Chapter 65: Chapter 65

"She's going to be okay."

I let out a cry of joy, my hand tugging at the stands of my hair. Beside me, Tobias also breaks down and Trish takes a seat, silent tears of relief running down her face. Mum and Auntie Myra hug Ivory, all three of them sobbing

"Thank god," Tobias says quietly, under his breath. I close my eyes and silently thank the universe myself. I've never believed in a God, the thought that someone or something is up there watching us, doesn't settle well with me.

The events of today causes me to feel like something is watching over Emily and I. It has to be for us to survive this long. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and exhale a deep breath. I feel the life fill my body once again, my heart slowly being joined back together piece by piece.

I slowly walk over to the doctor, my legs stumbling underneath my weight. I stop as I stand in front of him and hold my hand out, only just noticing their shaking. The doctor smiles at me before reaching for my hand and shaking it firmly.

"You can see her now Jake."

I nod at his words, unable to open my mouth to speak. I silently wish he can see how grateful I am through my eyes. Behind me, everyone else stands to follow. The doctor paused and holds a hand out in the air, stopping them in their tracks.

"I think it's best if only Jake sees her, for now."

I turn around and give them all a small nod, letting them know I'm grateful for their support but the doctor is right. They all silently take a seat, their eyes filling with understanding.

"After you Jake," the doctor says, signalling me to leave the room. I stay rooted to the spot for a few seconds before inhaling deeply and taking a step forward. The walk to her room is silent, the only sound being the soft padding of our shoes against the hospital floor. The doctor clears his throat and I turn to face him, knowing he's about to speak.

"I've known you for several years now Jake. I've treated you for countless cuts and grazes, stabs and the god-forbidden shootings. You first walked into this hospital as boy, caught up in a dangerous world. Today is the day I officially respect you Jake, you've done well for yourself. It gives me great honour to watch you walk out of this hospital as a man, with your family."

I listen carefully to his words, a lump forming in my throat as he mentions the word family.

"I deserted my baby," I whisper, tears brimming my eyes. I look away, disgusted at myself.

How can he call me a man?

A man wouldn't turn his back on his child.

He places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. I quickly brush away the tears in my eyes, feeling the self hatred inside of me growing by the second.

"It's understandable Jake. Don't beat yourself up about it. That's the special innocence about babies, they forgive and forget within seconds. All they want is love in return."

We stop in front of Emily's hospital door and I can hear the soft beeps of the machines coming from the inside. I turn to look at the Doctor once again, noticing how his eyes are drawn in, exhausted.

"I can't thank you enough." I whisper, reaching up to give him a pat on the shoulder. The doctor simply nods at me in return before opening the door and ushering me to go inside. The room is eerily quiet and I suck in a deep breath as I see her lying there, hooked up to several different machines. Her dark hair is sprawled around her pillow, thick lashes so full and beautiful. I can feel myself trembling as I take a step inside, the door shutting softly behind me as the doctor gives me some privacy with her.

"Emily."

My words are so quiet, barely a whisper. I know she can't hear me so I take a few more steps forward, taking a seat on the chair beside her bed. I blink back unshed tears and take another look at her. It finally dawns on me that I almost lost her, lost my entire world.

I take a sharp inhale of breath in and look upwards at the ceiling, struggling to keep myself composed. I have never felt such fear invade my heart than knowing Emily's life is slowly slipping away.

"Jake."

I turn to look down at her, her eyes fluttering open as she turns to look at me. She looks weak and I'm immediately clutching her hands, pressing my lips against them. "Muffin."

It's all I can say back.

Within seconds, her hands are covered in my tears and I continue to kiss them, unable to tear myself away from her. I press her hand against my cheek, soaking in the warmth her body radiates. Never again do I want to feel the heat slipping away from her as she becomes colder and colder.

"I can't believe I'm still here," she whispers, struggling to form her words. Her eyelids are fluttering shut and I know she's fighting to keep them open. A single tear slips from her eye and falls down her cheek, I watch it for a few seconds before leaning forward and brushing it away with my lips.

"You can't get rid of me that easily." I whisper, my breaths coming out short and ragged. I lie against her shoulder, resting my head on her.

"Sleep Emily."

I continue to clutch her hand tightly, our fingers intertwined with each other. She holds onto me with as much strength as she can, drifting in and out of consciousness. Minutes pass and the only sounds in the room is the beeps of the machines and our breaths mingling together. I simply lie on her, watching as her chest rises and falls steadily. I think she's asleep but a few moments pass and she speaks again, her voice desperate.

"Where's my baby?"

Her question is full of fear, urgency. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and can't bring myself to tell her that our baby is alone right now. So I simply shush her, stroking her arm comfortingly as she drifts back into sleep.

"The baby is okay."

How can I tell her that I've already failed at being a father?

Will she ever look at me the same?

I continue to torture myself with questions as the night drags on, my hand clutching hers tightly. The sunrise begins peeking through the hospital blinds, casting a glow around us both. I finally allow my eyelids to flutter shut, unable to fight sleep any longer.