Chapter 39: Chapter 39

So many things in life can just never go the way that you want them to. It does not matter if you have been good person or how hard you tried. So many calls the events of life that happen with no regard fate. Well, if this is fate then I do not want any part of it. I want nothing more than to go against fate and go after what I want. I just do not have what it takes to hurt people. All I want in this life is love and even that has been denied to me. As I lay on my kang and ponder the way the world revolves I am filled with a sad melancholy of what has become my life.

Today is my wedding day. I always imagined that on this day I would be filled with excitement to be pledging my life to another for eternity. It is sad to say but in this moment, I feel nothing. For the last view days, I have found that I am unable to dredge up any emotion. I am just being the good boy who listens and follows directions. Without her this is what my life has become. She left without a word. Just one small action that turned my world upside down.

Five days ago, when I returned to the dining room tell her about what I had to do, I had made up my mind to make her the offer. I still wanted her in my life any way that I could get her. I would fulfill my family’s obligations to Shee. Once she had my heir Io and I would have been able to live a happy life together while Shee lived apart from us. I had planned for it to be an arrangement just like my father had with his wife except Io would be the only other partner I had. It angers me that she did not even give me a chance. She left my ring in the place I expected to find her, and she walked out of my life.

My mother told me that Io said she never wanted to see me again. She did not give any explanation to her. She made her decision right after I left the room with my father. Hearing that hurt so much.

I have had so many tasks to oversee in the last few days for the ceremony that I have had no chance to process. I tried to sneak away so many times so that I could talk to her. There was just never a moment. As I ponder the thought, I should have time now if I can make it. I need to hear it from her that she does not want to be with me anymore. I can make the offer to her and give her time to decide at least. I rush to put on my geta. The ceremony starts at sunset, and I will need to be back before then to dress. That only gives me a few hours. My mother has been the one to stop me every time I have tried to leave the estate. I decide to sneak past her rooms to make sure she is busy before I leave. I do not want to be stopped this time.

In the hall there are many servants milling about. It takes a while to make the journey to my mother’s room as I keep having to hide so I will not be spotted. When I finally turn the corner toward her room, I can hear her voice talking to someone. The door is cracked, and light spills form the room. As I approach the door to peek, I pause as I hear my name.

“Someday Draco will understand what I have done for him. That poor girl would have never been able to keep up with our lifestyles. One must be born into this role to learn to keep it. Why if I had not of told the girl about his upcoming engagement, he would have just had to hurt her himself. I did him a favor” she says loudly.

“What about if he did genuinely love the girl, Mistress? Wouldn’t it be better to marry for love other than station?” a female voice says. As I hear the voice I realize that it is my mother’s nursemaid Nu Yong she is talking to.

“He is too young to know what love is. He could not understand what is good for him. He would marry that girl and she would take him for everything. A girl like Shee is what my Draco deserves. A girl like that will help my son thrive in this world. He may even gain more riches than us someday. I worked hard during negotiation to make sure that this wedding was not stopped despite the rebellious things that boys has pulled. Xiyi is on my side, and he will have riches too after they are wed” she boast.

At this point I have heard all I needed to hear. I throw the door open so hard that it hits the wall with a bang startling my mother and her nursemaid. They flinch at my expression and rise to stand from sitting on her kang.

“Draco, what is the meaning of this”? she yells.

“You don’t have to pretend to care now ma. I heard everything that you just told (….). You orchestrated everything while you pretended to be on my side. You almost cost me the love of my life and you sit here boasting about it” I bellow. She rushes to me trying to soothe me in my anger. I grab her hands before she can reach my face. “You won’t win this game you have played with my life. I will marry Io because I love her. When that happens, you will not be there because of what you have done. I will tell ba of how you went behind his back and tried to ruin my life” I scream at her.

“No Draco, please. It is not like that. Everything that I have done is for you. I only wanted to….” She says.

