Chapter 30: Chapter 30

: Night air

→Narrator: Asa

I was talking with Tasha on the phone that night.

"So, as I was saying, Asa, I'm covering a shift for my friend staying in Offshore and we get to split the cash. Guy, I landed a job in Offshore! I'll be getting two times the amount I make on the mainland. Isn't that great?"

I smiled into the phone, sitting up in my bed. "That's great, Tasha. This way, recovering your school fees will be even faster. Maybe we can meet up while you're staying here."

"Oh, no. I'm not staying here. I come from home everyday for my nightshift and I go back in the morning."

I frowned. "Isn't that more stressful?"

I could hear her shrug. "I don't have the cash to find a lodge at the moment. Besides, mum travelled to Taraba for business and Yanis had to go back to school, so I have to stay home to take care of Olanma."

"Where does Olanma stay when you have night shifts?"

"Brother Sadiq's place. You know our neighbour, ba?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he has a sister her age and they play together. I let her stay with them when I have night shifts."

"Okay. Don't stress yourself, sha. I hope you find time to rest."

"Of course, mum!" She laughed. "Oh oh! I forgot to tell you about the guy I met at a party I attended here. See, this guy is finee."

I was smiling. "Yeah?"

"I swear to God."

"Well did you give him your number?"

"No." She scoffed, deflated. "A fight broke out and the motherfucker went to separate them."

I laughed at her tone.

"As if that wasn't enough, I had to leave immediately for my shift. Gawd!" She groaned. "I was really feeling that nigga."

I had to bite my lip hard to stop myself from laughing too hard. "Sorry, Tasha."

I knew she was narrowing her eyes at me, wherever she was. "I know you're laughing at my expense. Fuck you, Asa. Because you get boo, ba?"

I bursted out laughing hard.

"Oh shit shit shit!" She started cussing, sounding like she was scampering to get things in order. "My boss is coming. Bye, Asa!"

I didn't even have time to reply before she hung up hastily.

I grinned to myself, glancing at the wall clock at the other side of the room. It was nine in the evening and I remembered that Golden boy himself had stayed in his room all evening...

Again.

Something he had repeated, three nights in a row, now. Last night, I had brought him his dinner, walking into his room to find him in the middle of a push-up, working out without a shirt on.

"Why don't you sit on my back, let's make things a little more interesting?" He had winked at me and I had blushed, keeping his food in the desk and climbing on his bed, trying to ignore him.

He stayed in his room more, now

A part of me wondered if it was because he just couldn't stand Amir's face anymore. There was nothing to even worry about, seeing as Amir was rarely ever home these days, either.

Everyone had noticed a change between them. That cheerful, brotherly rapport they used to have was now filled with icy glares and angry stares, one, ignoring the other, the other, pretending he didn't exist.

It was kind of saddening... Draining... To know I had caused this rift between the both of them. It crippled me internally and I didn't even know where to start fixing this mess.

In the end, I had to pick a side...

And I've only ever had one choice

Walking into the kitchen, I turned on the lights, nearly screaming my eyes out when I saw someone, standing at the fridge area, drinking water from a plastic bottle.

Amir...

His hair was even more tousled than before. Like he had been gripping and running his hands through them a lot. There was this sad, defeated posture about him that honestly made my heart twist in knots. He looked... Exhausted.

Purposely ignoring him, I took a deep breath and walked to the fridge, grabbing a carton of Hollandia yoghurt and some meat pies Lola had prepared earlier this evening.

He was directly behind me as I struggled to gather everything in my hands and I could feel heat emanating from him, cold eyes piercing into me.

"Do you need any help?" Deep, husky voice that didn't do justice to the real depth of his soul.

Ignoring him, I closed the door of the fridge, walking away.

"You're not even going to talk to me?"

My intention was to walk the fuck out of there.

"Asa, please, hear me out." He sounded desperate now. In pain.

Against my will, I stopped. My heart, slamming inside me.

