Chapter 91: Chapter 91

Tears were slipping down their eyes. The whole study  has turned upside down. The glass table, smashed and broken. Books from the bookshelf were torned and rested on the floor. The glass pieces of vase were scattered. The place depicted of an utter apocalypse.

And among all these broken and torned things, there lied a safe in the middle of the room. Bullets pierced through it and was now tattered and battered. Sat there on the sofa were three siblings, with nothing but tearful eyes.

And a piece of paper in their hands.

Written to them in her last moment by their mother.

The letter which reached them after twenty five long years.

Each word pierced through their soul. Every breath they took was heavy, filled with sighs and unattained wishes.

The unattained wish to meet their mother one last time.

Shehryaar's hand shivered as he still held the old worn out letter. Tears silently slipping out of his eyes. He rather wished he could have died than knowing this truth.

After Sheharzaad narrated him the whole truth, he had straight up went to Dua and then went to Irtaza's room before taking them to their grandfather's study. As soon as he entered, he began to find the letter about which Dua and Sheharzaad told him. Their uncle Haroon was too in this study, sitting beside them.

His mother was raped.

His mother was killed.

His grandfather's old servant, Jamal, brought the rope to his grandfather and they hung their mother to the ceiling, depicting as if it was a suicide.

Dua sobbed.

Shehryaar's silent tears fell.

While Irtaza remained silent. Too emotionless to react. Irtaza had long ago forgiven his mother on the insistence of his grandfather and he now understood why. On his deathbed, his grandfather begged Irtaza to forgive his mother only because the fear of death and the feelings of guilt had consumed him. He wanted to erase the hatred he had created within the heart of children of Jaha Ara. That was why he cried.... he sobbed... he begged to Irtaza to forgive his mother and ask Shehryaar to do so as well. And now Irtaza also understood why his grandfather did not insist on Dua forgiving her mother because Shabbir Haider knew that Dua knew all the truth.

Irtaza felt emotionless and quiet. He had forgiven his mother, he had stopped considering her bad after Zahra came into his life and taught him the meaning of love, he had exempted his heart from the hatred of his mother only because of Zahra. And that was why he couldn't feel that utter guilt which Shehryaar was feeling now. The guilt which was slipping out of his eyes in the form of tears.

Irtaza placed his hand on his younger brother's shoulder and he gave no response. Shehryaar rather just kept on staring at the letter, reading, re-reading it again and again.

After a few moments of silence, he looked up at his uncle, Haroon, "do you know who raped my mother?" he asked in his soul less voice.

Irtaza closed his eyes upon, heaving in a breath.

"I don't, son," Haroon responded. "I told you what I saw that day,"

He gave no response and looked at the letter again.

He re read it again and more tears released from his eyes. Every word pierced his heart with such a stabbing pain that breathing was becoming a difficult task.

'Haider. Irtaza. Shehryaar. And my lovely little Dua. I won't justify myself for what I did. I know I'm your culprit. And I deserve to be punished so severely that I'd die during the course of that punishment. I wish I could spend some more moments with you all. Tell you all that how much I love you. How much I've strived to make this family complete. But I couldn't. I was as helpless as that fish out of water, striving to get back in water but of no avail. My heart, my thoughts, my past never let me live in present. They always occupied me. Giving me and taking my life every moment. Every second. In those thoughts, in that past, resides a memory where the sanctity of a twenty-one year old girl was tarnished. In that vivid memory, rests the scene, when that girl was bounded with ropes like an animal in that bleak, dark motel. Taking advantage of her vulnerability and helplessness, approached her a man who did something with her that she had fainted. And when she woke up, she felt nothing but a pain. No. It wasn't a physical pain. It was the pain which is felt when your heart bursts and breaks into millions of pieces that you can't understand where the pain is radiating from. You try figuring out which part hurt more and you drown more in that agony. My children, that agony is very heartbreaking. Take it as your mother' s last wish, but never hurt a woman. Her heart is fragile. Never crush their innocence. Because sometimes that innocence turns into a poisonous snake, depriving her of the ability to give any love to the relations she shared. That snake just knows how to bite someone. I loved you all with all my heart and soul but that poisonous snake, that was born in that afternoon within me, in that motel, on that bed, never let me express  any love. I just had one thing in me. That was venom. And I wanted your grandfather to drink that venom. And die so painfully just like I die day and night on seeing my rapist roaming around this house. I tried, I tried giving you all the love but I always failed because that man will appear in my eyes, reminding me for what I was living. I was not living to give love rather distribute that venom so my inner poison could alleviate. That poison which sickens me with every breath I take. Which makes breathing difficult for me. Living difficult for me. Death an easier resort for me. Your grandfather knew the man who took away Jaha Ara's innocence. But he said nothing. Remained quiet. Considered it as my punishment for rejecting the proposal of his son. So how can Jaha Ara be normal after going through this? I never wanted to be with Omer... I wanted to love Haider, reciprocate his love, but I couldn't. That fire of revenge wanted Shabbir Haider see new heights of humiliation. I wanted him to feel the shame whenever he would walk in his clan. People talking behind his backs that he is the same Shabbir whose daughter-in-law was caught with another man. And today I achieved it. But this does not give me peace or any tranquility. Rather drowns me more into the sea of regret and guilt. Because I know we can never be a sane, a complete family ever again. We will always be impaired and dysfunctional. I've to go now. Because Shabbir is after my life. He will kill me for tarnishing hiss reputation and breaking his pride. But I write this letter to seek forgiveness of you all. For last eight years, I just played the role of daughter-in-law of Shabbir Haider Syed. Now, I want to heal you all. Heal the pain I've given you. And play the befitting role of Haider's wife and Irtaza, Shehryaar and Dua's mother. Forgive me. Give me one more chance. I'll run away but I'll come back soon. Your mother won't abandon you this time. She will fight for you. Till her last breath. Only you now give me hope. You all. The only hope I've in this world. I never gave you the share of love you deserved from me. I wish I could kill myself to deprive Shabbir Haider Syed of his wish to kill me but I can't. Because I've taken away your hope earlier and now I want to give that same hope back to you. I'll come back. And this time with a stronger position. Mama loves you... and Haider, your wife have always... love you. Allah hafiz.

