Chapter 45: Chapter 45

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This is a very important scene and i want y'all to get into Asa's head and understand a bit more abt traumatic past.♥︎

There were monsters in my room that night.

But these monsters were different. So different from the monsters I was used to.

If I had known that night, that they were there to help me... To warn me, I would have stayed put and befriended them...

But I didn't... I didn't know.

I crawled unto my bed, hugging my pillow to me, whimpering as lightening flashed and thunder clapped outside, sending waves of fear and terror, zapping through my soul and I shivered again, burying my face in my hands.

What is wrong with me? I asked myself. I usually like the rain. What is going on?

The rain felt like a strange warning... Of bad things about to happen. Very bad things.

Deciding, I had done enough cowering, I crawled out of bed, my nightgown, pooling at my feet and walked out of my room, hugging my pillow to my chest and trembling in trepidation.

Reaching the door to my brother's room, I gulped, rethinking the whole thing.

Brandel hated being woken up from sleep and I have seen him snap uncontrollably, sometimes, striking the maids that were unlucky enough to have to wake him up for school.

He had moods. Bad moods. Where he lashed out at everyone and everything and became the devil.

But another thunder clapped and I screamed and knocked rapidly without thinking.

"Bran? Brandel, please, open up!" I shrieked, feeling like there were things lurking in the shadows about to hurt me.

The door opened a second sooner than i thought it would, revealing the handsome but irritated face of my older brother.

But, he must have seen the terrified look in my eyes because he suddenly sobered up, concern, replacing his irritated look. "Asa! What is it?"

I was too ashamed to admit it out loud, so I whispered, shivering. "I'm scared, Bran."

His face softened. "Come here," he cooed, pulling me into his arms. His hug was warm. Soft. Safe.

Just like him.

"Can I sleep here? I can't go back in there. Please?"

"Sure, Asa." He muttered into my hair.

Releasing me from the hug, he draped an arm over my shoulder and guided me back to his bed.

"You know the drill. Stick to your side and keep your feet away from my face. They stink."

We were lying in his bed now, my back to him, but I turned to face him at his stupid statement.

His eyes were laughing and I scowled indignantly at him.

But he only laughed, poking my forehead and slipping his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. "Sleep, Asa. It'll be okay."

Except, it wasn't okay. The monsters wouldn't go away... Actually, they were closer. More persistent and every time I opened my eyes, I saw them lurking in the shadows.

"Bran?" I nudged him. "Bran. I can't sleep."

One eye opened in annoyance again. "Asa, you're really making it easy for me to find a reason to kick you out."

I deflated. "Sorry... I just can't sleep."

He was quiet for a while. "Do you want to take my pills? They work."

I knew Bran took pills to sleep at night but the thought of popping pills in my mouth only made me sick.

"No. Keep them."

He laughed at this, the sound, reverberating out of him, pleasantly.

We were quiet for a while, my back to him and when thunder boomed in the distance again, I shrieked, shifting deeper into his frame.

Except, he didn't laugh this time, like I thought he would.

He was quiet, his breathing ragged. Strong arms tightening around me, but this time, they were more painful than protective.

"You can... We can... We can try it again."

I knew exactly what he was talking about and I protested adamantly. "I thought you said that was the last time?"

"It'll help. Trust me." His voice dropped to a lower, softer tune.

This time, lightening flashed and for the first time since this awful storm, I wasn't afraid of it.

"C'mon, Sel." His voice was softer than velvet. Smoother than honey.

I noticed the name change, feeling my heartbeat accelerate, painfully. He started calling me "Selene" recently... Usually when he wanted... it.

Suddenly, I wasn't Asa to him, anymore. I became Selene.

I gulped when I felt him press himself into me, something hard, poking my backside.

I frowned in confusion.

Where had it come from? He was all soft skin and tough muscles seconds ago... This new hardness. Where had it come from?

"Fuck." He groaned. He was not-so-discreetly rubbing himself against my backside, now, his hands, slipping under my gown, bunching the material up. Kneading my thighs.

I suddenly felt sick. Confused.

What the hell was going on?

"Bran..." I protested. "You promised."

