Chapter 55: Chapter 55

She believed in life, somethings only happens in tales and myths-but she've never imagined something as unbelievable as this would ever happen in her life. What was she thinking, when she questioned her existence? Thinking that she was the only human that suffered alot in her life? What was she thinking, when she thought she've never tasted a sweet fruit of life? She pray this isn't the truth, she prays this was just a cooked up story. How could she live her life? With which eyes could she ever look at Abba? The person that once loved her mother? That same person that scorched her mother? And made it till she was no more or what?

Her mother. She've never felt a feeling of spiritual love with someone like she've felt today. She want to see her mother, feel her warmth even if it won't last long, just to see her smile and hear her uttering nice words to her. All her life, she've been deprived of the sweetness and love of a mother. Would she ever have that part of sweetness in her life?

Could she ever forgive Umma? For she didn't know the type of mother she has, but she was sure that story was a cook up. She trusted her mother without even knowing her. She believes in her mother without spending a single day with her. And the love she has for her, she could feel it resurfacing, taking off Umma's name and replacing it with her Mama's. Yes! She has someone to call Mama.

"You wouldn't forgive me huh? I caused your mother's death Hayfah, I caused it all!" Abba croaked and broke into a series of agonizing tears. His life had never been the same, he maltreated his Rukayya, he had beaten her numerously, he told her he hates her uncountably, and he chased her out of his house, and that made her lost her life forever!

The word death fell into Hayfah's ears and kept wandering before it finally sink in. If she wasn't mistaking, Abba said she died. Her Mama is dead! She was tired of clearing her tears, because they've been streaming down since Abba started unveiling the mystery behind the name 'Rukayya' but she found herself not uttering a word now, nor were her tears rolling anymore. Every organ in her body was stiffened as realization dawned on her. She lost her Mama without even knowing her.

"You want to know her right? You want to atleast feel her warmth, hear her serene voice, and receive tons of love from her, how I wish I could rewind back time-Hayfah. It would've been easier if it was me that died, not my Rukayya!" Just the thought of Rukayya revived every ounce of pain in his body. Internal and External.

"No please, Abba. You've always been there for me-I wouldn't wish death upon you for eternity. Please stay healthy for me, please," she begged with a drained and muffled voice, she took his hand in hers and gripped it tightly, for her life now depends on Abba. She learnt of her mother's death minutes ago, but had spent 22 years of her life trying to please the woman that was the source of her Mama's grief and hers also-without even praying for her Mama, even if it's for once.

"You didn't ask me the questions I thought you would, Hayfah," Abba whimpered, clenching his eyes shut, he couldn't wait to finish telling Hayfah everything and rest, and he wish he could rest peacefully without more pains and dreams.

"I trust you Abba, which questions would I ask? I believe it was my destiny, Allah wanted me like this, and nothing would ever stop that. I'm contented with what I have, all I have to say is Alhamdulillah." She didn't know where the strength or will power came from, all she knew is; she have to be strong for her Abba, he have to regain back his health and keep moving like before-she couldn't bear loosing them both.

"You have to ask, Hayfah. Ask me if I did that on purpose, or she did something wrong to me that lead to that. Ask me if she was buried like every other muslim was. Ask me of I've ever regretted what I've done to the woman I loved and would forever love-Hayfah. Ask me please, let me tell you everything so I could rest." He could feel how his legs became stiff and he couldn't move them, it came to his thighs and it was now his hands-he wanted to tell her everything before he couldn't. He so bad want to rest.

"Tell me Abba, tell me everything you think I should know." That was the only thing she could come up with. She could see how he was talking with aplomb, as if the words tears his lungs and throat before erupting out-she want him to rest, they can continue when he's feeling better.

"You remember the gold mining business I went when you were in Ss1? It took me so long to come back because that was when I regained back my health-Hayfah. Shafa'atu bewitched me, she did a black magic on me. All I did to Rukayya wasn't intentional, I didn't know how I did them. And I came back and met you in that position, that's when I warned Shafa about you.

And for Rukayya, the next day I went out for subh prayer and found people gathered on the road-I hesitated before walking over the crowd and asked around. And they told me there was an accident yesterday night, but they couldn't find the dead before-and they were sure whoever was involved in the accident was died. It was a truck that hit a woman. And I knew it was Rukayya.

I lounged forward and my eyes fell on her Hijab, and shoes that were sprawled on the road, then blood stains everywhere. I took a hold of myself and took her hijab and shoes with me and went back home, not that I felt remorseful, but I could show the little you that Mama would be back and she sent me her Hijab and Shoes, for you've been crying since she left.

