Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Nathan's P.O.V

"Well, if you ever want to..." Lunar trails off as she turns to me now and I wait.

This is it.

She's going to give me the clear to ask her out.

I won't just be the guy helping out...

"Never mind. Goodnight Nathan." She says and she is leaves, taking dainty steps to her dorm.

Her small waist... Her long legs...

Every curvy aspect of her body moving in rhythm.

"Fuck me." I groan as I look up.

Why the hell was I expecting that?

It's not yet time...

But hopefully, one of these days...

It will be.

*****

"Stupid...stupid....stupid." I'm muttering to myself as I try to shove my room keys into the lock, but the door is already open.

With force.

My breath catches as I stare at the slight opening and the damaged lock in horror. My first reaction is to slowly walk backwards and call Nathan...but then....

Oh my God.

Tess.

I try to control my heavy breathing as I place my hand on the door and slowly push it open.

The room is pitch black, but the lights from the hallway make it clear enough to see the room has been completely ransacked.

Slowly....I reach for the switch and turn it on.

Light cascades around the room and it comes in clear view now that only my stuff has been tampered with.

Mercilessly.

My nightstand clock and bed lamp, duvet, pillows, clothes.... everything has been broken or torn or ripped into pieces.

But it's not just that that has me rooted to the spot, unable to move.

Its Lucas. Seated directly opposite me on the floor, staring at one of my t-shirts he is holding with a melancholy look on his face.

And right next to him, is a knife. No doubt the weapon he used to shred my things.

"I bought you this shirt...." he is saying now, touching it calmly as if savoring the feeling.

"It was at that...that concert after we graduated. You loved it. You loved me." He says and I frown despite my fear.

"No I didn't." I say and he stops touching it, then he squeezes it.

"You're lying. You wanted--"

"I never wanted that shirt Lucas. God, don't you know anything about me? You made me go to that terrible heavy metal concert and I kept telling you I didn't like the music and we had a big argument. You poured your drink on me and bought the shirt to--"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" He tells now and throws the shirt at me as he gets up.

"I'm not lying." I say softly, trying not to cry out of fear because I can't miss the fact that he picked up the knife.

"You loved me. You love me, Lunar. We've been through so much, I've been there for you..."

"Lucas, please... put the knife dow--"

"I took care of you. I never let anything or anyone harm you. And you LEFT ME!"

"You hit me!" I yell now in tears, unable to hold my tongue.

"Why do you remember this entire relationship like you were my hero? You cheated on me, you hit me endlessly, you used me and somehow... I'm the bad guy in your eyes! You're in denial Lucas. I never wanted that shirt just like I never wanted to be in a relationship after Logan. But you found your way to manipulate me into feeling safe with you when I needed to heal."

"I HEALED YOU!" he picks up Tess's bed lamp and throws it at the wall and it smashes.

"I! WAS! YOUR! FUCKING! ANTIDOTE!" he is directly in front of me now. He picks up the shirt he threw it at me.

"This, Lunar! This is me, in your life. This shirt was at the bottom of your fucking box! That's where I am now? At the bottom of your concerns?!!!"

My back is against the wall and he is towering over me, brandishing the shirt.

"I just want to move on. Please just leave me alone Lucas." I sob.

"That's why you're going out on dates right?!! With my FUCKING FRIEND, Nathan! I saw him drop you off. You just want to get rid of me and go about brandishing yourself to guys that never knew what you went through the way I did!!! They NEVER KNEW LUNAR! NEVER!"

He moves back now and wipes his forehead beaded with sweat.

"Go ahead and get rid of me then. Go ahead! Here, take it and get rid of the shirt the way you got rid of me. Rip it to shreds!" He yells shoving the knife and shirt in my face and I shake my head.

"Please....Lucas....Please..." I'm begging in tears.

"Fine! I'll do it. You want to get rid of me, right?! RIGHT?!" he yells as he starts shredding the shirt with the knife.

Fast and ruthlessly.

"Ruin me Lunar! Ruin me!" He yells, shredding the shirt until the pieces fall to the ground.

He looks at me now, tears in his eyes red with pain.

"I hope you're happy." He says and storms out and I crumble to the ground and burst into tears.

I cry for Lucas. For the pain he is in that I can't help him with...

For how he doesn't understand how toxic our relationship was...

I cry because I stayed with him just to avoid him from being in pain...and I didn't succeed.

I cry for us. That I've found myself but he hasn't.

******

It's well past midnight.

Almost 2 am.

Tess never came back, and I did the best I could to clear the mess Lucas made, which is everything I had. I'll have to go to the mall this weekend.

But was has me wide awake is fear.

Fear that Lucas never left. Maybe he is lurking around...with that knife. Maybe he is still disturbed about the break up....

Forming theories in his head... bothering himself with the fact that I left him.

I can't sleep. I don't even feel safe in my own room. I sigh now as I turn to the clock from where I'm sitting on the floor.

1:58 am.

