Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Waking up, I exactly knew where I was. It was like déjà vu.

I get up and make my way to the hallway. I can’t find Charlie here, not in the kitchen too.

I walk the staircase and end up in a long hallway full of rooms. I am pretty sure they don’t use most these rooms. The perks of being rich.

Most of the rooms have white or pink doors, the last one in the hallway separate from the other rooms have a blue door.

Charlie’s favorite color.

I turn the knob slowly. I am kind of scared because I have never went into Charlie’s room, or any other boy’s room for that matter.

I open the door; the whole room is painted in blue with a huge white dresser on the right corner and Charlie is sleeping on his king sized bed in the left.

‘Life is just the same, until you realize it’ written on the wall above his bed. The floors are messy with old clothes and the room smells just like him. Like lemon and fabric softener.

I start walking towards his bed when something rolls away from my feet. I bend down and take the shining sliver bottle, with Chanel written on it. It smells so good. Rose and almond oil was written on the backside of it. I remember going shopping with Kezya and Charlie, Kezya liked this perfume very much but couldn’t afford it but she hid by saying that she didn’t want it but ranted all the way to our homes.

I am sure Charlie bought it to present on her birthday but he never got to. He loved her so much. Tears sprung to my eyes, but I need to hold it together.

I take a deep breath in and place the perfume right next to the lamp on his study table.

I move towards Charlie again and stop. He is sleeping but then I notice that he has taken prescribed sleeping pills for his sleep. I am sure he couldn’t sleep; I’ve seen him struggle with sleep. I am not going to wake him up. I am going to let him sleep if he needs the whole day.

The door bell startles me and Charlie slightly moves, I pull the blanket over him.

When I open the door, Sapphire’s huge smile fades away. She pushes me, walks past me and searches the hall.

She finally notices that I am present, “What are you doing here?” she asks raising her right eyebrow and purely out of envy.

“I left my home” I say, not giving her more information than that.

“So, why come at Charlie’s?” she pauses and a smirk spreads over her face. “tryna’ take Kez’s place huh”

Guilt spreads over me like a blanket; this is what she needed, me feeling guilty.

“Why are you here? Wanna beat your sisters from ‘who gets Charlie first?’”

She smiles mockingly but it fades away and it turns to a sad smile, “No bitch, my sister is missing”

I flinch, “Which one?”

“Ruby”, there is no emotion at all, just blank.

“I am so sorry. Since when?” I ask honestly feeling bad for her.

“Oh, I don’t need your charity voice. I am here to talk to Charlie and that’s why I am here. Not to seek attention from you”

“Well, he’s asleep. Didn’t sleep for days, will ask him to text”

“Sure”

And with that she left slamming the door.

Missing cases in Deorgon is so common. Just before Kez’s death, a girl went missing and they never found her. Well, none of them for that matter. They stay a mystery till this day.

There are too many theories, some of them are too real and some of them are not.

But I don’t think Ruby will go missing like one of them. She is brave and I know that.

Or maybe not.

I turn and walk towards the hall; there are many vintage furniture here. A big hall, huge, the walls lined up with photos of Charlie, there is one at the last with the three of us. Me I at the left holding a red cup and smiling so wide, Charlie’s arm slung around Kezya’s shoulders and she is smiling at Charlie.

This was taken when we were fifteen. Two years ago.

“She is beautiful right?” a voice says which startles me.

I turn to see Wesley, smiling a sad smile. I nod, but I remember how he got inside here.

“How did you come here, the door was locked”

“No. it wasn’t and also, I wanted to give this”, he hands me a diary.

I know whose it is. I know it, I have seen it my entire life. Kezya’s, it was her doodle diary, she doodles/ draws everything in it. Me, Charlie, random guy at street. Anything she thinks fits her aesthetic.

“How did you even get it?” I ask him. “Remember the party I threw last month? She left it there and I’ve been trying to give it her but..”

“Hmm” I sniff, “Thanks for giving this. Why did you come here, you could’ve given it to her mom”

“Her mom is devastated. I can’t give this to her”

I nod, “hey, where’s Charlie?”

“Sleeping, didn’t sleep for days”

He bends down and picks up something, “I hope this is yours?”

My jerks up to my ear. I still have mine but he can’t see it as my hair is hiding it.

“Yeah” I lie.

He hands it to me and leaves.

I lock the door and lean against it.

That earring wasn’t mine. It will never be mine, because it was hers, The Gray family ornament. The earring was one of it, Charlie gave it to her last valentine’s day.

I cried in my school bathroom. He just loves her so much, I know as a friend, I mustn’t be jealous, but I know this feeling will never go away, I loved him even before her, it’s just….

Tears make their way to my cheeks; I was never the girl to cry over guys because I was never with a guy! I am tired of waiting and just tired! I wish I had said something, me and my stupid fairy tale dreams! I wish I could go back in time and change everything. Every single thing that has happened in the past four years, or maybe more but I can’t, I just can’t!

My shoulders start shaking and I cry harder, I don’t know what is happening. I just want everything to be gone.

“Why are you sitting in the doorway?” Charlie asks, standing in the staircase.

I wipe my eyes and get up, “n-nothing”, oh god.

“What is it? Talk to me”

I look at the table, “Wesley just came and…”

My lips are quivering and my shoulders shake again, I just can’t stop crying but I can’t let him see me like this.

“He came and did he hurt you?” I could feel him get near me.

“No, it’s just nothing”

“Then why the hell are you crying!” his voice makes me flinch.

I turn, “you want to know what makes me cry? You. It’s you!

His eye widens, “what?”

“It’s you. You’re making me cry, I know you love Kezya and it just hurts me to see you with her, I know I shouldn’t be because she is my best friend and should be happy for her and I tried to be but I just couldn’t bear it, I just couldn’t. I should have told you earlier, told you that I had feelings for you and I couldn’t sit there and watch but I felt bad, bad that Kezya’s heart would be broken and I would look like the bad guy and I waited, waited for four years! Waiting I could have my own cliché love story but that just didn’t happen and I am just crazy because I love you and…”

“What?” he cuts me. “What?”, I repeat.

“You love me?”

I sigh, oh god what have I done. “I-I don’t…”

“You’re lying! Don’t fucking lie to me”

“Yeah, I love you so what? You still love…” I don’t finish because I know it would hurt both him and me. “It’s nothing”

“Just say it!” his voice alarms me.

“No, no, I am not going to. It’s going to hurt you” I say, my voice small.

“Hurt? My mind is fucking messed up! I hate myself, nobody cares Kendal! And you care about me getting hurt?”

“I care” I say moving closer to him.

He walks away, “The breakfast is in the fridge”

He doesn’t like me.

“And fairy tales don’t come to you, you have to make them”, with that I heard him slam the door.

I feel bad now.

I should have never had this break down in the first place. Whatever I feared in middle school just happened, It’s my mistake not his.

What’s done is done.

I am done.