Chapter 6: Chapter 6

As Nathan drives me to my dorm, I can't help but run my fingers over my lip. They are even more pink and swollen and I bite at them.

"Will you please stop?" Nathan asks and I shut his car mirror.

"Sorry, I just... I've never felt anything like that." I say and turn to realise he is observing me.

"I shouldn't have done that. Dammit, I shouldn't have kissed you." He says, clenching the steering wheel and focused on the road.

"I'm sorry, I made you do it."

"Its not your fault, you're going through a lot right now. I should have been responsible and resisted--"

"Its my  fault, Nathan. You took care of me in a way I didn't know I could be cared for."

I smile at the memories.

"I had a hot bath, slept, and... And I took advantage of that. But know I'm really grateful." I say and turn to him.

He has his eyes on the road but he softly squeezes my hand and let's go almost immediately.

We drive in silence for  while but my thoughts keep going back to when he kissed me.

How he held me close.

Passionate yet gentle.

Desire and care.

"Lunar."

"What?" I snap out of it and look at him.

"Sorry, I..I was thinking of something else." I say.

"I said I'm sorry about the way Lucas left your purse and phone just abandoned outside his apartment." He says and I know he's staring at me.

Of course.

Lucas left my things out for any lucky thief after throwing me out.

And hitting me.

And having sex with a complete stranger.

How did I keep letting him back into my life after all the times I found panties in his room.

After all the bruises and black eye he gave me.

And that time he practically tried to rape me when he came back drunk from a party.

Oh God.

I sigh now and cover my face with my hands.

I tolerated this for years and kept giving him the benefit of a doubt.

Because I felt I needed him. He was all I knew.

And he convinced me I couldn't change that. That I couldn't find someone else.

But Tess has been right all this time.

I didn't have to find someone new.

I just needed to let go of someone bad.

By the time I look up, we're at my dorm now.

Nathan parks and looks at me.

"So, here we are." He says.

"Yeah...once again." I say and our eyes meet.

"Listen, Nathan. I...I didn't mean to force...the kiss."

"You didn't."

"But I started it. I just acted in the moment because I've never felt that kind of feeling...and I suddenly had the courage-"

Nathan holds my hand now.

"I understand. I'm not mad that we kissed...I'm just mad that I wanted to kiss you. I mean, you went through so much yesterday. And I just gave into the impulse when I should have only been helping you."

I smile at him.

"You did help me. So much."

"I just want you to realise what care truly is. And love isn't familiarity and comfort. Its happiness." He says and I'm in awe of what I'm hearing.

Months or weeks ago Nathan and I wouldn't say more than Hellos to each other.

"Thanks." I say and reach for my purse but Nathan stops my hand.

"One more thing, Lu. Please don't go about kissing guys. Not in this state. You need to heal from Lucas's toxicity and find out yourself how you want to be treated and the kind of love you want." His eyes show how genuine his words are and I smile at him.

"Don't worry. I can't go about kissing guys if I got the feeling with just you. And as for knowing how I want to be treated, I think I've got an idea. Goodbye Nathan." And with that, I exit his car before I beg him to kiss me senseless again.

*****

Tess has her speakers on full blast and is occupied with her laptop when I walk in.

Even though she doesn't look up at me and I feel guilty already, I have to admit I really missed her.

Dropping my purse on my bed, I hesitate a little before walking over to her. Her silent treatment always had a way of getting to me, and today its worse because I know I'm the guilty party here.

"Tess?" I say, standing in her front but she is bent on ignoring me cause she doesn't look up.

Let's try that again.

I drop to a squatting position in her front and place my hand on hers.

"Tessy?"

She pulls away but she looks at me now.

"What is it, Lunar?" She says and then peers closer at me.

"Are....are those bruises?" She asks and I shrug.

"They were worse yesterday." I say and she looks at me, trying to hide her concern.

"Have you had enough?" She asks and I nod.

