Chapter 69: Chapter 69

Chapter 67: The rope

"Nothing absolutely nothing ever goes well for me, clearly I'm not meant to be happy. What is this life..."

"Things could be worse..." One of stable workers told him.

"I was going to be a father, I was willing to try and make it work with her but she... all along she was conniving to hurt Merri. She did all this to hurt Merri. Her falling pregnant and everything... none of it was genuine. Now my child will be born destitute to a mother on the run." Thomas could not help the tear that escaped his eye as he stared at the wooden door, a compartment for one of the horses in the stable. He held his knees close to his chest. His friend was standing, peeling an orange. He seemed unbothered by Thomas crying in one corner. Peter seemed amused.

"That's if the child even survives past pregnancy. Faith used to do my brother some favors. He is married. I sort of figured from then on that she was not the type of girl to mess around with." Peter told him with a shrug. "She killed her own brother, she is so lunatic she might come back to kill you and Merri in your sleep. Better sleep with one eye open, brother."

"Do not make such banters, I do not find any of them humorous." Thomas hissed.

"You're so soft." Peter chuckled. "Crying for a girl that is being comforted by a white man inside the big extravagant house while you squat on hay with tears like a toddler and another girl that ran off with your baby. The girl is dead, you know Master will find her and slaughter her arse."

Shaking his head, Thomas wiped his tears. "Merri is a woman not a girl."

"Fair enough, regardless you need to give yourself a break from women."

"Peter you do not understand my pain. I love Merrigold and always will. I will never be happy, worse with Faith having deceived me this way... she told me I was her first. She made me feel guilty..."

"There's not much I could say to comfort you at this point and time. At least you know the truth very well."

"Nothing could." Thomas replied somberly. "I'm hopeless."

"If you say so." Peter shrugged.

"You're of no help." Thomas shook his head.

A little surprised, Peter raised an eyebrow. "Oh, no I'm sorry. I won't lie to you. You're right... you're hopeless, pathetic and a little too slow for my liking. You see the best in everyone, even the crackers. You think this is daisy street. You think everyone is a Good Samaritan? Maybe this is your wake up call."

"You're a despicable person!" Thomas hissed, hurt.

"Instead or sulking may we please return to work. You can sulk later at your free time."

"You have no compassion what so ever!"

"I'm not your friend, Thomas." Peter dismissed aggressively. "We might live together in this ditch but that does not mean we're buddies. Grow a back bone."

Thomas was surprised by his tone. It hurt to think that he maybe right. Thomas could not help but worry for Faith where ever she was, for his child's sake. His thoughts ran wild assuming if the child was his. For the second time, he felt he'd been fooled yet again. Taken for a clueless imbecile when he'd been nothing but kind and understanding. Was it women or simply Faith? He still cared for Merri, it would take a lot for his love for her to simply dissolve. He had to see her, to make sure she is alright.

—

The guilt she felt, too raw and harrowing to ignore. She questioned why Faith would hate her to the extent of wanting her dead. Austin had not left her side. She refused to go up to his room, even though him and his mother insisted. She did not want to be treated like a princess, some sort of guilt bestowed her. Watching other girls work and get yelled at for the smallest of things while she sat with them... with a table filled with a variety of food, knowing very well that at the commune all they ate was potatoes, sweet potatoes... peanuts harvested. It upset her, ruined her appetite. Why her? She did not deserve any of this. Merrigold for a second felt anger for everyone being mistreated or seen as nothing because of their race. She did not want her privileges. Had she earned them for sleeping with Austin or allowing him to rape her. It was dehumanizing. Her thoughts were all over the place. She needed space from Austin to be able to get away from this life and everything that bothered her to the core. As they slept back on her mattress, gently rubbing Austin's jet black hair... it smelt nice. He liked it, she was beyond annoyed by his presence but could not voice it out.

"It's not your fault." Austin turned his head up to look at her. Her eyes so dark brown they almost resembled black. Austin loved it, he loved that. He thought it was beautiful, Black was a nice color on her.

"Why did you do that?" She asked him, it was so sudden. She had never asked him but now that she wanted to take her life. She felt he owed her some answers. Merrigold could never love him, her hatred for him still bellowed in her pregnant tummy.

"Move up to look at you?" He asked with a smirk.

"No, why did you allow him to rape me?"

Austin's smile dropped, his face went cold as pale as a ghost. He could not blame it on the alcohol, he had before the encounter. He could not blame it on his anger either. He had tried putting it off for a while. Austin pretended it did not happen as long as Merrigold had not mentioned it. Austin had done his best to slip it under the rug and walk over it. Merrigold's eyes fluttered with tears remembering that night.

