Chapter 45: Chapter 45

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“Can we— I’m getting cold, Joss. I need to change.” Jessi forced a smile and a calm voice, trying to ignore the chafing way her clothes stuck to her skin.

Beside his bare feet, his soaked shirt and pants begged for attention.  Why wouldn't he just let her leave?

Her body shivered under the showerhead, her heart pounded against her chest, and now her feet felt a bit funny on the cold tiles.

Instead of letting go of her wrist, Jenson held her face and kissed her on the lips.

Her brain froze.  It took her breath away.  She gawked at him while his body pressed against hers to keep her immobile. Their proximity kept disrupting her breathing, as well as the softness of his beautiful mouth. She just didn't expect any of this. Or that they would end up kissing in her shower in the middle of a stormy night.

When she didn't back off or kick him where it counted, the guy pulled away again, just to look her dead in the eyes.  Was he gauging her real feelings? His soft and warm lips touched hers again, coaxing her to kiss him back while his nose pressed on her cheek. His tensed hands kept her head still.

"I still want you to stay," he murmured to her before kissing the side of her lips. Again. Then again. It got heated just seconds in. He didn't stop. Jenson  kissed her ardently, thoroughly, and didn't stop until she responded.  "Just stay. Please?"

"I can't, babe."

"Why not?"

Jessi pulled away and shook her head. "Sorry." It was all she managed to say before he kissed her hard again. The taste of beer and whiskey in his tongue didn't surprise her. Her breathing turned unsteady as her chest and stomach tightened in painful knots. The anxiety, desire, and sheer surprise near rendered her thoughtless.

"Don't leave Cali. Stay here with me." He sighed before his lips touched hers again,  deepening the kiss. He moaned as his hot tongue licked hers, just tasting her mouth, teasing her into submission.  His thighs stiffened on either side of her numbing legs, trapping her against the cold wall.  It felt like he wasn't going to let go of her no matter how many times she pleaded.

Shit. They should stop now. Before things got totally out of hand. Hit pause now before they did something even stupider. But...she didn't really want him to stop.

It was a big mistake. Colossal. Just plain stupid. But the thought of pushing him away while he practically begged for her to comfort him in a time of need, and the thought of not seeing him for a while...

She took a sharp, deep breath that did nothing to calm her brain. Now she just wanted to give in. Let him be. Let him have his way. But she was the sober one. Mustering up the sense to remind herself of the consequences wasn't too difficult.

Battling the desire in her to let him do whatever he wanted wasn't easy, but she had to do the right thing. Jessi pulled away to give his tense shoulders a nudge. It was enough to push him off of her, effectively stopping the kiss.

He backed off to regard her with his heavy-lidded stare. "What's wrong?" he mumbled, his face scrunching up. His breaths sounded shallow now, and his warm hand was stroking the side of her sleeve.

She looked away and didn't respond. Of course he would ask her. As if he didn't know the reason...

Did he not realize that he was no longer in control of himself and his actions? Drunk and heartbroken? Stressed out? Emotional? Vulnerable?

She shouldn't take advantage of the situation just because of her feelings, or how she felt for him. But she didn't really want to push him away. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, or make him feel unwanted in any way.

“You think I’m just drunk,” Jenson sighed, just about muttering his words as she stepped towards the shower door. It was still locked.  No thanks to him and his remarkable eagerness. “But I mean it.”

“No. You definitely don't.” She unlocked the door and left him alone in the shower area. She rushed out of the bathroom before the tears could touch her burning face. The shame and self-loathing just kept scorching her cheeks—and his kisses were gasoline.

“Why would I lie to you?” Jenson scoffed. “Hey.” He grabbed her arm again to stop her from walking out on him. He turned her around to make her face him. “Sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...”

“You're wasted, and it's late. Okay? Let's talk in the morning.” She kept her head down to avoid his intimidating stare. He didn't need to see the tears threatening to run down her cheeks and have her bawling her eyes out in front of him.

When she held his hand to get it off her arm, he leaned in and without warning just started kissing her again.

Her insides and willpower crumbled—much like her common sense. She couldn't even resist the urge to moan and lean into him.

“I meant it, Jess,” he murmured to her lips, his arm tight around her back. “I don't want you to leave.” Jenson stroked her cheek and licked her lips, kissing her over and over, harder and with fervid need till they both had to gasp for air.  “And I'm not drunk.”

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“Can I take it off? Please?”

The request was candid as much as it sounded sincere. Yet it still surprised her, leaving her speechless again, her thoughts in disarray while she stood in front of him.