I lived with the guiltiness for the rest of the years, and Shafa brought it back when she started telling you the story of Rukayya, from that day-I was sick, up till now, Hayfah. I'm really sorry."

"Abba I want to see those things, please-I would atleast have something to see as my mother's. And I've forgiven you Abba, it wasn't your fault, you've loved Mama and we would forever do." She thought she've seen everything, she thought she've felt everything-not knowing the bitter phase that awaits her was much more painful than the ones she've went through. Those were the preambles, this was the real one.

May Allah forgive you Mama.

"I kept them for you, and they're inside my box-deep inside it. Go home and take them, Hayfah!" He was now coughing, and his stomach was bubbling up and down. He was finding it so hard to even breath, talkless of looking at the face of his beloved daughter.

Hayfah got tensed, long forgetting about her Mama's things. Her tears were back in a rush, she kept looking at Abba's stomach that was rumbling and his heaving chest. "Abba I can't leave you like this, let me call the doctor."

"No Hayfah, there isn't any doctor that could cure what I'm feeling right now. Go home, inside my box-take out the Hijab and shoes, there are some papers beside them-take them with you also, don't bring them here, make sure you keep them safe. Go please, I need to tell you something when you're back." Hayfah contemplated before going out of the room, not before hugging him slightly, and she hailed a taxi and drove to their house with a jumbled mind.

She looked at their room with glassy eyes, the room she was born into, the room where her Mama took as her sanctuary, the room that knows her morethan she knows herself. She looked at the now divided Shafa's room. The living room was now Taheer's room and her Mama's old room was Abba's and Umma's.

Letting her tears flow freely, she walked into the room with a faint salam. Ignoring everything that comes to her view, she walked over Abba's metal box of clothes and slumped beside it. She opened it and with shaking hands started lifting up his clothes until her eyes fell on a faded Ash hijab and medium sized rubber slippers. Her Mama's belongings.

She took them out and bring out the papers also before folding back Abba's clothes and walked to their room, so she could keep them safe. She opened her trolley and placed the papers, then the shoes before she started tracing the invisible lines of the faded morish hijab.

Without knowing, tears started falling onto the hijab, as she kept stroking it. Gulping down a lump, she cleared her tears and hushed. "Mama, I wish I could see you even if it's in my dreams. I missed you so much, Mama-I wish my early childhood days would be back, so I can feel how your warmth is, how your voice sounds, how you smile-eventhough I doubt if you ever smile. Mama, I love you!" She cried to her satisfaction before slowly placing the Hijab in her trolley, zipped it up and walked out of the room and drove to the house.

She met Umma, Taheer and Amna where she left them, and without flashing them a second glance_she snubbed Umma's insults and entered Abba's room_for she has nothing to do with the ones responsible for her Mama's death.

Abba felt the door being turned and he heard soft smackings of the floor before the intruder finally sat down on the chair beside him. She took his hands in hers, and that's when he realized it's Hayfah, for his vision is getting blurred with something he couldn't decipher.

"Abba, how are you feeling?" She asked, eventhough she could see how his breath was rhyming slowly that it scared her.

"Much better, knowing you've finally have Rukayya's possessions with you. If you ever missed her or dream about her-take out those papers and read-I've described her for you that even if it was a photograph, it wouldn't be as perfect as that. And also, even if in a dream, tell her I'm sorry Hayfah, tell her she should forgive me please, tell her I love her so much." He was now coughing and blood started spurting out of his mouth.

"Abba please stop talking, I've forgiven you-and I'm sure she has forgiven you before she died. We love you Abba, please don't leave me and keep fighting." She was now standing before him, and how his stomach was rumbling scared her to death! He has his eyes fixed on the ceiling, as if waiting for something that's better than the world and what's inside it.

"Rukayya once told me that her child would surely forgive me even after hearing what I did to his/her mother. And true to her words, Hayfah still loves me even after knowing what happened. You have the heart of gold, and that heart is Rukayya's." His words were chunky, they held something Hayfah would never understand.

She was crying and shaking her head, how he was smiling admist cough, blood and pain was what desolated her completely. "Doctor!" She shouted, seeing one walking around their room.

He walked inside and asked her to go out, and another two doctors entered the room with nurses railing behind. She came out of the room and slumped down on the ground with a thud, there wasn't a single feeling in her heart. All she could see was the Abba's strange face, she saw something on his face she've never seen.

She became deaf to Umma's insults, blind to Amna's looks, and dumb to Taheer's slap on her cheek. She watched as the doctors came out of the room, and the last one looked at them with a pitiful look on his face and shook his head before leaving also.

From where she was slumped, she could hear the nurses talking to each other with glum voices, and the voice that caught her attention, took her breath and splitted her heart from her body was...

"Time of death: 4:46pm."