Chapter 67: Chapter 67

Chapter 67

Nanny Yuna ran up to me holding a towel and holding an umbrella. Perhaps, Driver Gong said that I was soaked in the rain.

From where I was standing, I also saw Mommy and Daddy opposite the door and I think they will also approach me because Daddy is just opening the umbrella.

Concern covered Nanny Yuna's face as I looked at her. I didn't care even if I got wet again by the very heavy downpour.

She immediately wrapped the towel around my body.

I just kept blinking as I looked at her. No trace of shock was noticeable in my reaction. My whole body seemed numb and not a tear seemed to recede. There is also no trace of any grief or sadness to be noticed in me and I feel like I am not in my own consciousness.

I follow every movement of Nanny Yuna's eyes as the concern shows on her furrowed eyebrows.

"Why did you bathed in the rain?"

My mouth seemed to shut and I couldn't open my mouth. I looked away from her and walked behind her where Mommy and Daddy were approaching. They will be covered under the same umbrella.

I could feel Nanny Yuna looking at me and I could still feel her wiping my body. Even when Mommy and Daddy were close to us, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. At that moment, as they approached me, I seemed to be overwhelmed with sorrow and grief. I seemed to feel all the weight in my chest again and the pain my heart was feeling. I can feel sharp objects cutting into my heart again and even my muscles and intestines feel like they are being cut and pulled upwards every time I breathe.

I could not understand but my feet spontaneously walked to meet them, but when they were in front of me, then my tears helped again as I looked into their puffy eyes. I walked away and I almost ran into the mansion. And as I ran walking, I continued to cry silently. They didn't even notice that my tears were dripping while looking at them, maybe it was raining and pouring rain on my face, so they didn't notice, but I wanted them to notice and see it so that they knew how heavy my heart felt.

I also ran into my room but even before I could enter, I met Bria—sister but I just ignored her.

I knew what she was going to say. She maybe doesn't remember what she told me last night because she was drunk.

When I closed the door, I leaned there and slid to sit on the floor even though I was soaked and even though water was dripping from my white dress.

‘What should I do?’ Was the question in my mind that I was unable to answer. I maybe don't know what is right and wrong because with them I learned to choose wrong rather than tell the whole truth.

Now, is it still my fault if I can't talk to them? Is it still my fault if I avoid them? I hurt! They hurt me! They broke my heart, so you can’t blame me if I do this!

“Pershey,” Bria called to me softly, softly, and slowly, so I stopped crying even though it was quiet. I also immediately rubbed my face and tried to calm myself down.

"Leave me alone," I ordered and I also tried to be elegant in ordering that thing. I tried to be brave enough to fight this dying feeling. Even if I force myself to fight the pain my heart feels, I can't stop the tears from flowing down my face.

"Pershey, can we talk?" she asked in a weak tone of voice and slowly.

"Just leave me alone," I ordered again and tried to keep my tone calm. Although it was obvious from my speech that I was crying, atleast I tried to be brave and pretend I was okay.

"P-please, P-pershey?"

"Leave me alone," I ordered again. I want to be alone even for a few days. I want to find the place where I fit. I want to be able to think. I want to pour everything I feel into crying. I want to be alone first and learn to accept everything about my personality that they have kept secret from me for 18 years.

"Pershey, I'm begging you, talk to our parents, please?" It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she begged me to talk to our parents.

That's it! I really want to face them and talk to them but I’m having a hard time! I struggle with things that make me feel so overwhelmed! She didn't know that and they didn't know! I’m the only one who feels how heavy I feel! I really want to talk to them but I can't. I'm trying hard but I can't!

I really want to hear their explanations but I can't talk to them right now. I'm feeling heavy. They didn't know what's inside my chest! They didn't know what's the impact of it to me! They lied and it is hard to accept that!

They made me a fool! How could I accept that so easily?

It's easy for her to say and tell me to talk to them because she doesn't feel how I feel! She is not in my position! She didn’t feel like the world was about to reject me! She doesn't know that!

“... if you can bear not to talk to them, I will not. I can't stand seeing them feel sad every time you avoid them! ”

I tilted my head at what she said. At that moment, I looked at the picture frame on the wall of my room. That was the picture of the three of us, mommy, daddy and I.

I could clearly see their wide smile in the picture. That was the day I graduated in highschool with high honors.

I noticed that my lips smiled bitterly and I seemed to wake up suddenly.

What I did comes back to my mind. I think back to the avoidance I was doing to Mommy and Daddy. As well as their reactions whenever our eyes meet. I seemed to feel pain in their chest that was hidden from my knowledge.

"... if you're not hurt by what you're doing to them, I, I'm hurt!"

"They lied to me!" that’s what I insisted on what she said.

Really, isn't it? They lied to me! They made me look so stupid for 18 years! How can I accept that so easily? Did she think, it’s easy to force myself to accept the fact that I’m not really Mommy’s child? Did she think, it's easy to accept that they didn't mention those things to me? Did she think, everything was easy? To her, it was easy but to me...it wasn’t and I was having a hard time!

“... don't you know they were crying last night? While you are in your room, instilling anger and resentment in them, they are crying and regretting that they lied to you! ”

I was almost speechless at what she was saying. Little by little, what she was saying came into my mind. I gradually remembered how I avoided them last night and up to these times.

I was wrong. I know they lied to me but I should have waited for them to explain why they chose to keep the truth from me. I was just carried away by how I felt. I sent in the weight of how I felt. I no longer thought that they might be hurt as well as I could possibly do.

What kind of child am I? Why didn’t I think they might get hurt even more than I did? Why do I put my feelings first? I didn't even pay attention to every call they made to me. I didn't even think about them. I don't even remember how they felt that they might get hurt.

I knew they were wrong and they would understand me why I wasn’t talking to them but I should also think about how they would feel.

“... please, Pershey, give them a chance to explain why they did that. Talk to them before we go back to the States. ”

When she said that, I immediately stood up in shock especially when she said they were going back to the States again. They will leave me here again in a huge house wrapped in loneliness.

After she said that, I never heard anything she said again. She probably left and went back to her room, so I immediately went to the bathroom to take a shower. After I take a shower, I get dressed right away.

As I was choosing for clothes, I noticed a paper bag on the floor. That’s what Daddy gave me before my party even started last night.

I can’t deny and can’t hide the momentary smile on my lips at that moment. I picked it up and opened it to see what is inside.

A dress, a gray dress, a tube style top that matches its skirt.

That's what I wore. When I put it on, it seemed to ease the heavy burden of my chest, so I couldn’t help but smile slightly somehow even with a moment of tears as I remembered them.

On the right, I looked for sandals. From above, second raw, a glittery gray sandals caught my eye. That's what Mommy gave me before my party even started. That's what I wore and it was so beautiful on my feet. It measures 2 inches and it is pointed sandals.

Somehow, the heavy burden of my heart was relieved. Somehow, I was able to smile despite the hatred and bitterness, sadness and grief, my resentment and anger to them.

Because of how heavy I was feeling, I forgot how much they loved me. I was wrong because I just thought of my own feelings that I didn't think would hurt and they hurt too.

“Sorry,” I whispered to the air while looking at the cloudy skies.