Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Our hearts beat inside our chest leaving us gasping for every breath

I was surprised to see Aae sitting on the stairs as I stepped inside the house. I've seen him countless times sitting on the stairs, so I think it was his most favorite spot in the house. As for me, I loved the porch.

He flipped his module before turning to me.

"You still up?" I checked my silver watch. It's already nine in the evening.

"I'm waiting for you," he casually replied as he stood up.

"I went to the after-party," I said. We won the overall championship for the Inter-high School Competition, so there's a party for all the varsity players.

"You didn't attend?" I added. I placed my things on the couch and stretched my back. I was exhausted. "Congratulations on being the best pitcher."

Finally, we won the baseball cup after years of being the second and it was because of Aae.

"Thank you." he nodded. "You didn't watch my game." I could sense the sadness in there while I tried to find the words to say that wouldn't hurt.

Well, Aae knew how to hurt himself when he said, "I know. It's held the same time as Zack's football game, so of course, you would choose him."

What should I say? Uh, he's making it awkward.

Though, it was true. I would choose Zack's game because why not? Zack's my best friend. He won as the best striker for four consecutive years, and the team claimed the fourth championship.

"Congratulations, too." He stood up and started arranging the pile of paper on his side.

"Yes, thanks. I didn't get to win the gold medal, but they told me they will save a spot for me in the regional team."

"Bronze is not bad. You still have the regional meet or other meets to win, right?" he said, trying to cheer me up.

I nodded. "Yeah. Coach scheduled other meets for me to qualify for the national team and international meets." I sighed. I wanted to join a lot of competitions just like before, but my body won't just go with me. I hate it.

What should I do?

Deep down, I knew I could never be good as I was before. Should I quit swimming?

"You studying? Aren't you going to rest?" I asked while stroking my temple.

I actually need to study too because we'll be having our examinations after one-week of having no class due to the Inter-High School Competition. We enjoyed the whole week, now we're back to hell.

"You're gonna beat Zack if you take that seriously," I teased.

I almost fell from my seat when he said, "If I beat Zack, will you go on a date with me?" He uttered with eagerness.

Uh, how do I say this?

"We already talked about this, right?" I said, remembering the second time he confessed his feeling.

Well, he didn't actually confess. He knocked on my door a few days ago and asked, "Do you like me?"

What did I answer? I told him the truth that I never told anyone, not even Gab. I couldn't even admit it to myself.

"Kidding," his soft sigh turned into a chuckle. "But, Zack better be hurry or else." He didn't continue, but I think I know what he's about to say.

"Zack is my best friend," I stated. I remembered Zack's confused look when I told him about the semicolon. It made me giggled.

"So, if Zack is your best friend, can I be your boyfriend?" he quickly replied. He tilted his head before giving me a smirk.

Uh, I froze.

I blinked, thinking of what to say.

Why is he doing this?

He's flirting with me again. I could see how he's getting comfortable with me. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing.

I was getting used to his presence too. Though, there were times I still felt uneasy.

"I like you." He confessed with a curl on his lips.

Uh, he's making it awkward again. Why is he so bold? Is that even the right term?

Why is he making things hard for us? I told him we could just be friends.

I envied him. I prayed to have the courage to confess to someone I like, but I was scared.

"I know, no pressure. I just want to let you know, so I won't have any regrets, unlike you and Zack." He wagged his head in disappointment.

I rolled my eyes.

"We don't need words. We know how we feel," I asserted.

"But, at least you need confirmation about the term us," he said as he leaned his back on the handrail.

"I told you we are best friends, that is something that will last," I smiled upon remembering the first time Zack and I met. He had those spiky quiff haircut he liked to stroke every minute.

His laughed still echoed in my ears as he sat beside me on the first day of school. I could still imagine his grin as he offered his hand to ask for my name.

I never talked about this to anyone, but maybe deep down they knew I was scared to lose our friendship. When I realized I like Zack, I shrugged it away. I pretended it never cross my mind.

I don't want to lose him under any circumstances. I found our friendship the best way to stay with him forever.

I prepared myself on how to act in front of him. I learned how to manage my feelings. I knew how to sit beside him without letting him know what I felt. I somehow succeeded. But, there were times when I couldn't hold it anymore. I acted dumb and numb most of the time. Though, I know Zack knew it. Everyone knew it.

I know we shouldn't be scared to take the risk, but we're still young. I wanted us to be certain about what we truly feel. What if this was only an infatuation, a puppy love? What if when we decided to date we realize we're not for each other, and finally lose the friendship. That's something I don't want to lose.

"What ifs, almost, and regrets do last too." He picked up all his modules on the side before looking. "Just be happy, okay?" He drew a smiley face on thin air.

"Why? Why are you saying these things to me?" I look puzzled.

He likes me, yet he was willing to back down.

