Chapter 17: Chapter 17
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: THE DREAM
R8.
RADJAN
The happiness I’ve been feeling in my heart the past few days has been so overflowing I really could feel my heart would eventually burst. It’s crazy how life can go sometimes. At some point, you feel almost close to empty. The next thing you know, your tank is back full again.
Mirjana is really the most interesting girl I’ve ever met in my life. That day she met my father for the first time, it felt as if something has changed in our father and son dynamics, too. She made him laugh so much with all her silly but cute views about the world. That day, my father became interested in something I never thought he will be interested in ever again: my basketball career.
He suddenly started asking me how things are going at school, and if I was making my new school proud. Mirjana smiled at him proudly and said, “Radjan is the best player at school. I’ve watched him practice. I’ve watched him play. He is a scoring machine. You should go watch him play next game.” Yeah, right. As if he could even be sober for two hours.
“I should,” my father replied. Mirjana looked at me, searching my eyes for a reaction.
“Please don’t embarrass me, dad,” I said, not so defiantly, because some part of me was also hoping he would really see how good I am at the sport that both he and my grandfather loved.
“I have an idea,” Mirjana said, breaking the awkward silence. “We are going to make you a very large banner. It’s going to say…”
Mirjana beamed while sharing her idea, and was busy thinking what to say next, when my father pitched in his own. “We love you, Radjan. That’s what’s it’s going to say. I’ve watched enough basketball games on TV. Family members or biggest supporters do that a lot,” he explained to her.
Mirjana’s smile never left her face the entire time they were talking about it, as if it was the most interesting topic in the world. “What are we? I mean, are we his family members or biggest supporters?” she challenged him.
“Both,” my father replied. “Anyone my son loves is family enough for me.”
Mirjana’s face dropped as if she heard something so shocking.
“What’s wrong? You are going to marry Radjan someday, aren’t you? Well, kids, you have my blessing,” my father chuckled.
“We haven’t thought that far ahead,” I said quickly, noticing it was making Mirjana uncomfortable. “Dad, come on, please just be busy with something else and stop embarrassing me.”
My father laughed and stormed off shortly to give us some privacy. Mirjana seemed so sad and lost in thought that I started worrying and thinking really horrible thoughts why she was acting that way. Did my father joking about marriage upset her? Was it because she still loved her ex?
I tried to console her wordlessly because I didn’t know what to say. Or at least I hoped I seemed like I was consoling her and not being an awkward idiot. Well, that was not the first time I thought I needed a relationship manual. I definitely lacked experience in the relationship department.
“Radjan, I am starting to feel it. I am confused. I am tired. I am in so much pain,” Mirjana revealed, trying hard not to cry.
“Maybe… maybe we hopped into this relationship too soon,” I said, feeling a lump in my throat. I wasn’t saying what I really felt. I was saying what I thought she needed or wanted to hear at the moment. “Maybe this is all too soon for you, and I – “
Mirjana silenced me with a long and passionate kiss. “Stop. You’re perfect, Radjan. I mean it. I was so lost, like my existence was an endless hoop until you came along.”
I didn’t really understand what she meant. The taste of her mouth, of our passionate kiss, lingered for a moment that it was impossible to process something else.
“You found me like no one else did, Radjan. I love you. I have never felt a love like yours and if I could just…” She shook her head, and finished her sentence hanging like that.
“I love you more, Mirjana. Whatever is making you unhappy or worried, I am here for you. And just like what you told me, I was lost too, and you found me. It is actually the other way around. You made me believe in something I swore not to believe in anymore. I will always love you for the rest of my life.”
We spent that night and a few more nights kissing, getting lost in each other. Just when I thought a guy couldn’t be any happier, each day, each moment we shared proved me wrong.
---
My father and Mirjana watched our game against Drakonas Academy seated side by side. There was nothing more special than that. My father carried a “WE LOVE YOU, RADJAN” banner. Mirjana, on the other hand, had her face painted with RAD on the left cheek and JANA on the right. She looked really happy to be there. Although, I noticed she looked so pale as if she was sick of something but still made an effort to show up just to support me.
Coach Wade explained to me before the game started that Martin Andersson University had never beaten Drakonas Academy before. A lot was at stake in that game. For the most part, it was a close one. Luckily, our team had the last possession and Coach was able to call a timeout, with 10 seconds remaining in the game clock. We were behind by a point. It was 71-70 in favor of Drakonas. Coach’s instruction was clear. “Radjan, get the ball as early as you can and take that shot, son. The team is counting on you,” he said. I nodded at him, fully intending to do just that. I made my getaway move as swiftly as I could, eluding a double team, and slashed to the basket so quickly. My heart was beating so fast out of excitement, and with a few dying seconds left in the clock, I shot a glance at where my support system was sitting and cheering so loud. My father was standing from his seat, while Mirjana was… missing from my view. I couldn’t see the seat next to my father properly because one of the players from Drakonas, who was also standing and yelling from the sidelines, was blocking it from my view.
