Chapter 66: Chapter 66

"Jake, wake up."

"Wake up Jake."

"Jake!"

My eyes fling open and I jump upwards, glancing around the room in a panic.

"What's wrong? Who died? What's happening?" I question, wide-eyed as I look at Emily. She's sitting up in bed, her eyes drawn in and tired. The sun is out in full force, lighting up the room with a warm iridescent glow. As soon I establish there's no danger lurking around, I frown at her.

"Are you okay? Are you in pain?" I ask, taking hold of her hand. I bring it up to my lips, placing a soft kiss on the back. Even though she's awake, her muscles are limp, exhausted. She gives me a small smile. Her eyes are filled with a sadness that breaks my heart, a glossy sheen covering them as she struggles to not let the tears fall.

"Oh muffin, what's wrong?" I ask quietly, my heart jolting from the pain in her face. My eyebrows crease with worry and I wait patiently for her answer.

"I don't know where our baby is."

Her words are broken, heart shattering.

She looks around the room in a hurry, letting out a quiet sob. I swallow the lump that's lodged itself in my throat, reaching forward to put my arms around her shoulders. I know it's the morphine causing her to grow over emotional, that and the fact that she's only just given birth. I don't want to be the one to remind her that she hasn't even seen our baby yet, neither of us have.

The door opens and the doctor walks in, a wide smile on his face. He's more cheery this morning, his eyes lit up with his usual sparkle. I turn to give him a small nod, greeting him.

"Ah, Emily. You're awake, how are you feeling?"

He walks towards us to check the machines around her bed, writing things down on the stack of papers in his hands. Emily doesn't reply, her head leaning heavily against my shoulder. I know she's hurting, she's withdrawn, a piece of her missing.

"She wants to see the baby," I explain quietly, my words sounding like a quiet mumble. The doctor nods immediately —

"Of course you want to see your child. It's only natural, we don't want to keep you separated any longer. Are you feeling up to it Emily?" He asks her, speaking directly to her. She sits up straighter, the mention of her first meeting catching her attention. I smile as her eyes light up, her head nodding continuously.

"Please."

The doctor gives her a beaming smile before nodding, walking silently out of the room. I inhale deeply and sit up straighter in my chair, the realisation hitting me that we're about to meet our child.

"This is it Jake," Emily says, turning to face me.

I nod slowly, fear and nerves filling my stomach.

"Boy or girl?" Emily asks me, her eyes widening as she realises she doesn't yet know the gender. I shake my head sadly, dropping my eyes to the floor in shame. It's time, time I told her how cowardly I've been.

"I don't know yet. I couldn't bring myself to go see the baby."

Silence fills the room.

I don't dare breathe, my head hanging like a child who's been told off. I can't bring myself to look at her in fear that she'd be repulsed, disgusted at me. The silence in the room is killing me until I feel her reach over, tugging at my arm. I suck in a breath, feeling her warm hand slip into mine. She squeezes my hand tightly and I feel my heart squeeze in return with love for her.

"I understand."

My head shoots up, confused eyes meeting with hers. I frown at her, shaking my head.

"How can you understand?"

"I know you Jake. I can read you like a book, I have all the chapters memorised. You don't have to be scared or worried that I'll hate you. I could never hate you. Fear is something we shouldn't have to be scared of admitting, we're human. I know you're frightened but it's okay, so am I." Emily says, her words softly spoken.

This.

This is the reason my heart will always belong to her. I search her eyes, my own wide and glossy with vulnerability. She has the ability to know me better than I know myself. I can't bring myself to respond so I simply nod, letting her know how grateful I am.

"I think I'm ready," I say quietly, my hand gripping tightly onto hers as we both wait. We silently stare at the hospital door, waiting for it to open so that we can meet our baby. Minutes pass and I realise one or possibly both of us are shaking.

*****

Emily's POV -

It feels like forever.

"What's taking him so long?" I mumble in protest, tugging at a wire that's wrapping itself around my arm. I reach for my bedside table, taking hold of the styrofoam cup filled with water. The taste of it is heavenly and I chug it down, grateful for the hydration. Beside me, Jake is eerily quiet. His stare is locked onto the door, his hand trembling in mine. A bead of sweat covers his forehead and he doesn't dare blink. The fear on his face is clear as day, I don't think I've ever seen him so nervous and scared all at once.

"What do you think our baby looks like?" I ask quietly, the missing ache inside of me growing further. It feels like a piece of me has been torn away brutally, the safe sanctuary where my baby lived is now empty. Nothing left behind but scars and swollen skin.

"Beautiful."

"What?" I question, turning to face him. I'm too busy thinking about the loneliness I feel that I completely forgot what I'd asked him. Jake finally tears his gaze off the door, turning to look at me with piercing blue eyes.

"I think our baby is beautiful."

I blink at his words, a smile stretching itself across my face. We continue to hold eye contact with each other, having a silent conversation mutually through our eyes. It's full of safety, understanding, love. The door opens, snapping us out of it and immediately, the fear returns in Jake's eyes. He sucks in a breath, turning to face the doctor. I mirror his actions and feel like I've been punched in the gut, leaving me winded.