I couldn't believe his attitude. Usually, boys would do everything for you to like them back. But, Aae was just standing there, telling me to chase the one I like.

I couldn't help but amazed.

He's such a good friend and he's like my brother.

"I told you I like you." He turned his back to climb the tread. "I like you, but it doesn't always mean I want you to like me back."

"You are exactly my type," I honestly answered.

"Still not the one you fall for," he pouted. "Well, if things didn't work well between you and Zack, I'm waiting here." He placed his right palm between his chest.

I pursed my lips. "Your feelings will change, we're still young,"

"You say that again when your feelings for Zack change after years." He smiled before going inside his room.

I've been hiding this since 7th grade. They haven't changed even the slightest.

Damn, Zacky! Why am I thinking of you?

I promise myself not to talk about my feelings for him and here I am.

I sat there, waiting for nothing until it occurred to me how I've hidden this feeling for so long. I wanted to compliment myself for not conveying the slightest hint until now.

Or maybe I failed. They know. Why would they tease us, right?

I grabbed my bag and slowly climbed the tread, still thinking of possibilities.

I was a firm believer in fate. I believed that if things were meant for us, we'll have them.

Or, am I just a hopeless romantic?

Should I confess? Should I tell him before it's too late?

Should I make the first move?

Uh, I hate Zack.

What's keeping him from confessing?

Well, maybe the feeling was not really mutual.

"Cut it, Zee. Let's go to sleep." I said to myself.

I went into my room. I was about to turn the lights off when I noticed the small envelope on my study table. A note fell from the inside.

I bought Mayday Parade concert tickets, would you like to come with me on Sunday? - A

Oh my God!

I screamed upon seeing the concert tickets. I have forgotten about the concert because I was so busy, and I have no money. Then, I couldn't believe Aae bought VIP tickets for me.

"Hey, what is it?" Aae immediately opened the door. He raised his eyebrow upon scanning me. He finally let go of his concern when he saw me holding the tickets.

"Sorry, sorry. I got emotional. It's a VIP ticket. Omg!" I heartily said. I couldn't hide my excitement. "It's expensive, but wow!"

"Well." He tilted his head and averted his gaze from mine. "It's my birthday on Sunday. I want to know if you can come and celebrate with me."

"Oh, you should have told me earlier, so I can buy you gifts but sure, what's the date on Sunday-" I checked the calendar on my study table and paused upon seeing the date. I lost track of the dates.

"It's my brother's death anniversary," I whispered. "Sorry," I turned to him with disappointment.

"I can't. I really want to, but my brother." I bit my lower lip. My shoulder was down as I placed the tickets beside the table.

There was sadness in his eyes for a second until he smiled, "No worries, it's your brother. I understand."

I pouted. I really want to go to a concert, but my parents would not allow me considering it's the day of my brother's death. Well, this wasn't the right time for me to watch the concert.

"Sorry. Let me get you something. What do you want?" I narrowed my lips. The ticket was so expensive. I don't want it to go to waste, but what should I do?

Uh, This is frustrating.

I looked for scrunchies to tie my hair.

"Keep the tickets for me." He shifted his eyes from mine to the side. He cleared his throat. "It's also my advance birthday gift."

"How did you know my birthday?" I asked.

He didn't respond. He crossed the distance between us until we're two steps apart and started singing, "I want to feel the way you taste, just a touch of adventure but safe I want to make the clouds come down, I want to fill the rest of you out..."

Oh.

Aae is really something.

"Sweet dreams the day away I can't think of one real thing that I could say. I want to feel you underground. I want to chew you up and spit you out..."

He surveyed me while my eyes fixed on his lips. It curved a little, forming a smile as bright as the sun. He tilted his head before saying, "Happy Birthday, Zee."

"Uh, yeah." I pinched my arms to stop myself from feeling numb.

"That's wow." I nodded in wonder. I couldn't find the right words. He had the habit of making me speechless.

"Thanks," I added after seconds of silence.

"Just make a promise you'll go with me next time I buy you Mayday Parade concert tickets, under any circumstances. How about that?" He winked.

Aae, what is that? He seems out of character these days.

"Sure." I bobbed. "But, at least I like to get you something." I turned the other way to avoid his gaze. He was making it awkward.

"I like everything you like," he said before closing the door.

What should I get him, then?

How can I make my greetings better than his?

"Kat, what do you want for your birthday?" Dad asked me. He was reading a business magazine, while my mother was sitting beside him, sipping a cup of tea.

I was sitting on the couch and reading messages from our group chat. My classmates were talking about Aae's birthday. They wanted to celebrate it, but Aae doesn't like parties, so he just offered to bring food tomorrow for the class.

I remembered the VIP tickets he bought for me. It's eight in the evening, the concert already started. I frowned. I was stuck here at home, with this deafening silence.

