Chapter 51: Chapter 51

Ashy did not come to work for a week because of what happened. She preferred to stay in their house so that she could think. She felt her heart pounding slowly.

Why do we have to be hurt so much?

Why are there things in the world that we have to sacrifice?

Why are there things we have to endure just to protect others?

Why do we always need to understand?

It is true that the human mind is not consistent.

While sitting on the veranda of their house, she heard her mother talking. She thought it might be Jem and was visiting her.

She later heard her mother say, "Ash you have a visitor," who was already behind her.

She looked at her with a smile and immediately the smile on her lips disappeared to see who her visitor was.

Its Paul!

He brought a flower that will obviously be given to her. It's just that he's wearing unusual, it's not like before and it looks like he has a plan to expose himself. No pretentions anymore?

"What are you doing here? Who showed you the way to get here?" Ashy asked.

Her mother felt tense, so she left the two.

"Because you didn't come for work in a week, I thought maybe what happened to you. Maybe you got sick or something, so I visited you. To see if you're okay." its gentle reply that he could hardly be looked at directly.

"How many times has it mattered to you whether I'm okay or not? How many times have you felt that I have feelings too?" Her sarcastic query that almost the whole house could hear.

"Ash, you are important to me. Even so, this is how I learned to love you. I hope you listen to me first. Why did I do this? Why did I lie to you? You can't understand if you don't hear the reason, "he explained.

"Reason? You have so many reasons, but is there any truth? Nothing! You made your meetings an excuse even though the truth is nothing. Because you're just going to be with that man! I'm a fool. Now I realized how stupid I was that I didn't even feel it. I'm too much. I trusted you, in your lies. I don't know why? What I did wrong and why it had to happen to me. I'm not a bad child or friend. " Ashy's sad response was accompanied by resentment.

"I know you're hurt, I feel the pain and I know no matter how many times I apologize to you, it won't be that easy. I want to thank you for showing me how loyal you have been to me. You proved it with someone like you who is ready to love and accept me. I just can't reciprocate your love because we both want to. We both want to be loved by a man. " he looked at her

Ashy met Paul's glance at her with a deadly look.

He wanted to get lost in front of her, but he restrained himself.

It is a question, "You have nothing more to say?"

"I'm here to apologize to you. I won't stop until you forgive me. I'll apologize to you again and again, Ash. If I have to go to see you every day, I'll do it. " It promises to outperform the lover.

"You don't have to do that, Paul. Because even if you come here every hour, it won't just go away. Your presence won't help me forget.Your effort won't help me to forgive you." was the serious answer from Ashy, who was already standing up in her seat.

"I'll do that because that's the way I know,"

"I'm the one telling you what to do. Your presence won't help me forgive you. If I were with you, it's betyer if you don't come to see me not now, not ever. Because while I see you, all the pain comes back, all your cheating. " It hurts to think about what she gave him then turned away.

Paul chased after her. He held her hand.

"Ash, please, listen to me." It is a pleading.

"How does it feel? Does it hurt? Is it hard to apologize and explain? What does it feel like to apologize but not be listened to? How does it feel to beg but just ignored? "

"You are doing this to get even with me? Is this your revenge, because I didn't forgive you right away when I was angry with you?" Paul asked crookedly.

"It's more than that, Paul. I'm doing this because I'm mad amd I can't pretend that everythibg was just okay. Because I can't find a reason why you have to do this to me. Because I can't understand even a few times when I try to understand. Because it hurts, it hurts ..." teaching with the honesty of her heart.

"Am I not hurt? Am I not in pain? I'm also hurt by Ashy, but even so, I know it's my fault. If you lose me, I'll understand because I'm the one who made a mistake and lied to you. I won't bother you anymore. What I want is that just you to forgive me now. "

"First, I'm sorry Paul. First, I don't want to lie to myself. Second, I don't want to pretend everything is okay. Right now, I can't forgive. It's not that easy. The time will come when I myself come to you to forgive you, and when that day comes, I will make sure there is no more pain. " It was emotional that she didn't even give him a glance.

Paul remained silent.

"All right Ash, but I hope your heart doesn't close for my brother. I know you know how much he loves you and I saw that. I hope.... "

Ashy didn't even finish what he was going to say.

"Storm and I have been doing it for a long time. It's been a long time since he's been trying to open it. Even if we want to open things, it won't be the same. If you have nothing else to say, you can leave. Nothing, that I know we still have to talk about. " That was all and he left it.

She meets her mom while looking at Paul. The lady went to him immediately when she saw him crying.

The young man was close to her and it was like a child of her.

