Chapter 5: Chapter 5

The cold hard floor in Lucas's bathroom no longer had feeling against my numb behind. I can't remember what time Lucas shoved me in here, but I know I've been here for hours... All night.

Listening to them.

Listening to that girl having sex with my boyfriend.

Listening to her pleasuring him....

Him pleasuring her.....

All night.

The sun peeping through his window and movement from the room forces me to finally lift myself from the pitiful corner I'd curled up.

Almost immediately the door shoves open and Lucas blinks at me like he didn't know I was there.

"You're still here." He says plainly.

"You locked me here." I force out the words that sound cracked because of my endless crying.

"Get out." He says bitterly and walks over to the sink.

"Lucas,--"

"Lunar get out."

"Why do you treat me like this?" I plea but he swears under his breath and grabs me by the arm.

"Have you gone deaf?!" He yells as he drags me to the front door.

"Get out." And he shoves me out then slams the door in my face.

I know its pointless to beg and I don't even bother. My face hurts from when he hit me last night and I just stand there, wondering how to get back to my dorm.

How Tess would react when she sees me.

How to face her in my shame. My purse and everything is in Lucas's apartment, dawning on me I can't get back to the dorm any time soon, even if I want to.

I hug myself and shut my eyes, wishing I could reverse to back in the dorm when Tess tried to stop me from running back to this hurtful and toxic relationship.

"I'm so stupid." I mutter, and the tears start to fall again, hurting the already painful bruises on my face.

"Not stupid. Just scared." Comes the deep voice and I open my eyes in shock to see Nathan, staring at me.

"Nathan!" I say in shock.

How long has he been standing there?

"I'm just waiting for Lucas to...um.." I stutter but Nathan is too occupied observing my face as he comes closer, and it dawns on me that I must look like shit.

I turn around immediately, backing him and forcing my voice to be cheerful.

"Don't worry, Lucas will be out any minute and we'll--"

I stop abruptly at how gently he places his hand on my shoulder and carefully turns me around.

"You're face...your body..." He is saying, eyes scanning me.

"Lunar you're ice cold." His concerned green eyes meet mine.

In a sudden movement that almost scares me, he drops his backpack and quickly takes of his jacket. Then he puts it around me.

"Thank you." I whimper, trying to stop another set of tears threatening to flow at Nathan's kindness.

When I look up at him, the muscles at his temples are flexing and his face is tense, making a vein visible on his forehead.

"Lucas. He did this to you, didn't he? He hit you again." His words are coming out stressed through his laboured breathing and he glares at the door of Lucas's apartment.

I want to say what I always say, that it was my fault not Lucas. That I should have cooperated. But when I look up and meet Nathan's green eyes that seem so filled with concern as they meet mine, I break down.

The words start coming out in sobs.

"He...he brought another girl. And I...I...I didn't want to and he hit me.... And he wouldn't let me leave...a-and he pushed me.....the bathroom..."

"He what?!" Nathan says.

"And he a-and the girl....they....they..." But my crying wouldn't let the words out and Nathan pulls me close into a warm embrace.

"Hey, hey its okay." He is saying softly and I cry into his warmth, feeling for the first time, protected.

"Come on, let's get you out of here." He says and picks up his backpack as he leads me towards the stairs.

***

Nathan's apartment is a spacy, comfortable one bedroom flat designed with blue and grey colours.

He leads me carefully into the bedroom and sits me on bed which dips temptingly to a warm, soft, depth.

Then he squats and looks at me as he carefully brushes my hair back.

"Lunar..." He says, and I move my gaze from where its planted on my knees to look at him.

At his soft green eyes.

"You gave me a hell of a yelling yesterday because of what you went through with Lucas." He says, eyes unwavering.

"Why on earth would you go back to--"

I'm already shaking my head.

"I don't know." I admit shamefully.

"I've never been with anyone else except..." Logan.

The silence of his name hangs in the air for a while before I continue.

"I just... I don't know any other feeling with anyone else. I only know the feelings I experienced with him. It's familiar--"

"Its killing you."

The tender words almost make it hard for me to believe its from Nathan.

"Its comfortable."

"Its not love." Nathan says and I observe his concerned eyes.

"If love isn't comfortable and familiar, then I don't know what it feels like. And I'm scared to try." I say and Nathan shuts his eyes as he takes a long sigh.

When he opens them, I see a look I never thought would be given to me. A look I didn't know Nathan was capable of giving.

"Lu ..." He starts, his voice hoarse.

"Do you know what it feels like Nathan?" I let the words out and he pauses whatever he was about to say.

Before I can say anything he clears his throat and stands up.

"I'll run you a warm bath, okay? You need to relax while I get some ice for the bruises." He says, his voice sounding normal and making me realise how low we were talking.

"What of your classes? I thought you were--"

Nathan pauses at the door and turns to me.

