Chapter 96: Chapter 96

Chapter 94: We have forever

"Oh goodness..!" He teared up. "How do I hold them? They're so delicate, small, tiny and adorable... wow Merri, they're going to grow to be such handsome lads."

Blushing Merri, gave Thomas a subtle smile. "The white wool is Lennox and the blue wool is Lionel. Lennox has a birthmark on his neck, it's really helpful with telling them apart."

In awe, Thomas decided against holding them. Afraid they'd fall or something. Afraid Austin and Walter would be out to get his head. He did not want any problems for himself. Instead, he stood a bit far and only bent down their cradle to play with their small fingers.

"How's motherhood treating you?" He questioned turning back to look at her. She looked exhausted, nonetheless happy. The smile on her face overshadowed the bags under her eyes. She had certainly put on a bit of weight. Her breasts much fuller with milk patches seeping through her clothing. Her stomach, would take a while to return to being as flat as it used to be before Austin had made her a mother.

"No complains, so far." She smiled. "...even if I did, my boys are worth it."

Thomas smiled back.

This should have been us. He thought.

"Thanks for coming to see them. I really appreciate it. I know how hard this must be for you especially with the disappearance of Faith."

Letting out a sigh. Thomas nodded. "I could never hate you Merri, even if I tried. Doubt, I could hate them either not after they've stolen my heart with their daintiness. I must admit..." he paused.

Merri seemed concerned. "What is the matter?"

"All I see is that man. They literally took after their father. I can not stand it."

Merri frowned. "They're only kids. They know nothing."

"Hopefully they have your personality." Thomas added in a woeful tone.

"Hopefully they have their own personality. Not afflicted to myself and Austin."

"Why do you say that?"

"You love to make believe that I'm a saint, Thomas. You love to put on front as if I did not hurt you as much Austin has. I hurt you, it was not Austin's fault. I've come to realize, I loved the thrill of it all. The thrill and excitement of going back and forth between you both. I'm not a saint. I've added just as much to keep this fire burning. You keep blaming Austin because you want to continue loving me. It's time we moved on, I know it's difficult. Easier said than done but you need to start holding me accountable as well for all the misfortunes that have occurred."

"Merri... no, Austin changed you. Manipulated you into this loose woman persona. Groomed you into a call girl, lady of the evening. I refuse to believe you did everything you did unprovoked. I refuse to believe you simply forgot all our moments together... especially intimate."

"I..."

"What is it?" Thomas asked.

"Thomas, I imagined..."

"Huh?" He questioned.

"I always imagined Austin whenever you and I were... intimate." She let out as if it was something that had been sitting on her chest for a while.

"Oh...!" He let out. "...but you were a virgin..."

Merri remembered the day, Austin had forcefully put her hand in his pants. She felt it... raw the veins stark as if they would combust, hard, rigid and... she was never the same again.

"That I was... but I was curious. I could not contain myself from constantly thinking of him."

Thomas laughed. "Yet you knew he was a horrible person!"

"I can never justify my thoughts and actions but the truth of the matter is... I'm not a saint. I feel awful for leading you on."

"Every single time we..." he cleared his throat. "...you thought of him."

Merrigold could only look at her kids, observantly quiet and pure off any evil. Hair growing curlier, skin tanner, eyes brighter, smiles wider. As healthy as could be. They were a month old now.

"You never seize to amaze me, I always assume I know you better than anyone else but..."

"You do not know me." She muttered, ashamed. "You know the innocent girl, I displayed."

"I'm sure Austin knows you very well." He chuckled sarcastically putting his hand in the pockets of his worn out brown slacks.

"Remember how... I always urged for us to have.... but you'd always refuse. I always urged for this and that but you were always the one sane enough to put boundaries. Well, that should have been a clear sign that I'm not who you think I am. I'm not innocent, I do not always the best intentions..." sometimes I want to be spanked. Merri quickly shook her thoughts away.

"So what then you love sex? I reckon it is immoral for women to love sex to that extent. A woman who loves sex that much is a harlot but I understand."

"No, my point is we were never compatible. You were always too good for me. When I finally met my match, it was hard to digress from the ill-behaved actions I always turned my back on."

There was silence as Thomas gave her speech a thought. "Fair enough, if Austin had never arrived you would have never been your true self then?"

"I wouldn't. I would have been the innocent angel yourself and my brother know me to be."

"That's not bad." Thomas added quickly.

"It isn't but that's not where my happiness lies. Why should I have to pretend to be noble for eternity? Austin taught me that it's alright to be selfish, it's alright to make mistakes, it's alright to be yourself even if no one approves of it."

"What a match made in heaven!" Thomas mocked.

"This is me. I'm not perfect. I will never admit or forcefully be what I'm not."

