Chapter 12: Chapter 12

"Didn't you!" Lucas yells now, grabbing me by the shirt and knocking all the breath out of my body as I gasp with fear at the hint of violence.

Nathan steps to my front now, pushing Lucas off me with force and putting me behind him protectively.

"Lucas, stop this. Now." He says firmly, in an angry tone but Lucas acts like he didn't hear.

"Answer me! You slut!" He yells and Nathan reacts.

He grabs Lucas by the shirt and shoves him against the door.

"I said stop!" He yells, his deep voice booming and I stand in shock as I watch them.

My heart is racing but I don't know what to do. The last thing I want is for them to fight.

"Let go of me! Let go of me!" Lucas yells struggling against Nathan's hold and Rex steps in.

"Nate, come on." He says calmly as he pries Nathan's hands off and Lucas stands there huffing.

He turns to me now, eyes glaring and I know that look.

The look he gives before he attacks.

"How could you?!" He yells at me looking angry and at the same time....sad.

"Lucas, please. You have to accept that we're over." I beg him and rage fills his face.

"OVER?! OVER?!" He barks and lurches after me. I move back with so much force that I fall on the ground, Lucas missing me by an inch because Nathan grabs him back now and throws a punch.

Hitting him square in the face.

"Don't you ever...EVER touch her!" He yells at Lucas who is clutching his face.

When he takes his hand off, his mouth is stained with blood from his nose. Now he lurches after Nathan and they both fall on the couch, rolling off to the floor with Nathan on top.

"Guys, come on! Cut it out!" Rex yells.

"Calm down!" Nathan  yells at Lucas, pinning his hands above his head.

"You fucked her! You fucked her and you know she's mine!" Lucas is yelling and I stare in horror at the blank anger and denial on his face.

For weeks I had forgotten Lucas was a part of my life, and now here he is. Back like an unwanted cancer virus.

Rex succeeds in separating them now.

"Get your shit together, Lucas!" Rex yells at him but he is still looking at me, an evil smile now spreading across his bloody face.

"He fucked you and you don't even know why." He says and I frown.

What?

"Get out of here Lu." Nathan says and I turn to the open door leading to the hall way, then I turn back to him.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"He fucked you for a reason!" Lucas yells.

"Get out of here, Lunar! Now!" Nathan booms at me and the shock of him yelling at me frightens me to the bone.

I turn to the door and run out, heading to the hallway.

"We had a deal, Lunar!" Lucas yells after me and I stop in my tracks.

Remotely I stop and turn around to them slowly, unable to move.

"What?" I murmur and he laughs wickedly while Nathan and Rex stare at me with fear.

"Lunar please. Go." Nathan begs but my focus is on Lucas.

"What deal?" I ask and Lucas looks at me with satisfaction.

"Your precious Nathan is just as bad as me. You think Logan killed himself just because of his parents disapproval?" He starts and I stare in shock.

Logan? This has been since Logan?

Lucas continues,

"Oh I know I'm not a fucking saint. Lucas the abuser. But none of us were, right from highschool. We bullied the fuck out of Logan. Everywhere. Every time. Isn't that right, Nathan?" He asks turning to Nathan that covers his face with both hands.

"Fuck." Nathan mutters.

"Why do you think Logan dropped out of the football league? In locker rooms, during practise, we beat him up. We teased him. Called him all sorts of names, 'dick craver' was Nathan's favourite. And then he dated you....just so the bullying could stop." He says and I don't know how I'm managing to stand hearing all this.

Logan was bullied. How did I not know?

"Of course we couldn't let it go. Especially Nathan. Everyone knew he had a massive crush on you and he thought Logan was dating you to get back at him. So Nathan gathers us all to meet Logan after school and we ambushed him, threatened him. And then the next day he killed himself." Lucas says without a single remorse and I drop to the ground in the hallway, tears staining my face in a nonstop fall.

"Of course Nathan felt bad but it meant you were single. But I knew you were vulnerable and I told him to stay away and yet he wouldn't listen." Lucas says and Nathan looks at him now with shock and anger.

"What?! No, he's lying!" He yells and turns to me.

"I tried to let you know what he was up to but then I fell for you and we started dating. And Nathan was going to lie to you that I was the only one who bullied Logan!"

Nathan rushes to me.

He is begging, saying words that I can't hear, begging me to not listen to Lucas.

"So we had a deal that he wouldn't interrupt our relationship until you decided to leave me on your own terms, and then he could date you. And you'll be one of his conquests! Because it was obvious all he wanted to do was fuck you!" He yells and Nathan turns my chin to look at him.

Into the green eyes I once trusted.

I once thought I knew.

"Lunar please, you know me. You know I wouldn't try anything knowing you're  vulnerable. You've gotta believe me."

I stand up now, backing away.

"Why?" I ask, tears streaming down my eyes.

"All those times you thought he was protecting you, he was trying to move in on the deal!" Lucas yells from the door.

"Because you know me." Nathan persuades, answering my question and ignoring Lucas. So sure of himself and I shake my head.

"No. I don't." I say as I turn and flee from him.

From his secrets.

Lies.

And everything that has to do with Nathaniel Jackson.

****

You know me...

I use the sleeve of the hoodie to wipe my eyes as I try to concentrate.

But who am I kidding?

Why did I even force myself to attend classes today?

I thought I could push it out...

I thought I could ignore it until at least after my classes today....

But I can't. Staring at the professor talking and writing yet I can't hear a thing.

All I can remember is finding Logan hanging from the ceiling, his face purple....

