Chapter 76: Chapter 76

Could you believe it? I wanted to kill this baby.

This was just so painful.

What did I do to deserve this?

Ragnar had been my husband’s doctor for years.

We became best friends after I rescued him from a rogue attack years ago.

He found out I was Garold’s wife.

He promised to put in more effort to make sure I can have a child again after getting to know my problem.

But everything we tried became fruitless, yet he still kept his faith in me and gave me so much support since he knew what sort of Alpha Garold was.

He has a soft heart for helping women who couldn’t have babies, so no matter how long it was taking his time, he still didn’t give up on me.

He is married to his mate and has kids. Such a woman will be lucky to have someone like him.

He was the most gentle Alpha I have ever met.

I could never tell the reason I kept having miscarriages for five years. Anytime I want to have a baby, I end up losing it no matter how hard I try to keep it.

No matter how careful and slow I was, I still ended up losing my child.

I wanted nothing but to have Garold’s child since I was his wife.

But nothing was working.

It’s been five fucking years and I haven’t heard from Gerard.

He ran away and abandoned me in my misery.

I hate him so much and I wish he will die and rot in misery for leaving me.

That’s what he did eight years ago while I was ten. He is always disappearing and gone for so long, no one sees him.

I’m devastated and I just want to die and not live anymore.

Rumours are saying he is dead. Some say he still lives, but I don’t know which of them to believe anymore.

I don’t know how he is but I can feel it in my bond. He is fine somewhere and happy, but what about me?

Am I even with my sanity at this point?

What is wrong with me? Do I even feel his bond anymore, or is it just my illusion?

I’ve loved him so much with all my heart and why does everyone not understand how much I love him?

I don’t care if he is my brother, but why didn’t he explain everything to me?

Why the hell did he have to flee and abandon me to do everything?

After that rumour about us in the pleasure house, I got happy, and it wasn’t because I was happy with causing Gerard misery, but I wanted him to see for himself how much we love each other.

I even threatened Emily to bond with Gerard and for days I tried seeing Gerard, but he refused to see me.

I then locked myself in my room until my father came to me and showed me the fated mate’s books.

How could I ever forget that? How could I ever forget about the moments Gerard and I have together?

I can’t throw that away just because I will die if I mate with my brother.

I was ready to take the risk. I was ready to die by bleeding to death with how much I love him with all my heart.

I didn’t want to lose him.

Because of my negligence and stupid mistake I ruined everything.

I pushed Gerard out of his boundaries without knowing what he was going through.

I tormented his fucking life so much, so what if he runs away? Wasn’t I the cause of everything?

Why do I loathe him so much? He could have explained to me? He could have told me everything about his life, not hide the truth away from me.

He could have told me he was not my fucking biological brother. He could have told me he was an outcast in the realms. I would have accepted him if he did, if he was mixed blood, I could have bonded with him.

How I cry out to you, Gerard. You always act like I don’t exist to you. You always pretend to not know me and…

Why do you always shut me out? Why do you make me feel so useless in front of you?

Your face brightens my day with your long white hair, which smiles of roses and jasmine.

Your blue eyes enchant me, Gerard.

You always, always pretended not to know my pains.

Why that pretty face, those pretty lips, your gentle gestures reject me…

Am I so horrible and undesirable to not feel loved?

The night we spent together, the kisses, the touches that felt as natural as breathing, the cold floor, and the warmth we both shared in each other’s arms was the happiest moment of my temporary stay with you, Gerard.

I love you.

They were times I just wanted to commit suicide because you were not by my side.

Those lonely nights of looking at the moon, knowing you were also looking at it, warmed my soul.

I will love you in this life and in my next life, I don’t ever want to leave you. You are mine Gerard. Do you have any idea how I yearned to see you?

Wrap you up in my arms. I don’t know which of these rumours are true? But I want you so much as my mate. I don’t want to give up on you. You are the one I love.

Why do you always reject me?

Why do I have this slight feeling that you hate me but you love me, too?

Why? Why? Why?

He hid the fucking truth from me and made me feel so stupid.

So broken to the core, I thought I was cursed for loving my brother.

I felt like dying, not knowing all that I was seeing wasn’t true.

Gerard broke me into tiny pieces. He left a heavy burden on my shoulders to carry on and left me alone in the dark, cold road and disappeared.

I love you so much, Gerard. Where did I ever go wrong with you? Why did you leave me alone to suffer and be a pawn in the hands of others?

Do you know I was forced to get married to get married to someone else?

Carmine told me everything. He confessed to me concerning Gerard’s true birth.

After my father won the war with the BaRoque Pack, he intended to wipe out everyone in it because they were traitors, but there was an Alpha who surrendered himself and presented a little boy in front of my father.

He told my father to take his son hostage and raise him in the realms as his son because this would be the truce between them.

He would never rebel against the realms.

That little boy was Gerard.

My father took Gerard in since he had already birthed Carmine.

He lied to the world that Gerard was his biological son to avoid questions and a stain on his reputation.

He was raising someone else’s child.