"I hear you..." He mumbled.

Silence enveloped them. Thomas pretended to play with the babies fingers even when his heart felt heavy. His eyes wanted to sting at the sight of them. She really went on to have children with another man. She was happy without him? She was... really happy huh? It hurt so much. He constantly blinked away his tears and played it off as laughter. The girl he had thought he'd marry from a very young age had to be taken away by someone else. For her to admit to him that it all meant nothing. Every single time she spent with him, she imagined Austin. He tried so hard to be happy for them, it hurt so much. He could not contain it. Men do not cry but at times he could not find his sleep. He dreamt of the life they could have had without Austin. Whenever he woke up, a discomforting feeling settled on his throat. It was never real? He had told himself to take a few days away before coming to see her. It had taken him a lot of pride and pain to come forward and see her children with the men he did not take a liking to and never would.

"I'm now a married woman." She broke the silence.

Shocked, Thomas turned to look at her in disbelief. "That's impossible, you and I both know that."

"Well, Austin and I decided we did not need a piece of a paper or approval from anyone to take our vows before the lord."

"Great!" He faked laughter.

"Thank you..."

"I'm happy for you."

"You do not have to fake pretense..."

"If I did not fake pretense, I'd certainly go bullocks. It's best I fake pretense."

All the while Walter was listening. His son and Merri had gotten married, alone? What kind of love did these two have for each other? It was odd. His son was married? Austin was married? Austin had willingly taken vows to one woman for the rest of his life? Walter could not believe it.

"Rosie!"

"Rosalind!" He called in their bedroom, closing the door behind him.

"What is it?" She appeared from the conjoined washroom.

"Austin and Merri are married."

"Pardon?"

"Yes, Merri admitted to Thomas that herself and Austin decided to simply do it on their own without the law or family or friends but just them alone." With a pause. "I swear they do not need us. As long as they have each other they could literally careless about what anyone thinks. I'm conflicted. I'm overjoyed my son has decided to take vows before the lord, I'm also skeptical of this relationship. I do not wish for anything to happen to Merri. Austin will be fine, he is a white man. Merrigold on the other hand is not only black but she is a woman."

"That's... wonderful." Mrs Cunningham muttered still thinking. "I'm sure they will be alright."

"We ought to arrange for them a dinner party."

"Walter! That is a wonderful idea, this reminds me so much of why I married you. You're a good man."

"I'm afraid, Austin might not be keen. He has never been one for celebrations. Always the private lad."

"Trust me, he will love this." She assured him.

Even better when his wife is a free woman. Walter thought, what would be an even better wedding gift.

—

"...then I told them off. Stood my ground and decided if I'm going to pick a side it will be right here with my family."

Stella only faked a smile.

"...that is great but tell me, I hear Austin is a father now."

"Oh... ofcourse. He has two little boys."

A pang of jealousy stopped her from smiling. She could not fake it.

"Shocking! Who is the unlucky lady? Who was dumb enough to settle for that mess? He is so manipulative, I should know that as I was once a victim."

"One of the slaves, her name is Merri."

Stella laughed hysterically. "I knew all too well that no woman in their right minds would stand for such. It had to be someone disadvantage or rather foolhardy in the head; an opportunist."

Henry only let out a sigh. "She is actually very nice and easy on the eyes."

"Don't be foolish Henry, since when are niggers appealing?"

"I only meant she isn't as bad as you'd think. Austin is a lucky man."

"You sound as if you're inlove with your brother's sex slave. I'd allow you to go get some but knowing she has been with Austin. Who knows the sicknesses he has past into her!"

Shaking his head, Henry finished packing the kids lunch for school. "Do you ever have anything nice to say?"

"You know Austin ruined me, the trauma I had to go through. It is so hard for me to fathom him being happy and not suffering for taking advantage of me." She sniffled. "I will never forget that day... he held me down... and told me no one would ever believe me if I told. He was right. No one did, and even you left."

Feeling gullible and guilty Henry comforted Stella. "We can only wait. His day will certainly come."

—

Merri had waited for the kids to fall asleep. She waited in bed for Austin, she could finally say she had healed and craved to be with him. Craved for him to ravage her, no man could ever make her feel the way he does. Unfortunately for Merri, Austin was so exhausted in the midst of their kisses; he fell asleep. He had been working very hard to save up so he could sustain them. Austin did not trust his father. As much as Austin wanted to be with Merri, trying to reach a climax felt even more tiring than pleasurable. Climbing off him, Austin pulled her to cuddle still in his sleepy state. "We have forever to do this. The rest of our lives. I promise."

At the thought of that, Merri grinned. "I love you."

"I love you dearly Mrs Cunningham."