Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Bianca

For the next three days, Bianca had managed to keep herself preoccupied with school and work in the mornings and early afternoons while Felix worked out. Then in the evenings, she’d be back at the cabin with him.

Toni had called and texted her in the past few days, excited that she’d seen her on TV and in the tabloids: well, photos and some footage of her getting into her car or walking onto the small satellite university campus where she attended the only class she wasn’t taking online. They’d been pretty sneaky so far and surprisingly respectful of her space, because most of the photos Toni had mentioned, Bianca hadn’t even been aware when they’d been taken. Only once had she noticed a photographer across the parking lot, aiming his camera at her. She’d never understand how celebrities could stand it. It had totally crept her out.

Bianca had to laugh at how giddy all this made her friend. The woman was glued to the television and her computer now that she had a friend who was actually part of her favorite pastime—reading the gossip columns.

She was on the phone with her now as Bianca drove back to the cabin. Usually Felix either picked her up himself or he sent a car if he wasn’t done training, but he’d be leaving early the next morning for Los Angeles to do some promoting and wouldn’t be back until the following night. Felix could have a driver drive her around in one of his fancy Towne cars while he was gone, but Bianca felt more comfortable in her little Civic. She still felt a little weird about knowing there was a driver waiting on her when she went shopping or stopped by to visit with Toni.

“Why aren’t you going with him?” Toni whined.

Bianca crinkled her nose. “Because he’ll be busy the whole time, and I’ll be cooped up in a hotel room.”

“I’m sure he’d find a way to keep you entertained,” Toni countered.

“By myself? No thanks. Besides I have school and work.”

“He’s doing the Late Night show. You could meet Conan O’Brian!”

Toni’s exasperation made Bianca laugh. “I’m sure I’ll get a chance to meet him some other time.” Bianca had already met a few celebrities because of Felix, and she never felt quite as star struck as she knew Toni would’ve been, but at the risk of having her friend pass out, she wouldn’t mention her lack of interest in meeting the late night mogul.

“So are you staying at his cabin tomorrow night anyway or are you going home?”

The question was one Bianca had contemplated for days. Felix had actually suggested she and Gio go do something tomorrow: go snowboarding again or catch a movie. She knew it was only because he felt bad about leaving Gio up there on his own. The past few nights he’d hung out with them after dinner, watching television or playing pool. Felix had even asked him if he wanted to join them in the hot tub last night which Gio immediately declined. Ray and Ignacio weren’t much for socializing. They were always calling it a night and heading to their rooms right after dinner. Some of the nights, like the first night Gio had gotten there, they didn’t even join them for dinner but took their food back to their rooms instead.

The dreams hadn’t stopped. If anything, they’d become even more intense now—one of the most intense being the night they got back from dinner at Noah’s. They were so intense she was beginning to get nervous. She’d been known to talk in her sleep in the past. Although her grandmother had teased her once that it was more aggravating than anything because it was impossible to make out any real phrases. She said mostly it was just a word here or there that wasn’t even all that intelligible. Too often the only word she remembered crying out in her dreams was Gio.

Bianca felt her face fire up as she pulled her car into the dairy parking lot. She wasn’t buying anything, but she needed to talk to someone about this already, and she didn’t want to have this conversation while she was supposed to be concentrating on driving in the snow.

“Toni?”

“Yeah?”

Biting her lip, she tried to think of where best to start. “Have you ever been in a relationship where you were happy but still found yourself attracted to someone else?”

“Oh, honey, this sounds juicy. Hold on. Let me turn my sign over to closed and lock this door.”

Bianca heard her giggle, and she smiled, trying to shake the anxiety she’d been feeling for days. She turned the key, shutting off the ignition to her car.

“Okay, so who is it and how come you hadn’t told me?”

“First, you answer my question,” Bianca drummed her fingers on her thigh. “Have you?”

“Of course I have. It’s perfectly normal. Even married women can be attracted to other men. Nothin’ wrong with that unless you act on it.” Bianca thought about that last sentence for a moment without responding. “Oh, Bianca. You’re too cute. So you have a crush on someone else, and you’re worried about it? I think it’s especially normal for you since Felix is gone so much.”

“But it’s not just someone else. It’s his friend. His friend from way back. They’re real close.”

“Ooh!” Bianca could tell by Toni’s excitement she didn’t get the magnitude of this, and how could she? “What friend?” Then in a much less excited tone, she scolded again, “And I can’t believe you hadn’t told me!”

Bianca took a deep breath and started from the beginning—way back in high school beginning. She filled her in on the important details, feeling as if she were slowly building a case against herself and why she was guilty of something, only she hadn’t done anything.

Toni listened intently, responding with “uh-huhs” in all the appropriate pauses. When she got to the part of the first dream, the night Felix arrived, Toni was quiet for a moment, and then she burst into laughter. As nervous as she still was about all this, Bianca couldn’t help laughing with her. “It’s not funny, Toni!” she said but continued laughing. “Can you imagine if I would have said Gio’s name as I came?”

Toni cackled even louder now, and as funny as Bianca knew this wasn’t, she continued to laugh too, barely able to catch her breath. Bianca was grateful she hadn’t squeaked or this conversation would’ve gone nowhere. As the laughter calmed, she wondered if she should even go on. The dreams were even worse, but somehow she knew Toni would find them more humorous than inappropriate. This was not the outcome Bianca had hoped for when she pulled over. “Toni!” she tried to sound firm as Toni continued to giggle. “I need clarity. Get it together, woman!”

“Okay, okay.” Toni cleared her voice. “So the guy is beautiful, crazy sexy, and he’s obviously attracted to you too, but you did say he’s respectful, right? And he was mindful of making sure that you were not offended by his playfulness. If that’s all it is, then I wouldn’t worry. You’re very attractive, Bianca. Of course, the two of you are gonna flirt.”

“There’s more.”

“Oh?”

Now that Bianca had her full attention again, she told her about the night they’d gone out and the ride home with Gio—what Evelyn had said to him. “Oh, what a slut! And pshaw! The men’s restroom? That is so nineties!”

“That’s not the point, Toni.” Bianca wasn’t feeling humorous anymore; the incredible unease was back, and she was beginning to feel choked up. She needed someone to understand and tell her she wasn’t crazy for feeling so incredibly guilty and selfish. “The point is there is this . . . I don’t know how to describe it. It’s as if there’s something bigger than the both of us when we’re alone. I’m left completely breathless sometimes—I’m completely mesmerized by him, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it—felt it in him. We both know it’s wrong, but it’s beyond any comprehension. If we can’t even understand it, how can we control it? And I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit—a huge cop-out.” Her voice broke and she stopped unable to go on.