Chapter 23: Chapter 23

I open my eyes slowly, this time I didn't try to move, I have slept for so long and I felt so weak, I knew I was still in America, everything I hope to be a dream was all reality, I never wanted to wake up again, but here I was again, with my eyes wide open.

This was almost the same thing with my parent's death. They had an accident and I was in the car with them, but I survived and they died. Now I also survived and have lost Russelli, everyone around me dies, anyone I love dies.

Warm tears rolled down my cheek and my eyes sting, but I couldn't stop my tears. I wish it was me that had died in that accident with my parents, then I wouldn't have met Russeli and he wouldn't have died, he should have been living his life as the popular star he was, but I caused his death.

The door opened and I saw the young doctor I had spoken with step in, he closed the door behind him and walked over to my bed. I sat up and looked at him. Clasping my hand together I lifted it for him to see as I acted my lips.

"Please send me back, I am begging you." I pleaded, he was the only person that has talked to me in this place, and I feel he should be the only one I could ask for help from.

He looked at my face for a while, before lifting a white envelope to me. "I asked and this was left behind for you." I looked at the envelope curiously and then turned my eyes back at him.

"Does it say who left it?"

"No." He took my hand and placed the envelope in it, then he stepped back. I was curious to find what the content in the letter was so I opened it up and glanced through it as I read.

'Now just disappear and never return to my sight, don't even think of showing your face after taking away my one and only son from me, the best I could do for you is to send you to a faraway country, to the best hospital and with a huge sum of money because Russeli would want that of you, so if you claim to love my son, don't ever come back.'

I finished reading the letter and my eyes clouded with tears and it drew me to the fact that Russeli was dead. I clenched my hand to my chest and tears rolled down my cheek uncontrollably. "He is dead, because of me, Russeli died because of me." I stutter.

"Look here." I heard the young doctor's deep voice and I just kept looking at the letter still repeating the words I killed him. "Even if I don't know what happened, it is still not your fault and you are not yet recovered to cause more pain to yourself."

He took the letter from my hands and put it into his coat pocket then I felt his eyes on me again. "You have to rest and you must be hungry." I knew he had good intentions, but my heart and everything was not there.

"Yes." I look up at him with a new determination. "I also have to rest." I lay down on the bed and turned my back to him, then I closed my eyes gently. "I have to rest." I pressed my lips together. The young doctor said a few words and left, I heard the door close and I opened my eyes again.

I got up from the bed and opened the drawer by the bedside and searched for any sharp object in it. I was ready to take my life too. Life was playing tricks on me, it was time to play tricks back at it.

Life wants me to always lose people I love, but this time I was ready to go to the afterlife, I was ready to take my own life. I saw a razor blade a nurse must have possibly left in the drawer. I took it out and without any hesitation, I sliced through my wrist and lay down on the bed, letting my blood drip down.

I stared at the ceiling and it felt like I was watching all the smiles of Russeli, the wink he gave me time without number and the time we sang music together, he brought a light again to my dark world.

I can't live without him, it was better to go meet him instead of being here all alone, there in the afterlife we won't have to hide from anyone and there would be no obstacles anymore, we can live freely together and find our happiness.

I closed my eyes and my body became heavy and cold, my breathing quickened, but I felt myself smiling as I could see Russeli. I don't know if it was because I was finally dying or if it was just my imagination playing tricks on me, but deep down I felt peace.

…

I could hear a few sounds around me and I furrowed my brows before opening my eyes. Everything seemed so blurry and I wondered if I was in the afterlife now. The whole room was white and I turned my eyes to check for Russeli. If I was dead I may see him.

As I turned my eyes, I was greeted by a smiling young man in a white coat. "Welcome back Malinda Kristen." He flashed me a smile, exposing his well arranged set of white teeth.

Oh shit! I was revived again. Why can't I just die!

"Why did you do the same to me?" I barked at him with the little energy I had, it felt like I had slept for a long time. "Why did you bring me back? Why?" I started sobbing. Why don't doctors understand when a person wants to die and let them die in peace? They must always save a patient.

