Chapter 46: Chapter 46

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Try as she might, the ongoing debate in her head just wouldn't stop.  It kept her up for another hour.  Jessi tried to stay quiet.

They shouldn't be in the same bed, alone in her bedroom with his arms holding her still and keeping her from leaving the bed.  They shouldn't sleep together.  Period.

From what she'd heard from Darren, Jenson was officially a single man now.  Free to meet and date new people.  Do whatever he wanted.  But the fact that he never said anything about his breakup with Charmaine...

It spoke volumes.  Clearly he wanted to keep the news out of the limelight. For his and Charm's privacy.  After all, one important aspect of Jenson Roiz 101:  his private life stays private.  Same thing with his mom.  He had only opened up once about his mother being confined in a psychiatric facility.

Was it a matter of trust?  Maybe.  Jessi turned to face him.  Her arm stayed wrapped around him as she matched his stare under the faint lamplight. “I'm sorry about your mom.”

"I know."

"Did you... Are you gonna hold a service for her? Here?"

"I should," Jenson sighed. "I don't wanna take her back to Italy."

"Oh. Okay."  Should she ask why? Would he give her a direct answer? "I'll help you with the preparations."

"She told me a few times that, erm..." His lips pouted. "She wanted to get cremated."

"Okay."

"And then... maybe just a quick service in the cemetery."

"Okay." Jessi nodded.  "I'll make some calls this Monday."

"Thanks." He leaned in to kiss her forehead gently.

She closed her eyes and held his hand. "Why didn't you like talking about her?"

Jenson sighed again and shrugged weakly, as if he'd rather go to sleep now than keep talking about his late mother.  Understandable, though.  "I don't have a lot of fond memories."

"But still, you didn't just leave her in Italy when you moved here."

"No. I couldn't," he murmured, his eyelids drooping, nostrils flaring. His gaze focused on her hand on his chest.  "After Pappa was gone, her sister died in the hospital weeks later. Mamma had no one else left to take care of her."

"Sorry."

He shrugged lightly.  "Long time ago."

"How did you... Who helped you move out of Italy with her so you could live here in California?"

Quiet seconds passed before Jenson looked her in the eye again. "Magnus. He paid for everything. After he heard Pappa died in prison, Magnus just showed up at our front door. Offered his help. I didn't know him that well or trusted him, but...he's still family, and he had money. I couldn't say no." His mouth twitched.

She stroked his cheek, nuzzling against him. Under the thick blanket, her leg rested on his, with her chin pressed onto his stiff shoulder.  An old nightgown had replaced her wet and ruined dress, and now one of her loose shirts was keeping him warm.

"We were broke. Barely surviving. I dropped out of school. Was already working two jobs at 17 but still couldn't afford proper treatment for her. Then Magnus showed up."  Jenson took a deep breath. His thick brows creased. "Told me he would help us and he had a better paying job for me. I took it. Didn't even hesitate."

"So, he sort of, adopted you? And he paid for your mom's medical bills?"

"In a way. Yeah."

"I see."   So that was the reason he was close to his uncle.  She had only seen one photo of the man; it didn't even look recent.  She came across the picture when she was doing some research online, utterly curious about Jenson's family background.

Looks-wise, Magnus and Jenson didn't share anything in common except for the pale green eyes, dark brown hair, and sharp jawline.

"Yeah," Jenson murmured. "He said he and Pappa were close. Like brothers."

"Oh. But your mom was already ill before you dropped out of school?"

"Yeah. I used to think Pappa going to prison triggered all of it. But, now that I keep thinking about it, not really sure anymore. I just..." He stared at the ceiling and cleared his throat.  "For years I just kept pretending I already forgot that part of my life."

"I'm sorry." Jessi hugged him and kissed the side of his arm. "Didn't mean to pry, or, bring back bad memories." She gently kissed his cheek.

"It's okay."

"I'm done asking questions."

"It's fine." Jenson glanced at her and smiled faintly. He tilted her head with his knuckles stroking her chin. "I like talking to you."

"Why?"

"You calm me down."

"Why?" Jessi held her breath, quite desperately waiting to hear a confession from him.  Or  some kind of explanation.  Anything that would tell her she wasn't just imagining things.

"I dunno. You just..."

"I just what?"

"You make me feel like, I could trust you with anything." He caressed her cheek and stared into her eyes, his arm hugging her close to him.  "You make me feel better, about things, and, about myself."

