Chapter 27: Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: A SOUL FOR A SOUL
RADJAN (FINAL ENTRY)
Amare = Love… Meliorem = Optimal…
I was very focused on reciting the soul saving ritual. Maybe I’ve completely gone insane for believing in an ancient myth but that’s what true love is all about, believing in the impossible. Love is optimal, according to the first part of the incantation. I completely agree. My love for Mirjana is so optimal, so much bigger than my heart; infinite, unconditional.
Sacrificalis = Sacrificial…
Yes, love is sacrificial. And I do believe in my heart this is what I was always meant to do. I’ll do whatever it takes to give her one more chance to live like I promised her.
I heard my father yelling something about a fifth instruction. How could it be possible? I have gone over to the translated version of the instructions and I was pretty sure it ended in number four. I started feeling nervous. What if we were doing it wrong?
“Transcendentem illumque,” Daniel chanted. I barely caught up but still managed to. I knew I couldn’t afford to lose concentration. Mirjana was depending on me.
Transcendent… That’s the exact word that describes my love story with Mirjana. Beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experience.
Tears fell from my eyes as I recited the last part of the incantation. I love Mirjana way too much.
Please make the ritual work. Please take us to the place where she died. Please let us save her, I thought to myself desperately.
I began feeling dizzy and my whole world began spinning. It was hard to describe what was happening. It was like being taken to another dimension…
---
Something really weird just happened. Daniel and I are suddenly not in my flat anymore. We are at the woods.
Why are we here? And where is Mirjana?
I looked up news reports about her death when I was at the hospital. Apparently, she was hit by a car potentially on Kingsley Road but whoever did it dragged her body to the woods. The very same woods we are in now.
“Mirjana!” I yell.
“Anna!” calls Daniel.
We both sound very desperate. Are we at the right place?
“I think we need to be on the road. Hurry, we need to walk. Any moment now Mirjana would be hit by a car. We have to stop it from happening!” I say.
Daniel doesn’t need to be told twice. He runs as fast as he can towards the road, calling Mirjana’s name over and over. I try to chase his speed but I am unable to. My legs hurt when I try to run in full speed. I run through the pain telling myself I can’t afford to feel any delay right now.
Daniel gets to the road first while I trail behind, but I can already see Mirjana’s figure in the middle of the road. I feel so much panic coursing through my veins. My legs are failing me right now.
I see a car from a distance on full speed and I screamed in horror.
“Daniel! Get her out of there! Hurry!”
He manages to push Mirjana out of the car’s way before the car comes too close.
We did it! We did it! It worked! My heart leaps with so much happiness and relief. I can hear Mirjana’s laugh from where I stand, but I can’t hear what they are saying to each other.
I am about to call her name when I suddenly see Daniel and her kiss. They are in the corner of the road, kissing each other so passionately.
Just when I thought my heart can’t possibly be broken anymore, it just did.
Does this mean she is choosing to be with him now as if she never met me?
I stand there, feeling my heart bleeding, suddenly catatonic. I feel the moist in my eyes. I must be crying again. I know I should be happy the ritual worked, but I can feel a part of me dying. Maybe this is the part where I have to let her go. Maybe this is the part where I should sacrifice my own feelings so she can be happy and full of life again.
The insurmountable pain in my heart and uncontrollable tears in my eyes go on and on as I watch them smile and talk to each other with overflowing happiness on their faces. I can’t make the pain nor the tears stop. I am powerless. I am broken.
Mirjana suddenly looks up at me as if she felt my pain momentarily. But she eyes me with a look that tells me she doesn’t recognize me anymore.
I randomly look at my wristwatch so she wouldn’t see me crying and that’s when I notice the date rewound back to the day before I first attended Martin Andersson University. The day that she died, according to Daniel. No wonder why she doesn’t recognize me anymore.
I love you, Mirjana. You will always be the love of my life. My first and last love. I’ll be kidding myself if I say that someday time will heal my wound and I will be able to move on from you. I wouldn’t be able to. You are my one true love. Thank you for being mine once. Times we spent together are the happiest moments of my life.
