Chapter 23: Chapter 23

“Bianca,” Toni’s voice was full of remorse. “Sweetie, don’t cry. I didn’t know this was bothering you that much.”

Bianca sucked it up and took another deep breath feeling like a blubbering idiot. “It’s just that I keep having these dreams, Toni. In the last one, I got out of bed with Felix, tip-toed over to Gio’s room, took off my clothes, and climbed in his bed. And the thing is it’s always so real, yet it’s so easy for me to do it. I know it’s only a dream, but even in dreams, I usually think the way I would in real life. And in the dreams, I want him so desperately.” She breathed in, thankful that she was completely in control of her emotions now and continued. “I can barely look at him for fear that he’ll know. He’ll see it in my eyes. And the worst part is I talk in my sleep.”

“Oh, shit. You do?”

“Well, I used to. I haven’t slept in the same room with my grandma in years, but years ago, she told me I did. What if I do one of these nights, and I say his name? Say the things I do to Gio in my dreams—that I can’t stop thinking about him—that he’s on my mind constantly now, even when Felix is making love to me. It’s so wrong!”

Bianca heard Toni breathe in deep and then hum. It was something she did when she was brainstorming or trying to figure something out. Bianca could almost picture her walking around her little salon. So, she waited patiently, hopeful that Toni would have some words of wisdom for her.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, okay? Don’t be mad, but I need you to really think about this before you answer, okay?”

“Okay.” Bianca had an idea what her question might be.

“Are you really in love with Felix?” That wasn’t it.

“Yes! Of course I am.” Bianca snapped.

“No. I asked you to really think about it, girl.” Toni snapped back. “Now think, because I’m just being honest here, so again, don’t get mad. When you told me about how you told him you loved him, you said it just like that. You said, ‘He said he loved me, and I told him I loved him too.’ Then you got all squealy, and I had no choice but to do what any good friend is expected to do and squeal with you. But I did think it was weird you never actually said you loved him or that you were in love. You said you told him you loved him. It’s different.”

“Well, I am in love with him.” Bianca tried not to take offense or sound defensive, but it did bother her that Toni would think she could be so immature she’d be more excited about the idea of being loved and saying it for the first time than actually being in love.

“Really?” Bianca could tell by Toni’s tone she really wasn’t buying it. “And when did you know you were in love? Do you remember the moment you knew? That’s usually a pretty big moment you remember forever.”

Bianca didn’t. All she remembered was being stunned when she heard Felix say it to her for the first time. But she was hurt. How could Toni be thinking this all this time and not mention it?

“I do,” she lied, hoping she sounded convincing and not as angry as she suddenly felt.

“Bianca, don’t be mad—”

“I’m not.” She shoved the key into the ignition, pulling her seatbelt on.

She was mad. God, was she ever, just not at Toni. She was mad at herself. How stupid was she really? Was it possible she’d convinced herself she was in love with Felix just because she got all caught up in the way it felt to be in love—liked hearing him say it back? And what, if anything, did her not actually being in love with him have to do with her feeling what she did when she was around Gio? She did at least have feelings for Felix. She cared about him, and her feelings of jealousy when hearing about him with those other women were genuine. There was no way she was faking those.

Then she remembered what she’d felt when she saw Gio kissing Evelyn. She’d just texted Felix back, agreeing to meet him back at the cabin, but glancing up to see Gio and Evelyn kissing had been enough to make her spring out of her seat and bolt for the door. Bianca squeezed the steering wheel, feeling her face flush, utterly mortified. She was ridiculous. What was wrong with her?

“I’m not mad,” she repeated as she pulled out of the parking space. “I’m just confused, and all of this is just making me so insane.”

“And that’s perfectly normal.” Toni had her reassuring voice on, and Bianca appreciated it because what she needed right now more than ever was reassurance. “From what you tell me, Gio sounds like a sweetheart—a sweetheart that also happens to be eye candy. I’d question your sanity if you weren’t attracted to him. Shit, I think I want him, and I haven’t even seen the guy.”

Bianca laughed, feeling completely grateful for having a friend like Toni. Toni would never judge her, and she was always there when she needed her. She’d always told Bianca she could call her at any hour for any reason and unless she was stone cold dead asleep and didn’t hear it, she’d always answer. That had almost happened these last few nights when she’d awakened from her Gio dreams.

“I just wish I didn’t feel so incredibly guilty about waking up right next to Felix in his bed, having a full blown orgasm brought on by his friend.” Just the thought made her wince.

Toni exhaled heavily. “Okay, I’m only gonna say this because I hate that you’re beating yourself up about innocent dreams, but I’m warning you, you’re probably gonna be pissed.” Toni paused, probably waiting for a response but Bianca didn’t give her any. She could never be pissed at Toni. “I’ve been looking into this Shelley girl he met up with in Chicago, and I haven’t said anything to you because I have nothing solid, but it’s not looking good. Now, I could be totally wrong about this, so don’t start getting all upset or anything. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because I could be on to something, or like all the other times, it could turn out to be nothing. All I want you think about is this: What you’re doing—dreaming about his friend—is harmless. It’s just a dream. He, on the other hand, well, let’s just say his complete and total innocence is questionable at best.”

Bianca thought about that for a second as she drove into the cabin’s driveway. She could see Felix, Gio, and Ray sitting on the porch, holding coffee mugs—probably tea for Felix and hot cocoa for Gio and Ray, just as they’d been drinking the last two evenings she’d driven up. What was it about these guys and liking to drink on the porch?

“I’m here now,” Bianca said as she pulled the car up across from the cabin facing the porch where the guys sat.

Felix smiled at her, and Gio glanced up at her for a second before turning back to Felix who’d said something that made him laugh. “Okay. I’ll let you go then,” Toni said. “But let me just leave you with one last thing. In all the times you’ve been going out with Felix, when you were so excited about him coming up for a couple of months and when you told me he’d said he loved you—I’ve never once heard the emotion I heard from you today when you spoke of Gio.”

Bianca stared out her windshield at Gio and Felix. Just a couple of weeks ago, she was certain there was nothing or no one that would make her happier than Felix. Now, not only was she not sure if she was even in love with him but she may’ve fallen in a way she didn’t even understand for someone else—someone she could never have—his best friend.

She’d never forgive herself for breaking up their friendship. Only she was already feeling it from this far away—the pull. She needed to be near Gio now. She wasn’t ready to walk away—didn’t think she could if she tried. But she had to before she did something she could never take back. What in the world was she going to do?