"I can't leave you like this. Just clean up and I'll be back with the ice, okay?" He says and smiles at me.

Then he is gone.

With Nathans absence, I have the opportunity to observe his bedroom. The bedsheets and blanket are navy blue and cream in colour. It has an old, comfy feeling to it and scents like Nathan.

A manly, boyish, homey scent.

I spend a couple minutes moving around and observing furniture and pictures before I finally lock the door and head for the bathtub.

It feels like forever ago that I've had time to simply wallow in a hot bath.

And I spend forever in it, sloshing lazily and letting relaxed muscles enjoy the moment.

But when I close my eyes, all I can see are Nathans green eyes. The unmistakable concern in them that remind me I'm here.

In Nathan's bathroom.

In Nathan's apartment.

I can't shake it out of my head that he is taking care of me, in a way that I didn't even know I needed to be taken care of.

But he knew.

By the time I'm done with the bath, I wrap his dry, soft, blue towel on my body, surrounded by his manly scent. Everything seems surreal, the fact that I'm here. In his little world.

The sink has a razor and a toothbrush and some bath and cleaning supplies are on the window sill.

But I'm staring at myself in the mirror above the sink. The bruises are barely obvious but my attention is on my face.

I look relaxed.

Calm. Content.

It feels different because I've never looked or felt this way whenever I looked in the mirror in Lucas's apartment.

In fact, the girl in the reflection staring back at me now,.....looks like me, feels like me.

If that's the case, then who looked back at me in the mirror when I was with Lucas?

The knocking on the bedroom door interrupts my thoughts.

"Lu? I've got the ice. Are you done?" Comes Nathans voice and an uncontrolled smile graces my face.

He has never called me Lu before today.

NATHAN'S P.O.V

"Yeah, I'm done. I'll be right there." Lunar's voice comes from the other side and almost immediately the door opens.

She is standing there in my blue towel and I have to clench my teeth to keep my jaw from falling.

Her innocent gaze meets mine and I drop my gaze to the floor as I walk in, ice bucket and napkin in hand.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to bring out something for you to wear." I say as I drop the ice bucket and head for the wardrobe.

"Oh." Lunar says, as if just realising she's in just a towel in my bedroom. When I turn to her, she's flushed red and staring at her feet in embarrassment.

I scan through my t shirts and bring out the smallest size I own, along with a pair of shorts.

"Here." I say and toss it to her.

"I'll give you some privacy." I say and head for the door but she is already on her way to the bathroom.

"Its fine, I'll change in here." She says and locks the bathroom door behind her.

Relieved, I drop to a sitting position on the bed and cover my face with my hands.

"God, get it together Jackson." I remind myself.

She's off limits.

She's scarred.

She's vulnerable.

She's here because she needs help from a friend....not a random horny guy.

Worse...she is still officially with Lucas.

OFF. LIMITS.

"Are you okay?" Lunar's voice brings me back to reality and I look up at her.

"Yeah. Come on, we should make use of the ice now." I say and I realise saying that was a bad idea as well.

She isn't wearing her tight playsuit but my loose T-shirt and the outline of her breasts on the shirt wiggle a bit as she walks over and sits next to me.

Deciding not to say anything at all, I put my focus on the task and wrap a handful of ice with napkin which I place on the side of her cheek.

She reacts instantly and winces a little as she grabs my other hand.

"Don't worry, the pain will subside soon." I assure her and she looks at me now.

"Thank you Nathan. For everything." She says and I shrug.

"Its no big deal."

An hour later and I'm down to the last bruises on her arm, while Lunar is fast asleep. She'd gone off like a light 30 minutes ago after a series of yawns.

And before I knew it, she was leaning on my body, snoring softly.

Slowly, I drop the damp napkin and gently lay her on the bed.

Looking at her now, the events of today replay in my head.

Finding her at the door of Lucas's apartment, bruised.

Her crying.

Her question about love.

'Do you know what it feels like Nathan?'

Questions like that I couldn't answer.

Even if I wanted to.

It was something she needed to know by herself. She had to figure out.

That was the only way she could be free from him. Finding out what love is for her. The love she wants and realising she can't get it from him.

Sighing, I leave her in the room and head for the living room.

I'd waited 5 years for her.....

A few more months wouldn't hurt.

***

Lunar's P.O.V

I wake up to the smell of food. Hot dogs, burgers....

Food.

My stomach groans in agreement and I hear laughter behind me.

Nathan's laughter.

I turn to him now as I sit up and he smiles at me from where he is seated at his desk.

"Hungry aren't we?" He teases and I laugh as he walks over to me with BurgerKing logo on a plastic.

"I got burgers and soda. The hotdog is from a restaurant outside. They make the best chilli dogs ever. I thought you should try it." He says and sits next to me and hands me the bag.

I look up at him as I wipe my eyes.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask as Nathan unwraps my burger and hands it to me.

