Chapter 40: Chapter 40

I couldn't believe how sensitive he was. I always thought Kent didn't like people getting close to him or touching him. I thought he was just putting up with me because he didn't like me at all.

When we were lying down in his dark bedroom, I realized that the angry way he talked to me wasn't really about me. It was just the way he was, but he did care to some degree. If he didn't like me, he wouldn't have told me about Dartmouth or football, driven me to work, helped me get back at Piper, or be doing this right now.

I couldn't remember the last time I laid in bed with another guy, and it had been years since I was this close to someone else. I'd never felt the way I did with Kent, and most of the time I didn't know if that was good or bad.

Because those back circles were so relaxing, I felt better almost right away. I stopped crying, and he just let me get it out and work through it.

"Better?" I say yes when he asks. "Is this going to help?" He looked like he didn't know whether the answer was yes or no. But on the other hand, I knew that this was not like Kent at all.

"Yeah." He nods when I mumble. "Do you want to talk about something?" I ask quietly, and I can feel my heartbeat slowing down. "Whatever it is, I don't care."

"Um, sure." He gives a shrug. "Want to hear how Mark, Kyle, Carlo, and I decided to live together?" I say yes when he asks. "Well, my roommate the first year was Mark. We had a lot in common and got along well, so I couldn't have asked for a better random assignment." I take a deep breath as his hand keeps those circles going.

"So, one night, we go to this party to see what's going on. Mark knew someone on the football team who was hosting it for the fourth year in a row. We went, and it was a crazy place full of crazy people, but we had a good time. After a few hours, the police showed up, which is what you would expect at the beginning of the year and at a loud party."

"Right." I give a soft nod.

"Well, we were too young to drink, and we didn't want to get in trouble, so we ran upstairs to avoid the crowd. Upstairs, we met Kyle, who we later learned had come with his high school girlfriend, but she had just dumped him and left him."

"That's awful." He laughs when I mumble.

"Yeah, I figured that," he shrugs.

We told him that the police were downstairs, and the three of us ran into the room at the end of the hall. Carlo is sitting in the corner with a girl on his lap when we walk in. They're starting to fight, and we know we're walking into something that's about to get a lot worse. So we turn to leave when we hear police boots on the floor outside the door in the hall!'

"What did you do?" Now that I'm interested in this story, I ask him, and he laughs.

"They were banging on the door, so I locked it to buy us some time." I agree with what he says. "That got Carlo and that girl's attention, and then they saw that we were all standing in the room with them. Carlo asked who we were and what we were doing in there. Mark whispered that we were trying to hide from the police." He says it, and then he gives a small laugh.

"Carlo used to live there before we met him. He was a year ahead of us and moved in with some program friends. So he did us a good turn and shoved the three of us into his closet. I don't know what happened to the girl. But he let the police in and told them he was just trying to get some peace and quiet in his own room while the party was going on. They looked around but didn't open the closet, which was a good thing, and they left."

"What then?"

"We snuck out and hid in his room until the police left their house. We talked for hours about everything under the sun. Most of us were drunk and making each other laugh by doing stupid things. This made the girl he was going to kiss mad, so she waited in the corner until she could leave. Then we spent more time together, and we all realized we thought each other was funny: With a shrug, he says. "We found a place and decided we all wanted to live there."

"That's cute in a way." I sneeze and shrug, and he laughs. "You seemed to be very close."

"We had a great time." He agrees. "Carlo, on the other hand, was a year ahead, so we all kind of knew that he was going to leave. We hadn't thought about him leaving, so it was sad when he did last spring."

"I know that it's different for me here." When I whisper, he shakes his head.

"No, and I wouldn't think so either." He tells me. "I think it's a good thing we got you and not some weirdo who creeps me out. It's not worse with you here than when Carlo was here; it's just different. We do our best to remember that you're a girl."

"You mean what?" I ask with my eyebrows raised.

"Well, no one walks down the hall after a shower wearing only a towel anymore." He gives a shrug. "We don't talk about girls in front of you, and we don't talk about the locker room out loud. You haven't heard anyone fucking except for that one time with Mark, right?"

"No." I sigh and say "yes," and he nods.

"When there were only four of us guys living here, it was kind of like a dorm. It's not that we don't think you can handle it or that we want to leave you out of it. It's more that we know this is also your space and we don't have to let it become a man cave." He tells me. "We don't want you to feel uncomfortable living here because we're guys, and Carlo told us that before he left."

