Chapter 46: Chapter 46

: Wtfu

→Narrator: Asa

I sat up from bed, trembling, tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart squeezing painfully inside of me.

It's not real. I told myself. Not real. Not real. Not real.

But it was real. I gulped. I had done that to... To my own brother.

I felt bile rising up my throat.

Oh God.

I shot out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom, my mouth tightly clamped until i reached the toilet seat where I proceeded to empty my guts, puking and puking until it felt like I'd puke out my intestines.

I didn't stop until I was wrenching and wheezing, sobs, tearing at my lungs, my heart squeezing painfully inside me.

Stupid girl. Weak girl. Evil girl. Abomination. Your own brother.

No. No. No. NO!

Walking to the basin, mud in my mind and disgust in my veins, I grabbed the faucet and scrubbing my hands frantically until it hurt.

Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off!!!

But no matter how hard I scrubbed, the sticky, dirty feeling wouldn't leave. Forever imprinted on my memory.

I dropped to the floor, crumpling into a tiny, disheveled ball, tears streaming out of me painfully, whimpers and sobs, tearing at my throat.

In the back of my mind, I heard everyone's opinion. Faceless people, attacking me. All against me.

Why didn't you tell anyone? I heard my mum's voice.

Why didn't you fight back? You couldn't even scream?

Leave her alone, she's lying?

I squeezed my legs tight to my chest, wanting to fold myself into nothing and dissolve out of existense.

Pain... When will it stop... When will it all end. When?

I felt dirty. Polluted. Spoiled. Weak. Weak. Weak.

I grabbed my head tight, screaming, crying. Wanting to reach deep into my memories and yank them out. Loneliness, eating up my soul like acid.

I suddenly felt small. Alone. Useless. It was me against the vast universe and I was tiny. Insignificant. Nothing.

Memories of my time in Abuja coming back. How Brandel only got sicker and sicker and started demanding more than I was willing to give, to the point where he practically forced me every night. His actions, more and more violent and twisted.

Shh. Don't scream. Don't scream, Selene. I'll fucking kill you.

Until the point I couldn't even recognize the old Brandel anymore.

Every night.

And then I snapped.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

He came that night, and I was ready for him, slashing at him blindly in a moment of pure, unadulterated terror.

I didn't even realize what I had done until he stopped motionless, slumping on me, and my hands soaked with red, sticky blood.

He had survived that night, but I hadn't.

And the brutal bullying had continued and spread when they found out I had stabbed the school's starboy in self defence.

Why won't you just die? Priye from school had asked me.

SHE'S Brandell's sister? Eww! Nenye in Jss3 had said, incredulous and horrified.

Everyone already knows how her father died. Later she'll be asking why she doesn't have any friends. Santana had said to her friends.

My sister, if she can kill her own father, she won't think twice about killing a friend. Nneoma kept saying.

She killed her father? Me, i heard that she stabbed Brandell oo.

She stabbed Brandell? What for?

No! I gripped my head, tears, spilling out of me. You don't understand. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Coming to Lagos had been no different.

She's really a witch. They'd say. My cousin said she tried to kill her own brother.

Me, i heard that she actually killed her father.

Really? No way! She even acts like a witch sef. No wonder nobody likes her.

Stop! I screamed to myself, tears flowing out of me, my voice coming out hoarse. Stop, please!

I covered my tear stained face, my hands, trembling.

Selene. I love you.

No! Leave me! Please!

I was hysterical now. Shaking, i squeezed myself tighter into a ball.

I'll come back for you. I swear it.

Suddenly, a hand gripped my shoulder. "Asa."

I screamed, jumping up, squeezing myself deeper into a corner of the wall, body trembling, eyes, frantic.

"Asa, are you okay?"

I gulped, looking into Osahon's worried brown eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked again, concern etched in his eyes, crouching towards me.

I shifted back. He noticed and gave me space.

"I'm fine." I whispered. My voice hoarse.

I'm not fine. Go away.

He stared at me for a moment, obviously not believing me. Then he sighed, massaging the back of his neck. "Uh... Look... I'm obviously not Kam... But... Uh... If you need a shoulder to... Like... cry on or anything... I'm here."

His awkwardness actually made me smile.

I didn't know Osahon on a personal level. Like Amir,  he liked to keep to himself, but unlike the brooding fulani Prince, whose entire aura screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone!" Osahon held a sense of openness about him.

It's not like he was a shy type or anything, there was just this quiet confidence about him that immediately made people admire him.

"Thank you." I whispered.

He blinked.

I blinked.

"So..." He prompted. "Why don't you take a bath or something? Lola always feels better after that. I think you will, too."

