes with a bored expression and again covered her face with the New York Times magazine she was reading right now after returning from hiding.
“You must know why that happened,” he replied, looking at me with a cautious look, a glimmer of fear lurking behind that gaze.
“I know it affected you a lot but you did so well in your career that you have achieved everything you have today, everyone wants big achievements like you.”
I looked at him with a reassuring look, but on the other hand I wanted to know what he thought about this, his forehead revealed a faint frown.
“All of my current achievements can be achieved by everyone if they want to try depending on their choice, but the past that I went through was not a choice, Ariana, I was not as lucky as people out there, no one wants the past like I did. I have and not everyone can accept that.”
My mind went back to thinking hard, he was right but will he always be like this?? I don’t want to see him like this, down. It was like a mansion and promised a comfortable life but when I entered it there was nothing but loneliness and vulnerability. I was choked by my own thoughts than me maybe he was the one who looked very lonely, so far the existence of mama, Caroline, Ronald and also the friends in management that I have is enough to cover the loneliness I feel, lonely because I need a man to love me sincerely regardless of what I have in my life and make that as a benchmark, whether I deserve it or not.
“Is my existence enough to help you with that?”
Sean sighed loudly through his nose as he grabbed my hand which was on the table.
“You are like the sun to me, Ariana, my life is gloomy, cold, lonely and dark, when I saw you for the first time in your house standing in the doorway staring at me in silence, you gave me hope that I had never had, I felt different things with you, you warmed my life, Ariana, somehow you did it but you made me feel alive again.”
Oh, boys! This is a spectacular love confession throughout the history of my life, My Inner Goddess shines very brightly a pair of wings of light appear behind her back, as she stands in front of her red sofa her arms outstretched in the air with graceful movements she looks like a luminous and awesome Fairy Queen. I couldn’t utter a word all those thoughts stuck in my mind my senses were stunned, his golden eyes stared at me with a gaze full of joy mixed with the love he had for me, my lips created a smile containing admiration and emotion at his spectacular statement. Our orders paused a few seconds of our conversation the smell of this pizza really piqued my appetite, my attention was drawn to our lunches all looking delicious and I couldn’t wait not to eat them. I took a large slice of pizza Sean started eating bruschetta, his choice for lunch at this place did not disappoint.
“Merlin told me that you’re trying to be the person I need.”
My mouth is dry and my eyes are staring in all directions, I wonder what he thinks of this. This restaurant seemed not so crowded so the atmosphere around us was not so noisy and disturbed our conversation.
“I feel like you could easily leave me.”
This statement cut my tongue and my heart cracks thinking about this possibility, he can get someone out there like me, maybe even better than me. Unlucky! It’s like I’m deliberately standing in front of a room in my heart that contains my fears that have been locked in there so as not to frighten me every time, and this time I’m thinking of facing it but I’m too weak for that.
“Look at me Ariana, I’m a mess, disgusting.”
I closed my eyes when I heard him speak of his poor judgment of himself.
“You’re perfect, Sean, any woman would willingly throw herself at you. You have what some guys out there don’t have, you’re like Tony Stark or Bruce Wine or some other rich guy with a million charms.”
My tone sounded emotional, I drank my tropical punch through a straw he looked at me with a sharp look my brow furrowed, was there something wrong with what I said?
“Do you see me only from my physical appearance? Your mind is very shallow, Ana.”
He suppressed every word in his sentence, oh, my God! Am I wrong??!
“Sean, I don’t want to sound naive but that’s the truth, not only me but women out there see what sticks to you, they won’t know your past until you tell it, people out there including me saw what our eyes saw. See before we get to know each other, presume you have plenty of options and I don’t.”
We were silent, Sean seemed to think he took a big enough slice of pizza and ate it, I again added to my record in eating this food usually I only eat 4 slices but this time I reached the sixth slice and it seems I’m still hungry, maybe because of our current debate .
“I love you, Sean, not only for what you physically and truly have, but for all the things you have and if you thought I could leave you so easily you’re so wrong, I’ve never loved a man this much.”
“I can’t leave you, Ariana.”
I shrugged my shoulders with a gloomy expression, maybe now he could say that.
“Maybe now you can say that, considering you’re used to-“
“We promised not to discuss this matter again,” he cut in quickly behind his clenched teeth, his tone cold and sharp I peered at him through my eyelashes, his gaze sharp as if piercing me. I was silent when I realized my mistake. My Inner Goddess peeked from behind the magazine she was reading, her gaze was sharp with warning. I decided to shut up and eat my dessert, it was delicious, my mind was temporarily distracted by this cake, my pizza still had six slices while Sean’s only had two slices and his bruschetta plate was empty, he called the waiter to wrap our leftovers and ask for the bill.
The waiter came to clear our table and asked us to wait for our pizza to be wrapped, we were just silent while waiting for Sean’s glance back to focus on his cellphone while I stared at the scenery outside the restaurant, everything would be easy if Sean was just an ordinary guy- just normal. We left the restaurant after Sean’s credit card was returned by a waiter and our pizza was well wrapped.
“Ariana.”