"Really?" I laugh and ask, and he nods. "I didn't even notice, but I guess I figure you guys do all that stuff when I'm not home anyway." He smiles when I shrug.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't home when you're not." He agrees. "Mark has a lot of girls over, and we share a wall with them."

"I had no idea." I'll admit that I'm feeling a little better. "I've always had a different idea of Mark. I never thought that out of the three of you, Mark would be the one who's always looking to hook up."

"You thought it was me, didn't you?

"Kyle, in fact." I shrug. "Kent, it's not just about you." When I look up at him and whisper, his green eyes almost sparkle.

"So, it's clear that you're feeling better. Back to your quick jokes." When he makes fun of me, my cheeks get hot and I smile shyly. "So what, Mark?"

"I don't know, he seems like he's either too busy or too put-together for that." I shrug. "In my mind, he's not the kind of person who would do that."

"You know that Mark was raised as a Mormon, right?" I say yes when he asks. "He was very closed off because they are taught that any kind of sex is wrong. I think that he is just trying to make up for lost time."

"I see what you mean." I shrug. "It had to be hard to share a room."

"Yeah, when your roommate is getting laid, it's always a fun night in the hall." He is sad. "I used to stay in Kyle's room until it was over. He had a single bed, and a few times I fell asleep in his desk chair."

"You're a nice person." When I tell him, he smiles.

I'll do my best. He is quiet.

"I'm serious." I have to say, and he widened his eyes, that this was nicer than anything I could have thought of. Even at home, I was usually in my room by myself. "I appreciate your help."

"No worries." He tells me not to worry, and I put my head on his chest and listened to the quiet of the apartment. "Just so I'm clear, you don't think I'm the worst, right?"

"No." I admit.

You didn't think I'd be the roommate who hangs out with random girls, did you?"

"Correct."

"Interesting." I laugh at what he says.

"What's so interesting about that?"

"Because everyone else thinks that: He whispers something, and I shake my head.

"I don't think it's fair when people put other people in boxes. I try not to make any assumptions until someone tells me to." I'm quiet. "I also think you've been there and done that, because you told me you were done with it and trying to do something different."

"True.” He gives a shrug.

"You might also be picky," I added.

"Picky?" He says it again, laughing.

"No, I don't mean that in a shallow way, but I don't think you're the kind of person who will sleep with anyone, at any time." I have to say that I sometimes say out loud what I'm thinking. "When is more important than who."

"I agree with you." He gives a shrug. "I was a little different in high school, but when I got to college and saw what Mark was doing, it was like looking in a mirror. It made me stop and take a step back, and after I broke my back, I couldn't for a while."

"I never even considered that." I'll say that with a small chuckle.

"Almost paralyzing myself has a lot of bad things about it." I roll my eyes when he makes fun of me. "I'm sorry, but I shouldn't talk to you about this."

"No, it's okay." I promise him. "It makes me laugh and takes my mind off things."

"Oh, well good." He shrugs, and I sigh, surprised by how much I'm enjoying this hug. I didn't like talking to him about personal things or his sexual life, but I liked knowing. I liked that he didn't hesitate to tell me things.

"Can I ask you a question?" I speak quietly, and he nods.

"Sure."

"Does Mark playing football for Brown bother you?" I ask quietly because I'm afraid of how he might answer.

"Used to be." He says it softly. "No longer; now I don't care either way. I haven't played in years, and it's no longer a part of who I am. But when we first met, things were hard. Seeing someone else do something I wanted to do myself was hard." He whispers, and I can feel his arms around me getting tighter.

He must have found it hard to talk about this.

"But I also realized that the reason we were such good friends was because of football. It was something we both liked, so we watched it all the time together. I think he thinks I just like him a lot."

"Why don't you just tell them?" I put my hand on his chest and whisper, "What's wrong?" I can feel his heart beating fast under my palm.

"It's hard to discuss." He gives a shrug.

"But what did you say?"

"You're a little more understanding,' He whispers and moves his hand from my back to rest it on mine. It was so big that it almost covered my house. Why did he act that way?" A bit simpler to talk to."

"You agree?" I ask with a small yawn because I'm starting to feel sleepy.

"Julianna, you're a good person." He whispers to me as he runs his hand up my back. "I wish I had more in common with you." My eyelids are getting heavier.

"You are." I mumble and snuggle up to his side.

"That's sweet of you to say, honey:. When he speaks softly, it's hard for me to stay awake. This will never happen again, and I'll never see this Kent again because our other roommates are coming back tomorrow. I can't come over here tomorrow night or be like this with him again.