"Yes. Yes, I have and I'm SO sorry about yesterday Tess. I don't even--"

"Hey." She says, her eyes forgiving.

"Its okay. It was your choice and--"

"And it was a terrible one." I say as I sit next to her.

"Tess, I have so much to tell you."

Her eyes dart questioningly at me.

"Is...is this about yesterday?" She asks and I nod, then take a deep breath.

"But its more than that.... Its about me, and Lucas and--"

"Your past." She completes and I nod.

"Lunar,... Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Yes, I was.

It was high time Tess knew. She deserved it.

And if she sees me any different, or treats me any different..

Or makes me feel weird...

Then I know she doesn't truly love me as a friend.

Not the kind of love I want from a friend anyway....

But I'm finding out....just like Nathan said.

"You see,--" I begin but Tess cuts me short as she turns off the music.

"Hold on. We need the perfect beverage for this." She says and heads for her wardrobe.

"Chocolate?" I ask just as she surfaces with a box of double stuffed oreos and chocolate chip cookies.

"Now, take your time and tell me everything you want to." She says, spilling the chocolate contents and I'm thankful for how calm and considerate she is.

I sit back and narrate everything for her without missing out a detail.

Starting right from when and why Logan and I agreed to start dating.

And ending with Lucas shoving me in his bathroom last night.

"He WHAT?!" Tess yells and I look down shamefully.

"I...I wanted to call you so bad but he took my phone."

"He brings a slut to do a threesome with you guys and calls it a surprise?! Then he has the guts to hit you? And lock you in the bathroom?!"

At this point Tess is standing, and almost breathing fire.

"Tess, please calm down." I say, reaching out for her.

"Lunar.. Please.." She says sadly now as she sits.

"Please don't go back to him. He's not worth you. And after hearing about Logan, I know he would never have wanted you to end up with...with that demon!"

She is squeezing my hand now and pleading with her eyes.

"Tess--"

"I love you Lunar. You thought that after hearing about your past I wouldn't but I love you more. Sticking with Logan like that, having his back, going through the pain of losing him is something a true, strong friend will do. Why would you think that would make me rethink being friends with you?"

"Tessy--"

"Highschool is filled with judgemental hypocrites, and that's why they looked at you that way after Logan's death. Your inability to talk for two weeks was just a coping mechanism and you have to realise Lucas took advantage of all these your vulnerable moments to idolize himself in your life!"

"Theresa!" I yell now and she finally stops rambling.

"Tess, breathe. Okay? Dont worry, I had enough time to think of all this when I was sitting on the cold hard floor of his bathroom. Lucas isn't good for me...you were right." I say and her eyes widen with excitement.

"You..you mean it? You're sure this time?"

"Yes. Logan treated me like a treasure and he didn't even like me that way. I.. I was so scared that if I didn't take care of Lucas he might commit suicide...just like Logan. And if that happened, I would lose the last opportunity of love."

"That's what he wanted you to think. And I'm so happy you realise that now." She says and I laugh.

"I feel..so happy. And free. And relieved. I'm almost too eager to see him so I can break up with him finally. And do stuff he never let me do. Like go ice skating..."

"Scuba diving!"

"Rock climbing!"

"Bungee jumping!"

"Cliff diving!"

And we both burst into laughter. Happiness without Lucas in the picture seems so promising, I'm glad I have Tess helping me.

And Nathan.

Says my naughty conscience which apparently was born after that heavenly kiss in his apartment.

"I love you Lunar Kensington." Tess says and pulls me into a hug, and now I've found my first definition of love that warms me up on the inside.

***

"A dozen Boston crème doughnuts mixed with Triple fudge donuts and two cups of hot chocolate." I say to the lady behind the counter of the Krispy Kreme cafe and she begins packaging the order.

Tess is at a table near the window and I join her with my arms full with our heavy breakfast.

"We've had so much chocolate in our system, it should be a crime." I say as I join her.

"Its a good riddance celebration to bad rubbish." She says and we cheers with our hot chocolate.

