Chapter 29: Chapter 29

: Void

→Narrator: Asa

I pinched my cheek slowly as I stared at my reflection in the vanity mirror, silently wondering if last night had really happened.

Last night.

I had woken up, last night, to find Kam beside me. One thing led to another and we had rolled around in the sheets.

Again.

I just couldn't control myself when it came to Kam.

"You're beautiful, Asa." He had whispered, looking into my eyes, hovering above me as I got sucked into seas of brown and honey and passion, naked chest beating heavily against mine as he panted, drinking me in. "Fucking beautiful."

People describe their first time with their lovers and they describe it as painful at worst, awkward at best, nothing too glamorous, overhyped... But our first time had been beautiful. Perfect. Golden.

I touched my neck, closing my eyes. Imagining and remembering his touch. Grabbing me. Caressing me... Worshipping me. And I still felt him. Tasted him. Breathed him in.

Mine.

Where is he?

Suddenly, the door creeked open and I looked up.

Kam.

He looked different. Kind of pissed.

"Hey." I stood up, hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

Something was wrong. He stood at the door, observing me with hooded eyes. Suspicion and disbelief swirling in them. His gaze remained on me but he kept his distance.

I took a step towards him, my heart slamming in my chest. "What's wrong?" Dread made my saliva thicken, a lump forming in my throat.

He rubbed his face tiredly and when he looked at me again, his eyes looked sad. Exhausted. "Can we stop all this bullshit." His voice was tired. Rough. Broken. Almost like a groan.

My heart crept into my throat. I gulped, freezing in my tracks as I stared at him with large eyes.

He gestured helplessly between the both of us. "You, me. This thing we're doing to each other," he continued and with every word he uttered, this boy slashed my heart to pieces. "Can we just stop it?"

"Why?" I whispered.

He frowned. "What do you mean 'why'?"

I took a shaky breath, willing not to crumple to the ground under his gaze.

Forever and ever. You promised.

"If you're going to break up with me, you might as well tell me why, Kam."

His eyes suddenly bulged, surprised shock and disbelief, taking over his features and he quickly walked over to where I was, taking my face in his hands.

I tried, I really tried to look away, to avoid those eyes I'd never forget, but it was impossible.

He was the moon and I was the sea. Powerless to withstand his pull.

And I hated it.

"No, leave me alone!" I struggled away from him, pushing him off of me. "Just answer my question, Kam."

I was breathing heavily, tears, forming and threatening to spill out. My throat was constricting and I just couldn't think clearly with the mess in my head.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Asa." He whispered, staring at me intently.

"What?" I choked out. "But you just said-"

"Well, if you'd calm down and let me explain, I will."

I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat, my breathing coming back to normal.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Asa." He repeated, softly. Like a caress. Like a kiss. "Do you think I'm joking when I say forever and ever?"

Oh Kam.

He smiled softly, pulling me back into those big, warm arms of his. "I'm never leaving, Asa. I love you."

He leaned back to stare into my eyes, laying the truth in front of me and I found myself nodding to him.

"B... But... You just said-"

"I know what I said, Asa but that was not a break up line." He laughed softly, the lights in his eyes, twinkling. "At least, I didn't mean it to be."

"Oh." I avoided his gaze, feeling embarrassed and foolish. "Okay."

"Okay." He grinned at me and my heart soared.

"So... What did you mean?"

He was quiet for a moment, a pensive scowl, marring his handsome face. "Come sit on me and I'll tell you," he said, sitting at the edge of my bed and tugging me down to sit on his laps, his hands, wrapping around my waist as he hugged me, burying his face in my chest.

I hugged him back, caressing his head softly, feeling so content. But his next words, muffled into my shirt, stopped me cold.

"Why didn't you tell me you and Amir kissed?"

I froze, my body static from shock.

How did he...

"Asa." He released me now to look into my eyes. "I don't want us going down this rabbit hole anymore. This rabbit hole of not telling each other our businesses. Can you communicate with me? Tell me shit that goes on in your life and I'll tell you shit that goes on in mine. Let's keep it a hundred between the both of us, yeah?"

"How..." I gulped. "How did you know?"

He sighed, rubbing his hair tiredly. "Amir. He told me."

"Kam, look, I can explain."

He silenced me with a hard, desperate kiss that left me senseless. Tongue stroking, delving, teasing and when he pulled back, he looked into my eyes. Breathing heavily. "I don't need an explanation, Asa. I only want a reason. Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice sounded pained.

Vast oceans of honey brownness threatened to drown me if I swim in them too long.

