Chapter 23: Chapter 23

When all I remember is talking is cheap and your lies are expensive

"What you staring at?" Laudi asked upon entering the resident's quarter. I was sitting on the swivel chair, focusing my eyes on the screen of the computer. My Mayday Parade playlist was playing on the background.

My favorite place is wherever you are

But I don't know where you are

"Have you forgotten what the brain looks like while looking for yours?" I said, joking to at least ease my emotions.

Laudi scowled. "I know. It's just why you looking at it? Are you going to change your specialization?" His hands looked for something to play on the table. "Is the vocalist of Mayday Parade broken?"

He frowned upon hearing the song I'm playing.

Now this crack beneath the ocean floor, it calls it way up to me

And when I sleep I don't know why

But it suggests I should come to find it

"I might if Zack's memories still not back," I replied, ignoring his questions about Mayday Parade. They're still the best band for me all these years, well they're the only band in my playlist. I never bothered listening to new ones.

"How is he?" He turned the swivel chair and sat beside me to survey the brain, but it doesn't interest him the way heart does. "It's been a week."

"He's still the same Zack I know," I responded. My lips automatically formed a smile as I recalled his past behavior. He might have lost his memory, but his personality was still the same.

"Is there progress?" He played with the Rubik's cubes he found on Sead's table.

"Yeah." I nodded as I clicked the mouse to trace his brain. I pursed my lips upon thinking about how to determine the intelligence of a person through brain scans. Uh, I should have listened to our professor before. I wondered what's Zack's Intelligence Quotient.

"He can remember details from his childhood," I added. "Though he wasn't sure whom he shared it with."

Zack was diagnosed with retrograde amnesia. It was a kind of temporary loss of memory due to the lack of oxygen in his brain during cardiac arrest.

This allowed him to forget his past memories along with some general knowledge he'd learned. Though, it doesn't affect some of the skills he learned like playing the instruments. He played with his violin yesterday and he was still amazing. I bet he didn't forget how to drive a car or fly a plane. I just hope he would not experience trauma due to the crash if he gets his memories back. I know how hard would it be.

"Give him time. He might get him back after a month." Laudi circled his chair while still playing with the cube. For the record, he sucked at it. He could only finish one color in 5x5 and how bold he was to play with Sead's megaminx.

"I don't have a month, Laudi," I bitterly stated. In three weeks, I'd be marrying Aae. This time, it's for real. Unlike the fake wedding, Aae planned to fulfill our family's wish. But they figured out our marriage wasn't registered. It was a fake, so they started to plan the whole thing again, living us with the side details.

"Zee, what are you going to do when he remembers you?" He creased his brows as curiosity part from his eyes. "Zack's still single. Are you gonna run away with him?"

"Should I?" I asked. I wanted to.

"Do you think it's unfair to Aae?" He placed the megaminx back on Sead's table before looking at me.

"I am marrying him." I grabbed my scrunchies and tied my hair up. My eyes found the banana milk on the side. Should I give it to Zack? The taste might bring back his memories.

"That's what makes it unfair," Laudi frowned and I could see how he was disgusted by my decision. The same reaction I got from Gab.

"I don't have a choice." I wagged my head. I never had a choice.

"Why not tell them again?" He urged. "Tell them what you really feel."

"I'm tired. I really am," I deeply sighed. I've been telling them. They knew my feelings haven't changed a bit after all these years, no matter what they did to separate our ways. I am still waiting for Zack.

"All I want is to know why Zack never came back to fulfill his promise." I felt a sudden pain in my chest. Why did he fail to keep his promise?

"You told her not to come back, Zee!"

I almost fell on my seat when I heard the anger in Tita Zania's voice. I turned towards the door to face her. Her eyes were beaming with hatred.

"Tita," I called, surprised. I stood up and eventually stopped when she cursed. Her soft expression appeared to darken as she met my puzzled look.

"I've been wanting to curse you." She closed her fist and I could see the resentment in her eyes. "The moment you hugged my son." She grimaced. "I wanted to say how dare you, but I calmed myself knowing my son would never want me to hurt his greatest love."

I blinked. My mouth was left hanging and I panic when tears started to fall from Tita Zania's round eyes.

"I don't get it," I uttered. What is she saying?

She raised her eyebrows. "Don't pretend, Zee." She wiped her tears to clearly stare at me. "You send him letters. You told him not to come back because you no longer want his existence."

"Letters?" My forehead wrinkled upon hearing it. I've never sent letters to Zack. "I never said that."

