Chapter 68: Chapter 68

Chapter 68

I was just standing in front of my bedroom door. I don’t know if I’ll open it or I’ll just stay inside.

I took a deep breath and said, “This is the right thing to do, Pershey,” and then I opened the door. A mixture of nervousness and weight in my chest I am feeling now as I step down the stairs.

They were maybe in the living room and when I went to the living room, I caught up with them. Daddy hugged Mommy with her face still covered. On the single sofa, Bria is sitting there who soon looked at me sadly.

After a few seconds, Mommy and Daddy looked at me as well. Nanny Yuna and Driver Gong were sitting on the sofa next to Mommy and Daddy.

I averted my eyes from them and pretended I was looking at something else.

I sat down on the closer sofa next to them. Mommy's eyes were a little red when she looked at me, so I felt guilty because I was able to make her cry. Daddy, on the other hand, doesn't show in his eyes that he is crying but I can feel what he is feeling, I know what his eyes indicate as he is also looking at me. Almost all of them were staring at me. I didn't even say a word and then I just bowed when Mommy took my hand.

I will prepare my heart for their explanations. I will prepare my heart to be even more broken. This is probably the right way and the right way for me to know who my real mother is and where she is. In case she is still alive, I will go to her and hug her so that we can fill even a little bit of our longing for each other. I didn't expect or think that I wasn't with my real mother. I was with Mommy Sheraine but I never felt that she lacked love for me. I really feel like I'm her real child, so I can't believe she's not my real mother.

“Sweetheart,” Mommy called softly to me as she lightly caressed my palms. I couldn't look and just remained bent over.

My two ears are ready to listen to whatever they explain. I will also try to understand their explanations. Maybe they lied to me because they had a good reason, right? Maybe that’s an acceptable reason why they kept the truth from me for 18 years, isn’t it? If Bria hadn’t told me the truth, I wouldn’t have known. Maybe they also have no intention of telling me the truth. It hurts but I have to accept the truth rather than force myself on lies.

"We apologize to you," the tone of her voice was so encouraging and sad that I couldn't look at her. I might just cry when I meet her gaze. "We know that we could hurt you," she added. That's it. They knew I would be hurt but they still lied. That’s one of the things I have a hard time accepting. "... I-I want you to consider me as your real mother." I felt water dripping on my palm which she immediately wiped. "I am s-s-so s-s-sorry, Sweetheart," she said in a broken voice and I also heard her weak sniffle and I also noticed that she rubbed her cheek. Mommy is crying again because of me. What I hate most of all is to see them cry especially if I’m the reason. Their smile is my cure, so I am weak when they cry. I can't bear to see them cry when I can't do anything. I want to look at her in the eyes and wipe every tear that drips down her face. I want to say that everything is fine with me and force a smile on her.

I wanted to say sorry ... for making them cry. What kind of child am I and can I make them cry?

"I-I-I-I love you so much, sweetheart, even ... I'm not your real mother ... Even if you didn't come from me."

I was almost swallowed by saliva in the patience of not looking at her. Just the tone of her voice was like crushing pepper in my heart. How much more if I look at her?

Yes, I did not come from her and she is not my real mother but ... I did not feel that I was not her real child.

She's too good to cry, so why do I just let her cry?

"S-sorry i-if we didn't tell you the truth right away."

At that moment, when she removed her hands from mine, I looked at her. I met her languid gaze. I knew in myself that I was hurt and stubborn. I just thought about how I was feeling and I forgot about them. How can I ... but what about them?

“I love you so much,” she said softly as her eyebrows furrowed down that seemed to soften my heart.

It was as if my raging emotions were being embraced by the cold.

A smile drew on her lips as she touches my cheek which is lightly caressed by her fingers.

Even though I can't speak, I want to say that I love her more. She's a good mother to me. She didn't even make me feel that she didn't love me even if I wasn't her own daughter. She's too good to me, so what right do I have to be angry and sulk with her? They sacrificed for me, so why should I be angry?

But ... it hurts! They taught me not to lie but they still lied. I didn't even notice in their eyes that they had a secret that was hidden from me.

I looked at Daddy while Mommy is looking at me.

Fortunately, I was able to fight my tears. As much as I can, I will stop myself from crying because they will also cry. I may not be able to cope anymore.

Daddy approached me. He sat in a mini soft chair in front of me. Mommy was next to him.

They even looked at each other before Daddy even started.

"Please forgive me, Shane" he said and I immediately averted my eyes so that my tears would not form in my eyes. "Forgive me if we had to keep everything a secret from you," he added. I wasn't looking at him. My head is tilted and I look around. Once again, I could see Driver Gong and Nanny Yuna looking at us. “... forgive us if we prefer to lie. We haven't told you yet because we don't want to hurt you. We just want to bury everything in oblivion so that we won't hurt you in case you find out the truth.”

“We know it’s wrong, sweetheart,” Mommy said, so I looked at them. I fight my tears because I can't cry. I'm tired of crying.

"But you chose to lie," I insisted to them in a low tone of my voice, and they nodded.

Daddy took my right hand and Mommy took my left hand, saying, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, please forgive us."

What else can I do? Who am I to not forgive them? I'm just a human! They are also people who make mistakes! Who am I to not forgive them? God, our father, is willing to forgive sinners even if the sin is great, so I, I am only human and only his child. Who am I to not forgive them?

But ... before I can forgive them, I must first forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. I want to first accept everything and forgive myself and then forgive them. They are my parents. They don't even tolerate me, so why should I tolerate them? Who am I to be angry? What right do I have to be angry with my parents? They sacrificed themselves for me, so I owe that, so why can't I forgive them?

"Who is my real mother?" I asked. I noticed that they were shocked. They looked at each other as if they were talking mentally. “Where is she? W-w-why didn't she even introduce herself to me? ” I asked again. “W-why did she leave me? Doesn't she want to be with me? W-where is she? ” I had a series of questions to them.

I want to know who my real mother is. I want to be with her and hug her. I have many things I want to ask, say, and tell her.

A minute passed as they looked at each other as if still hesitant and confused.

"Is she dead?" I asked again but they both shook their head. “Who is my mother? Where is she? ” I asked again but a minute passed without them answering. I noticed that they were still hesitant to speak. "P-p-please, w-w-who is she?" I begged them. I felt their grip on my hand tighten as they looked at me.

Who is my mother?

"S-s-she's alive, sweetheart," Mommy said.

“W-why didn't she even show up to me? Doesn't she want to see me? ”

She shook her head with a bitter smile, saying, "Every day, she wants to see you that she almost doesn't want to lose sight of you."

I was confused by what she said. My real mother really wanted to see me but she never showed up or introduced herself to me.

“W-why did she leave me? Doesn't she want to be with me? ”

“She really wants to be with you, my princess. She doesn't want to be separated from you,” Daddy replied, which also confused my mind.

She really wanted to be with me but she left me? Where is she? I have never been with her! Why does she even have to leave and leave me?

"D-d-doesn't she love me?"

They both shook at the same time.

"She loves you so much," Mommy and Daddy said.

“Where is she? W-who is she? I want to see her and hug her. W-where is she? ” I asked them questions and they were silent for a while.

I want to experience being with her. I want to feel how much she loves me. I want to see her, hug her, and kiss her.

Who is she?