I blink through my tears to watch them again. Panic suddenly runs through my veins when I notice another car barreling on full speed towards Daniel and Mirjana. They seem so lost into each other’s presence neither of them seems to have noticed it. No! This can’t be happening! The ritual didn’t work! No! I can’t let this happen. I can’t just watch her die!
In this moment, my father’s yells before we were transported back to this moment in time finally makes sense to me. He said there was a fifth instruction that we missed. In this moment, I realize the soul saving ritual won’t work until another person sacrificed his life, in exchange for the one he wants to save. That must have been the final instruction that we missed.
In this moment, there is no other option left to do.
I run as fast as I can towards the approaching car, fully intending to get hit by it instead. I know my father would understand. His father loved him too much that he gave his own life for him.
As I run, my body feels such an extreme physical pain while my heart feels an emotional ache in full intensity. I am going to die, I know that. But maybe this is what I’ve always been destined to do.
I’ve experienced how to love and be loved, which means I’ve experienced life at its best. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I yell as best as I can to get them to move out of the way.
They move just in time, to my relief. I know I only have a few seconds left in my life. I hope it won’t hurt so much. I hope death won’t hurt as much as I’m already hurting physically and emotionally. I hope it is a quick, painless death. I hope my father can forgive me. I hope he knows I love him so much…
---
DANIEL (FINAL ENTRY)
I am still picturing Anna’s frightened face when I suddenly find myself in the woods with Radjan. It’s a crazy feeling, traveling through time. It’s as if I could feel my soul being transported somewhere else, but physically I wasn’t moving at all.
I don’t have time to marvel at the wonders of this though. I’m here for Anna. Holy crap, Anna! I can’t believe this actually worked! My heart is racing so fast at the thought that I’m about to see her again. Where is she?
Radjan must be the thinking the same thing because he begins to scream her name.
“Mirjana!” he yells.
“Anna!” I echo.
“I think we need to be on the road. Hurry, we need to walk. Any moment now Mirjana would be hit by a car. We have to stop it from happening!” he exclaims.
I sprint into action, running as fast as I can, yelling her name like a madman.
“Anna! Anna!”
I have to see her. I have to know she is okay. Please let her be okay, please let this work.
“Anna!”
My heart stops when I see her walking up ahead, wearing her backpack and carrying her books like she did every day. I can’t believe it. She’s alive! She’s really here!
Before I have a chance to rejoice any further, I hear Radjan’s frantic cries from somewhere behind me.
“Daniel! Get here out of there! Hurry!”
What? I hear it before I see it. A car rushing at full speed in Anna’s direction. No! I will not let this happen again!
I will my legs to run even faster, faster than they ever have before and I reach Anna just as she is turning around to look at the car, that same frightened look on her face from my dream. I push her forcefully out of harm’s way and the car continues past us, the driver blaring their horn as if it were us in their way. Psychopath! I feel like going after them and making them pay, but as I grab Anna’s arm tight to steady her and keep her from falling, I find myself frozen in place. She gasps and looks at me in shock. I can’t believe she is right in front of me. That I can touch her. She is here, solid, warm, alive! Anna!
“Dan?” she says, sounding shaken. I am paralyzed by the sound of her voice. The one I thought I’d never hear again. “You saved me…” she continues softly, “it happened so fast, I didn’t even hear it coming and when I turned around it was already so close, if you hadn’t been here…” her voice trails off. She hugs herself a bit, as if seeking comfort and then looks up at me, confusion registering on her face. “But wait, what are you doing here? Were you trying to pick me up?” She laughs. “Nice try, Superman, but I told you I’ll see you later! I have to go prepare for your anniversary sur--”
I kiss her hard, not letting her finish. I kiss her with a passion I didn’t even know I had in me until this very moment. Anna is here, in my arms, kissing me back. I can feel the tears running down my face and I let them flow freely. If there was ever a time to cry, it’s now.
“Dan…” she breathes against my lips, trying to break apart, but I don’t let her. I keep kissing her over and over. I feel like never letting her go.
I don’t know much about the mechanics of life and death, but I know that most people only get one shot at it. The fact that I’m here with my girlfriend, challenging the very notion that we only live once is nothing short of miraculous. In this moment I am so filled with love, gratitude, and relief that I could burst. I silently vow to myself to never take anything for granted ever again.