He was suddenly in front of me. How did he even do that? I didn't see him move.

Ignoring him, I tried to step around him but he blocked my path. "Please. Say something to me. Anything."

It was getting hard to breathe with the fire in my soul. I glared at him, angrily. "Amir. Let me pass."

"I didn't mean to tell him!" He blurted out, suddenly, his eyes searching mine, frantically.

I looked at him skeptically but instead of avoiding my gaze, he held it intensely, his eyes, piercing daggers into my soul. He gulped, breathing heavily. "I didn't mean to snap like that. I didn't mean any of that shit!"

"Amir," I said, again, trying to be calm. "Let me pass."

He looked at me for a moment... A moment too long.

Long ago, his eyes reminded me of stars being born. Exploding into existence... But these time around, his eyes looked dead. Dying. Collapsing into nothing, sucking everyone and everything into its blackhole.

And for a moment, I faltered.

"I'm trying. I swear to you, I am trying so hard to not fucking feel this way. This feeling... It's toxic even to me. I can't handle it and it's spilling out and hurting me even more than it's hurting you and Kam."

I closed my eyes. My breathing was erratic now. Going out of control. I opened them, burning ice in my eyes. "Amir," for the last time, "let. Me. Pass."

His head dropped and he rubbed his face with his palms. "I just keep fucking up, no matter how hard I try."

That hit me. Hard.

My tight mask must have fallen off because he looked at me now, straight into my eyes, piercing through my soul. "I don't want to lose you, Asa."

My voice faltered. I had to take a deep breath to remind myself to stay in character.

"I was never yours to begin with."

He looked at me like I just sent a bullet through his heart and then, a sad, wistful smile touched his lips. Eyes, breaking a thousand little beautiful pieces. "Huh." Was all he said.

He turned around and walked away, quietly, that calmness and regalia I usually associated with him was intact, but shrouding his outer cool was a broken, defeated aura. Tired. Exhausted. Dead.

I watched him walk up the stairs, crossing the hallway, a lump, forming in my throat until I was choking on a sob, trembling, trying to trick myself into believing that I had done the right thing.

But why the hell did it hurt so much? Why the hell did it want to make me run to him... Call him back, and comfort him.

Why?

-

"Knock knock." I rapped softly on the door to Kam's room, opening it gently when I didn't hear a response.

I had stayed in the kitchen for fifteen more minutes, trying to keep my emotions in check and stepping into Kam's room, I only felt peace and comfort.

"I brought snacks!" I announced, walking into the room.

He wasn't in the room like I thought be would be. His bed wasn't made but it wasn't exactly messy either, so it was hard to say if he had just been here or not.

There was cool, soft music, playing on the balcony that I ignored.

I was going to leave the carton of yoghurt and plate of meatpie on his desk, but movement in the balcony, caught my eyes.

I walked out of the room, into the spacious and exquisite balcony, cool evening air, kissing my skin.

At first, I thought that he was crying, my heart, twisting for him.

His back rested against the wall, legs drawn up to his chest, hands folded on his raised knees as he rested his head on them.

"Hey, stranger." I called softly.

He looked up at me, a soft, pleasant grin, stretching slowly on his lips and that was when i noticed the bible beside him.

He had been praying.

"Do you want me to leave?"

He shook his head, no, staring back at the space in front of him.

"Hey." I whispered, setting the food down and coming to touch his shoulders. "Are you cool?"

He turned to stare at me for a bit and I almost blacked out from the intensity of his gaze.

"I love you, Asa." He whispered.

Wow.

I blushed furiously, fumbling around for what to say, while the honey eyed monster looked on, smirking at my obvious awkwardness.

"Well... I... You didn't show up at dinner, so I got you snacks... J... Just in case you were hungry."

His grin widened, honey brown eyes, raking through my body from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

"I like what you're wearing."

And for the second time since I came to see him, I got flustered.

I looked at the tiny little Minnie mouse themed dress I was wearing.

