Chapter 5: Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE: THE CALL THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
D3.
DANIEL
It was 5:15 a.m. when the phone rang.
Do you know how it’s never good news when the house phone rings while everyone is asleep? It’s usually to inform of some urgent, tragic news. Your stomach churns as you reach for the receiver and you pray that it’s not about your grandparent or your older sibling who is away at college. You pray that it’s a prank call or a misdialed number. The news of someone else’s misfortune accidentally arriving at you instead. You answer knowing that the tentative “hello?” as you bring the phone to your ear is perhaps the last word you may speak before the world as you know it may change forever.
I knew the second the phone rang that my horrible ordeal was about to get so much worse. As I listened to the sound of my father’s feet shuffling out of his bedroom and his sleepy voice answering the phone, I knew that his “hello?” would be the last word I would hear before my world would come crashing down.
I remember the somber tone of my father’s short replies to the person on the other end of the line. I remember the click of the phone as he hung up and the sound of his footsteps approaching my bedroom instead of his. I remember the look on his face as he pushed my door open and met his eyes with my own, a mix of shock and dread. He was so out of it himself that he didn’t seem to register the fact that I was already awake at this hour or that my eyes were already bloodshot from crying for the last two hours. I can’t explain the gut feeling that I had as he opened his mouth to speak, but I just knew what he would say before he said it. The last three words I remember before everything from that morning became a blur: “Daniel, it’s Anna.”
From that moment I was on autopilot, throwing on my shoes and rushing out the door, barely hearing my father’s screams for me to slow down, or my mother’s alarmed pleas for someone to tell her what is going on. It had been Dr. Marsh, my best friend Jason’s dad, on the phone, who works the nightshift at the local hospital. Our families have always been close, so when the victim of a hit-and-run, who was later identified as Anna arrived, he felt it was his duty to call and inform us of the tragedy. Tragedy. A word I never wanted to hear in the same sentence as the name of my girlfriend.
It’s always the word that people use when someone dies, right? Tragedy. Except I didn’t believe she was really dead. I refused to believe she was dead. It must have been some mistake, right? I had just spoken to her hours ago. She called me from the safe confines of her home. How could she be dead? How could there be an accident? Dr. Marsh must have gotten it wrong; they must have mistaken another girl for her.
I don’t know how I made it to the hospital without getting into an accident myself. I don’t even remember the drive there. I think I might have blown through every red light and stop sign on the way. Dr. Marsh must have told Jason what happened because he was already in the waiting room when I burst through the doors. He stood upon seeing me in my disheveled, heartbroken, and sleep-deprived state, a look of pity on his face.
“Where is she?” I shouted.
Jason bowed his head, lowering his eyes to the ground, “I’m so sorry, Dan.”
“What room is she in? I want to see her!” I demanded.
“Dude…” Jason’s mouth hung open, like he had more to say, but was at a loss for the right words. He closed it and shook his head slowly, sadly.
I charged at him, grabbing him by his shirt collar in a threatening way, “Tell me where she is, Jason!” I knew I shouldn’t be taking my feelings out on Jason, but at that moment, I cared about nothing else except seeing Anna. Or rather, seeing the girl who has surely been mistaken for Anna. I would clear this whole mess up in an instant. I would confirm that it’s not her at all. I just needed to see her first.
A middle-aged receptionist sitting at the front desk looked up from her computer in alarm, “Young man, that is no way to behave in a hospital! Break it off and quiet down, or I’m going to have to call security to escort you out!” Her hand hovered over the telephone, ready to call for help when a male voice spoke up.
“It’s okay, Linda, they’re with me.” We all looked over at Dr. Marsh who had just walked into the room. Linda threw a dirty look in my direction but took her hand away from the phone, knowing better than to challenge a superior. I let go of Jason’s collar and approached Dr. Marsh.
“You’re wrong, you know that? There is no way it’s really Anna in that room. I’ve just spoken to her two hours ago. You’ve got it all wrong.”
“I’m afraid we haven’t, Daniel,” Dr. Marsh replied in a somber tone, “Her parents have already identified the body and confirmed that it is hers.” He put a hand on my shoulder, “I’m so sorry, son.”
