Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Nathan has been gone for a long time and I'm almost certain that he has left the apartment.

Sighing, I decide to get my stuff and leave before he gets back to avoid putting him in an awkward situation.

But the minute I open the door, I'm greeted by Nathan carrying a fully loaded breakfast tray towards me.

"Oh, I--"

"Are you leaving?" He asks and I look down at the tempting food, the amazing aroma engufles me. But what makes me stay behind is the gesture...

That Nathan was bringing me breakfast in bed without hesitation. He had gone through the trouble just for me.

"No." I say and move backwards to let him in as I sit on the bed.

Nathan drops the tray and pours me juice and I stare in admiration at the lengths he is going for me.

"Nathan you didn't have to--"

"It's just breakfast, Lu. I'm starving, you're hungry and it was one heck of a night." He says.

And morning.

He is acting like nothing happened and I want to probe, but I keep shut.

"Thanks." I say honestly.

Nathan's P.O.V

I wish Lunar wouldn't stare at me with such questioning eyes.

I know she wants to talk about what happened, but that's just the thing....I don't have a reason.

I tried. I tried so hard to fall asleep last night with her next to me, but it was nearly impossible.

She was so close, but still far away thanks to the bloody distance I put. And I was so convinced it will make it easier, but she had turned in her sleep and snuggled against me.

That was all it took for me to pull her into my arms and fall asleep.

Next thing I know I'm up with a morning stem, and my attempts to move away only woke her up. To make things worse she starts rubbing against me and all reasoning goes out the door.

A few more minutes and we would have gone far beyond repair.

Thank God for alarm clocks.

I watch Lunar fork three sliced layers of fluffy pancakes drowning in syrup and melted butter into her mouth.

I hadn't even realised she had eaten up more than half.

"Have you ever thought of opening your own restaurant?" She asks, popping sliced bananas and berries into her mouth and I can't help but chuckle.

"From the way you eat my food, someone will think I'm that good." I say and she blushes.

"You are that good and I love good food."

"I can see that." I tease and she tosses a blueberry at me.

"Honestly, Nathan. You should really think about it. Or you can go for those cooking competition shows like Chopped or Iron Chef America."

"Not a TV guy." I say with a shake of my head and I spread cream cheese on my toast.

Lunar rolls her eyes at me.

"Look at you. You have this amazing gift and you want to spend it hidden behind walls at a restaurant?"

She is almost whining at this point and I can't help but laugh.

"You're saying stuff that's coming to You at the moment because you're thrilled by the idea."

"Aren't you?"

"Well, yeah it sounds exciting Lu, but don't forget it'll require capital, dedication and it's not just as easy as saying ideas out loud." I say to her as I grab a second toast.

Lunar scoots closer and lowers her voice,

"Okay fine. It's not easy. But it's an effort and you don't even have to quit your job, so if it doesn't work out,...you still have that to rely on. A lot of people have taken risks that involve not having anything to rely on."

"Like who?" I give her a look.

"Me." She says quietly and we're staring at each other now.

"I kissed you. No matter how stupid it was. And even though I knew I'd have nothing or no one to rely on after, and it might not lead to anything I'd hoped,...I did it again. And you know what?" She asks.

I maintain my look, even though I'm dying to ask her...

What had you hoped it'll lead to?

"I don't regret it." She says, answering her question in almost a whisper.

I don't like this.

This rush of feelings I feel when she talks about us.

Or about our kisses.

Or when our eyes meet.

Or when I see her name calling on my phone.

The adrenaline, the excitement, the need....to do so many things for her.

I don't know how long we've been staring at each other. I suddenly want to tell her how I was eagerly waiting for her to give me the clear to ask her out when I dropped her off.

How I want to take her to a proper date, where she can eat as much as she wants and talk to me about her ideas for my cooking and smile that amazing smile.

How I want to drive her back to her hostel and give her that clichè, perfect after-date kiss and not feel bad about it...Or guilty...Or like I'm rushing her.

But all that comes out is,

"Sure. Thanks for the talk." And I grab the empty food tray to leave.

But not before I see the look of disappointment on her face.

Lunar's P.O.V

I watch Nathan grab the tray and leave without so much as a second glance at me.

And my first impulse is to leave. So I start grabbing my stuff.

Maybe he doesn't like me.

Maybe he actually just wants to be friends.

Maybe he isn't attracted to me and all those kisses were.....Nothing?

My mind races back to the kiss we had here in this room, and the skating rink, and the heated feelings when he dropped me off last night.

When he almost kissed me,..

The way his voice drops...

I have to talk to him.

We can't keep playing this game....

He has his back to me with both hands clutching the edge of the counter and his head bent.

"Nathan." I say, my voice shaky with hesitation.

What if I'm misunderstanding everything?

He turns to me, observing my face now and he looks confused.

"Lunar, wha---"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask and he frowns, but slowly shakes his head.

"No."

The more questions I ask, the more my voice shakes as Nathan walks closer to me.

"Do you not like being around me? Do you find me attractive? Do you just want to be friends? Do you think I'm weird? Do you want---"

Nathan abruptly ends my rant as he shuts me up with a kiss, holding me close and tight around my waist.

For a second, I forget.

Why am I here again?

All I feel is that sweet sensation of his lips on mine, his hands around me and his tongue...

The need from this morning surrounds me again and I moan as I respond to his breathtaking kiss.

Nathan leans closer, pressing us both against the wall and I feel all of him.

His hands begin to roam under my sweatshirt and like de ja vu, I remember this morning.

With all the willpower left, I push him away.

