Chapter 42: Chapter 42

Natasha's POV.

I sat down with Russeli at my apartment as we went through the music we were composing together, but I felt Russeli staring at me and I was damn so uncomfortable as I looked up to him.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, but his penetrating eyes bored into mine, we were the only ones in here, and since the day he came over with Dominic I have tried as much as possible not to be alone with him.

I raised my brow when he didn't respond, I shifted on my chair. "Russeli, are you okay?" I wanted to make him say something, maybe that way he wouldn't keep staring at me this way, but he was mute.

"It seems you aren't listening to this music. Let's meet next time when you are ready to focus on business." I made a move to get up, but stopped when he brought out something from his bag.

"Have this." He said softly and held it out to me, his eyes still on mine.

My eyes were enlarged and were becoming wet as I looked at the music globe he was holding. It was the same type he got for me on my birthday four years ago. I clenched my hands to my thigh and pressed down my quivering lips.

I knew he was watching me, I didn't want to give any emotions away, but I knew my tears were betraying me, so I turned my eyes to him. "Why are you giving this to me?" I swallowed hard and made a laughing gesture. "It is not my birthday."

"Do you recognize this... My star." His mouth moved as he spoke the words, the tears I was holding back forced their way out and rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped them off, but he had already seen it.

"What are you talking about?" I looked away and picked up the CD on the table.

"Do you recognize this, Malinda Kristen?"

I immediately got up from the chair. "I am done for today, let's meet whenever you are ready to practice since you are saying silly things." I made my way to the stairs, but stopped when I heard his voice.

"I remember everything, Malinda." I clenched the staircase and tears filled my eyes, I took another step to move forward. "I love you Malinda Kristen and I think I love the Natasha Wilbur you are now."

I am so sorry Russeli. I said in my head and took another step heading up the stairs, but I lost my footing and fell backwards, but a strong hand caught me mid-air and we both fell to the floor as he shields me with his hands, rolling me below me and him onto as he looked into my eyes.

This was an awkward position for me who was trying to escape him, now I am staring eyeball to eyeball at him.

"I love you, Natasha." He spoke again and this time I couldn't leave since he was with me. "That is why I am going to test it out, whether I really love you or not since lips don't tell lies..."

My eyes dilated as he leans in a kissed my lips, my heart skipped a bit as his lips assaults mine, that longing to kiss and be kissed, a burning sensation that wanted more overwhelm me, for a while I was lost, lost in the kisses he gave to my lips, lost to his soft lip which I had missed for so long.

I should loop my hands around his neck and kiss him back, but I was too stupid that I pushed him off and got up in anger. "Don't overstep your boundaries!" I barked, but the tiny feeling that wanted him seemed to overcome my anger.

"Even if you love me you should put an end to it, because I have also stopped my feelings, although I may be Malinda Kristen, I am not that person you know as a weak lady, so just stop!" I turned to leave, but my wrist was caught by his strong hand and he made me look at him.

"You can say that so easily, can't you?" I looked into his eyes and they were red and filled with tears, it was so hurtful. "I have suffered these times being so blank of the memories I had with you, now I remember everything, how can you tell me to stop?"

He shook his head. "No, I can't stop because I also know your heart, remember the time I hugged you right? Our hearts beat in harmony, and just now you wanted to kiss me back but you stopped yourself, why are you holding back when you love me too?" He shouted and tears filled my eyes.

"I can't believe that you don't love me, the Malinda I know would never say such a thing..."

"That was Malinda four years ago." I retorted. "It has been four years now and Malinda is no longer the same Malinda you know." I didn't know why I was angry at him, it was not Russeli's fault but I feel so angry at him right now.

"Her heart hasn't changed, even if she has." He said it so confidently and left my wrist, his eyes on mine and his lips curled up. "Expect to see me all the time, because this time I am never backing out, I will never stop loving you." He finished and walked out of the apartment.

I watched the door close with tears in my eyes as I crumbled to the floor, clenching the hem of my dress. I am an idiot, why can't I bring myself to tell him I miss him and thought he had died, I love him but I am so scared of holding onto him.

I just didn't want us to have the same fate we had last time, to me all the people I love seem to die at the end, and this was what almost happened, if he had not survived the accident, he would have been dead because of me, this was why I have to keep my feelings for him hidden.

...

The day we were to sing the hit song approached, I went to Oran company and was in the dressing room, putting on light make-up while I waited for the studio to be set for the music.

I was alone in the room when a hand embraced me from behind. I looked up and saw Russeli smiling at me. I stiffened, he was looking so handsome and I could smell the light perfume coming out from his body.

"You have become very pretty, how did you survive on your own?" He whispered in my ear and his warm breath made my face flush. "Tell me..." He said in his tantalizing sweet voice. "I am curious."

I closed my eyes momentarily, someone might walk in and I didn't want us to start a rumour so I shook him. "Let's not do this here today," I said coldly.

After that day, I had not let him into my apartment and I had not met him either. I had only told Sinead to fix a date for this hit song and also inform him, all I wanted to do now was finish up with this show and leave.

I looked at Russeli who was now sitting on the chair next to mine. "I have to do this music quickly and leave," I told him and his expression darkened.

"Stay by my side, please don't leave, if you go, what should I do?" His question made my heart crushed.

I look away from his sad face immediately. "You have lived without me for four years, you can continue," I answered nonchalantly.

"You are heartless Malinda." His words pierced my heart and It felt like thorns were growing inside of me. "How can you say those cold words?"

I adjusted my hair and turned to him, my lips curled upwards, I chuckled. "No, I am not, I want you to understand that I and you can't be together."

"Why can't we?" He searched my eye and then I watched a line appear between his brow as his expression turned serious. "We can both leave."

"You are crazy Russeli!" I raised my brow and scoffed. "Don't you ever learn from your mistakes?" He was like a stupid kid right now, how can he say that after what happened to us four years ago.

"Are you still scared of my father?" His question surprised me and I laughed it off, that was to be my line, but he was asking instead.

"No, I am not, I am only scared of our fate together." I gaze into his deep eyes. "I am scared of me and you," I told him honestly, this was nothing but the truth.

He wanted to say something, but the door opened and an intern walked in to remind us that they were set and waiting for us.

"We would be out in a second," I told him and he left, then I turned to Russeli. "Please, just stop." I got up to leave and he caught my wrist.

"I told you I won't stop." He was so serious and I knew this won't end today if I don't drop this conversation.

I pull my hands from him. "As you wish." I finished and walked out of the room, behind I could hear his footsteps as we headed over to the studio to sing.