"Paul, what happened? Did you and Ashy have a problem? Did you fight? Tell me just in case I can help." The lady looked at him, then spoke.

"I'm to blame for Ashy, she's so mad at me. I understand her madness. But I hope she gives me a chance to explain." he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"What's that? Can't you tell me?" was the lady's gentle question.

Paul just nodded. He gave the lady the flower and told her to go.

While holding the flower, the lady was confused. She does not understand what is happening to her Ashy. It has always had a hard heart. She didn't know her that way. She knew Ashy was easy to forgive.

She decided to go to her. She saw her in the kitchen while holding a glass of wine.

"Did you have wine for breakfast every morning? When did you learn to drink that early, Ash? "the lady asked. It ventures to tell her the problem.

"I'm tired of my life, I'm tired of being kind. I'm tired of being with people I shouldn't be with. In all my life, I've done nothing but understand how others feel. My own feelings I forgot just to protect them from the pain they were about to feel. But why is that? Why didn't they even think that I could be hurt too? " she wiped away the tears that were slowly falling from her eyes.

The lady sat down next to her.

"Everyone gets tired, and when you're tired, you rest. But that doesn't mean you're going to give up. I don't know why and what's wrong with you and Paul? But whatever it is, I'm sure you're fine. " her mom positively said.

"I can't. Because the problem isn't just a simple thing. It depends on it being a good and trusting relationship. Something that becomes the foundation of a relationship that's broken." She drank the wine from her glass. She closes in on its bitterness, the bitterness of wine and the bitterness of events.

"What do you mean?"

"She has someone else, he's into a relationship with soneone." Ashy's confession.

Her mother was stunned by what she heard. It's unbelievable that Paul can do that to her ...

"How did you know?" She asked, clutching it to her shoulder.

"The day I was going to see him at their house to explain, I heard them talking. He and Storm, unfortunately I heard everything. From the beginning until I heard something I never thought of." She stopped, then looked at nothingness.

"What is the woman's name?" her mother asked, unable to explain how to relieve her daughter's feelings.

Ashy laughed at the mother's question.

"That's the problem, mom, because it's not a woman," ahe laughed. Maybe she was also carrying the alcohol she drank.

"What? Then..."

"Mom, Paul is a gay. His relationship is with a man. And me, he's just using me to marry him. Why? To get his inheritance. Because that's what his parents want. So here I am now. " she shook her head.

"I didn't think Paul could do this, Ash. It's not obvious from his looks that he's like that." The mother's regretful answer

"Because of my stubbornness. If I had believed Storm then, it probably wouldn't have led to this. He already told me that I wouldn't be happy with his brother. I thought he was just slandering, but when I heard everything, my world almost collapsed. I feel like I lost to gambling. "

"No Ash, you still win because you found out the truth. Now there's nothing you can do. Just be thankful that you found out the truth and your marriage didn't go through. It's not too late for you." mother's advice. Even though it didn't come from her mouth, Ashy knew what she meant.

"I don't know, but I feel like I can't afford to hide or even be with them in one place. I can't forget as long as I see their faces." It is a serious answer.

"What's your plan now?"

"I'm going to resign from my job, mom. I'm going to find someone else because that's what I have to do. I have no other choice. I'm not going to feed myself on those siblings." She answered firmly, as she toyed with the glass of wine in front of her.

Everything just piled up.

"Why don't you try to forgive them Ash? Maybe you'll feel better when you learn to accept what happened. Don't forget that forgiveness will set us all free." The mother tried to convince her.

"To accept what happened is what I did for a long time. But to forgive, it seems like it's hard for me to do that. When I see any of them, I am filled with rage.One by one the sins are floating and they lie to me. " Anger suddenly appeared on her face.

"Are you sure Ash, have you never done anything wrong to Paul? Have you never had even a little secret with him? Have you always been honest in your relationship? " meaningful maternal term.

Of course. In fact, she was more at fault than Paul. Aside from the fact that she knew in her heart that it was Storm who was beating, she was also betrayed twice when something happened to her and Storm. She thought that maybe she was just armed for what she did.

"If I've done anything, I'm sorry. But his repeated lies to me, I think that's too much. "She snorted.

She felt guilty as she thought about what had happened to her and Storm. Something that, if you think about it, is not as painful yet.

"I hope your heart and mind will be open to forgive Ashy. We all sinners. We have committed sins and we also have our own reasons why we commit those sins. Listen to your heart. Use your brain. " The mother shrugged her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. She stood up and left her alone.

She could do nothing but drink until drowsiness visited her again.