Tita Zania wagged her head in disbelief. "The moment you deactivated your account and change your number, Zack came back to check on you. He wanted to know what happened when you both promised not to lose communication."

"He came back?" My voice was shaking.

"He did. He even spoke to your mother." She sighed. "Zee, my son came back and was even willing to sacrifice his dreams for you."

The warm liquid from my eyes started to drip down to my cheeks. My brain couldn't seem to process what I heard. I clutched to my chest. He came back.

"I didn't know that." I sobbed.

"I was relieved when your mother pushed my son away because at that moment I want my son to pursue his dreams more than you." She twitched her red lips.

"What did my mother told him?" My hands were trembling as I leaned on the table. Laudi was quick to catch me before I bent on my knees.

"She would not allow you to take medicine if she ever sees Zack again in your life," she confessed.

I cupped my mouth and tasted tears. My heart was throbbing with agony.

"He was supposed to send it to Gab, but he didn't want to risk your only communication since both of you are guarded with butlers."

I cursed in my mind. Why? I almost hated Zack, not knowing the reason why he never came back.

"I never received a letter from him." I made that clear. "Never."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused. "How could you not receive letters when you answered his letters?"

I bit my lips in frustration.

"You sent back the letters until the last one where you told him not to come back anymore because you already fell for Aae. Months after that, you announced your marriage in the world."

"That was a fake marriage, Tita," I confessed. I took a belly breath while Laudi supported my back. I was out of air as I clasped on my chest. My tears were still flowing like a faucet.

I jerked a little when Tita Zania shouted, "It was a fake marriage?" I could sense the disbelief in her voice. "Why would you do that, Zee?" She had a hard time saying those words.

"You don't know how much pain it cost my son when he knew about it!" She screamed her frustration at me and I let her be. At some point, I deserved it.

"You can never imagine what happened to him. He blamed himself and almost ruined his life."

"Sorry," I whispered. I didn't know we've been living a miserable life all these years.

"Zee, I've watched my son lived a miserable life. He dated and flirted to forget you. But at the end of the day." Her gaze slowly softened. "He still chooses you over and over again."

"Zack." I bit my lower lip. I cried harder and felt like my lungs would explode at any moment.

"You are his sunrise in every sunset, Zee. You are the sky he's still trying to reach all these times."

I could only hear my sobs until Tita Zania walked towards and enveloped me in her arms. "My son still loves you, Zee," she whispered.

We stayed like that for a minute until she let go of me. She wiped my tears and I managed to steady my breathing.

"But, can you do me a favor?" She asked.

"Please don't hurt him again when he gets his memories back. Don't give him false hopes, or better...give him the closure you both needed to move on."

I hardly nodded. She made a smile before turning her back.

"Tita Zania," I called. "Who received the letters?"

She thought for a second before saying. "Chaysen Centineo."

Chaysen Centineo, that's Chad's real name.

"Take my night shift," I told Laudi as soon as Tita Zania got out of the quarter. I fixed myself and dashed towards the nurse station.

"Where is Sead?" I asked as soon as I saw the interns. I noticed the girl peeking a glance at me from the waiting area. Uh, a new bodyguard again? I hate it. Every time my family knew I recognized their hired butlers or bodyguards they changed it.

How could I not recognize them when they all wore the same pendant? They better do something about it.

"He's in the operating room assisting Prof. Argazon." Nurse Julia replied. "Did you cry?" She asked, concerned.

I twitched my lips and thought. Should I use my phone to call Chad? Uh, they put bugs and trackers on it so they'd know what we'd be talking.

"Oh, he's already here." Nurse Julia pointed on my left.

I turned and met Sead's gaze. He was already wearing his coat and his hands were playing with the megaminx.

"Did Laudi touch my cubes?" He licked his lips before biting it.

"I thought we're going to have the operation of Patient Soriano," I announced, letting the bodyguard hear it.

Sead arched his brows. Of course, I made that up. I pulled his wrist. "Let's go to the operating room."

"Eh?" He whined.

"Did you cry?" He asked as soon as we reached the operating room. He jerked upon feeling my palm on his coat pocket.

"Wait. What are you trying to do?" He grabbed my wrist and lifted my chin. I looked away when he started surveying my face.

"You cried," he stated. "Did Aae make you cry?" There was anger in his voice.

"Let me borrow your phone," I demanded. "I need to call Chad."

"Chad? Why would you call Chad?" He asked before pressing his fingerprint on his phone.