Jenson sat and waited on the edge of her bed. He wore nothing but his boxer briefs.  His dark hair was still damp, some of it drooping in loose curls.

Would he be upset if she said no? Or maybe she just had to ignore what he said. The nerves kept her mouth snapped shut, keeping her from saying what was really on her mind.  But she could still think straight. Her logic hadn't abandoned her completely, despite the abnormal pace of her heartbeat and the almost painful sensation settling in her gut. It couldn't be the sip of margarita at the party after Darren dared her to try it.  Jessi clenched her jaw.  She wasn't drunk at all.

Unlike Jenson, her thoughts were still coherent. For the most part. With her damp lips sealed shut, he stroked her hand behind her soaked dress and stared at her face.

The lamp on the nightstand was too dimmed for her to accurately describe the look in his eyes. But it definitely showed hints of eagerness and lust. His gentle but arousing caresses on her skin also said a lot about his current state of mind.

Did he really want to undress her? Why? He just wanted to look at her body?  Had he been seeing anyone lately?  Perhaps he'd been trying a "friends with benefits" type of thing?

“Please? I just wanna look at you.”

"Huh?"

"I don't wanna stop lookin' at you." His quick hand gripped her hip. He pulled her closer till her knees touched the inside of his thighs. He sat on the bed with his legs spread just enough to accommodate her.  His voice sounded normal, his words weren't slurred, and he seemed serious. Not playful at all.

But she still doubted whether he was sober enough to realize the gravity and consequences of his actions.

“Jess...”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. Ah, screw it. If saying yes would stop him from doing things they would definitely regret later, then fine. She'd let him take off her dress. Just tonight. And just because he asked so nicely.

Was he actually pleading for her to say yes?

"But if you..." Jenson glanced down and cleared his throat. "Want me to leave now, just say so."

"No." She frowned.

"Why?"

"I can't just...let you leave. The storm's not over. You can't even stand straight and it's past midnight."

“Okay,” he murmured with a small, crooked grin. “I'm serious, though...” Jenson scowled again, as if annoyed by something she said. “Sleep here. With me.” He caressed her forearm while his other hand gripped her wrist. “Please?”

She sighed. Maybe she just had to say yes to all his requests, just to stop him and herself from escalating the situation. For his own good. “Sure. But you gotta sleep now. Goodnight.”

He pulled a face and looked away.

“What?”

He shook his head faintly while his palm covered his pout. “You still think I'm just out of it, huh?”

An awkward silence passed. The anxious thoughts just took control of her brain. She couldn't even think of a decent response. “Look...” Jessi muffled a sigh. She glanced away from his face and stared at the pillows while he sat still on her bed. “I know you're just, going through a lot right now. And you want some company. Someone to talk to. But this isn't... I-I can’t—”

“Can't or won't?”

She squinted at his poker face. “What?”

It was a while before he spoke again. His dark brows creased now, his hands still touching her damp clothing. “It's none of my business and I really shouldn’t care, but…” Jenson forced a smile and shrugged. He distractedly stared at his hand clasping the hem of her dress. “I don't want you to...er...start dating and seeing someone seriously, after you quit and move back home.”

“What?”

“Have some fun first.”

Have fun? What's he talking about?  Jessi held her breath when he pulled her to him to make her sit on his lap. Despite her nagging scruples, she let him hug her loosely with his arms around her waist.

“You're still young, y'know. Just live your life the way you want, and, worry about everything else later.”

What did he mean? And why did he feel the need to bring up her age?

He probably thought she was that naïve. Well, now she kind of felt that way. Sitting in bed at two in the morning alone with her drunk and naked boss...

Ugh. She was such a walking cliché now. It wasn't even the least bit funny.

“Just enjoy life. Don't rush it. Do your thing. Save up,” the guy droned on with a frown. “Plan for your future. Sure. But don't worry about being alone, or, think not having a boyfriend isn't normal.” He held her wrist.  His unwavering gaze seemed to focus on her lips. “Relationships? Not really worth it in the end sometimes.”

Okay. So now he was plainly discouraging her from dating. Was he telling her to stay single for a while?  Why?  Was he just giving another offhand "big brother" advice?

It made sense, though. Although she knew it was just his personal bias and recent heartache talking, she acknowledged the point he was trying to make. “Yeah. Okay. I won't.”

“You deserve better.” Jenson sighed out loud and hugged her tighter. “Not dickheads like that asshole who hurt you and treated you like crap.” He kissed her cheek softly while he trapped her in his arms again. "I just don't want you to get hurt again."

“Okay.”

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