Still refusing to believe what I was hearing, I demanded to be let into her room, gaining a few more disapproving looks from Linda. Dr. Marsh was apprehensive at first but seemed to take pity on my refusal to believe what he knew to be true and eventually let me in to see her, despite it being against the rules for those who aren’t immediate family and without her parents’ permission.
The pain I felt upon walking into that hospital room and seeing Anna’s pale, beautiful face was unlike anything I’d ever felt in my life. Jason looked on in awkward horror as I sobbed with the realization that this was really happening and I kissed her cold, lifeless cheeks over and over, pleading with her to come back to me. It was the first time I’d ever seen a dead body. I was always grossed out by the thought of touching one but with Anna, I didn’t care. I was not looking at a corpse. I was looking at the love of my life and I knew it would be the last time I’d ever get to see her. I didn’t care that this act made Jason uncomfortable. My grief is deeper than the tears running down my face. It’s deeper than what the eye can see. It runs deep through my soul, a darkness so black that the brightest light could never penetrate it.
Dr. Marsh physically had to tear me away from Anna because I did not want to leave her side. He had Jason drive me home, as I was in no physical state to do so myself. I refused to talk to anyone when I got home. My parents didn’t even bother trying to get me to go to school. They knew it wouldn’t be happening. I’ve been curled up in my bed ever since, not sleeping, not doing anything. Just staring at the picture of Anna that I have framed on my bedside table. The one I kiss every morning when I wake up, right before I text her good morning and that I love her and can’t wait to see her.
I’ll never get to send her a text like that again. The realization hits me like a brick and just when I think I’ve run out of tears, I start sobbing an ocean into my pillow. This can’t be happening. This must be some godawful, nightmare. Wake up, Daniel! Wake up already!
I don’t even hear the knock on my door or the footsteps approaching my shaking body and when I hear her voice, the most piercing chill runs through my body.
“Daniel?”
I immediately stop crying and shoot up. I knew this was all a dream, “Anna!” I shout with relief. But as I turn my head to face her, I realize that it isn’t Anna at all.
Isabel is standing at the foot of my bed, a slight frown playing on her face, “Actually, it’s Isabel.” Her expression softens and she lowers her voice to a near whisper, “I’m really sorry about Anna, Dan.”
Angry at myself for even entertaining the thought that Anna could really be in my room right now, I turn my back to her and shut my eyes. I want Isabel to leave, but I don’t feel like talking right now. I’m not even sure I could find my voice if I tried. Instead, I resort to squeezing my eyes tighter and wishing her away with the power of my thoughts. It doesn’t work. A moment later, she speaks up again.
“My mom let me stay home from school today so I could come to keep you company. I asked as soon as I heard. Although she insisted she drop me off instead of driving myself because they still haven’t caught the person who hit Anna and she’s a bit worried about….” she trails off, deciding that maybe these are not the words she should be saying to me right now, “Anyway, your mom says you haven’t eaten breakfast and I know you didn’t have dinner last night,” she says, alluding to the fact that I spent the night drinking with her and Jenna instead of being with Anna on our anniversary. Oh god, what have I done? She continues speaking. I squeeze my eyes even tighter and wish for her to shut up.
“You really need to eat something. Here, I brought you some chocolate milk.” She comes around to the table and I open my eyes just a sliver to see her place a bottle of chocolate milk on top of it, directly in front of Anna’s picture, blocking my view of it, “I know it’s your favorite,” she smiles warmly. I hate her for it. I hate anyone who could smile while my Anna lies zipped up in a body bag at the morgue.
Finally taking the hint that I don’t want to talk, Isabel sits at the foot of the bed and says the last words she would speak to me on this day, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I just want you to know that I’m here for you for whatever you need and for as long as it takes.” She reaches out and gives my hand a gentle squeeze, then finally stops interrupting my grief. I close my eyes once again and continue wishing over and over that this is all a dream until finally, I drift off to sleep and dream of the anniversary date I almost had with Anna, but never would.