It wasn't exactly what you'd call hot or sexy. It was just a spaghetti strapped dress that was too long to be called a T-shirt. It stopped around my thighs, exposing a lot of legs, but I only saw it as cute, not sultry.

"Did you wear it for me?" His stupid grin wouldn't leave his face.

I scoffed. "Psh. Yeah right!" I rolled my eyes, turning around to walk away but his hands wrapped around my wrist, successfully pulling me down until I crashed onto his laps.

"I thought you came to see me. Don't leave." He laughed softly, hugging me close, nuzzling his face into my hair.

"I thought you want to be left alone!" I protested. "You were praying."

"I just finished."

I looked at him skeptically and he just grinned back at me, tilting his head to the side, so his hair fell against the left side of his face.

It felt like it had been a long time since I saw him grin so happily. So honestly, at me.

"I miss you." I whispered, without thinking.

A cute frown formed on his face, replacing the megawatt grin.

"You have me, Asa."

"No." I whispered, changing my position a bit, so I was full-on straddling him. I held his gaze. "I miss you. This you. The happy Kam. The positive Kam. The Kam who can smile through anything and talk about God like He's your best friend... The Kam I fell in love with."

He grew quiet, a pensive look on his face. "There's not been a lot to smile about these past days, Asa. Your move. Our fight. Ariel. Amir. Teriq-"

I held his face in my hands, cutting him short, "-is all in the past, Kam."

His eyes were pools of massive depth.

"I fell in love with you, Kam, for your light. Your happiness... Your faith."

"And will you stop loving me if I lose all that?" He asked quietly, maintaining my gaze.

I bit my lip, blindsided by the question.

"Kam-"

"Will you?"

It was his turn to hold my face in his hands now. "Because I'm not gonna stop loving you, Asa. If you become less cynical. Or realistic. Or whatever. If you go goth or turn hippie or whatever. I'll never stop loving you, Asa. It's true I fell in love with the girl who had demons and problems and a bitter reality, but if you change for the better or worse, I'll still be right there by your side. Loving you."

My heart... My heart skipped a beat. "It's just that..." I bit my lip, wondering how to tell him everything i felt. "W...when I saw you hit Teriq... I got scared."

His eyes widened. His breathing stopped.

"When you're angry, you're a different Kam... You're different from the Kam I fell in love with."

"I've always been real with you, Asa. I never hid a part of me from you... At least... Not purposely.."

"I'm not saying you have, I'm just saying that seeing you like that was terrifying."

He gulped, frantic fear in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was. I'm not all light, Asa. I'm human... And humans are all shades of grey and light and darkness."

"And it's easy to love the light. But I want to see your darkness too. I want to learn to love every inch of you. Show me your darkness, Kam. Don't hide it away. Don't fight it. Allow me to love every side of you."

His smile was a soft, wistful one. "So you've got demons and I've got darkness."

I found myself smiling back at him. "Cheers to being perfectly normal human beings."

"Cheers."

He exhaled deeply, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest.

And I was cocooned by his presence. His essence, wrapping around me in this peaceful, impenetrable halo that I didn't want to disturb.

Gumbody by Burna Boy started crooning softly from the sound system, reminding me of the music in the background.

I suddenly grew nostalgic.

"You remember when we first met? And you drove us to the beach. That time in your car?" I whispered when I couldn't remain silent.

"Hmm?" He asked, sleepily.

"The song." I whispered.

"Oh yes! Gumbody. You tried to convert me that evening."

I sat up, staring into his eyes. "But you ended up preferring Davido... And you went and got invites to the Mainland Block Party for me because you thought Burna Boy would perform."

"And we went to the beach and slept in the sand."

I almost forgot about that one. I remembered it now... Vaguely. We had ditched the Block Party and headed to the beach. We weren't even together then, but he'd held me to his chest and I had found myself falling asleep with him in the sand.