"And you promised to always have my back. Have my back right now, the same way I got yours. Do this for me. Please. I'll do for you too if you want. It'll help us both sleep... Without the pills."

I was quiet and his arms tightened around me until I could hardly breathe. Tears pricked my eyes.

Bran was practically the only friend I had in school. After everyone heard the truth behind my father's death, and how I was practically to be blamed for it, I lost all my friends.

I was okay being a pathetic loner for a while. But then, the bullying started. Students started mistakenly tripping me, pushing me against the wall, jamming my fingers between doors, emptying soda drinks on my head, stepping on me, pulling my hair until it hurt and my scalp bled.

And the rumours. The awful rumours about how I had caused my father's death.

Brandel used to be just another kid in school...

No.

Not just another kid. The alpha kid. The reigning king. The one nobody messed with. He walked around with his gang at school that were not afraid to break the rules and properly fuck up those that stepped on their toes... Sometimes, drastically.

And it was because of this people nicknamed him 'The Devil'.

And then, I became his little sister at fourteen and he took me under his wing.

He protected me from the lies, the rumours, the bullying. I found a home and peace in him and I couldn't ask for anything more.

"You owe me." He always said, ruffling my hair and grinning at me while he bought me icecream or kicked balls together in the yard. "Don't forget that."

And he was right.

I owed him my peace. My sanity. My security.

...

I didn't have to worry about repaying my debts until two weeks ago.

"Sel, come."

He had pulled me into his room that day, an urgency in his voice.

"What is it." I had cried out, alarmed.

"Just come." He pulled me by the arm, into his room and told me what he wanted me to do.

"I've not done it with any girl before." He had whispered, guiding my hand towards that part of him he wanted me to touch. "I want it to be with you."

I had flinched away from him, disgusted, refusing to do what he wanted.

He had boiled over, kicked me out of his room and slammed the door in my face.

Things became bad again almost immediately at school. This time, like everyone had a personal vendetta against me. The bullying got more brutal. Harsher. Students ganged up to push me about until I scraped my knee on the side walk. Stole my food. Publicly humiliated and picked on. No one sat with me at lunch, during classes or spare.

Alone.

Bran was everything. The only one I had in that cursed school. In my cursed life.

I had gone back to his room, begging, pleading.

"Just once." He had promised.

And I had done what he wanted and he didn't have to use his pills that night.

In the end, he had put all the people who picked on me in their place.

He keeps me safe. I keep him sane.

"You liked it the last time. I know you did."

No, I didn't.

"You promised it'd be a one-time thing." I reminded him.

"But it'll help us sleep. Without the pills. Don't you want that?"

I was quiet, my heart ramming against my chest wall.

"You want it, Selene."

I closed my eyes, tears, spilling out.

The monsters suddenly didn't seem so bad.

"You promised." Was all I whispered. "Once. You promised we'd only do it once."

His voice hardened. "Then you can leave. Go back to your room, Asa. I don't want to see your face anymore."

The devil was back.

"Bran-"

"Go, Asa. Fucking go away."

"Bran-"

"GO AWAY!" He yelled, glaring at me, anger and poison, rolling off of him in waves that drowned me.

There was fire in his eyes.

Hell fire.

"Bran, please."

The last thing I wanted was to fight with my own brother. He protects me at school. From the rumours. The bullies. The monsters.

Everyone feared him, because he was the devil.

And I'll rather have the devil on my side than against me.

Swallowing bile and bitter poison, I placed my trembling hand on that part of him that was still hard.

His eyes narrowed at me and the tears spilling from my eyes wouldn't let me see properly.

I was sobbing and whimpering, my hands trembling.

He took my hand in his, softly, slipping it into his pyjama shorts.

I gasped when I felt his bare skin. Trying not to gag.

"Fuuuck." He moaned, moving my hand exactly the way he wanted against him.

I felt detached from my body. Like I was watching myself doing it. Numb to the pain. Numb to the confusion. Numb to the disgust.

Just numb.

And when he came undone in my hands, he held me to him, kissing my forehead.

"You love me, don't you?"

Before I could reply, I woke up.

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