When I finally manage to break my lips away from hers, I lean my forehead against hers and whisper quietly, “Don’t ever leave me again.”
She looks up at me and touches my wet face, wiping my tears with her thumb. “Dan, you’re crying. What’s wrong? What do you mean again? I’m fine! You saved me. Nothing happened.”
She looks in the direction the speeding car came from, then back at me, “Is this about that creepy old lady who told me I was going die?” she laughs again and my heart is full and warm. “I guess that almost-accident was pretty creepy given the circumstance, but I hope you didn’t let her get to you, baby, she was just some old whack job! It’s nothing to worry about.” She touches the sides of my face with both hands, “I am never leaving you.”
“Do you promise?” I say, feeling more tears fall down my face.
She smiles up at me, looking more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her, “Yes, Daniel Wade, I promise.”
She kisses me softly, but with as much passion as I had just kissed her a moment ago and I never want this moment to end.
“I love you,” I say. I’ve never meant it more.
“I love you too, Emo Dan,” she says, laughing and then looks at something over my shoulder. I look back and see Radjan standing there watching us, tears streaming down his face too, though he looks down at his watch to hide them. I realize that this moment, the happiest moment of my life, is probably one of the hardest for him and I instantly feel sad for him. For a split second I worry about Anna remembering him, but I can tell by her face that she doesn’t.
“Who is your friend? He looks so sad…” she says. “You two aren’t starting an emo band, are you?” she adds, jokingly.
I look at her once again and offer her half a smile, I want to laugh at her cute joke, but I also feel a tug in my heart for what Radjan must be going through right now. I don’t know how I would have reacted if that had been me. If she remembered him instead of me. Losing Anna once was hard, losing her twice would be the end of me.
I look at her beautiful face now and I feel new tears forming in my eyes. The past month without her has been the worst in my life. I can’t imagine a whole lifetime. Never hearing her laugh again, never kissing her lips, never listening to her cheers during my games. The pain intensifies in my heart when I think of having to watch her do all those things with someone else. I know that what matters is her life and her safety, but I have to thank my lucky stars right now that it’s me she remembers and loves. God, I missed her.
“Dan,” Anna says quietly, watching the tears flow down my cheeks. “What is going on with you and your friend? Why are you both crying?”
I kiss her tenderly and feel lost in this moment until a strange noise pulls me out of it.
I look up just in time to see another car speeding right towards us. What the hell? Again!? I get a strange sensation in my stomach like this is what Radjan’s father was trying to warn us about when we were performing the ritual. I only have enough time to catch a slight glimpse of a girl’s face in the driver’s seat, partially obscured by a hoodie and sunglasses before I shove Anna out of the way. At the same time, Radjan is running towards us.
“NO!” he is screaming wildly. “MIRJANA!”
I can still hear his voice echoing through the air as the car smashes into his body. Anna screams in horror.
“NO!” I yell, sprinting towards his body, as the car screeches away at full speed, but before I can reach it, I double over in pain, feeling the worst headache I’ve ever felt in my life. I can hear Anna scream again and through my blurred vision see her lower her phone and rush over to me.
---
“Dan!” she screams. “Oh my god! Are you okay? You’re bleeding!”
I clutch at my head, moaning in pain. I can see blood dripping down onto my shirt. What is happening to me? Have I been in an accident? Oh god, it’s so much pain. My vision slowly begins to fade. Where am I? Somewhere beside me I can hear Anna frantically calling 911, telling them to please hurry. Oh, Anna… my sweet angel. I don’t want her to see me in so much pain.
“There’s a guy here who has been hit,” I hear Anna cry. “I’m not feeling his pulse.”
Wait, what? What guy? What has happened? I want to ask her; I want to hold her. She sounds so scared! But I am blinded and muted by my pain… there is so much pain…
My vision leaves me entirely and I can feel my consciousness slipping. My last thoughts before I drift off are that I hope that guy she was talking about is okay, and I hope that Anna is not too traumatized by whatever is happening.
This is no way to spend our anniversary.