“Keep your lies. I do not want to hear them. I am leaving this day to be with Io. You should pray that I do not return soon. You can clean up the mess you have made” I say as I shove her hands away from me. I turn away from the tears she is now shedding. She has no right to cry with what she has done. I run down the stairs and through the garden as fast as I can. The servants I pass look at me as if I have lost my mind when the truth is I have finally found it. I grab a horse from the stables and ride fast and hard to Io’s hut. I jump of my horse and leave him next to the tree that I planted for her. I bang on the door, and I wait. When my knock goes unanswered, I wait. I knock again louder.

“Io, please answer the door. I just want to talk” I beg breathing hard.

The door swings open so fast that it startles me, and I rush to take a step back. I smile when I see her face and she take a step toward me. I am so happy to see her face I hardly notice anything else. SMACK. I hear the sound before my vision forcefully turns away from hers. When I feel the sting on my face, I realize that she has slapped me. I turn back to look at her and grab her hand as it moves to hit me again. She freezes at my touch looking horrified at her own actions. When I go to twine my fingers with hers, she snatches away from me and cradles her hand to her chest. She steps back to close the door in my face, but I stop her.

“I deserve that and more. I am not here to hurt you more Io. I just want to talk to you. If you do not like what I have to say, then you will not have to see me again. I promise. I just want to talk.” I plead.

“Why would I want to speak to you after everything you have done. All of you lies. Just go away Draco. I do not want you here. I don’t want anything to do with you” She mutters not meeting my gaze. My heart breaks at her words. I need her to hear me out.

“Please Io” I beg her.

As she stares at the ground leaning against the door, I will not allow to close I look at her. Her raven hair is down providing a curtain against the sides of her face. She is pale and has little color to her face except for a deep redness under her eyes. It saddens me to see them. I hate it when she cries, and I feel pain knowing I am the one that caused her to. The dress blue dress she is wearing looks a bit too big for her small frame even though last month it fit her like a glove. My chest hurts to know that I caused this. As I look at her face again, she is still staring at the same point on the ground. She has still yet to give me an answer.

“Please. Just to talk” I plead once more.

“Go Io. From your behavior these last few days, I think you would fare better if you at least had some closure. Hear the boy out” Homura says.

At the sound of his voice, I straighten and remove my hand from the door. I bow to him in respect and rise quickly. “I am sorry to come here like this sir. I really need to talk to your daughter. I promise I am not here to cause her more pain” I say to him. He nods at my words refusing to speak and looks to Io for her decision.

“Very well then” Io murmurs. She steps behind the door to grab her geta and steps out the door.

“We will just take a walk” She pauses as I state. “What I have to tell you is a private matter Io, that is all.” I insist.

As she begins to walk, I follow beside her focusing for a moment on not standing to close. She still refuses to meet my gaze. From her slap earlier I know that she is angry. It just hurts that she is also refusing to look at me. I sigh and then begin talking.

“I don’t even know where to begin with all that I have to tell you. Well, first let me apologize for the pain that I have caused. I never intended to hurt you. I need you know that I never lied to you Io. I admit that I have omitted the truth about the arrangement, but I did not lie. I never wanted the arrangement with Shee. I have always wanted to marry for love” I state.

As we walk a bit more, I fix my thoughts to what I want to say. I know that I cannot just profess my love and have her forgive me. She needs to know everything. “Do you remember when you got mad because I didn’t show up that day, I said I would after my families trip? I know you are not speaking to me but that is the only time I have ever met Shee. When I snuck off to Hanami my father thought that to give me responsibility I needed to marry. He gave me forty-one days until it was to happen. It was shortly after I met you. Today is the day I am to marry her, and I am here to tell you that that will never happen.”

She glances at me through her hair as I make that statement. With hope that I am getting through to her I continue. “When I met Shee that day we found out that neither of us wanted the arrangement because we both had feelings for others. We hatched a plan at our first meeting to get our parents to cancel the arrangement through the old laws of her being jealous that my station kept concubines. At first, I was working and my ba disapproved of her. He said he would fix it so she will still accept me and Shee was convincing her parents at the time. So, I continued to court her as a disguise for our correspondence on stopping the arrangements through the letters sent from courting gifts. I had even begged my ma to talk to my ba to try to convince him I deserved to marry for love.” I continue.