Staying at home made me miss my brother much. We just spent the whole day at the cemetery. It was loneliness that filled the gap between us.

Tomorrow is my birthday, but I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sleep or maybe skips class.

I wonder what Aae was doing right now? I think he already received the customized baseball cap I bought for him.

"Do you want a party or something?" Mom glanced at me. "We could arrange it for you."

I shook my head, "It's okay, Mom. I don't wanna celebrate."

I don't like parties since. It was my brother who likes celebrating, so I guess there was no reason for me to celebrate. It would just make me miss him more.

"Are you sure about that?" Dad raised his brow. "You're turning 17"

"It doesn't matter, Dad," I smiled. "I'll go upstairs and rest." I stood up. I gave them both a peak on cheeks. "Good night," I whispered.

I heaved upon reaching our stairs. The silence and coldness were killing me. I should have gone back to Tita Annly's house instead of staying here.

"Hey, birthday girl, where are you?" It was Gab yelling on the other end of the line that woke me up. It was already seven in the morning.

I heard my classmates behind her shouting for greetings. Gab must have put me on the loudspeaker.

"Thanks, guys!" I exclaimed. I reached for my slippers before walking to the bathroom.

"Hey, where are you? You are already late." Chad's voice registered on the phone.

"Sorry guys, I'll skip the morning class," I said. "I'll see you in the afternoon."

"What?!" I heard the disappointment in Gab's voice along with the whined of my classmates.

As much as I wanted to spend the whole day with them I decided to wander alone on my birthday. I need some time alone.

"Sorry, I still love you guys," I said.

I placed my phone on the side to get warm water. Just then, I heard the bell rang.

"Uh, sucks," Gab retorted. "Just make sure to come back in the afternoon. Okay, bye. Love you, Zee," she quickly said.

I overheard Chad teasing me about Zack not also coming to school today.

Eh? Where the hell is he?

I checked my phone, but he didn't leave any messages. Did he forget about my birthday?

Psh! I'll hate him if he does.

Silence wavered as soon as I got out of my room. It felt empty as I wander around our house. It doesn't have the memories of my brother since we moved here after he died, yet I could still feel his presence hovering around the hallways.

It gave me chills. I sensed coldness all of a sudden as if he was giving me a hug. These were the moments where I wish I could see a ghost. But, metaphorically the ghost was me.

"Zee, your parents left their presents on the shelf near the stairs." She pointed at the shelf where a box was neatly wrapped. I supposed it had letters inside, but instead of getting it I nonchalantly headed towards the stairs.

It's not a gift that I want, it's their presence.

"By the way, someone is waiting for you downstairs," our helper's voice echoed in the hallway as I made my way down.

Who could it be?

I don't expect visitors.

Oh, I almost stumbled upon reaching the floor.

My heart melted when I saw the back of his head. He was staring at the Starry Night painting made by my brother. It was inspired by Van Gogh.

"Hey," I said, surprised.

He immediately turned to me with his grinned I've already memorized for years.

"Hi." He waved mid-air and dropped it when he realized it was out his character.

I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing here, Zacky?"

"Greeting you a happy birthday?" He scowled. "Baka!"

I chuckled. I couldn't believe he traveled this far. Damn, he is making it hard for me to keep my feelings.

"Don't feel special because I skip class for you. I'm just bored," he defended. He bit his lower lip as he stared at the side.

"Oh, okay?" I couldn't hide my smile. "Thanks for traveling for two hours to greet me instead of calling because I am not special," I mocked him.

He ducked his lips, "Whatever, let's go."

My stomach jerked as he pulled my wrist.

His driver was waiting outside our house. I told them I'll be celebrating my birthday with my therapist, so he could go back to school. They might miss his presence, especially he was preparing for academic contests. But, he insisted on joining my errands for the day. I guess I love the thought of wandering with him rather than myself.

"Hey, I'm done." I patted him on his shoulder as soon as I got out of my therapist's room. He was massaging the bridge of his nose and was in a state of using his brain. "What are you thinking?"

"I just saw Aae went inside the Ophthalmology Department again. Did he hurt his eyes?" He stroked his hair before turning to me.

"Oh, really? He went there when we got our medical, but he did put some liquid on his eyes. I saw him one time." I said, trying to recall the moment.

"Is he using a contact lens?" he curiously asked.

"What's with the sudden curiosity?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Nah, Nah." He waved his hand while shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure his eyes were black when we were in elementary, but it's hazelnut now. Am I just mistaken?" He looks bothered.

Oh, really? So -

But wait...

"Elementary? You went to the same school?" I asked, shocked. I didn't know that. "I mean, he went to St. Martin's Academy?"

"Yeah, he played baseball there," Zack said. "Didn't I tell you I played baseball when I was in elementary? He used to be on the same team."

If that's the case, then maybe Aae knows my brother. He used to play baseball too and won championships for that school.