In front of me is the doctor and our baby.

He's cradling a small bundle of white blankets in his arm, close to his chest. A natural smile is stretched across his face as he gazes down before looking back up to meet my eyes.

"Are you ready?" He asks quietly, the room is silent. I open my mouth to reply but no words come out so instead, I nod.

The doctor begins to slowly walk towards me and I can feel butterflies fill my stomach with nerves. My eyes immediately fill with tears as he reaches the side of my bed, leaning down to place the bundle in my arms. I gently take hold of the weight, placing one arm underneath the head for support. The moment I feel the weight in my arms, I break down. I begin to sob quietly, pulling my baby close to my chest.

I look up at Jake beside me who is staring into my eyes intently, his own a vivid blue ocean of terror.

"Jake, please look." I whisper and his face contorts in pain before he silently nods. We both glance down and in perfect sync, we both stop breathing.

Perfection.

The largest brown eyes filled with such innocence are staring up at us, lashes so long and thick, it's mesmerising. Dark tufts of hair are sticking out from under the hat she's wearing and as soon as I notice the colour, I chuckle. Tears run down my face.

"Hi, beautiful girl." I whisper, my words choking up. She blinks up at me and I feel my heart swell with love. Her eyes are staring directly at me, binding us with a unbreakable bond that I know we'll share forever. I watch in awe as a small pink tongue appears from her mouth, pushing at her bottom lip which is plump and rosy. Her fair complexion is fresh faced, cheeks painted with a healthy glow. A small button nose completes her beautiful features and I laugh again, shaking my head at her beauty.

I can't help but feel mesmerised by her eyes, swirls of hazels and brown complete with a set of full, thick lashes. She continues to stare at me, blinking. Her eyes hold so much innocence and my hold around her tightens, I want to protect her from the world. I never want her to leave my arms.

I turn to face Jake quickly, wanting to see his reaction so I can go back to admiring her beauty. Jake is frozen in place, his mouth parted slightly as he simply stares at her. He doesn't blink, a look of shock flashing through his eyes. I frown at him, my arms tightening protectively around our daughter.

"Jake?"

"C-can I hold her?"

He finally tears his gaze off her, looking up at me with wide eyes. It's the first time I've ever heard him stutter over his words. I nod, a smile stretching across my face. Jake reaches over, his hands shaking the closer he gets. I silently place her into his arms, missing the warmth of her already. My heart swells with love and pride as I watch Jake stand there, our daughter in his arms. He's staring down at her with complete love in his eyes, the shock on his face now replaced with a look of adoration.

"She's perfect."

His words are choked up, barely a whisper. He rocks her back and forth slowly, the motion of baby cradling already coming naturally to him. I can see our daughter staring up at him, not blinking once.

"She won't blink," Jake laughs, the sound filling the room and bouncing off the walls. I join him, the joy radiated from both of us.

"It's because she's looking up at her daddy," I smile, reaching up to brush tears away from my eyes. Jake's head immediately snaps up and his eyes fill with tears —

"That's me. I'm her dad." He replies with shock in his voice, almost as if I'd only just told him I was pregnant. I nod my head repeatedly, knowing in my heart I will remember this moment forever. I sit back and watch my entire world continue to stare at each other, neither of them blinking.

"How is it that I've only just met you for a few minutes and already you've captured my heart?" Jake whispers, smiling as he gazes down at her.

"Just like your Mummy."

I sniffle at his words, the tears now running down my cheeks quickly. Jake takes a step forward and gently leans down, placing a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and inhale his scent, feeling my body and muscles relax instantly. When I open my eyes, Jake is smiling down at me.

"I'm so proud of you Emily. You've made me the happiest man alive."

My heart lurches at his words and I can't help but feel like I'm flying. I shuffle on the bed, letting Jake lie next to me with our daughter in his arms. She's still staring up at him, small chubby fists resting against her side. Jake takes one of his arms and puts it around my shoulder, pulling me towards his chest. The other is wrapped securely around our baby, our whole world.

"My two beautiful girls, I've never felt so complete."

"She has your nose." I smile.

"She has your eyes. Look at them. How am I going to cope with two of you who have such beautiful eyes?"

I giggle up at him, Jake's lips turn up into a wide smile. He looks back down at her and takes another sharp intake of breath in.

"God, she's perfect."

"Yeah, she is."

"I'm going to love you forever, you know that right?"

Jake turns towards me, his smile permanent — "Both of you."

"I love you Jake," I whisper, resting my head against his shoulder. I reach over and take hold of one of her little hands, watching in awe as she opens her palm. Her warm fingers wrap loosely around one of mine and my heart feels like it's about to burst through my chest. I've never felt such a strong connection, a strong bond. The love and sense of protection is running through my body and I never want to take my eyes off her. I know Jake feels the same way, his gaze fixated on the small bundle of joy settled between us.

"I love you Muffin, so much."