As if knowing my thoughts he responded to it with a smile on his face and I wondered what was funny. "It is said that if a patient has the will to survive that patient will, but if the patient doesn't then the patient dies."

I looked at the doctor like he was insane, he should know that I have no will to live the moment I sliced my wrist, he was talking bullshit right now and it makes me want to yell at him, but I had no more energy to do that, I just sob and listened to his nonsense.

"Malinda Kristen, you have the will to survive that is why you are back, you have to fulfil your destiny. That is why you can't die now." He sat on the bed next to me and I wonder why this doctor doesn't want to let me be.

"How many times has it been?" He said rhetorically and lifted his fingers to demonstrate. "Twice." His lips twitched. "Still you survived." His eyes bored into mine and I couldn't help but look away. "You can't die now until your destiny is fulfilled."

"What destiny?" I asked with a hint of sadness, everything was a great mess for me. "What destiny is it that takes one's life and saves another, what am I living for?" I looked into my eyes as more tears rolled. "I want to die too."

Well have you ever seen anyone ask for death and it comes to take the person's life away? No, it always takes those that want to live again, those that are not yet tired of living, those that hope for a future, but here I am, the same place again, hoping to die, it should be my only liberation.

I felt guilty, not only have I caused my parents to die, but I have also caused Russeli's death. I was unlucky, why won't death take me since it doesn't leave those I cherish by my side.

"Rethink." I heard the young doctor's voice and I looked at him. "You have many reasons to live, so Malinda, don't hurt yourself again, else I will keep making sure you come back to life." He got up from the bed and left the room.

I closed my eyes, tears swelling in my eyes and I hugged myself to comfort, I wish I didn't come back, I can't even attend Russeli's funeral. My heart hurts so much but I promise to go back and visit him in his grave as a changed person.

I will have to go back as a person with power and I will cause hurt to the man who has made us end up like this, I will make sure I make him regret it.

Two weeks later I was discharged, since I had no place to go, the young doctor who was my appointed doctor, took me to his home out of kindness and since I had no other place to go. I have told him all my stories and he has also decided to help me.

I learnt his name was Gavin, I was also grateful to his parents who had kept me with them and treated me like I was their child, people I never expected a thing from, loved me unconditionally, and Gavin was also a big help to me, so I decided to take a stand and never let anyone kick me to the crib again.

Four years later I changed my name from Malinda Kristen to Natasha Wilbur, now bearing a borrowed name, owned by Gavin's sister. I became a popular musician who had ranked in the top ten in the music industry.

It was so amazing how a girl who only knew how to sing music sung by other artists now made her songs and was now at the top, well I learnt it all through the help of Russeli who had helped me before now and also four years was a long way.

I arrived in Korea and was welcomed by my assistant. I walked over to the car she had brought with her and she started the engine, heading over to my supposed apartment.

I wind down the glass and stare out of the window. This country was awesome, but I was not happy to return. It holds a lot of painful memories and I was only here because I have revenge in my heart and that revenge was to bring Mr Gilbert down.

My phone rang and I lifted it to my ear after the call was connected. "Yes, I just arrived now, yes, I am on my way to my apartment," I responded in English and with a smile on my lips.

"Good then, take care of yourself and return when the business is over," Gavin told me from the other side of the line, I could hear the sadness in his voice, he had never wanted me to return here, he knew the pain I had gone through and he wouldn't want me to experience it again.

I could still remember his countless disapproval when I told him I want to go back, I had only insisted, telling him I was no longer the girl from four years ago, that I was different now.

"We will see about that." I looked out of the window. I didn't know how long this would take, but I was determined to do it by all means.

"I wish you the best of luck," Gavin told me after a long silence, we talked for a while, before we ended the call, I knew his thought for me was good, but I was doing this for Russeli.

I am back to this place that is filled with the memories of Russeli and me, but the only difference is that I was back with a new identity and with power!