"Wait, no. Stop. We...We can't keep doing this. Not until I know." I say, catching my breath.

"Know what?" He asks.

"Know what you want...from me. Because I don't get it. I feel like you give me clues and withdraw them and it sucks. I mean the kisses, and this morning-"

"This morning's situation was way overboard Lunar. I could have done something I'd regret, or worse...you'd regret. I didnt want to put you through something you're not ready for."

"Like what just happened right now? Touching me? Holding me? Kissing me? Cuddling me? I'm not a kid Nathan. Everything I've ever felt with you, I wanted. And everytime I try to bring it up or talk about it you push me away. I wanted so bad for you to ask me on a date last night but--"

"You did?" He asks and walks closer.

"Yes. But you looked so uninterested and withdrawn."

"I wasn't." He says softly.

"Then what is it? Because I like you dammit. I really do and don't you dare tell me I'm talking out of vulnerability because I know what that feels like. I spent years living like that and now...., now you have to tell me what you want before I walk out that door." I say, feeling relieved that I'd gotten that out.

He is quiet, observing me and I wait. Then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Lunar, it's not that simple."

"Yes it is. It is because I know you feel something and I'm definitely not objecting to that. Unless I'm wrong and all this time I thought you felt something.....was actually nothing." I say, my hopes going down the drain with Nathan's extended silence.

"I'm sorry Lunar. I--" I don't wait for him to finish and I turn and head for the door. Nathan beats me to it.

"Wait, Lunar." He holds me by the hand and pulls me back to look at him.

"Don't touch me." I say, my lip quivering as I yank my hand from his grip. He looks at me confused.

"You didn't let me finish."

"I didn't have to. You're going to say the same thing that you always do. You're sorry because nothing can happen because I need to heal or I'm vulnerable. It's almost like a broken record Nathan." I say glaring at him.

"What? No!" He says.

"Then why were you apologising? Is it something worse like you don't have feelings at all?" I demand.

"Of course not. For God's sake I'm crazy about you!" He yells, grabbing me by the shoulders.

Then he sighs and let's me go.

"I'm sorry because I can't help myself. I can't help myself from falling for you everytime even while you were with Lucas. Even when you were hurt or crying or scared I'd still find myself falling for you. Needing to be there for you almost as much as I need you to be with me. And it's selfish, that's why I'm apologising." He says, then looks at me sincerely.

Then he holds my hands and pulls me close.

"You were my friend's girl and being with you will raise a lot of eyebrows and I don't want to put you through that. But I want you Lunar. I do. I always have. I just can't do anything about it until you say it's okay."

I step closer to him.

"Always?" I say and he chuckles.

"Let's say it's been brewing for a while now." He says and I can't resist staring into his eyes.

"Does this mean we don't have to hide our kisses?" I ask and Nathan laughs his deep, baritone laughter

"Lunar.." He says, his eyes searching mine.

"Do you want to go on a date?" He asks and I smile with relief.

"I'll be ready by 7." I say and he leans down slowly to plant his lips on mine. The kiss is slow and sweet, like experiencing sunset with an evening breeze.

"If we'd settled this yesterday, this morning would have taken a different turn." Nathan whispers in my ear after the kiss and I bite my lip as I look at him.

"Goodbye Nathan." I say softly, then I leave.

****

"Where have you been?!" Tess yells when I walk into the room and it's then I remember how Lucas had wrecked the room, even though I had tried to clean it up as much as I could.

"I was worried sick. I thought you got robbed and kidnapped or even killed!" She is yelling and I just walk over to my bed and sit down.

As terrible as the situation is, I can barely pay attention to a worried Tess. All I can think of is my date.

I'm going on a date...with Nathan.

Finally.

The thought warmed me up on the inside and Tess stops her hysterical chatter.

"You want to explain which part of this is making you smile?" She asks.

"Nathan asked me out on a date." I say, mesmerized by the memory of how he held me and looked into my eyes.

"Wait...so if you were with him. This mess was from...?" She asks as she sits next to me.

"Lucas. He came last night and had a complete meltdown...,but that's over now." I say, pushing it off with a wave of my hand as I turn to Tess.

"I'm going on a date with Nathan tomorrow and I....I can't wait." I say and she smiles, observing me.

"I've never, ever seen you this happy about a date. I'm so happy for you." She says and I can't help but squeal.

"Me too."

"What are you wearing?" Tess asks and my excitement is suddenly short lived.

"I...I don't know."

"Well where are you going?" She asks and I look at her. All I remember is Nathan kissing me and saying sexy stuff about this morning, and I was so caught up I didn't ask.

"I... don't know."

"Well, call him!" She says, already handing me my phone.

"Something comfy and sexy." Nathan's deep voice says through the phone after I ask him.

"You still haven't said were we're going." I say through giggles.

"Don't worry about that. Just look good. I'll see you tonight."

"Apparently, I have 9 hours to find something comfy and sexy." I say to Tess after the call and she smiles eagerly.

"You should go get ready. Shopping, hair and nails."

"Shopping? Hair and nails? It's Nathan." I say and she shrugs.

"Exactly. It's a date with Nathan. Come on Lu, we both know how much you've wanted this. Even if you won't admit it to me." She says with a knowing smile and I forfeit.

"Fine. I'll buy one blouse." I say as I grab my bag.

"One good blouse. And I'll clean up. Make me proud!" She yells as I leave the room.

I try to hide my blush but I can't.

It's inevitable. I have feelings for Nathan.

A month ago I didn't know he could cook.

Now I know his eyes are the most beautiful green.

And I can't wait for them to be on me all night.....