Chapter 30: Chapter 30
EPILOGUE: NOTES
Radjan,
I’m sorry it took me so long to come clean. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this. I figured out who Mirjana is – or was. She was also known as Anna Abramovic. I did something so terrible and I decided to entrust this letter to you to give to the proper authorities. I am sure you’ll hate me after reading this but maybe I deserve it. I believe you are being haunted, Radjan. If I am already locked up and you need help to get rid of her spirit, you should ask for Vlad’s help. His grandmother is an occultist. I am sorry for the stupid things I did before that pissed you off. I guess I just liked you too much. I still do. I hope you can forgive me someday.
Celeste
-Confession Note-
I did something bad.
I did something really bad, and I need to get it off my chest because if something happens to me, I want the truth to be documented somewhere.
Before I say anything else, I want to state that even though I take responsibility for what I did, I regret it. I thought it was what I wanted, but it wasn’t. Not at all.
I should probably start by telling you about my sister. Her name is – was – Anna Abramovic. Not many people know about our relation to each other. I know that seems weird given that we went to the same school and even shared a few classes together, but being siblings is not something that Anna and I were proud of for a variety of reasons.
See, Anna and I were half-sisters. My father was once married to Anna’s mother and when she was pregnant with Anna, he went on a business trip to France where he met my mother. They had an affair, which quickly resulted in my mother getting pregnant with me, and my father ultimately decided to bring her back home with him and make us his family. He divorced Anna’s mother and moved in with us.
I never had anything against my sister, at least not at first. I was raised as an only child and I desperately wanted a sibling. I felt so lonely as a kid, with no one to talk to or play with. Although I knew of Anna’s existence, I rarely got to see her, except for some holiday or birthday. Her mother, my father informed me when I asked why, didn’t allow anything more. She resented my mother and me for taking him away from her and limited his contact with Anna as punishment.
The few times I got to see Anna in our childhood, she was far from the dream sister I always wished I had. I remember one instance in particular in which I was allowed to go to her birthday party. It was the year we turned nine. I was so excited to go to the party and give her the gift that I carefully picked out myself; a beautiful china doll that quite resembled her. I wanted to buy it myself instead of letting my parents get it, because I wanted it to be special and come from me. So, I used nearly all of my savings and proudly handed it over to Anna, so sure that she would love it. Anna laughed upon seeing it, said something about dolls being stupid and smashed it on the ground in front of all of the party guests. I was so embarrassed and thought it was such a cruel thing to do!
Anna’s mother apologized profusely for Anna’s behavior and tried to comfort me after what happened. She was very kind to me and even offered to pay me back for the doll, but I refused. It wasn’t her fault that Anna was so cruel to me. I got the impression then that my father wasn’t exactly truthful about how Anna’s mother is. As I grew older and I watched my own mother suffer through her relationship with him, I learned how emotionally abusive and manipulative he is. I firmly believe that Anna was a victim of his manipulations as well, and that it contributed to why she hated me so much, but she never realized it and I never got a chance to talk to her about it.
The birthday party incident t is just one example of the many things Anna did to show how much she disliked and resented me. I eventually stopped joining my father on his visits to her, much to her joy, I’m sure. There was a period of about four years in which I didn’t see her at all and then for the first time ever, Anna and I ended up at the same school.
The first time we ran into each other in the halls, she looked like she had seen a ghost. She nearly spat at me as she warned me to stay away from her and to never, ever mention to anyone that we were sisters. That hurt me, in all honesty. I had hoped that after four years she would grow out of her dislike for me and maybe would want to get to know me. I would have welcomed her with open arms as a sister. But there was no such hope of that happening. Anna hated me. And the more she had to see me at school, the more her hatred grew.
It didn’t help that as student body president and part of the cheerleading squad, I’m practically unavoidable. Anna couldn’t pretend that I didn’t exist anymore, and I found myself wishing that she could. Her hatred grew to such a point that she began to harass me. Every day it was something else. She would leave threatening notes in my locker or send me anonymous texts detailing the terrible things she would do to me if she could. Sometimes the texts would come with grotesque images attached to them, such as pictures from murder scenes or dead, decomposing bodies.
Anna never got enough of humiliating me, too. The few times we were placed in classes together, she went out of her way to always embarrass me in front of the other students, and especially in front of boys. I’ve never had a boyfriend before because Anna has ruined my chances with every single boy I’ve ever liked. I don’t know how she always knew who I liked, but she did. I was crushing especially hard on this one boy last year. He wasn’t just cute and sweet; he was so talented too. The star of the basketball team. My heart would flutter watching him dominate the court and my cheers for him had nothing to do with just being a cheerleader: they were real. I really liked him so much and by our playful (and sometimes flirty) exchanges, I got the impression that he liked me too.
One night, after a huge win against one of our rival schools, Daniel Wade ran up to me and hugged me so tight in celebration. The next day, Anna had volunteered to tutor him. A few days after that, they were dating.
Whoever reads this may think that I did what I did because of Daniel, but no. I quickly got over that. I’m not one to pine after a guy who is already in a relationship. The Daniel thing was just one of so many things that Anna did to get under my skin; to turn me into a ticking time bomb.
It’s as if she existed only to torture me. I came to hate and resent her as much as she hated and resented me, although I kept it all bottled up inside of me. Until I met Isabel and Jenna, that is.