"Wait." I raised my palm towards him. "So you are the captain of the baseball team?"

I don't know if this was what you call destiny, but let me use serendipity instead. I never thought Zack was the one who influenced me to count through songs.

I thought it was Aae, the kid I asked back then for direction, but he told me he learned it from their elementary baseball captain.

Ugh, Zack. You're kidding me!

"You just realize now?" He acted hurt.

"How would I know, the boy has long hair before," I reacted.

"I do man bun during vacation expecting you would realize, but you're dumber than I thought." He circled his tongue on his cheeks before shaking his head. "I no longer do it."

"Why? It's cool. I still do it." I pouted.

He shrugged, "I got new hobbies like counting my steps..."

I arched my left brow and choked when he added, "towards you."

He laughed when he saw me rolling my eyes.

Gosh, how long will I use my rolling eyes to cope up with so many butterflies you give me?

"C'mon, let's go out!" He grabbed my wrist and walked towards the hallway of the hospital with a grinned on his face.

"Where are we going?" I said when we reached the bus stop. "This isn't the way to school."

"Who said about going to school?"

"What!? I told our adviser I will go back in the afternoon," I hysterically said.

Omg! I couldn't miss the class, I have to study for the examinations again, which was the day after tomorrow. I still have to review with Sir Cerezo for the Literature Quiz Bee.

"They say you missed half of your high school life if you didn't skip classes. Since high school is ending, I don't wanna miss half of it," he devilishly smirked. "Wanna try detention too?"

"Definitely no, it's a bad record okay? But, you're right about skipping class," I agreed. After all, we're not wearing our uniform. It's also my birthday. "What are your plans then? Where are we going?"

"I don't know?" he shrugged.

"Where the hell is I don't know?" I ducked my lips.

"I can go anywhere as long as I'm with you." He bit his lower lip before stroking his hair.

Psh! He got me there. Uh, he's making it hard for me to act.

We let the first bus that stopped decide our destination. We told the conductor to drop us at points where we could go sight-seeing. The conductor agreed. He teased us saying he knew a very nice romantic place for couples.

I did blush, and Zack just pretended he didn't hear it, but I saw him flushed too. He's adorable! Well, he probably knows I like him. It doesn't matter. I like what we have right now. I couldn't ask for more.

It was a three-hour drive plus the traffic. Zack woke me up around three, and we walked the alley going to the Cathedral. We went inside and prayed.

"This is a nice place to get married," he said while we are slowly walking in the aisle. I tried to hide my smile at the thought, but I couldn't.

"Do you wanna get married here?" I asked.

"I don't know. My bride will decide."

I felt his gaze upon me while I was still keeping my eyes across the aisle.

"Do you want to get married here?" He stopped mid-way and walked backward to survey my now redden cheeks.

I gulped. "W-well, no," I answered. Why am I stammering?

"Remember the open and airy church interior in our town?" I inquired. "The one where we prayed for my brother's soul before he was buried?"

"Oh, okay," he bobbed. "That's settled then." He widened his smile as he happily sprinted towards the door.

This guy really learned how to make my heart skip a beat.

We spent hours sitting, talking about stuff, and our dreams. It was a completely random conversation while waiting for the sunset.

There were minutes when we lost words to talk, and he would just sing lines from my playlist and would let me guess it. I appreciated the fact that he wasn't a fan of Mayday Parade, yet he made an effort to listen. Of course, I used to tell him a lot of times before to at least listen to the songs.

As I stared at him, with the stars shining above us, I prayed that this would never end. This, whatever was this we are feeling, without words, just genuine heartbeats.

I hope this would stay. I would lie if I tell you, I wanted us to be just like this. I want more than that, but I also know how to wait for good things. I want our love to grow until we felt numb and could no longer bear it.

I guess we got a lot of time for that.

"I made presents for you. It's unique, so you better not lose it. I made it just for you, only you." Zack mumbled. He was walking ahead of me.

"What?" I bumped into his back when he stopped. I smelled the familiar scent of mint. He turned his back until I felt his chest on my forehead.

I lifted my head and automatically melted when he smiled at me. "Baka! Close your eyes." He ordered.

"Why? Are you going to kiss me again?" I moved a step away and acted like he was about to rape me.

He hit my head. I scowled.

"Ouch, what are you doing?" I reacted when he tied my hair up. I was about to open my eyes when he pricked my forehead.

"Don't dare!" He tsked. "Just wait, and you better not lose this, okay? Or else, I'll get really mad."

I automatically opened my eyes when I felt the necklace.

I held the pendant out of curiosity. "What flower is this?"

It was a pink flower pendant I've never seen before. It had fern-like petals.

"It's False Goat's Beard." Zack chuckled. "Because you look like a goat."

I rolled my eyes and his laughter echoed in my heart. "Happy Birthday, my Katie."