At about a second left in the game, I saw Evander Abreu, the center and best scorer of the other team, moving towards me as the last line of their defense. I saw from my peripheral vision that nobody was guarding Daniel Wade from the left wing. I passed the ball to him without hesitation and let him take a wide-open jumper. He was missing shots all game long but not at that crucial second. His shot went in. We only won by a hair. The final score was 72-71.
Everyone was in frenzy as the final buzzer sounded. It was a euphoric moment. I found myself also jumping up and down with joy, and letting my very happy teammates mob me right there at the court as if we had just won a championship. I glanced at Daniel briefly and he grinned at me as if we were best buddies. Maybe we could have been in an alternate universe. We are too much alike. I see myself in him a lot, especially when I was carrying so much pain and angst. That feels like a long time ago. These days, I feel like a new person. Changed and inspired and motivated by love.
I walked to where my father was seated and he flashed me a big smile. He was so proud of me. I was so proud of him, too. He actually made it sober. I finally noticed Mirjana was not in her seat.
“Where is Mirjana? Didn’t she watch the game with you?” I asked, unsuccessful in hiding the disappointment in my voice.
“Of course, I did!” I heard Mirjana’s voice say. She was suddenly there behind me. I wouldn’t even notice if she didn’t speak.
My mood lit up. I kissed her with so much passion and I didn’t want to let go. “I really, really love you very much, Mirjana.”
The team celebrated the victory after the game. Too bad Mirjana couldn’t make it. It turned out she wasn’t feeling well as I suspected. She just went to the game because she wanted to watch me do my thing. Mirjana truly is the best girlfriend in the universe. She deserves all the love in the world.
I did my usual smuggling food technique, so that my father and I would have a nice post-celebration meal that night. Well, I am offering the school my superb skills in basketball. They should offer me the best food in return. Daniel also came up to me while I was at the food table and for a moment, I thought I was busted. But he just gave me a fist bump. A gesture that said “thank you, man, that was a really cool assist back there in the game. You deserve all the food in the world.” Well, not really that last sentence, but still. He was with that girl named Isabel that resembles Mirjana a little bit, until you take a closer look and realize she’s nothing special.
---
He was sweating hard, looking at the piece of scroll he had just stolen, reading the words on it all over again. The paper contains very specific instructions. Reading each of them sent shivers down his spine. But he was desperate. There was nothing else he could do. He loved him so much. Doing this for him is nothing compared to the alternative. He then picked up a photograph, determined to follow through. He had to. It was his favorite picture of him. Think, he willed himself. Think harder. It has to be the exact place, the exact moment. There is no other way.
The black notebook on the table distracted him momentarily.
He has to know. He has to know everything. He started scrawling on the notebook and put into words everything he wanted to say to him before it’s too late. Then he held the picture again, clutched it deeply against his chest, recited foreign incantations in a dead language. He knew exactly what each word meant. A tear fell from his eyes.
And then, moments later, he found himself in a different place. He saw him. It worked! It really worked! The ritual was real all along. His heart was suddenly full of longing. It felt like ages ago since he last saw his little boy, but in reality, it was just three weeks ago. The longing was too strong. The desire to change this moment forever was too huge.
“Sergio!” he yelled.
---
I wake with a start. I just had a really weird dream about a man I don’t recognize and a little boy about two to three years old. The man called the boy Sergio in my dream. That’s also my father’s name. It is strange how your subconscious can conjure a lot of creepy stuff in a form of a dream. It is as if it morphs your waking life with your innermost thoughts, or maybe fears? I don’t know.
I am shocked to see Mirjana suddenly there, sitting on my bed, smiling at me.
“Mirjana? What are you doing here? I thought you were sick,” I barrage her with questions.
“Your dad let me in,” Mirjana explains, biting her lip, being cute just because she knows I always fall for it.
“You could have called me to come over your house and pick you up. What were you even thinking driving so late at night?” I ask, visibly upset.
“Please don’t be mad at me. I just… I just want to see you,” Mirjana replies softly. And just like that, all my defenses break down.
“Come here,” I say calmly. “I’m sorry I yelled.” She lays in my arm and I cuddle her so close to me. I kiss her. She kisses me back.
“Don’t ever do that again, Mirjana. I’m serious. It’s dangerous to drive alone at this time of night.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Radjan,” she apologizes, with that naughty smirk on her face. “Anyway, do you know what’s more dangerous than driving alone so late at night?”
“What?” I ask.
“This,” Mirjana says seductively, as she takes off her blouse. Oh god, we are so going to a territory I’ve never been before. And I’ve never been so ready…