I was less than thrilled when Mrs. Price paired the three of us together on a group project a few weeks ago. I mean, I never particularly liked Isabel or Jenna. They’re the kind of girls I tended to avoid, mainly because they were sort of vapid and mean and had nothing of value to offer. Being the party girls that they are, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when they brought alcohol to what was supposed to be our work session for the project. What did surprise me was my own willingness to have some when they offered me the bottle.
I had just gotten a particularly disgusting anonymous text that featured a mutilated corpse with my mother’s head photoshopped onto it and I was feeling a little more than upset. One sip of vodka turned into way too many and the next thing I knew, I was spilling my guts out to these girls. I told them about everything. The texts, the threats, the boys…it all came pouring out of me, along with my innermost thoughts about how much I completely despised the girl who I once desperately wanted to acknowledge me as her sister.
While Isabel and Jenna were completely shocked to learn of me and Anna’s familial relation, they were not shocked about Anna being a horrible person. Isabel admitted that she had long hated Anna and thought she was all wrong for Daniel, who she was very close to. She had a whole list of reasons why she hated her. Apparently, Anna had been harassing her for years as well, something that Jenna was around to attest to.
It felt good to sit around and finally air out my feelings. It felt good to have others listen, too, and have them agree with my opinions. The conversation soon turned dark. Real dark. We started talking about how great it would be to get rid of Anna for good. To make her live out for herself the gross images that she sends to me. For the first time, I allowed myself to really fantasize about something so sinister. I allowed myself to consider what it would feel to kill my sister.
The conversation took yet another turn when Jenna suggested that we do it for real. That we would get away with it if we did because Anna was so horrible and probably had so many enemies that it could literally be anyone in town who did it. She joked that we might be awarded some special honor for doing our town such a favor in getting rid of her.
It wasn’t a joke though.
We planned it. We planned the entire thing from the date of the murder (Anna and Daniel’s anniversary) to the way she would meet her demise (hit-and-run). I would be the one to do it since I hated her the most and was my sister.
If I were a liar, I’d try to save face by claiming that I wasn’t as into this plan as much the other two, but I’m not. I wanted this, or at least I thought I did. Isabel was the one who seemed the most eager to get it done. She was the one who kept pushing and making sure I was still up to it, but the truth is that she didn’t really have to push me. I had decided on that drunken night that I wasn’t going to let Anna bully me anymore. Nothing could have stopped me, not even the other two backing out.
I knew that Anna didn’t have a car because her mother couldn’t afford to buy her one and our father couldn’t be bothered to pitch in. I’d been stalking her for a few days, well enough to know that she would be picking up an anniversary gift for Daniel on her way home from school, which meant that he wasn’t going to drive her home. I waited until she was walking along a deserted road and then I did it. I drove towards her, slamming my foot on the accelerator and hit my sister with my car.
I’ll never forget the wide-eyed look on her face as she spun around to face me, mere seconds before I crashed into her.
The second I hit her, I regretted it. I thought this was exactly what I wanted, but it wasn’t, and I learned it way too late. She wasn’t quite dead when I hit her. If I’d called an ambulance, I could have saved her life, and I almost did, but Isabel called me in that moment to ask me if it was done and she convinced me not to, reminding me that if Anna woke up and remembered seeing me behind that wheel, my life would be over.
So, I grabbed Anna by both arms and dragged her limp body to the woods off the side of the road, apologizing to her over and over through my sobs of regret.
I’ve thought about coming clean many times, but Isabel and Jenna seem to know what I’m thinking and keep reminding – or more like, threatening – me not to say anything. I don’t know how long I’ll hold off before I ignore their threats and tell someone anyway, but I wanted to write it all down in case they do something to me next. I wanted it to be known that I take responsibility for what I did and that I’m sorry I did it.
I am so, so sorry.
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Excerpt from the black notebook
Sergio,
My son, I know you will someday have questions about what happened to me. I documented it all in this diary. By the time you get your hands on this, I am already dead. It is too late for me to live a life, but it’s not too late for you. I know you’ll grow up to be an honorable, young man someday, and for that, let me say this: I am proud of who you are and who you will become. I love you, my son, and I am hoping you will also love your future child the way that I loved you.
Love, Dad.
RITUAL INSTRUCTIONS (TRANSLATED FROM LATIN)
1. This is a timeless ritual that needs to be taken seriously because it has very grave repercussions. For instance, if you are just making up a ghost or hallucinating because of taking drugs, do not proceed with the rest of the instructions. Those who dare will lose their own life, and a loved one’s life within 24 hours.
2. This ritual shall not be done if the soul has already moved on to the afterlife.
3. Take any personal item of the deceased, press it against your chest, and try very hard to think about the place of death (this step shall work faster if you know the exact moment of death)
4. Chant these words properly: amare (Love), meliorem (Optimal), sacrificalis (Sacrificial), transcendentem illumque (Transcendent).
5. A soul in exchange for a soul. A living person has to die in place of the soul they are trying to bring back to life.
Note: Someone who came back to life through the ritual can save another soul at another time, but he has to do the deviation ritual instead.
1. Make a concoction. Take a quart of a pig’s blood and boil it in a pot under a flame. Once the blood is boiling and bubbling, add a live moth; the bigger and the darker its color is, the better. Add a live butterfly, the bigger and brighter its colors, the better. Boil for 20 minutes. Pour yourself one full cup of this concoction, and drink it boiling hot, in one long gulp.
2. Recite ‘Quod perierat et inventus est’ thirteen times in or under a minute. Failure to do this in the one-minute window will result to death of whoever attempts the ritual and that of the lost soul’s permanently.