He handed it to me and I was stunned upon glancing his wallpaper. "What?" He chuckled. "What are you going to do upon seeing your picture set as my wallpaper?"

"I thought you've moved on," I said while searching for Chad's number.

"I did. But I like your wallpaper on my phone so don't you dare delete it." He used his commanding tone, and I ignored it.

I dialed Chad's number and put the phone on my left ear. I bit my nails and circled around the room while waiting for his response. Sead kept on asking me the reason why I cried while I shrugged it off.

It took five rings for him to say, "Hey, dude what's up?"

"Chad!" I immediately answered.

"Hmm, Zee?" I could imagine his puzzled look over the line. "Hey, how are you?"

"Uh, barely breathing," I replied. "I'll make this quick. I'm just going to ask about the letters sent by Zack."

"Oh, what about it?"

"Who received it from you?"

"What?" he asked, confused. "Why are you asking as if you don't know?"

"It's because I don't know," I retorted.

Chad paused for a moment and I almost fell when he said, "I gave it to Aae because I'm afraid your butlers will know if I approach you."

"Aae? You gave it to Aae?"

"Yeah. Why are you asking? You let Aae deliver the letters back to Zack."

I dropped the phone on my side. I stared blankly at the wall, not knowing what to do. Aae?

I closed my eyes and instantly felt the rage in my heart. Sead grabbed the phone from me and I heard him bid his goodbye to Chad.

"Hey." He tapped my shoulder. "What happened?"

"Can I just die?" I muttered.

Sead instantly hit my head and I felt his irritation as he said, "Don't you dare. I didn't save you from drowning to die again."

I heaved. "I need to go home."

Sead stopped me by pulling my wrists. There was concern in his black eyes when I met them. "Come back, alive."

I nodded a bit.

"Don't forget it wasn't a request. It's a command from a friend." His cold voice echoed in the room as I left him with a weak smile.

I was supposed to go home to talk to Aae. Luckily, he appeared in front of me so I saved myself the cost of traveling back home. It's not even a home, to begin with.

"Zee." He smiled upon seeing me. I hate that smile. "Have you already eaten yet? I made food." He lifted the paper bag he was holding. How can he pretend like everything was alright?

I didn't answer him. I walked through him and noticed his puzzled look as he followed me to the rooftop.

I could already see the orange sky as the sun hid on the mountain. I glanced up at the sky trying to calm myself. I came to ask Him above, why are you doing this to me? Did I make an unforgivable sin in my past life to experience this?

"Let me get this straight," I said turning to him. "How do you manage to write the letters back to Zack?"

His back straightened. I glanced at his surprised look as he bent his head down. He parted his lips and sighed. "I forge your handwriting."

I sarcastically laughed. "That's a nice talent you got."

I can't believe Zack didn't even know about it. Did he copy my handwriting very well or did Zack trust him so much? I believe that's the latter part.

"What were those letters like?" I wanted to read them, but I want to spare myself another pain.

His voice was shaking when he answered, "It's a love letter, random stories, dreams, poems, and you know what Zack would tell you." He avoided my gaze as he put his hands in his pocket.

"I see," I nodded with a reply. "I wonder what you replied on behalf of me, but it doesn't matter."

I fought the urge to jump on this building. I closed my eyes and breathed as hard as I could. I quickly turned towards the door. I don't know what could I do if I stood there for long.

"Let me explain, Zee." He pleaded.

I stopped mid-way. He felt sorry, yet it would never be enough to cope with the wasted time.

"I don't need an explanation, Aae," I responded bitterly.

"Please hear it." He held my wrists and I quickly snatched it. I'm disgusted by him.

"Aae, let us stop this. I don't want another lie again." I closed my fist and stabbed my chest with it. "I'm...tired."

"I did it because I thought you would forget him-"

I cut him off with a wag. "You're wrong, Aae." My eyes seemed to run dry from tears. "You only prove to me that you can never be better than Zack."

I witnessed how hurt crossed his face when I said that. He bit his lower lip and tears started to fall from his eyes. I always felt sorry because I hurt him, but right now I felt nothing.

"You know why?" My brows furrowed because of disappointment. "Zack would never do something like that."

"I'm sorry." He let his tears flow as he stared at me.

I shook my head. "I never thought you have the nerve to do that, Aae. Zack trusted you, and I trusted you. How could you do this to me?"

"I love you," he exclaimed. He locked his eyes on mine.

"Love does change people, huh?" I despised the thought. "I'm sorry, I don't get your definition of love."