"Technically the whole day. Its past 4 in the evening. Almost 5." He pauses then looks up at me.

"How do you feel?" He asks and it takes me a while to realise what he is referring to.

My bruises.

I had almost forgotten about them considering I don't feel any pain anymore.

"I feel better. I'm sorry I hogged your bed....I,... I just didn't get any sleep last night--"

"I know. Its fine." He says, watching me eat.

Or rather watching me stuff my face. Having food felt like heaven.

It seemed like Nathan was always a step ahead of me in knowing what I wanted.

He looks at me one time with those eyes and... And knows what I need.

"When you're done eating, I'll drop you off at your dorm."

I swallow. But I dont want to leave yet...

I look down at where our hands are touching.

Nathan pulls away and I decide to concentrate on the hot dog.

He was right.

It was amazing.

"Why aren't you scared of me?" He asks, catching me off guard and I look at him.

"You've been with Lucas for 5 years now, and I know he hits you. Yet after all you've been through, you still trust me to take you in and take care of you. Why?" Nathan asks.

Why is he so close?

I can scent him. That musky scent from the towel and the bed. Its all him.

"I..I dont know. With Lucas all I feel is...fear. But when I stepped in here with you...its like the world outside is on pause and.... And I feel safe, content, relieved, happy." I say.

Nathan stares at me deeply now and then gets up heads for the bathroom without a word.

A few minutes later I'm done eating and he comes out and slips on his jacket as he grabs his keys.

"Are you done eating?" He asks and turns to me. I just nod.

"I found your phone and purse in front of Lucas's apartment. So I'll put it in the car and---"

"Nathan." I say and he stops rambling and turns to me.

For some reason, every time our eyes met I didn't want to look away and I know he didn't either. But he would.

I didn't know what it was, but it made me feel the way I felt when I entered the apartment or when I was in his bathroom.

I slip out of his bed and walk over to him.

"For some reason,...I don't want to leave. I don't want to unpause the world outside your apartment. Please I--"

He takes my hand.

"Lunar, you need to get on with everything. School. Friends."

"I'm scared. When I'm out there I'm not I'm control..."

"Yes, you are. You just haven't tried." He says and I'm looking up at him now.

Nathan takes a deep breath, maintaining eye contact.

"Dont look at me like that." He says hoarsely.

"What are you scared of?"

"Whatever could possibly happen now."

"I'm not scared."

"You should be. You're vulnerable, you're bruised. I'm just a guy helping you out." He says.

"It feels more than that Nathan, and I've never known this feeling."

"It isn't time for you to feel this."

"I only knew familiarity and fear for years. This feeling is---"

"Lunar please."

"You never answered my question. What does it feel like, Nathan?"

I can feel his heartbeat now, his eyes now a dark forest green.

"I can't tell you. You have to...you have to find out."

"Then show me. I want to know. I want something to think of, besides fear. And I found that thing in here."

"Lunar.."

"Show me what it is. What does it feel like?"

"This isnt love."

"But its better than fear.."

"Lunar."

"Show me Nathan..."

His two hands are stiff beside him but his eyes caress me. And its refreshing to be looked at this way.

I want to grab this, know this before he sends me to reality.

"Please..." I say and press close to him.

He groans in a deep, husky way and his hands quickly find their way to my waist while his lips find mine and .....

Oh God...

"Mmmm..." I moan at how tentative and passionate his lips are. Caressing my lips, teasing, and intensifying the kiss. Emotions run through me, weakening me as his tongue teases its way inside my lips, driving me crazy, making me want more.

Nathan pulls me closer, pressing all of my body against his in the swiftest motion ever as his lips and tongue passionately slow the tempo, creating a universe of pleasure and passion in my head.

I can't help moaning at this amazing, passionate act that's stirring all sorts of new things in me.

I press against him, aching to be touched in a way I've never been touched. The way he is kissing me in a way I've never known.

His lips travel to my neck and his hands go lower,...

And lower...

And....oh Nathan...

It dawns on me that I said it out loud and Nathans lips return to mine before he pulls away.

We're both panting now, with his forehead on mine.

"That's what it feels like." He says in between pants.

Then he pulls away and looks at me.

"That shouldn't have happened. Don't ever, EVER, put me in that position again Lu."

I nod, still breathless.

"I'm serious. You're not in a good state. You don't need stuff like that happening to you. From me or any other guy. Don't ask me to do that again. I want to help you but in a good way. I don't want to be the bad guy here. You need to heal. Okay?"

"Okay." I say but I can't help smiling. I've never felt like that. What Nathan gave me, has showed me a lot. I didn't know kissing could be so beautiful and not aggressive or demanding.

"Its not funny." Nathan is saying, observing my smile.

"I know. But I liked it." I say and he closes his eyes and faces up.

"Fuck." He mutters. Then looks at me.

"Come on, let's get to your dorm. Its getting late."