I looked away, biting my lip. "I'm sorry, Kam." I whispered. "I just... I didn't know what to do. I didn't want you fighting with Amir."

"Well, he sure as hell picked a fight with me when he decided to kiss you."

"Kam!" I protested. "You guys are friends. I don't want to come in between your friendship. I can't do that to you guys."

He sighed, hugging me back, listening to my heartbeat. "It's not your decision to make, Asa. Amir knew what he was getting into when he made a move on you. You shouldn't shoulder the consequences of his action."

He looked at me now, stroking my hair. "I can't let you go, Asa and I want you to be straight with me. I don't want us hiding things from each other anymore." Those big brown eyes pleaded.

"Okay," I whispered.

He was silent for another second.

"Asa... Did you... Did you kiss him back?"

I hid my face, not wanting him to see the truth in my eyes. Not knowing if I could handle the betrayal in his.

But he grabbed my chin softly and my heart twisted at the look of fear and disbelief in his. "Did you kiss him back, Asa?"

When I didn't answer, his voice broke, lips trembling, the fear and dread in his eyes leaked into his voice... His entire being.

"Do you like him?"

Shaking, I rested my forehead against his and he watched me cautiously. Warily. Like I was a ticking time bomb about to explode.

"No." I whispered the truth, looking into his soul, so that he would realize there was no bullshit. "No, I don't."

He was staring at me and I was staring at him and I don't know who moved in first but suddenly, we were kissing each other wildly. Passionately.

"When?" He whispered, when we pulled apart. His lips were red. Swollen, as he rested his forehead against mine, panting softly.

"Huh?" I whispered back to him, my mind, muddled and twisted.

He chuckled softly, pushing my hair out of my face and caressing my cheek. "When did it happen? When did he kiss you?"

I struggled with the truth, deciding to come clean in the end. "At his place. Haliya invited me to a party... I ran into..." Ariel, I suddenly remembered, catching myself.

"You ran into...?" He prompted, nudging me a little when I spaced out.

I bit my lip, pondering whether to tell him or not.

Let's keep it one hundred between us, yeah?

"I ran into her. Your childhood friend. The one in the nudes."

He suddenly sat up in shock, alert. "Ariel?"

I nodded.

"She didn't tell me." He breathed, then his eyes narrowed at me. "What did she say to you, Asa?

I clamped my mouth shut.

He caressed my face. "Tell me."

I took a shaky breath. "She... She told me that you were her first and she was yours."

And that I couldn't stop it if she decided she wanted you back.

Kam froze, underneath me.

"Is that true?"

"Asa, that was a long time ag-"

"Is that true?"

His head hung low. "Yes."

I closed my eyes, ignoring the stabbing pain in my heart. "Well she made it clear... Multiple times. She told me to stop acting like I owned you. That if she wanted, she could have you back in a heartbeat."

I was still talking when Kam grapped my nape and kissed me again... Differently. It was harsh, rough, deep and desperate all at once.

"I love you." He whispered to me, swollen lips, trembling. Desperate truth in his eyes. "I love you and I've never said those words to anyone before you. Not Haliya. Not Ivara and certainly not Ariel. I love you, Asa."

His voice... His words. They felt like warm sunlight after a rainy night.

Cradling his face in my hands, I whispered back, for only his ears. "And I love you too. Forever and ever."

He kissed my cheek. "Amen."

His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him and I hugged him to my chest, stroking his head.

It was quiet between us before I continued

"I had a panic attack when she left. Amir... He found me. Invited me back to his place. We were on his roof, and we were both tipsy when he kissed me. I told him that I was in love with you and I left him there."

Kam was quiet as he listened to me, but I noticed his grip around me tightened. Became firmer.

"The day we left for Offshore, I was in the kitchen with your mum. A call came in and she had to leave. Seconds later, Amir comes in and tells me he meant everything he said that night."

Kam cursed under his breath. "Where was I when all this was happening?"

He looked absolutely pissed now.

I bit my lip, unwilling to continue.

"That was the second time, yeah? When was the last?"

I looked away from him.

He cradled my cheek softly, tilting my face until I was drowning in his eyes. "When?"

I took my bottom lip between my teeth, pondering. "Yesterday... In the library."

"That's it!" He snapped, placing me on the bed and standing up. "You're moving in with me."

I folded my hands indignantly. "You can't make that decision for me."

"You can't stay here! I need to keep an eye on you! I need to know there's nothing going on between you two behind my back."

