Chapter 85: Chapter 85

Chapter 83: The unforgotten

Unbeknownst to her, a letter was slipped under the door to her brother's room in the midst of the night. Knowing it was only meant for Merrigold, they delivered. Surprised and questioning who had been the messenger. Merri had been worried and falling into depression, this was something she needed. Assurance hopefully.

—

Merrigold.

Do not hate me just yet. Do not forget me just yet. Do not Merri, I plan on pestering you for a lifetime and this is only the beginning of it, not the end, never the end. This has been a difficult time for me and I reckon for you as well with my father constantly quivering on your back but with regards to it all, we will find a solution. I'm trying my level best to find a solution. All I will say is, I'm pennilessness. My father has seized all that I have to my name, including my Manchester home and all the other pieces of land that I thought I had. All the elite socialites I thought to be my friends who could help me with a loan have turned their backs as per respecting my father's vile requests. He wants to see me destitute. He is waiting for me to beg him for forgiveness. I will not, I never will. William has been helpful, very helpful. I spoke to my Uncle Robbie in London, we have always been close. He claimed my father had new property for him. My uncle is a down to earth man who cowered away from the owning of slaves and settled for a life of a lower class citizen. Something my grandfather and father always ridiculed him for. My father hasn't spoken to his brother in years, I was surprised he put his pride aside and reached out to uncle Robbie. I assume since he wants them far away from the Cunningham family name, it is only right to give them to the black sheep of the family, who is unknown by the socialites.

One who is caring and has good intentions, I suppose. Also one whom my father could control and check up on their growth with you and I never knowing. During my prime time of rebellion, my father does not know that I stayed with Uncle Robbie for a while before heading for the West. He has always had my best interests at heart more than my own father. I've resided with William for a bit before journeying to London. I've been residing with my uncle doing some odd jobs here and there. I've had to say goodbye to my higher occupation of being a lawyer. Absolutely no one blinks an eye in my direction. My father has certainly written quite a lot of letters to his extravagant acquaintances in power. Well who would have known that I, Austin Lionel Cunningham, I am a man of many talents. I never saw myself as Carpenter or a plumber. Ideally, I never thought I'd be lower class. In fact, I've seen a different perception of life while here with my uncle. Life has taught me a great deal of lessons. I have respect for the lower class. Surviving on such ridiculous little wages is a skill one has to learn. Evermore making it last until the end of the week is astonishing. Their wages are what I'd have spent ten times as much in an hour at a local boutique picking out some French colons and fur coats. Life has humbled me Merri, I've had to make some sacrifices and I do not regret any of it. I will be there, I will try my best to be there on time and not even my father will stop me. If it comes down to me not making it or my being seized by the authorities, give my father the kids. My uncle and aunt are wonderful people, they will keep them safe and sound until we can be reunited. For now, I need to make a decent amount to be able to sustain you and the kids once they're here. I have come to accept that me taking claim to our kids is my definite goodbye to the inheritance or wealth I ever had. I'm not claiming we will live in poverty but life will be different compared to what I was accustomed to or what you were accustomed to in the house. It does not bother me, a lifetime with you, is better than a lifetime alone soiled with money and family that pretends to care for me. Do not worry yourself too much, I do not want to stress you either. Keep safe, I love you. Granted if I had the chance, I'd rather be there cuddling you and my boys.

Ps. the story you told me about the nun, I believe her. They're probably boys, what a better way to piss off Walter the priest. Henry has no children, Bertha's kids are not Cunningham's. This Merrigold, our kids are the one and only heir to the Cunningham's generation ever continuing. That is why it pisses him off to the point of no clarity. I'm the only son who can continue his legacy. Remember that, always remember that it might look like he has the upper hand but in all honesty we do.

hey, did you think I'd leave without telling you how much I love you? I love you Merrigold, I miss you more than the word itself. This is the longest I've ever spent without seeing your face.

also, good news. Harriet sent me an invitation to her wedding, wonderful turn of events. I wish her well. She said she wishes me well too, I wish I could apologize to every woman... I've ever hurt before you changed me. I've thought about this for a while and you did not change me Merrigold, you simply removed all my layers, my many layers until I had no choice but to show you who I truly am. Surprisingly, I showed you who I was and you still loved me, that's all I've ever wanted. To simply be myself in someone's presence with no judgement. I'm sorry you tried to end your life in the process, I would ended mine too. I do not know how to live without you anymore. You're my reason for wanting to be better. I know you said it should be for myself but no, it's for you because I love you and I want to be a better lover for you because you deserve nothing less than that. I've hurt you and I want to spend the rest of my days mending all the wounds I've cut open. More than anything, I miss your smile. You're stunning Merri, i wish you could see yourself in my eyes. What irks me is... I know I do not deserve you, I don't but I still want to deserve you. I will deserve you one day when you deem me man enough and when I've properly earned your forgiveness. I know you might love me, I sound like a fool. You've never told me that you love me and for me to claim or assume that you do is unfair.

Perhaps you do not have a choice and you feel besides being with my father or being with me, that being with me would be a better misery. I promise Merrigold, once all this is over, you're welcome to live how you want to. We may share the kids but I do not think, I have the strength to ever force myself on you. You're welcome to love whomever you want even if it's Thomas. You've already given my the greatest gift and that is realizing, I want to be a father and a better person. My, asking you to love someone like me is already asking for too much. I want to be better and I reckon I have so much more to say but this letter is becoming a bit lengthy. If I by now, I have managed to bored you to death, please it's alright if you skip through my aggravating claim to love and so called affection. Granted, I sound ridiculous.

I suppose the short summary is, I love you but please do not feel obligated to love me in return as I have already caused you enough pain and heartaches. I know you did not want the children either and the fact that you're doing this for me. I can not thank you enough. Even I, if I was a woman in your shoes would not want anything to do with my rapist. Much less carry his children, not one but two. It's still so surreal to me. Thank you Merrigold, I swear on my mother's life. Once you have your freedom, if you decide to leave me with the children. It is alright with me. I perfectly understand and this is not my attempt to make you feel guilty. No, I want you to feel at ease knowing you do not have to please me for the rest of your life. You've already been burdened with enough. A year of me has been enough, enough to drive you towards suicide not only once but twice. I'd rather have you living happy than with me contemplating ending your life.

I will be back.

Love

Austin