Chapter 44: Chapter 44
I wish that kiss could make me happy.
I really want to be, and whenever I have a quiet moment, I think about him and how that whole thing made me feel. It was amazing, new, and fun. I finally got why people my age liked to mess around for the first time in my life.
It really irritated me that he didn't want us to go anywhere. I knew it shouldn't go anywhere, but it did, and last night there were a lot of feelings out in the open. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't take back what he had said.
At least he admitted that his head and heart were telling him different things. Of course, so were mine, and I had to keep telling my heart to stop. I had to stay away from Kent. He wasn't someone I should get close to, and I could enjoy our secret without feeling bad about it.
Today I had to go back to work. Luckily, no one was there when I left, and Mark wasn't there to give me any more good advice. Last night, I didn't talk to anyone and just stayed in my room. I'm not a good liar, and it wouldn't be smart to tell everyone what happened last night until I could deal with it.
When I get to my swim lessons at the pool today, I can feel tension creeping up my spine. What had happened there didn't even seem to bother anyone. The kids were swimming, the parents were patiently waiting for their lessons to end, and everyone seemed to be in a good mood.
My inner monologue was on fire, and I didn't like being back here, but I think the only way I'll ever really get over this is if I just start talking to myself again.
I try to stay calm as I lead my swim lessons. My mind kept going back to three words: pool, thesis, and Kent. It was hard work, but once I finished my thesis, I would only have to worry about the Kent thing. I need to stop thinking about being pushed up against my bedroom door and pay attention to what I'm doing.
My swim lessons are going well now that I've stopped worrying that everyone is going to drown. I like seeing them get better. The kids I teach are getting stronger, and it makes me happy to see them do well. I really do like kids, and I won't get to work with them forever, so I need to enjoy these parts of my job while they last.
I finally got to the middle of my shift, which means it's time for lunch. As I look through my bag for a granola bar in the pool office, I'm the only one there.
"Julianna?" I turn around when I hear something and see Micheala standing in the doorway.
"Hi." I slightly force a smile. But I had to try to look as brave as I could.
"Hey, how's it going?" I say yes when she asks. Oh, you know, the same old thing. My job is too stressful, my research presentation on Monday could be thrown out, and last night my roommate made out with me. Nothing too big.
"I'm good." Instead, I tell her, and she nods.
"I'm glad to see you again, it's good to have you back." I politely agree with what she says. "How do you feel about everything?"
"It's a bit strange, I won't lie," she said. I say yes, and she agrees. "I'm getting back into the swing of things, but I just..."
You think everyone will need to be saved." She fills in the rest of the sentence, and I nod.
"That's pretty normal after a big one like the one you had."
"That's useful information." I murmur to myself as I sit at my desk with my bar. "I—do you know what happened to that girl?"
"Nothing has come to our attention." She lets out a sigh. "You should know that we don't usually."
"Oh." I sigh and nod my head.
"But if I find out anything, I'll let you know." She tells me that. "Are you free after work today to sit down and talk about how your rescue went?"
"Yeah." Even though I didn't want to talk about it again, I give a shrug.
"Okay good, well I'll let you enjoy your food." She smiles at me and says, "Don't worry." She goes back to her own office, and I sigh and walk over to put my sweater on over my swimsuit. It was cold in the office, and I was in a wet swimsuit.
As soon as I sit down, my thoughts go back to last night. It makes me think about him again, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm just making myself miserable for no reason, because I'm sure a lot of guys could kiss me like that. Kent is nothing special, and there's nothing about him that should make me nervous. And I need to move on. He made it clear that he wouldn't do anything about it, so I knew I couldn't either. Kent was the complete opposite of me in every way, and if I tried to date him, he would ruin my life.
Then, his heavy breathing, moaning, and the feeling of his lips carefully moving over mine push those thoughts away. I didn't expect my stomach to drop and my knees to feel weak, but it was better than anything I could have thought of. I wish we didn't live together, and I wish he wasn't so hard to understand, because that kiss was the easiest thing in the world.
"Excuse me?" I hear something and pull my hand away from my lips. I didn't even realize I was touching them. I drop my granola bar and clear my throat when I see a middle-aged woman with blonde hair in a clip.
"Um, yes?" I ask, getting up too quickly and tripping over my own feet. Again, I clear my throat and rub my forehead with my hand. "Yes, excuse me?"
"Uh, I'm sorry to be a bother-"
"No, you didn't. I apologize." I tell her in a nice way, and she smiles.
"Does anyone here named Anne or Julianna work?"
"Yes, my name is Julianna Macey. How can I help you?" When I ask nicely, she sighs.
"My daughter was swimming here with some friends last weekend." She says in a quiet voice, "This was Lauren's mom," and my heart starts beating fast. "She had an anaphylactic reaction."
"Yes, I do recall." I said it. "H-she how's doing?" I ask quietly as I run my hands up and down the sides of my thighs.
"Here she is." She says this as she moves away, and I almost do a double-take. This is the same girl I thought was dead and who was giving me nightmares because I thought I couldn't save her. Blonde hair done neatly, a colorful face, and blue eyes that are wide open.
"Oh my god." I mumble, and I can feel my throat tightening and my eyes getting sore.
She gives me a weak smile, and I sneeze and wipe my face with my hands.