Chapter 38: Chapter 38

When Draco leaves the room with his father I begin to fidget in my seat. His mother stares at me from across the room. She looks almost regal sitting there. Her brown hair is in a long braid drifting to the side and nearly touching the floor. Her kimono is made from the finest silk and when she moves it shimmers like water. She is a woman of true beauty. She has a symmetrical face with high cheek bones. As she sits there staring I can feel myself trimmer in my seat. The air is tight, and I feel as if I am caught in a tough wave. In the tense silence I clear my throat ready to speak.

“I.. I feel as if I have angered you and that was not my intention. I am here because I love Draco and wish to marry him” I stammer.

At my statement she purses her lips into a thin line. I can immediately tell she does not care about my intentions for her son. I really wish Draco were here. I do not know how to get through to her.

“I will speak plainly girl so hear me well. You are not fit to marry my son. You have no right to be in my home or in my presence. This family has come too far to be ruined by the like of someone after our coin. You should leave now before you cause any more problems” she spats.

I jerk back in my seat at her hateful tone. My eyes shimmer with tears at her quick dismissal of me. “I am not after your coin. I do not need it. I love Draco because of who he is not for what he can give me” I say with angry tears in my voice.

“Well, isn’t that cute. You say you have caused no problems, yet I can name many. You are here when Draco is promised to another. You wear a ring upon your finger that you have not earned. My er zi is not to wed some paddy field worker. You are just in my presence as a piece of rebellion. In only five days’ time he is set to marry another who is of his station. He has been courting her for quite some time now” she says with a haughty attitude.

“You lie. He would never do something like that. Draco loves me” I say standing up.

Kawa snaps her fingers. A female servant that has been standing off to the side rushes to lay a piece of parchment on the table in front of me. I break her gaze and blink my eyes to clear them so I can see the parchment.

Dear Draco,

I do hope that you are faring well on this day. Plans are going well here, and my dress has already been fitted for out ceremony. The necklace you have chosen for me is beautiful. The color chosen is one of the richest stones I have ever seen. I shall wear it on the day that we say our vows.

On the other hand, I have told my parents of my intentions. A deal has been struck and the date is set. Do not be in despair you will have the union you want. I will make sure of it.

Sincerely, Shee.

I sob aloud as I read the last line. I look at his mother and see that she is picking imaginary lint off her fine kimono as if she is unaware of my pain. I no longer want to be here. I have been so foolish to think I could have a future with him. I will be made a food no longer. I stand up straight with tears running down my face. I take off his ring and place it on the parchment.

“Thank you for your time. Please tell Draco I never want to see him again.” I say thickly.

I turn on my heel and take my exit swiftly. I walk fast through the grounds of Draco’s home no longer enjoying the scents of the plant as I did when I first came here. As I exit the gate, I look around his quiet village and see no others. In the distance when I can no longer see his home behind me, I run. My vision is so blurry from my tears I stumble several times. I know that if takes me only a few moments to reach my hut, but the journey felt like a lifetime. I barely stop as I open the door. I run straight to my room and throw myself on my bed. I scream into the sheets as I finally release all the pain I feel.

My door opens. I know it is my father, but I cannot bear to look at him right now. I can hear him speak but because of my tears I cannot understand what he is saying. My tears go quiet as I try to listen. “Why are you crying like this? Did things not go well with Draco parents?” he asks coming to lay a hand on my back. I jerk away from his touch not wanting his comfort. As I try to answer his question about the events of tonight, I cant. The only sound that leaves my mouth are more sobs. As I cry my father just sits there next to me. I have no concept of time how long it has been. When my tears are all cried out and I have quieted to dry heaves my father speaks once more. “I will listen when you are ready to tell me what happened dear. I hate that you are in pain, and I only wish to help. You are strong and will make it through this” he says warmly. He rises from the bed and exits my room with a sigh. As I think about his words tears leak anew from my eyes. I cry myself to sleep with the thought that I will not make it through this without the man I am in love with.

~a few days later~

I have been in my room for days. Father makes me join him every day for supper. He has tried to make conversation, but I still cannot bring myself to speak about what happened. I miss Draco so much and a part of me does not want to believe that I have lost him forever. I play around with the food on my plate after taking a bite or two until he is finished. Then I go back to my room. I have not been to my position in the fields either. I sit in my room looking at all my courting gifts. I cry at what they meant. The lies they told. I cry for giving my innocence to someone like him. I cry because I hate him.

When I join my father for dinner this evening, I can see he is tired. After these days of such sorrow, I find that I have turned to anger. I am angry at how Draco treated me. I am angry at how he lied and how he made me love him. I am angry at how he used me to take my innocence. I stab a piece on my plate with my cutlery and chew it angrily. I get angry that after days food still does not taste right.

“Io, my dear. It has been four days. Will you please tell me what happened? I want to help you, but I cannot if you continue to keep quiet. I can see your pain dear. It is not healthy to cry all day. You have not eaten much in days either. I am worried about you” he pleads.

I hear his tone. I know that he is hurt because I have shut him out because of my pain. My mind focuses on what he said but all I can hear is four days. Four days. It has been four days since I saw him. I feel my entire body still when I realize how long it has been. This means that tomorrow Draco will be getting married, and it will not be to me. I feel my skin heat as my anger rises higher.

“May I be excused” I bite out.

“Very well then.” My father says with a sigh

I jump up from my seat and I rush to my room. I gather everything that Draco has given me. I grab the book, the poem, the kimono, the kanzashi, the perfume, the bracelet, the drawing and all the remnants of the cherry blossoms. With my arms full I carry them all out the front door, around the hut to the compost pile. I toss them on the ground next to it and I heave a breath of relief. I have taken the first step to tossing Draco out of my life. I loathe him. I stomp back to my room and lay on my bed. As I feel my eyes water once more at my loss, I rush to wipe the tears away. With a deep breath I solidify the fact in my mind that he is not worth my tears. With my anger as my shield from the pain, I drift to sleep at the sounds of the cool spring night.