We are walking around the paddy fields now. Io’s head has gone from facing the ground to taking in the scenery around us as she listens. “I ended up telling my father when he brought it up that I wanted to marry for love. We came to a proposal that if I were to do what he does for seven days then he would give me seven days to choose my own bride. I had already chosen you, but he did not know it yet. So, I did his work and I courted you at the same time. I chose you. My father had gotten no word a few days ago about his plans to cancel the arrangement so he took a trip. Shee’s father named an obscene amount of money to be paid for their troubles and my father was unable to get the amount in time. I was told that day at our dinner that if I still chose you then my entire family would be shunned. I had a plan to fix it all but before I could tell you anything you left. You even told my mother you never wanted to see me again” I remind her.

For the first time since we have begun this journey, she looks at my face. I am so happy that she is looking at me I pause in the telling of my events. When she looks away the spell is broken, and I find my voice again. “I have been in despair for days thinking that you didn’t want anything to do with me. When you left my ring, I thought that you no longer loved me. I thought that no matter what I had done I had lost you anyway. I couldn’t let that happen, so I decided to see you to talk to you today.” I venture. “However, before I left the estate, I heard a horrible conversation between my mother and her lady maid. She admitted to how she ran you off before I had the chance to talk to you. She thought you were after my riches because of our difference in station. She orchestrated this whole thing. She bribed Xiyi to stand firm in his decision for his daughter and I to wed. She did it all behind my and my ba’s back because she felt you were not good enough for me. She mistakenly believed that I was too young to know what love was” I finish.

When I look up, I notice that somehow we have ended up at our cave. Io has yet to say a word during this entire journey and I wonder what is on her mind. She steps into the cave to light the lantern and then she steps to the side so I can enter. I stare at her as I slowly walk to the blankets to take a seat. Somehow on my path I trip over something and catch my fall on my hands before my head hits the ground. I jump up to dust my hands off and see that I have tripped over a smack boulder that protrudes from the cave floor. When I look back at her she has an expression of worry on her face that she quickly hides at my gaze. As I sit down, she just stands near the entrance of the cave looking around. The silence is deafening.

“Please say something Io. Anything” I beg.

“What do you want me to say, Draco. Am I to just easily forgive you for hurting me? Am I supposed to thank you for how we ended because of you? What do you want from me?” She snaps meeting my gaze.

“I just wanted you to understand what happened. To see what led us here to where we are. I need you to see that I chose you. That I choose you Io. I will always choose you. I choose you for my bride. I love you more than anything. I am here to see if you will still have me.” I shout.

“Have you! Have you! Tell me Draco did I ever truly have you when for our entire relationship you were already promised to someone else. Did I have you when you knew that it was possible that you would marry someone else? Or did you just hope that with you privilege you would end up getting what you want? I never had you to begin with I was just the toy you played with.” She says in a rush of tears now streaming down her face.

I jump up off the blankets to go embrace her, but she side steps me and turns her back. “You have always had me Io. You have had my heart since the day you fell into my lap. You had my body when we broke our innocence together. You had my soul when you agreed to be my bride and wore my ring. You have all of me Io. Everything I am yours because without you I will be but a shell of a man. I love you Io. I truly do” I declare.

With my declaration she turns and steps into my embrace as she continues to cry silently. I smile at having her in my embrace as I squeeze her against me. For the first time I do not heat at feeling her against me. After days of feeling nothing, my peace returns at having her in my arms again. When her cries settle, and she sniffles I guide her to the blankets to sit down. I sit beside her as I hold her, and I hum our song. I kiss her hair and try to enjoy the moment.

“Draco” she whispers.

“Yes love” I respond.

“I love you too” she says looking up at me. I lean in to press a kiss to her watery smile and use my thumbs to wipe the tears from her face.

“Will you still marry me my love. Would you agree to be my bride once more”? I ask her.

“Yes, Draco. Yes, I will” she answers. I smile with joy and reach into the pocket of my rob. I bring out her ring and show it to her.

“Even when I thought I might never see you again, I still carried this in my pocket hoping. I am glad to return it to wear it belongs” I state sliding the ring on her finger.

I hold her as we sit there in our cave. We are at peace and in love. All finally seems right in my world, and I only have her to thank for it. Nothing could ever ruin the love we have.