Just then, Nathan walks in and for the brief two seconds he passes our table, his eyes don't leave mine...making the moment stretch for a lifetime.

Its after he is gone I realise that I wasn't breathing and I finally let out my breath.

"Whoa....what was that?" Tess asks and I remember she is sitting with me.

"What?" I ask and Tess narrows her eyes at me.

"Okaaaayyy... I guess I imagined all that sexual tension." She says and I roll my eyes at her.

We spend the morning eating donuts and talking with me avoiding anything that might bring up Nathan, while stealing glances at him behind me.

It was a kiss out of lust.

The best fucking kiss ever.

"I should get to class...but I'll see you later okay?" Tess says when we get to our departing paths and she gives me a tight hug before leaving.

Two hours after, I decide to head to the library to get some school work done when someone forcefully grabs my arm and whips me around.

"Lucas." I say, surprised to see him...but not the least bit scared. Not anymore.

"You. You've got some explaining to do Lunar." He says and begins to drag me but I pull my hand away.

"Get your hands off me. You lock me up in a bathroom while cheating on me and I'm the one that has to do the explaining?" I ask him, suddenly finding all that anger and courage I had poured on Nathan.

"What did you say?" He asks, taken aback.

"You heard me Lucas. I have nothing to say to you--"

"Like hell you don't!" He yells, drawing stares from people passing by.

"We'll discuss this at my apartment and you better have a fucking good excuse for not calling me--"

"Your apartment? I don't think you heard me clearly Lucas. I. Have. Nothing. To. Say. To. You. I wasted 5 years with you but I'm not wasting one more second. We're done. We're through. We're over." I say and he laughs.

"This again? When are you gonna learn that you can't leave me Lunar?"

"And when are you gonna learn that I just did? I'm breaking up with you Lucas. You can choose to process that statement whenever you want. I'm finding true happiness without you and it is the best feeling. The only sad thing about this breakup is that you'll go hunting for another victim, but I really hope you don't find one. Goodbye Lucas." I say and his cocky expression vanishes.

"Lunar." He calls behind me as I head for the library but I don't turn.

I'm free.

I'm finally free from Lucas.

Wait till I tell Tess!

And Nathan?

****

"Whoop whoooooppp!!" Tess yells when I tell her the news and she grabs my hands and starts hopping up and down the room.

"You're finally free to live your life, and have fun and love. Real love." She says after all her hopping and I laugh.

"It sure feels good."

"What do you want to do first?" She asks, eyes gleaming with excitement.

"I have always wanted to go ice skating." I say and she gives me a skeptical look.

"You've really never gone before?"

"Not unless you count sitting on the bleachers and monitoring my younger sister. I never learnt and I thought Lucas would eventually teach me but he never took me out. Only to parties." I say and begin to change.

"Well I've snagged my brothers ride and we're going to the skating rink to celebrate!" She says, dangling car keys in the air.

****

"Is it fitted now?" Tess asks after tying my skates for the hundredth time.

"Yeah, thanks." I say as I try to get up, without looking like a cooked spaghetti noodle.

Tess comfortably walks over to the ice rink and glides her way in.

"Tess, hold up!" I yell before loosing my footing, but before I can fall someone grabs me from behind and helps me up.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The minute he speaks, I freeze for a second before turning to face--

"Nathan."

"Lunar." He says, a bit surprised, before his eyes scan me.

"What are you doing here? Seems like a shaky experience." He jokes as his eyes return to mine, amused.

"Har, har. Very funny. I could ask you the same question." I say, but I can't help smiling at his joke as I finally find my balance.

"My brother lives around with his family and I promised to take my niece skating." He says and at that moment, a little girl with pigtails hops over.

"Uncle Nate, I'm ready." She squeals and I smile at her.

"Hi, I'm Emily." She says with a shy wave.

"Hi Emily. I'm Lunar." I say and she giggles.

"That's a funny name. Are you gonna skate with us?" She asks and its then I realise they're both wearing skates.