Jaha Ara

His mother's last wish... was not to hurt women, respect women... and his whole life he kept on misjugding them and disrespecting them. Loathing them. Detesting the woman kind. Never trusting the woman kind. He did that so he could hate his mother more. So that her soul would never rest in peace after knowing that her son loathes him.

And today he felt as if mother would loathe him for the man he has become. A complete opposite to what her last advice was.

Only if.

Only if this letter had reached him... he would have never been like that. He would have been a changed person. A different person.

He wouldn't have tortured Sheharzaad to that extent only to imprint in her mind that he was her owner and she can never go against him. She can never betray him.

Only if these words have spoken to him earlier.

Then he would have been exempted from this curse in which he had lived after what his 7-year old self witnessed. He would have never taken his grandfather or his teachings under consideration. Rather he would have killed his grandfather for doing what he did with his mother.

His beautiful mother.

A cursory memory of her plucking the rose from the garden crossed his mind. And then her beautiful smile played on her lips. Her dimples appearing on either sides of her cheek.

Shehryaar folded the letter, kissed it, and pocketed it before dialing a number.

"Who are you calling son?" his uncle, Haroon asked.

"My second-in-command," he responded in his heavy voice, while sniffling. Haroon had never seen his nephew crying like that. Not even when Sheharzaad was gone.

"Why?" Haroon asked with a frown.

"To get Agha," Irtaza responded, already knowing what was going on in Shehryaar's mind, "Agha is the only person who can know the truth of who raped our mother,"

"You don't need to call him," Haroon stopped Shehryaar, "because Sheharzaad and I already have Agha in our captivity," he told, "and Haseeb, Zahra and Sheharzaad has gone in the cell to investigate him,"

On the cue, the door opened and walked in Sheharzaad, Haseeb and Zahra.

Zahra immediately went to Irtaza's arm, hugging her. She was crying. Irtaza wrapped his arms around her, caressing her back, comfortingly.

"I know who you must be looking for," Sheharzaad told.

"Your mother was raped by... the very friend of your grandfather, Agha Hassan Bugt and he just committed it. Also, he did it with... with the help of your grandfather's old servant, Jamal Chandio. Jamal harassed her... by..." Sheharzaad's voice shivered, the story which Agha told playing in her mind and she was having trouble to utter it to Shehryaar, "by...chaining her to the bed... and...and...and... she fainted.... and Agha... he called... Agha (hiccup).... Agha... he always had his eyes on your mother.... and he.. tarnished Jaha Ara's sanctity... while she was fainted. Jaha Ara... thought that it was Jamal who did that. Also, even your grandfather thought that it was Jamal... he never knew that it was Agha, his dear friend... who did...that (hiccup)...that with Jaha Ara... and... and," Sheharzaad's eyes were on the floor but she looked up at Shehryaar, "that's the story of the mother you've always loathed... Shehryaar Haider Syed. May her soul rest in peace,"