He was hugging me and I was hugging him. My face in his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"You know..." His voice was soft. "The first time I saw you, I noticed how strong and fragile you really are."

"Such a paradoxical statement."

He flashed me a grin, appearing deep in thoughts... And then, his grin broke into a sad, wistful smile. "You reminded me of Ciara, you know?"

His best friend that committed suicide.

"If not for Ciara, I wouldn't have known shit. You had her eyes, Asa. Eyes that were going through so much but refused to talk about it. Eyes that were struggling to survive with each passing day... Like, it was only a matter of days before you decided you couldn't handle all that shit anymore."

My voice broke. "Kam-"

"At first it was just fear. A little bit of curiosity. I didn't want anyone else going through what Ciara went through... But I swear, that night in my car, I felt something. Something that made me reluctant to let you go. I took a longer route and you didn't even notice."

Kam...

I smiled softly at him. "You know..." I whispered. "That night, the night of the block party... When we went to the beach and we slept in the sand... I fell in love with you that evening."

He leaned back, regarding me with a confident grin. "Yeah?"

I blushed, looking away. "Yeah."

There was laughter in his bright honey eyes as he seemed to think for a while. "I was falling in love with you even before then. But what sealed the deal was when you called me up that night..." He frowned, his grin disappearing, voice getting lower. "The night you called me up to talk about your douchebag brother."

"Wow." I breathed.

He shrugged. "It was at that time that I didn't want to bullshit myself anymore. I didn't want to deny or ignore what I felt for you. I didn't want to see you get hurt anymore."

I had a tearful smile on my face. My lips were trembling. "And you went and got my aunt a better job and gave Olanma a scholarship."

He rubbed the back of his neck shyly now. "Nah. That was all my mum. She has this unhealthy love for you that gets me so jealous sometimes. All I had to do was explain your situation at home and she took it from there."

I was out of breath. "Kam..."

"I'm glad I met someone like you, Asa. I love you."

He hugged me close to him. His big, strong arms, going around me in a protective embrace. I felt the tight, sinewy muscle of his chest and arms, basking in his warmth.

This... This moment right here... This must be what heaven feels like... Peace. Joy. Love.

"You've been drawing?" I pointed out, seeing his sketchpad and some charcoal pencils.

I hadn't seen him draw in a long time.

"Yeah. Just a few works. They aren't even ready yet."

"I want to see them. Can I?"

He actually looked embarrassed. "Uh... Okay."

He shyly handed me the sketchpad and I took it eagerly from him.

Flipping through the pages, I saw sketches and drawings of cities on fire and plane crashes and thunderstorms.

I wasn't sure what those meant, but the sketches were so raw and so detailed, they took my breath away.

I kept flipping through the pages until I ended on the last one.

It was a sketch of... Me?

I gripped the sketch in my hands, admiring it in awe.

It was an aesthetic sketch of me... Nude.

I was lying on my stomach, hair all over my face, fast asleep but it was drawn so beautifully in an aphrodisiac sort of way, making me look more erotic and sultry.

Every curve was enhanced, edges rounded, making me look like something akin to a picture of Aphrodite, the sex goddess.

"I'm so sorry, I should have asked if you were okay with this." His voice was repentant. "I woke up that night and you looked so beautiful and the moon was shining all over the place and everything felt so magical..."

"So, you decided to draw me?" I whispered.

"Well, not immediately. I couldn't think straight after that. For days, I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I decided to pour it out on a piece of paper and I came up with that."

I looked at the sketch again, not wanting to touch it because I was scared of smudging the charcoal strokes.

"I'm really sorry, Asa."

My head snapped to him like I was hearing him for the first time. "Why're you sorry?" I asked, shocked.

"Wait, you like it?"

"I love it! This is so beautiful, Kam. You're so talented. What are you doing in science class?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, a shy grin on his lips. "I like science too. And besides, my mum was really proud of me when I picked science class. I guess, I just wanted to make her happy."