"I do?"

"Sometimes you're like free therapy." He chuckled.

Her breathing hitched.  Her heart swelled at his hushed confession. Jessi glanced away, holding back tears. She was nowhere near ready to admit she was falling deeper in love with him the more she knew about his real feelings and his mysterious past.

If he actually told her the things she needed to hear, she would open up to him more, and tell him how she really felt about quitting. She would fess up and tell him that she decided to leave California just to avoid Charmaine's wrath.

A scandal of that scale... Shit. It could destroy his career, his and her life, among other things.  Jessi pulled away from him, suppressing the tears. She couldn't afford to deal with the ramifications if ever word got out.  She was just a girl with a big dream. A simple-hearted dreamer trying to make ends meet.

When she got here, she never imagined or wanted to fall for a guy like him. Or get entangled into someone else's mess. Especially not rich, famous, and influential people like Jenson and Charmaine van den Hoven.

"What's the matter, babe?" he whispered to her cheek when she stayed tightlipped.

"I-I just don't want her to think I...  That I ruined your relationship."

His grimace drew his brows together.  "You didn't."

"She thinks otherwise."

Jenson let out a noisy sigh.

"I know she does. You told me."

"But you didn't do anything wrong," he stressed. His warm hands cupped her face to make her look him in the eye.  "Okay?"

She could only stare.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I doubt she thinks that." She bit on her lip. Her insides coiled at the thought of other people thinking that Jenson, then an engaged man, had been sleeping with his new and younger assistant.  Ugh.  She wasn't that kind of person. But apparently his ex-fiancée thought she was the closest thing to a selfish, immoral homewrecker.  "She hates me, doesn't she?"

"No."

"No need to lie." Jessi scoffed and sat up on the bed, unable to keep up a poker face. Before she could leave him alone on the covers, he grabbed her hand to pull her close to him again.

He hugged her.  "I'm not lying." His arms tightened around her waist. Jenson held her still. His breaths warmed her nape while her back pressed against his firm chest. "I wouldn't lie to you."

She held in a sigh, helplessly torn. But the less sensible part of her still loved the intimacy...and the sincerity in his words.  She shouldn't trust his empty promises, or enjoy his kisses and comforting embraces this much.

They weren't in a relationship. He was her boss, and she was leaving the city soon.  Just a matter of days now.  They shouldn't start something they had no intention of taking seriously. But her stupid heart was way more stubborn than she thought.  Right now she wanted nothing but to spend the rest of the night with him in her bed, enjoying his warmth, his sweet, loving kisses and heart-wrenching caresses. Dangerous line of thinking, but, too late now...

He already found out about her secret—he knew she wanted him, too.  It was probably why he wouldn't let go of her. "If you really wanna leave and go back home because of your parents...  Fine." Jenson held back a sigh. Then his soft lips left a gentle kiss on her nape. "I'm not stopping you anymore."

"I have to."

He didn't respond.

"Mom begged me to, and Dad's real worried."

"I know. I understand." He kissed her shoulder, his arms holding her still.  "I won't argue your decision again. But, promise me, you'll keep in touch."

"Okay," she murmured while tears filled her eyes, blurring every inch of her vision. Her face and throat felt hot and painful now.  The slew of guilty feelings that consumed her thoughts only tightened her chest. It was a white lie. She didn't plan on keeping in touch—but he didn't need to know that.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing," she managed to say without choking.

He held her arms and turned her around, inspecting the look on her face.  Alcohol  still laced his breath, but he didn't look that intoxicated anymore. His words and his behavior tonight seemed unusually sweet. But perhaps the booze wasn't solely to blame.

"Don't tell anyone you spent the night with me." She averted her gaze.  Turning her head away, Jessi wiped off the tears off her face before he could do it himself. "Please?"

Jenson only frowned at her request, staring at her, clenching his jaw, the look in his eyes indicating  confusion. He pressed his lips together while his arm stiffened around her back. He didn't even budge when she tried to pull away.

Her second attempt eventually pushed him to let go of her.  She restrained her sobs, putting on a straight face. It physically hurt to see the pain and disappointment in his eyes, but she had to do the right thing. For both of them. She had to protect him from himself. Protect his job. His career. His future.

"Get some sleep." She stroked his shoulder. Without waiting for his response, she turned and walked towards the door. "I'll drive you home first thing."

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