"Give me a reason as to why you think I deserved that? You claim to love me, never ever giving me space to myself. Yet you would rape me and allow another man to do the same. If this is what your love consists of then I do not want it." She smiled lightly. "Then again, do I have a choice. It's times like these where I forget that I have absolutely no say. I shouldn't even let myself think too far. I know for as long as you live, you will be here to make sure I'm miserable then you call it love." The feelings she had been avoiding were suddenly present in her chest. Reminiscing all her memories of the misfortune she had faced in this life. Austin tried to speak but he couldn't. He had no valid reason or answer. He opened his lips but only a gasp escaped...

"If I'm ever pregnant, don't assume it's yours." Merrigold muttered.

"What?" Austin questioned.

"You know exactly what I said."

Austin shook his head, a little overwhelmed. "He—"

"Don't tell me!" Austin said immediately.

"He was a much better. He was gentle, he told me... he did not want to hurt me. He did not, compared to what you had done to me. I would have preferred him still wicked but kind in his wickedness." She sighed. "If that even makes any sense."

Austin gulped down a feeling of discomfort. Hearing her moments with another man, broke him even though he had agreed to it. He had gave permission for it. Austin had only done it to prove to himself that he did not care, regardless of having to drown himself in alcohol as it happened. Merrigold had lied, she did not remember much as she had passed out, the minute he went above her. Her brain had found a copying mechanism that erased her traumatic thoughts and made them blurry pieces that weren't imaginable enough to remember or strike a thought.

"I'm going for a ride..." Austin dismissed getting off the bed. Merrigold felt stupid, so all along this is what it took for him to leave her alone. All she had to do was remind him of his wrathful deeds and out the door he would be gone. As soon as she heard the door close shut, struggling to get off the bed because of her stomach. She asked herself, why Austin had been oblivious to it all. Perhaps she was tying her stomach well. She hated having to result to tying it. It brought so much discomfort while sitting, sleeping or doing anything, it also made her run out of breath. She  knew Austin would never give her any time to herself and she had to be quick. It was now or never. The thought of what was growing in her stomach gave her the fright of her life, it pushed her to want to do it. She was fearful, she almost did not, she thought of her brother, niece and people that she loved. She was overthinking, she could not overthink. She needed the Will power to simply do it without thinking. If she thought a little too much, she wouldn't be able to tie the knot from the rope she had stolen from the stable. Feeling as if she did not have enough time, her hands trembled trying to tie a strong knot.

—

After contemplating if he should go see her or not. He decided he needed to, for his closure. He needed to make sure she was doing alright and that Austin had not hurt her. Seeing Austin ride off on his black stallion gave him more courage and less fear to approach Merri. Mrs Cunningham had not thought much to it as she allowed him to give Merrigold a visit. Thomas had been the one to find her. Almost, helplessly dangling from the ceiling. A wooden chair seemed to have been an accomplice as it slept on the ground. Thomas panicked, not knowing how to save her. Her body shook in frenzy, as if having a seizure mid air. Luckily using his height to his advantage, Thomas held her up, he did not have anything sharp, nor could he reach the rope. The only thing he could do was hold her up, from his shoulders that way the rope would not snap or castrate her neck. As he held her up, he called for her name but no response. He called for help. Mrs Cunningham and the two housekeepers were panicking at the door. Thomas kept yelling for them to fetch something sharp. In hindsight, something had told Austin that maybe running off wasn't a good idea. He needed to talk it out with her. His guilt ate him up, he could not face her with the shame he felt. He returned to find Thomas holding Merrigold midair as a rope hanged around her neck. She seemed lifeless. His body went stagnant with shock and panic. He could not move, the housekeeper managed to stand on a chair and gently cut the rope. She fell in Thomas arms. Mrs Cunningham advised them not to remove the rope around her neck as she might have broken her neck and it would cause more damage. Austin watched his life flash right in front of him. He knew then and there that she had never tried to go swimming, she wanted to get away from him that badly. He could hear his mother yelling for him stop standing there and for him to fetch water but he stood shocked as if stuck in his body with rushing thoughts.

As Merrigold received help. Thomas took this opportunity to swing his fists at Austin. Still shocked it took him a while to respond to the attack. Thomas beat him to a pulp blaming him for Merri's want and need to die. Merrigold's brother had rushed over as soon as they informed him. He only joined in on fighting Austin and throwing in a few much needed blows. Their anger that had been kept in for months and months finally released. Austin's ribs cranked as they kicked him on the tiled floor. He did not have it in him to fight back. His mother cried for them to stop and when they did, Austin  crawled out, coughing blood. He managed to get on his horse and off to William's. He did not blame them for their anger, it was his fault she had wanted to end her life. Merrigold hates him that badly? He had a lot to think about on his way there. He hoped she was okay, he hoped she would live to see another day... he did not care for his wounds or advise... he needed to get William to attend to Merrigold's medical needs.