"Zee." He moved closer and I lifted both of my hands to stop him.

"Zack trusted you, so I believe he deserves your apology more than me." I turned my back and reached for the knob.

"Zee, did I ever...win your heart...just once?"

I tried to recall the past events in my life. I somehow smiled at the thought, but it instantly faded away. It wasn't enough to call love.

"What should I do?" His voice cracked. "What do you...want me to do?"

I created a sad smile upon gazing at him. He had his palm to cover his eyes as liquid dripped on his face. He bit his lower lip and I could hear how hard every breath he produced.

I remained wordless until I closed the door and stepped down the stairs. I was supposed to go back to the resident's quarter to fix myself when I saw him walking towards the waiting room.

I immediately smiled upon seeing him. He was slowly walking, looking at the floor while sipping the pack of his banana milk. Where did he get that?

I pulled my scrunchies and brushed my hair. He lifted his head upon sensing my gaze on him. He twitched his jaw as he surveyed me.

"Did you cry?" he asked as soon as he reached me.

"No," I lied. "Some dust stuck on my eye while staying in the rooftop."

"Oh." He doesn't look convinced. "Here." He handed me the banana milk he got from his hospital gown pocket. "Dr. Laudi told me it is your favorite drink."

"Thank you," I replied. "What are you doing here? You should be resting." I checked my watch. "It's already seven in the evening. Have you eaten yet?"

"I was looking for you," he pouted. "You didn't visit me today."

I couldn't help but smile. He is truly that one person who can make me smile under any circumstances. If I haven't seen his medical records, I wouldn't believe he lost his memory.

"Do you want me to tie your hair?" I asked, pulling the scrunchies on my wrist.

He ducked his lips. "Should I cut them short?"

"No," I quickly replied. I gestured him to sit on the nearest chair. He's too tall for me to reach. "Your long hair suits you. I always loved your man bun."

"So, I always have long hair?" He curiously asked as he turned his back on me.

I felt my heart accelerated when I reached for his hair. "You grew them long during summer breaks since we have a proper haircut." I stroked his hair using my fingers to create a knot, then I tied it on a messy bun.

"There you go-" I gasped when he instantly turned to me. I could already feel his breath against mine. My eyes focused on his lips down to his adam's apple as he gulped.

I coughed. "Come on, I'll walk to your room."

We were both quiet until we reached his room. I have a lot of things to say, but I decided to keep it. Would it make any difference? We're all miserable.

I smelled curry as soon as we get inside. There was also a banana cupcake on the table alongside the fruits brought by his mother.

"Eat with me," he invited. He sat on the table and pointed the other chair beside him. "My mother left food for us."

"I'll just watch you eat," I replied. I sat on the chair and opened the Tupperware. I sensed his gaze on me as I prepared the food for him.

"But I want you to eat with me." He whined.

I chuckled. "I'm allergic to chicken." His smile faded upon hearing that.

I was about to answer him when Sead called my name from the intercom. Uh, did he really have to call me from the intercom?

"Uh, I need to go. Just eat, okay?"

"I'll wait for you," he sincerely replied that it made me stopped. I stared at him and he was smiling. I melted.

"You don't have to," I smiled. "Eat, this is a command from your doctor. I'll be back to check on you later."

"Okay," he happily agreed like a child.

"Baka!" I reacted.

He raised an eyebrow. It was then I realized what I just said. He held the back of his head and parted his lips. Did it trigger his memories?

"I felt like I heard that before," he whispered. "Uh, I hate this memory loss. I can't even remember my own password."

"Password?" I asked, ignoring the intercom for the second time. Sead would definitely kill me.

Zack pointed on the laptop sitting on his bed. "I'm trying to open my laptop before calling an expert. There might be something there that would help me," he said.

"Is there a hint?"

He shook his head. He opened the laptop and my heart jolted when I've seen the image of a semicolon on its lock screen.

"I tried everything, like every number combination I know, but it's all wrong," he said frustrated.

"Is it a six-digit number?" I asked. "Do you want me to try?" I wanted to confirm something.

"Hmm?" He circled his tongue on the side of his cheeks, thinking. "Why not?" He pointed the laptop towards me.

My fingers traced the keyboard as I entered the number I have in my mind. My heart was racing as I pressed the enter.

I swore I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the universe when the lock screen shifted into the home screen.

"Oh." He blinked. "What is the code?" He asked, amazed.

I reached the doorknob before saying, "My birthday."