Suddenly there is a scream outside and I jump as my heart leaps to my throat. The scream melts to laughter from a group of girls followed by running feet and I realise my paranoia is getting the best of me.

Oh God, I can't stay like this. I grab my phone off the nightstand and dial Tess for what seems like the fiftieth time but it goes straight to voicemail.

Suddenly, there is the sound of loud banging on the roof and I cower to a corner at the wall, willing it to stop. It's loud and persistent and all I can think of is Lucas breaking and smashing things...

What if I was here?

Would he have hurt me while he was smashing my stuff? While he was in that state?

I'm crying now, pressing my hands against my ears.

"Stop! Stop!" I'm yelling at the heavy rain but a louf crack of thunder follows and I can't take it anymore.

I call Nathan.

"Hello?" His voice is groggy from sleep.

"Nathan, p-please I-I need your help. I can't sleep, and--"

"Lu? Wait, what happened? Slow down." He says, wide awake now.

"I'm so s-scared. Lucas was here and--" he doesn't let me finish.

"Okay, I'm heading there right now. Just stay where you are and I'll be there soon. Okay?"

"Okay." I say.

The drive from Nathan's apartment building to campus is 20 minutes on average.

Nathan arrives in 10.

And by the time he comes, I'm outside, under the rain waiting.

"Lunar." He says as he rushes to me. I can't control the relief I feel and run towards him and hug him, bawling my eyes out as I grasp him like a lifeline.

"I was so scared. He had a knife and he kept yelling and destroying my things." I cry and Nathan pulls me back a little as he observes me.

"Did he touch you? Hurt you?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No. Please don't leave me, Nate." I say and he looks at me.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Come on, let's get to the car, you're freezing."

Nathan helps me into his car and wraps me with an old blanket from the backseat the minute we're inside the car and cranks up the heat.

Through out the drive to his apartment, he has his left hand on the steering wheel and his right hand holding mine as he occasionally glances at me.

When we get to his apartment, I sit on the couch, thankful for the safe feeling and he emerges from the room with a towel and dry clothes.

Nathan helps me to the bed after I change and I lie down, enveloped by it's softness and the scent of him, but my heart skips after he tucks me in and heads for the door.

"Wait." I sit up and Nathan pauses with his hand on the knob.

"Lu..."

"Don't go." I beg.

"You know I can't..."

"Please. I'm scared." I say and he hesitates, holding my gaze.

"You said you won't leave me." I whimper and he places the lock then walks over to me.

"I can't make any promises." He says quietly as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not asking." I say and he sighs, then takes off his shirt before getting into bed.

I don't know why it hurts that his bed is so big, that he is staying so far away... I can barely feel his body heat.

But he is here, next to me. The thought fills me with relief and I let exhaustion whisk me off to sleep.

****

The dim light of dawn should have been what wakes me up.

But it's not.

It's Nathan's warm breath on my neck, and his hands wrapped around me.

And the length of his...organ pressed up against my lower back.

It doesn't take long for me to figure out he is awake, because of how he keeps trying to adjust his position.

But I don't want it to change. Feeling this evidence of...a turn on rubs me in a craving, naughty way.

Nathan tries shifting again, but I press against him and he stops abruptly with a sharp intake of breath.

I'm silently praying he doesn't speak because I don't need words to ruin this now. Just our bodies speaking.

Nathan is still now, but his member seems to have gotten bigger...or thicker....and my naughty feeling seems to have gotten stronger.

I love feeling him like this and knowing he is like this because of me. It grows a need in me and I begin to rub against him, slowly and deliberately.

His breath hastens against my ear and he pulls me closer. The feeling of Nathan is more prominent and it pools a deep need between my legs. Suddenly I'm craving to be touched...badly.

Like he reads my mind, his hand slowly goes under the sweatshirt I have on, as if giving me the opportunity to stop him. I wait, my entire body on the edge until his hand comes in contact with the skin directly under my breasts.

I shift my hand to allow him more access and Nathan moves with more certainty now as he softly holds my right breast. His hand is extremely warm and I gasp at the amazing feeling as he softly rubs and squeezes it, toying with my already hard nipple.

"Ohh..." I moan and he groans, continuing his gentle assault while I keep rubbing against him. Nathan's hands begin to move a little bit quicker now as he moves to my left breast while his other hand slowly travels down to the waistband of the sweatpants I have on.

I want to touch him..

But I'm scared that moving would ruin this moment, and I let his hand go under my sweatpants, teasing me though the barrier of my panties.

My breath is coming out in short gasps and loud moans now and it seems to make Nathan to keep going. His hand begins to go under my panties just as he starts kissing my neck and his other hand teases and tugs at my nipples.

Then his bedside alarm goes off.

The annoying electrical beeping makes Nathan stop instantly and he pulls away completely to shut it off.

I wait patiently, trying not to scream out of frustration or pull him back. I can even turn around, but I can tell he is sitting up now. He stays like that for over a minute then he leaves the bed and walks out of the room.

Great.

Just, fucking great.