"What?" I asked, offended. "Wait, wait." I looked at him, flabbergasted, "you think I'm going to do stupid shit and cheat on you?"

"Fuck, I don't know what to think, Asa!" He looked at me, frustrated.

"Kam, are you serious?" Horror and hurt attacking my system.

He really believed that?

"You've already kissed him. Multiple times and you never told me!"

"Are you seriously going to start this again?!" I yelled at him, getting angry. "I already explained why I did it! Can you stop overreacting for one fucking minute? You're taking this too far!"

He stopped and stared at me. Disbelief swirling in his eyes. "I am taking this too far? God, how hypocritical can you be? Asa, you nearly chewed my head off for Ariel sending nudes while you've been kissing my best friend behind my fucking back! I'm trying to protect the one thing I care about the most and suddenly, I'm overreacting?!"

I stepped back, a stabbing pain taking root in my heart. His words, hitting me like a punch in my gut... Suddenly realizing how fucked up this was.

How fucked up I am...

In all honesty, what I had done was ten times worst.

Suddenly tired, I whispered, "You know what? Just leave. I can't deal with this shit right now."

He stayed where he was, his jaw, tightly clenched. "Don't kick me out, Asa. Don't fucking try it."

"Leave, Kam." My blood pressure was rising. I glared at him, my heartbeat pounding.

"No." He said stubbornly.

"Then I'll leave." I decided, moving towards the door but he grabbed my hand, pulling me to him.

"Fuck! Fuck! What are you doing to me?" He asked bitterly, before his lips crashed into mine.

It felt like I just got swallowed by a firestorm and I fought back against him, kissing him back with as much passion and fire as I felt for him.

He grabbed my face, kissing me until I forgot how to breathe.

"Fuck! Don't leave, Asa. Don't leave me." He whispered, gazing into my eyes, lips trembling. "I just... I just can't... Fuck!" He cussed, running his hand through his hair.

I answered him by tugging him down by his hair and picked up where we left off. All the breath left my lungs when my back slammed against the door as he kept kissing me. Hard. Deep. Hot kisses that made my stomach flip and my heart ache.

His arms roamed my body, squeezing, grabbing, pulling me to him, eliciting sparks and wildfires all over my body as his lips continued their sweet torture on my lips, my skin. His hands wove into my hair, grabbed my neck as our kisses turned wilder, hotter.

He whispered sweet promises into my ears, pressing himself into me making me hot all over.

He was staring at me, deep brown eyes. "Don't leave me." And he was kissing me again, picking me up easily and settling me on the bed, resting between my legs.

"I'm not leaving you, Kam." I promised, between kisses, his lips, dipping down to my neck. Biting. Sucking.

Electric sparks ran through my body and I quaked with delirious need at his administrations.

"Say it again." He looked into my eyes, breathing heavily. "Please."

And I noticed it...

In those moments, I saw something in his eyes that I had overlooked before. A yawning, aching void, filled with insecurities, uncertainties, desperation and need.

It was something that I had noticed before but never paid attention to. Something about him that was lighter than desperation and darker than need. A wide void about him that needed assurances and promises in order to fill up.

I held his face in my hands, gazing into those ocean depths. "I'll never leave you." I whispered. "I'm not leaving you for anybody. I love you. Amir... He means nothing. You own me. All of me. I love you."

We stared at each other for a moment, before he cracked a smile.

His smile was a relieved one as he kissed me softly on my forehead, trying to pacify and compensate me for how roughly he had handled me few minutes ago. "Thank you, Asa-"

He probably would have said more but somebody suddenly pounded on the door.

"Are you lovebunnies coming down or not?! I'm going to eat your breakfast!" Jordan yelled from outside the door. "Put on some clothes, will ya?!"

I blushed furiously, trying to hide my face, moaning in embarrassment.

"Shut the fuck up, Dan!" Kam couldn't keep the smile from his voice. "We'll be down in a minute!"

"Hey," he laughed, coaxing me gently when I couldn't get over my embarrassment. "Hey, hey. What's wrong?"

"They know what we were up to."

His grin was wolfish. "I don't see the problem, Asa."

"You won't." I grumbled.

"You're right." His grin only increased, "now, let's eat before I get tempted to finish what we started."

I shivered at the seriousness in his eyes, as he helped me up from the bed.

"I love you, Asa." He told me again, taking my hand in his and squeezing softly as we made our way downstairs, my heart still pounding from what just happened...

Or rather... What could have happened.

I love you, Kam.

And nothing would ever come between us... Forever and ever. Amen.

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