Chapter 20: Chapter 20

: Pest

→Narrator: Asa

It was evening when I retired to the library, a quaint, vintage room, with an ancient air to it, with bookshelves, filled with hard spined books, reaching to the ceiling.

I grabbed a few biography and history books, and feeling nostalgic, I picked out a few Enid Blytons that I remembered reading when I was younger.

But on reaching the armchair I initially thought was unoccupied, I started regretting ever stepping foot in here.

Of course he would be here.

He froze when he sensed my presence, probably not expecting anyone would want to come to the library to disturb his peace.

"Hey." I said, stiffly, shifting the weight of the books to a table beside me.

"Hey." He replied, stoically, not looking up from the book he was reading. Coily, shiny black hair obstructed his profile.

Awkward.

Deciding I didn't want to be here anymore, I turned around, intending to leave.

"You don't have to go, Asa." Amir said softly, when I reached the door. "There's enough room for the both of us."

"Sorry, there's only so much awkward I can take." I laughed... Well... Awkwardly.

He rose up to his full height and crossed over to where I was standing at the door in a few short strides.

He was in front of me in moment, those mercury, silver eyes held so much intensity, I buckled under his gaze.

"So?"

"So what?" I frowned.

"Is it true?" Quicksilver eyes, drilling into mine.

There was a strain in his voice, a tightness in his jaw. Desperation in his eyes.

"Is what true?" I held his gaze defiantly.

Big hands latched to my arms, gripping firm. His eyes went to my shoulder, left exposed in my white spaghetti strapped shirt. His thumb stroked the little hickey Kam had given me. Where he had bitten down to hard in a moment of pure pleasure.

I shrugged his hand off of me and glared at him.

His eyes maintained my stare, not backing down. Hard. Intense. "You let him fuck you."

I bristled.

"Mind your tongue, Amir. I won't take shit from you."

"Fuck! Asa."  His voice sounded more like a cry of defeat. A soul in pain.

And then his lips fell on mine.

I blinked for a total of a moment before it registered to me that he was kissing me...

Again!

I pushed him away, wiping his kiss off my lips with the back of my hand. "No, Amir! This needs to stop!"

"Then, tell me, Asa. Tell me how to make this stop 'cause I don't know how and it's been driving me nuts! How the fuck do I stop especially when you're dead set on rejecting your feelings for me."

"I feel nothing."

He laughed harshly. "We both know that's a lie, Asa." He was so close to me now, I could taste his scent. A classy scent of exotic fruits and spices, blended into a unique, expensive fragrance. "You feel something, Asa. It's not as strong as what you feel for Kam, but it's strong enough to make you want to hide what we've done from him. I know it. You know it. Don't fucking deny it."

I gritted my teeth. "Kam is your best friend."

"And that makes me the most despicable friend in the universe." He groaned, rubbing his face in that manly way that some guys do. "You think this doesn't hurt me too? You think I don't feel the guilt anytime I see him? You think I'm a horrible person without a heart?"

I held his gaze, unwilling to look away.

"What? Do you think I enjoy this? This infatuation of mine? This horrible desire to have you in a way that's not considered holy at all?"

"So, why don't you stop goddammit?!"

He laughed. A pained, harsh laugh that scraped at my insides. "I CAN'T! That's what kills me! The fact that you can stand there and say that just shows how little you understand about how I feel for you. Doing this to Kam hurts more than a bitch. But I see your face and all common sense just takes a hike on me! I've never acted this way in my entire life! This isn't me! This isn't who I am.  And it's already too late for me... But not doing anything... Not even trying to win you over at all, is going to hurt even worse!"

Nothing was heard except our harsh breathing. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"And you have no idea how much it kills me to want his girl. You have no idea how much it all hurts, Asa, but I can't help how I feel. I can't stop myself from feeling this way about you. I can't stop my heart from loving you. It's you it wants, Asa and I can't help it."

I stepped back, my back, hitting the door. "You don't mean that, Amir."

"It breaks me to pieces, tears me fucking apart, seeing you two together. I've harboured these feelings for you for so long and I just can't lie to myself anymore. I just can't lie to you anymore. I want you."

There was a minute of silence. We were both staring at each other- well I was glaring at him- breathing heavily. Nothing was heard except our harsh breaths. Suddenly, he sighed tiredly, massaging the back of his neck.

He stepped closer. His voice was gentle. Soft. A loving caress, tender and sweet. "I want to be the one holding you." He took another step closer, eyes of stardusts never leaving mine.

"Touching you." He was right in front of me now, soft fingertips, tracing my cheek. I shivered from his gestures, but I held his gaze stubbornly.

"Kissing you."

Before I could think, he pressed his lips to mine again, taking it softly between his teeth, biting, stroking gently with his tongue, tracing the seam of my lips.

His hands grasped my waist, stroking softly before common sense came crashing into me.

Tearing myself away from him, I glared angrily at him. "Don't you ever lay your hands on me again, Amir!"

"Asa-"

"No! No! I can't deal with this shit anymore. Geez! Can't you understand that I don't want you? That I can never?"

"Asa, you don't mean that. Please." He sounded like he was in pain. Eyes, desperate. Pleading.

I don't think I've ever seen so much raw emotion from this regal prince before.

I was used to his stoic, mysterious cool... But here he was. Laying himself, bare, vulnerable in front of me and looking at me like I was tipping his entire world upside down.

I knew I was breaking him to pieces. Taking a sledgehammer and slamming his already calloused heart.

"Please. I love you."

That actually made me stop. My heart stuttering to a halt... It was the first time he had said this, and judging from the desperate, aching look in his eyes, i knew how much of his pride and ego that went into those three words.

Taking a deep breath, I continued.

"And I don't feel the same way. Get it through your damn skull, Amir. We are nothing. We can never be anything. I love Kam!"

I was breathing hard and he looked like he was ready to jump off a cliff.

"Please." One last, desperate attempt.

He was at the edge already. I just needed a little push. To send him over the edge... A little tug to cut the rope... The fragile bond that had been weaving between the both of us.

"Jeezus, do you have to be so annoying and pathetic? You're like a goddamn pest. How do I get rid of you?"  I needed him to understand that we didn't have a future. "Stay the hell away from me, Amir!"

His face expressed pure pain, eyes, tinged in sorrow... For only a moment and then his eyes hardened and his stoic mask came up again.

"A pest, huh? Is that what you think of me?"

He just stared at me and I didn't give him an answer, just glared at him icily, hoping he won't see through my mask and realize that I didn't want to be this brutal to him.

"Fuck, is this what I get for actually coming clean about my feelings. More pain? I just made a fucking fool of myself. I should have continued ignoring you. At least, that didn't hurt as much as how I feel right now."

I took a trembling breath. "Just leave me, alone. Please." It was a desperate whisper but the damage had already been done.

"Alright, Asa. This annoying pest won't bother you again."

He left my side, quietly and when I made sure he was truly gone, I crumpled to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, so hard, it hurt. Wanting that strong feeling of guilt and disappointment to leave.

It didn't.

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