Chapter 121: Chapter 121

Chapter 121

It's 5:30 AM. I'm eating here alone. They are still asleep. There are just as many things that bother me.

I think back to what Aunt Selenaya and I talked about yesterday. What Neil told me also kept coming back to me.

There was a lot going on in my mind, so I didn’t know what else I should do.

My tears have dried. Even though I felt and my heart was breaking again, I could no longer cry. It was as if my tears had given up as well. I no longer shed tears or well up in my eyes. Maybe my tears are gone.

But here I am now, stunned and anxious. I keep feeling like I’m going back to normal over and over again and I’m feeling heavier over and over again and my chest is carrying even heavier.

Why do I have to suffer? I also deserve to be happy and I should be happy now. I shouldn't be in pain anymore.

I shouldn't be hurt anymore especially when I thought he had found someone else but he was waiting for me.

I'm waiting for him too. I'm still waiting for him to come back.

Even two years ago, I was still waiting for him. I feel like a madman and a fool waiting for someone I don’t know will come back or not.

If he had planned to return, he would have done so before. He should have followed me to America. But I was still alone until and until now I was still waiting.

He loves me and my heart still feels that he loves me. I still love him and that hasn't changed.

Why do I love him even though my heart repeatedly hurts because of him?

I thought I was okay but here I am again. I am falling again with sadness that I should not feel now.

"Are you hungry, my princess?"

I heard Daddy's voice, so I went back to trance. I looked at him.

I didn't notice that I hadn't eaten the food I prepared for myself. I was thinking deeply.

It is not new for me to always be stunned. Not everything is new to me. I'm so used to it because it's just repeated.

I'm used to it but why is it like this again?

"Yes, Dad?" I replied.

I'm not really hungry. I was just trying to entertain myself, so I thought of going here. I couldn’t sleep well because so many things were haunting my mind. Things that bother my mind don’t put me to sleep.

I also cry all night, so maybe my tears aren't dripping now even though I feel so heavy and my chest is tight.

Maybe my tears are gone. Too tired maybe. I'm always crying, so maybe my tears are gone. Maybe it got bored and gave up.

I didn't realize that I was stunned again. I only realized when Daddy touched my shoulder and asked if I was okay?

Do you know the answer to Daddy’s question? Am I okay because I used to think I was okay?

Just repeat! I'm not okay! .... but it's okay.

What else can I answer? Of course I have to say I’m okay even though I know in myself that I’m not okay. I thought then I was okay. I thought I would never cry again and be hurt when Neil and I met again. I'm not okay yet, especially my heart. I'm still not really okay, I just thought I was okay ... but I'm not.

I am tired of saying that I am not okay!

"I have something to tell you, Shey," said Daddy before he sat down in the opposite chair.

“Let’s eat, Dad? Do you want me to prepare your breakfast? ”

I was about to get up when he said no.

“You have something to know, Shey. Just sit. ”

He smiled at me and I waited for what he would say.

Is it about the company? Are they going to go back in the States?

"While you were studying in America, Neil came here."

I stopped chewing what I was eating. I also continue my chewing and then drink water.

I didn't say anything but I was really shocked.

Really? Neil is coming here? Then he will go when I'm in America?

“He begged us to talk to you but I said you are no longer here. We always see him waiting at the gate. He waits for you every night, Shey. We felt sorry when we saw him crying as he was soaked in the rain outside the gate. We talked to him and he told us why he had to leave you. ”

I couldn't even speak, so I just continued my meal because at these moments... it was warning that my tears would drip on my food. My eyes trembled at holding back my tears.

"Sorry, Shey."

Now my tears are dripping again but I still continue to eat even though my tears are flowing down my face. I kept on lowering my head while eating in conjunction with the relentless flow of my tears.

I drank water. I'm choking.

Why I am crying again?

“Sorry. I'm sorry if I'm only thinking of myself, Shey. You wouldn’t have suffered if I had thought about how you could possibly feel. You would not have suffered. Please forgive me, Shey. I am really sorry. ”

My tears flowed even more though I was eating. I kept crying. I suddenly felt his hug on me.

Did I think there were no tears dripping from my eyes? Did I think that even my tears were tired?

I'm here again. I'm crying again. I feel like I'm drowning. I shouldn’t have cried. I tell myself that’s okay. It's enough to cry. Don't cry anymore. I'm begging myself that it's okay but I don't want to go.

It's enough to cry.

The heavy burden of my chest still did not seem to be eased. It seems so and so still. It's still like this. I'm still crying.

I'm still hurting but what about Neil? I know now that I wasn't the only one crying. He was waiting for me then and I am also waiting for him until now... I am still waiting for him.

Is he still waiting for me now? When will the right time come for us? Will he come back or will I just keep waiting?

Didn't I myself say that love can wait? Even if many years pass, if we are the ones set for each other, no barrier can break our love.

May I ask? Is he the one set for me so that even now, despite everything, I am still waiting for him?

Can I make a request? Can he just? I am willing to despise everyone. I will endure the pain because that is exactly what a person who loves does. The person who loves endures even when it hurts, even when it is difficult. If you love, fight even if the world opposes. If you are hurt, you will just cry. No one who loves is not hurt.

Love and bait are twins. You have to be ready to cry and be hurt. You don’t really love if you’re not hurt. That is why we are hurt because we love.

But don’t give up on the person you love, but if he doesn’t deserve your love, it’s not bad to give up and if you know you’re the only one who loves the two of you.

I ... I feel. I feel like he loves me. I feel like he still loves me, so I’m still waiting until now.

Didn't I myself say that it's worth waiting for the person you love? I can't control my heart anymore. My heart goes crazy when called but I can't control myself. My heart is really waiting for Neil to come back. I still feel it.

Is there still hope for the two of us? Will he come back because I will still wait.

Do I have to tell him that I am waiting for him?