He offered me a cute, shy smile and I just had to smile back.

"Breakfast's ready by the way. It gets boring with only Jordan for company."

"You're still not talking to Lola?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

For a moment, his shoulders sagged, weariness overtaking his entire features. "I've tried, Asa. I've done everything to make her talk to me... It's like..." He dropped his arms helplessly. "It's like she's given up on me. On us."

I gulped, my throat scratching and scathing, like I've been screaming a lot.

I have...

"I'm sorry, Osahon." I whispered hoarsely.

He sighed, nodding and stood up, walking out of the bathroom.

After a refreshing bath, i stepped out of the bathroom in my robe, only to find Osahon, perched on a corner of my bed, playing with something in his hands.

"Hey, Asa?" He asked quietly, dropping what he was playing with on the bed.

I glanced at it... A tiny box.

"Yeah?" I answered, still shaken from my nightmare, my body trembling as I walked to my dresser and sat at the desk.

"You and Lola... You guys talk, right?"

"Yeah?" I answered, warily, sensing where he was heading.

"Has she..." He avoided my gaze. "Did she tell you anything about... About Dave?"

I released a strangled breath. "Osahon-"

"I need to know!" His eyes snapped at me almost desperately. "And she won't even talk to me!"

I sighed, massaging my temple. "Osahon, I've not known you guys for too long... But one thing I'm sure of is that Lola is head over heels in love with you."

"So, you mean, Kosi was lying?" His face lit up immediately.

I sighed, dropping my hands in my lap, helplessly. "I don't know, Osahon. Why don't you ask Dave?"

He groaned standing up and walking to the window, gazing out of it, wariness and misery, etched in his eyes... On his features. "I don't know, Asa." He whispered, finally. "I guess... I guess I'm scared."

"You're scared?" I asked, confused.

"I'm scared of the truth. I'm scared of getting closure. I'm scared of my worst fears becoming my reality. Lola... She... I'm in love with her. God, if i ever find out she's been with Dave behind my back... I don't think I can handle it. I don't want that closure. I don't want to lose her."

I only stared at him sadly, understanding his pain.

"And I know that makes me a fucking coward. But Asa, I can't deal!"

"Look, Osahon. You love Lola, yes?"

He gulped, nodding. "Yes."

"And Dave's your best friend. Yes?"

He gritted his teeth. "Yes."

"Then talk to them. It may all just be a misunderstanding."

He sighed, walking away from the window and going to collect the box from where it sat on my bed. He gazed at it thoughtfully, turning it over and over in his hands.

"What's that?"

He looked up, a frustrated look in his eyes. "It's a promise ring."

"For Lola?"

"Yeah."

"You should talk to Lola. To Lola and Dave. Get that closure you need."

"And if they confirm my fears?"

"Then it's not meant to be. It's going to be hard but you'll have to let it go."

He ran a tired hand through his thick coily black hair.

"But one thing I'm sure of is that Lola loves you too."

"How're you so sure?"

A small smile touched my lips. "Feminine intuition."

This time his face broke into a grateful smile, softness touching his eyes. "Thanks, Asa. You... You're a good person. People in school don't know what they're talking about when they spread all those rumours about you."

I flinched, having a whiplash.

School. Rumours. School. School.

The vacation would be over in a couple of days. I'd go back to the harsh reality of school. The rumours. The hate.

Dread rose in my throat.

"Don't think of that, Asa. You have us. We're your friends. We won't leave you."

"How did you-"

He waved me off, dismissively. "It's all over your face. Don't doubt it, Asa. You're one of us now and we protect our own. Nothing is going to happen to you, Asa."

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Osahon."

He shrugged, placing his hands in his pocket. "Ts'okay. Thanks too." He turned around to leave. "Remind Amir to come down to, okay? I knocked a few minutes before I came to you but I think he's busy with some girl in there."

I paled. "Why me?"

His grin was devilishly mischievous.

"You part of us now. Consider it an initiation process."

"But-"

"Oh! And he has this habit of going back to sleep after you wake him up, so stick around and make sure he comes down with you."

He left before I could even protest, quietly laughing at me as he walked away.

I sighed.

Quickly dressing up, I walked out of my room, down the cold, dark hallway that led to Amir's room.

Stopping in front of the huge mahogany door.

I took a deep breath, counting from one to ten.

I knocked.

And waited. One second. Two seconds.

"Come in." The strong, raspy voice ordered from the other side of the door.

I opened the door, covering my eyes and peeking through the holes between my fingers.

"Uh... What are you doing?" He sounded close by, amused. Like there was an amused smirk, sitting on the his lips.

"Osahon told me... That you... uh... had a guest... Um... Breakfast is ready and all."