"Uhh...yeah. If I knew how." I mutter and Nathan chuckles.

"You can skate with my Uncle Nate. He taught me last week and he is really good." She says and before I can say anything, she walks over to the ice rink and glides in.

"I guess that leaves us." Nathan says and I turn to him.

"I'd rather not... All I'm going to do is embarrass you." I say but Nathan takes my hands and leads me to the rink.

"As much as I'd love to watch you wobble all night, I can't pass up the opportunity to have a nice time." He says as he steps on the ice and takes me with him.

There aren't much people here and I'm glad my humiliation will be witnessed by few.

I lose my footing and slip but Nathan is quick to catch me.

"You keep leaning front and you'd tip over and fall." He says, chuckling.

"I'm leaning front because I'm trying not to fall." I say and he laughs.

"Here. Straighten your back like this, and move your feet side to side. Swiftly and slowly."

Nathan is saying but I stopped listening when he placed his hand on my lower back and started speaking softly.

Tess and Emily have already become skating buddies but my concentration is on Nathan... Not the lessons he is giving me, which is why I slip again.

"I'm terrible at this." I say and he laughs.

"As much as that's true, I'm having a good time." He says and smiles at me.

"You don't have to be nice and--"

"I'm serious." He says as he stops skating to look at me.

"Listen, we'll try a new method and if it doesn't work, then I'll just have to carry you."

I try to stop the heat creeping to my cheeks but as I'm dealing with that, Nathan turns me to back him and then gently pulls me close to him.

So close I can feel his warm breath at the back of my neck.

So close my back is resting on his chest.

And his hand comes from behind and holds my waist, keeping me firm against him.

"Comfy?" His husky voice asks and I can only nod.

Slowly, Nathan guides us across the ice rink, gliding swiftly like skating on air.

We move in silence for minutes and my eyes are closed half the time.

Breathing in Nathan's masculine scent and basking in his hold on me.

It brings back that feeling of when I wanted him to kiss me so badly.

It starts like a spark and the more I try to shut it out, the more it blows out to a full flame.

Oh...Nathan.

"Hmm...Lunar. The things you make me feel." He murmurs huskily and I take in a deep shuddering breath.

"I feel it too..." I whisper and he pulls me even closer.

"I..I broke up with Lucas today... For good." I say and Nathan stops skating, then he slowly turns me to face him.

"How do you feel?" He asks and answering that question is difficult with the way his face is o close to mine.

"I feel really good. But better now,...here...with you." I let the words out.

"Its just because of the kiss, I kissed you in a moment of weakness. That's why. I can't take advantage of that... I can't do what Lucas did."

"If you were doing that...you wouldn't be warning me Nathan."

"You need time."

"I need you.."

"God, Lunar. Don't say that when you're pressed up against me." He groans and I bring my face even closer.

"You know you feel it too...you told me."

Then he dips his head and covers the gap between us.

Lord..have mercy..

I can't help thinking I'm going to melt through the ice.

Nathan's lips moving rhythmically and passionately with mine have me going weak below my knees.

His hand caresses my hair and he kisses me even deeper with his tongue that seems to perform magic, giving me weak spots that I never knew I had and arousing all sorts of moans that seem to come from a deep, aching need--

"Okaaaayyy. I think its time I tell you guys to get a room." Tess says and we jump apart.

Emily skates over now.

"Uncle Nate, we gotta go. You promised mum we'll be home before my bed time." She says but I'm to busy reddening under Tess's teasing gaze.

"Yeah..yeah. Sure. Of course." Nathan says then he turns to me.

"I,..uh.. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight." He says and then leaves with Emily.

Tess dramatically turns to look at me now.

"And you almost had me believing there was no sexual chemistry between you guys. You've got some explaining to do young lady." She teases and I shove her playfully as we head back to the bleachers.

Still I can't help thinking...

The more I kiss Nathan...

The more I want him...

And the more I get that feeling....