And those...boys..

Nathan

Lucas

Jordan

Billy

Henry

They had bullied him, pushed him to the limit and yet Logan greeted me with a smile everyday like he wasn't going through the worst moments of his life.

Still they go ahead to make a deal about me...

Me.

The roudy noise snaps me back to reality and I realise that the class is over. Everyone is leaving.

Sniffling, I grab my laptop and books.

I have to get out of here. Out of this school, I can't think....

Can't process....

Someone grabs me by my hand and spins me around.

It's Nathan.

"Please. Please you have to listen to me, Lu." He begs, more with his eyes than words.

I yank my hand away, disgusted that he would even think of touching me.

"Don't ever talk to me again." I say and turn to leave the empty class room but Nathan rushes to my front.

"I didn't do it. I didn't ever plan to come after you, knowing you were vulnerable. Knowing you found Logan's body. I could never ever do that."

"But you bullied him!" I yell in tears.

"You and your insecure posé! You threatened him and called him names and....." my voice breaks as I finally let the tears come.

"Poor Logan never did anything to any of you! You jerks pushed him to his death! How do you feel knowing everyday you caused someone so much pain that he killed himself?!" I yell at Nathan.

"I feel like the devil! Okay, every single day I felt like a bastard and I go to his grave every anniversary of his death for the past 6 years! I never missed one---"

"And that's supposed to be enough?! That you went to his grave after you already ruined his life?!" I yell in tears.

"No! Of course it was never enough but Lucas didn't tell you the full story." He says desperately.

"What else do you think you can say that will make things better?! You ambushed him the day before he died--"

"That wasn't me! It--"

"What difference does it make?! You weren't the one who knew how much he wanted to come out of the closet, how much he wanted to be free.... You weren't the one that found his body." I say, sobbing.

"I never wanted it to go that far." He pleads.

"Did you even really want to be with me?"

"I did. Of course I did." He begs, his eyes watering.

"No you didn't. It was all a stupid bet, wasn't it?"

Nathan looks defeated.

"Lunar..."

"We're done. I never want to see you again." I say and walk past him but he rushes after me.

"Lu, please..."

I turn around, stopping him as tears stream down my face.

"I just can't with you right now, Nathan. The deal, the secrets, the bullying,...Logan... You've hurt me more than Lucas ever did..." my voice breaks.

"Just stay away from me. All of you." I say and walk out, leaving Nathan behind.

****

NATHAN'S P.O.V

I watch Lunar run away in tears, just like earlier this morning and the same helplessness surrounds me.

Clueless.

I've never been clueless.

She had run away from me this morning after looking at me like I was a stranger...Or the devil himself.

And it was that look, more than anything, that broke me.

That look that confirmed every single trust I had tried to build with her, every moment was gone....All thanks to Lucas.

I stare at my bloody knuckles now as I recall this morning, how I had pummeled him into a bloody mess after Lunar had ran away.

'We made a deal!'

'You had no right no interfere!'

'I never interfered with yours.'

My words echo in my head, haunting me and I realise I am just as bad as Lucas. Or maybe even worse...

A deal.

Making deals over a human being. A girl.

A girl that we bullied her ex to suicide.

'You've hurt me more than Lucas ever did.'

God, I'm an idiot. Lunar was right. It doesn't make a difference, who did what and when. It doesn't matter.

We all contributed to Logan's death.

I have been going about this all wrong. I never should have tried to defend myself or my actions. I should have simply apologised for it.

That's the only way I can let go of the guilt, by accepting I was wrong.

And then I let her go...because being with I or Lucas or any of us was just too toxic for her.

We'd caused her enough pain.

And enough is enough.

****

"Do you have your brother's keys?" I ask Tess as I barge into the room.

She stops taking off her clothes as she stares at me in shock.

"What happened?" She asks as she reaches for me but I avoid her touch and wipe my tears myself.

"I just...I can't right now. I need to get out of here." I say and I grab the keys from where they are on the table.

"Lunar, wait. What happened?" Tess hastily puts on her trousers and shirt and races after me.

"I need to drive...I need to leave..." I say, going down the stairs and I hear her footsteps behind me.

"Talk to me. Was it Lucas? Did something happen at Nathan's?" She asks hastily as I climb into her car.

"Lunar!" Tess yells behind me as I start the car and speed off.

"LUNAR!!!"

***

The last time I remember crying out loud, in wrenched sobs was the day Logan died.

And here I am again.

In Tess's car, driving but I can't hear the noise of cars honking and engines and people talking.

All I can hear are my sobs. Loud. And wrenching.

How could Nathan do this?

I keep finding it so hard to believe it.

The whole thing was like tearing open a scar or a healed wound.

Nathan. My Nathan.

The Nathan that had helped me feel safe and secure and loved and special....

This same guy contributed to the death of Logan and I wasn't aware the entire time.

Logan suffered from every angle, his parents, school and here I am dating the same guys that did it to him.

And Logan died feeling sad and alone.

Yet no matter how much I find it hard to believe, it's true. Nathan was just as bad.

"How could you?!" I yell in tears as I step on the accelerator, oblivious to everything else.

"You lied to me, you dirty, little--"

My rants instantly switch to a high-pitched scream at the sound of a truck's car honk approaching with speed at my left.

I don't step on the accelerator fast enough because it only misses a direct blow to the drivers side but I feel the strong impact of the truck crushing into the back of the car.

And I'm spiralling off the road.

Round and round.

Until the crash.

And then it's all dark and quiet.