***
A few hours later, Anna and I are sitting at the police station where she is waiting to be questioned. She is visibly shaken and I’m holding her hand, making sure she feels safe and comforted. I don’t think it is doing much help though. I’m not sure anything can help in this situation. How do you deal with watching someone be murdered and knowing you were the intended target? I’m still trying to grasp it all myself.
After the paramedics arrived, they tended to me and to a young guy who was hit by a car. I’m not sure what happened to me. I suffered from a major headache and nosebleed, supposedly caused by the shock of seeing someone get hit like that, but the thing is…I don’t remember seeing the accident. I don’t remember anything about how I got on that road at all.
The last thing I remember was saying goodbye to Anna before heading back to my dorm. I was going to go home and get ready for our anniversary date. The next thing I knew, I was laying on the road in pain. I have no idea how I got there; my car was nowhere to be found. It would make sense if I had hit my head and suffered from amnesia or something, but Anna saw the entire thing and said that I wasn’t hit. I also don’t have any physical injuries to suggest that I had been. I only had the headache and nosebleed. The paramedics said that it is possible I am suffering from some memory loss due to the shock as well, but that doesn’t sound right to me. There was no reason for me to be on that road!
Anna said that I was acting strange prior to the accident. That I kept kissing her and crying. I also have no memory of this at all. She said that the guy who had been hit seemed to have been crying too and thought that we knew each other, but I’d never seen him before in my life. He was around our age but didn’t go to our school. He died on impact.
I get chills now thinking about coming to and seeing his bloodied, lifeless body lying on that road. I don’t know who he was or why he rushed in front of that speeding car (another fact that was told to me, as I had erased it from my memory) but I feel so much gratitude for him and for his bravery. If he hadn’t rushed us – her—to safety, who knows what could have happened.
I look over at Anna now and kiss the tears that are running down her beautiful cheeks. I am so heartbroken for the guy who tragically lost his life today, but relieved that she is healthy and safe. At least physically. I cannot speak for her mental state right now.
Anna was quick to take action after the hit and run. She whipped out her phone and snapped a picture of the license plate as this person sped off. With that, we were able to come to the police station and turn them in. It turns out that the car was actually registered to someone Anna knows: her sister.
I was shocked to learn that Anna had a half-sister, but I was twice as shocked when I found out that she is actually someone I know and go to school with. Anna never once told me this before, but she had a reason for it. There is a lot of bad blood between them. Their father had an affair when Anna’s mom was pregnant with her and abandoned Anna and her mother for this other family. Her growing hatred and resentment for her sister caused Anna to do some very bad things to her, to make her life as miserable as she could manage. In fact, when Anna and I had our first fight where she confessed to me that she only tutored me to make some “stupid cheerleader” jealous, she was referring to her sister.
I feel uneasy finding out that her sister was someone I almost sort of dated and at first, I also felt a bit betrayed that she never came to me with this information. I have never given Anna any reason to think that she cannot confide in me about anything. But I decided to let that feeling go. My feelings of shock and betrayal are nothing in comparison to her feeling of guilt.
“I’m so ashamed,” she confessed to me, crying. “I’ve been such a bad person, I’ve done such horrible, disgusting things to her, Dan… it’s my fault that guy is dead. I did this!”
She sobbed into my arms for at least an hour, and I tried my best to calm her down, but I knew there was nothing I could say that would ease her guilt. She knew upon learning the identity of the driver that this was no accident. This was a premeditated murder. Anna’s sister was trying to kill her, just to make the harassment stop. A shiver runs down my spine as I think about it. It’s a lot to take in.
I don’t want Anna to hate herself for what happened. Whatever she did, she never meant for anyone to die. My only wish was that she had told me about this sooner. Maybe I could have helped her stop hating her sister. Maybe I could have even helped them form a relationship. Anna made mistakes, but this wasn’t her fault. If there is anyone to blame, I think it should be her parents for not recognizing what their marital dramas were doing to their children.
I take Anna’s hand and bring it to my lips, kissing her fingers. The door to the interrogation room opens and a cop comes out, escorting Anna’s handcuffed half-sister: Celeste Levesque.