He laughed.

Amir actually laughed. A full blown laughter where he was wheezing and trying to catch his breath.

I frowned. What's so funny? I've never heard him laugh before... ever!

Nonetheless, l kept my eyes squeezed shut.

"You can open your eyes, Asa. There's no one here but me. My guest left about five minutes ago. Took my wallet with her."

My hands dropped from my eyes and I gaped at him in amusement and shock.

He had the biggest grin on his face and once more, there were stars in his eyes.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing only a pair of faded jeans that hung from his hips loosely.

He got up now, yawned and stretched. Tough skin, rippling over strong, lean muscles.

And then he turned around, gripping his sweatshirt in his arms... And then, I saw it.

Claw marks. Bite marks.

"Holy shit! Amir what did you do? Pick a fight with a tiger?"

"Huh?" He turned to me with a confused look, in the middle of putting on his sweatshirt.

"Your back." I pointed. "Look."

He stared at himself in the mirror, confusion, turning into nostalgia, a wry smile touching his lips. "I didn't know it was this bad." He shrugged, pulling the sweatshirt over his head. "Parting gifts from my-"

"Guest?" I cut him off, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yup."

Those scars. They must hurt like a bitch. But he was so calm... Almost happy about the whole thing.

Maybe he really is masochistic.

He slipped on his Gucci slides, after the longest time, messing with his hair in the mirror, before he started looking around for something else.

"What now?" I groaned, not wanting to leave in case Osahon is right and he goes back to sleep.

"My wristwatch. I can't find it!"

"My wristwatch. I can't find it!" I folded my arms, annoyed, mimicking his stupidly deep regal voice.

"Asa, I'm serious." He deadpanned. "That wristwatch can buy this entire house two times over. I can't afford to lose it."

"Seriously?" I gasped, my hands going to my mouth.

Except, we searched the entire room but couldn't find it.

"Think. When was the last time you saw it."

Amir stared at the space in front of him for a second too long.

"This morning... I woke up. Checked the time. I..." He looked at me now. "I remember!"

"So? Where is it?!"

"No!" He shook his head, walking over to where I was standing and gripped my shoulders. "Fuck that shit for now. I heard you screaming."

I paled. "What?" Suddenly remembering my sore throat.

"A... Amir... Are you sure?"

"Yes. I heard you screaming. Left the room to check on you but Osahon was in there, already. I came back... And she was gone. With my wallet and wristwatch."

"So now we know who stole your wristwatch!"

"No, Asa. That's not the point. I'll just get a new one." He shook his head, adamantly. "What happened to you? Why were you screaming."

"Amir..." I protested, wriggling out of his grasp. "That's... That's none of your business. Okay?" Hugging myself and looking away from his penetrating gaze. "I'm fine."

My breath started acting up again. My hands, shaking at my sides as I remembered the horrible dream.

No... It's not a dream if it had really happened...

The horrible flashback.

He looked at me for a second too long, them his thumb and index finger, softly gripped my chin, gently nudging me to look back into those startling grey eyes of his.

"Fucking liar." He whispered. And he was pulling me into a hug. A warm, generous hug.

I waited. One minute. Two minutes.

"Kam said to keep your hands to yourself."

"Kam can kiss my royal ass." The soft rumbling laughter vibrated through his chest.

"What was that for?" I asked when he let me go after a full three minutes.

"You look like you needed it. You were about to have a panic attack again."

I gulped. "How did you know?"

He shrugged. A soft look in his eyes. "I get panic attacks once in a while, too..." A pained look crossed his eyes. "It's just experience."

How the...

Come to think of it... Amir always knows when I'm about to have a panic attack.

Memory snippets flitting through my mind.

She's having a panic attack! Get her out of here!

Shh... It's okay, Asa. Breathe.

Woah! Are you okay, princess?

I started recalling moments when Amir had been the one to pick up on my hyperventilation.

The time in his apartment, when I started dating Kam for the first time, during one of our movie nights. The other time in Kam's mum's kitchen. At Devontae's party.

"That's true." I whispered, more to myself than to him.

"You're not going to tell me why, are you?" He asked, his intense eyes, finding mine.

I looked at him with worried, apprehensive eyes.

I can't tell him... I can't tell him what an abomination I am.

I closed my eyes, looking away from him. Guilt, dread and disgust, slashing at my guts.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me, Asa. I won't pressure you..."

"Thanks, Amir." I told him, truthfully.

Laughing softly to himself, he draped an easy arm over my shoulder.

"Anytime, princess."

It was a calm whisper and he was chuckling easily but I heard the loud promise in those two words.

You can count on me anytime.

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