"Kam..."

This boy.

I hugged him to me, never wanting to let it go.

He laughed a soft, raspy laughter that turned my guts to jelly and made my heart skip and buried his face in my hair.

We stayed like that for a while.

"I got something for you." Kam whispered, kissing my hair.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Silence...

"You wanna show me?" I prompted.

He laughed softly. "You have to close your eyes first..."

The look in his eyes made me think of gods being born and angels being created.

I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath when i felt his warm hands softly grip my nape, pulling me towards him. Half a second later, i felt soft lips on mine.

The kiss was... different.

He has never kissed me like this before. Gentle, at the same time, passionate... Almost apologetic. A kiss of quiet sureness. Of confident hope.

You're mine and I am yours. It seemed to say. Forever and ever.

I kissed him back, my heart rising and falling, butterflies and fireworks exploding in the pit of my stomach. Giving him back the reply he needed.

Amen.

I was aware of his arms around me. Drunk on his beautiful coffee scent.

I love you.

He pulled back now, panting softly through his mouth, grinning and resting his forehead on mine.

"Wow!" I blinked, when i finally got myself back. "What a gift."

He was laughing now. "That wasn't the gift, Asa."

"No?"

"No."

Reaching into his pockets he brought out....

A ring??

My heart slammed in my chest as I gaped at the small jewelry box.

Oh my God, he's not going to propose, is he?

No, idiot. You're only seventeen! The rational part of me chided.

Eighteen soon! The irrational one shot back.

That's not the point!

"I wanted to give this to you a long time ago but everything has just been going so haywire lately." His voice was so gentle, but loud enough to stop the bickering in my head. "The moment I realized you were the one for me, I started jewelry hunting. I wanted to give it to you that night... The night you confronted me about Haliya."

My heart crept into my throat.

The night I had a panic attack in front of the entire group.

I regretted that night now. I was rude, impulsive and stupid. I should have trusted in Kam more.

"Kam, I-"

"Hey hey." He pinched my lips, a soft smile, tugging at his lips. "I'm still talking."

I nodded meekly, fighting back a grateful smile.

"That night I was supposed to be out getting pizza with..."

Amir

I just keep fucking up no matter how hard I try. I remembered his heartbroken voice and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

The unspoken name hung in the air and Kam and I shared a look of sadness and guilt.

I want to hate him, Asa. You have no clue how badly I do. Kam had told me last night... But he's my best friend. And I just can't.

"He was actually the one that picked this out. All the others were too big or too flashy or chunky or simple. But Amir pointed this one out and was so sure you'd like it. I looked at it and had to agree with him."

He handed me the tiny little white box with intricate designs painted in gold at the edges and borders.

"Open it." He urged me.

I flipped the lock, opening the box, and right there, sitting on a plush golden pillow was the most beautiful, expensive looking necklace I have ever seen in my life.

And trust me, I have seen a lot of beautiful, expensive necklaces, growing up with the rich and the elite.

But this.... This...

It was a pendant. Resting on the golden chain was a diamond encrusted crescent moon with a star, hanging off the top tip.

"You're my moon and all my stars, Asa."

"Kam..." I breathed. "Oh my God, Kam!" My heart felt like it was bursting and I flung myself around him, gripping tight. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

Soft peals of laughter made his chest vibrate.

"Don't thank me, Asa. You deserve the world."

"No, Kam." There were happy tears in my eyes as I leaned back, looking at him. "This. This is too much. I don't deserve it." I looked at the necklace again, glowing beautiful in its pouch. "God, Kam, it looks expensive."

"No, no. It wasn't expensive at all. I got it from this pawn shop that sells used stuff."

His straight face made me so confused. I didn't know if he was lying or not.

"Kam..." I warned.

He bursted into laughter, hugging me, again. "Just hold me, Asa. This is what I need right now. Night air. Good music. Honest conversations. The girl I love."

The girl I love.

I held him for a long time.

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