Chapter 26: Chapter 26
ESTRELA
This day can only be pure hell. Opening the door and then looking straight into my mother's face isn't exactly what I secretly wish for. If my relationship with her had been different, I would probably have jumped into her arms and would have been happy that she flew from Louisiana to Nevada to visit me. But I can't be happy. My mother isn't a bad person in that respect, but she's not the mother who raised me for a long time. The day we moved from Nevada, she became a completely different person. She just told me what to do and what would be right for me. But all the things I didn't want. I knew it, that I can't hide from her forever - she is and always will be my mother. But I didn't think that I would have to face her again so early. I'm worried and angry. Because she certainly didn't come all the way because she misses me. Oh no! She's not like that. She's going to try to convince me to come back - to her so I can continue my studies, and back to... Matthew. But that I will not allow! and back to ... Matthew. But that I will not allow! and back to ... Matthew. But that I will not allow!
"Hi, I'm Kian Warren, a friend of Estrela's. And you must be her lovely mother." Charming mother?! That I don't laugh. Also, Kian is way too polite for his kind. But it's good because if he acts like an asshole now, my mom will drag me out of here with her own hands.
"A friend?", it was clear that this is the only thing that stuck with her. No greeting, absolutely nothing. She just wonders what a guy like Kian is doing with me. Although I can understand a little why she is confused. From the first impression, Kian is the typical bad boy and screams for trouble while I am the sweet girl. But I'm not - not anymore, at least. I look at my mother, her attention is all on Kian. She looks at him critically. The tattoos on his arm, the still wet hair and then extensively his face. "Are you a boxer?" she asks after examining him closely. I wonder how she comes up with such a question now.
"Yes, Miss," Kian answered her honestly.
"I thought so. I recognize a boxer from miles away." Kian frowns in confusion. I look at my mother in horror. "Don't look like that, I've been married to one for over 30 years. Also, your scar on your face gave you away." I swallow. My perceptive mother turns to me. "Can you explain to me what this man is doing here with you?" I don't answer her because what should I say to that? I can't even think of a logical lie that she'll buy from me. But if my mother speaks to my father - which I very much doubt - and will tell him that Kian was here with me, my father will become suspicious and I will know what he thinks about Kian and I having an affair.
"My shower is broken, miss. Your daughter offered me to use hers." The lie isn't bad, but it's not good enough for her to believe.
"As far as I know, there are surely showers in your boxing gym." And there we have it, she saw through the lie. Kian swallows and now seems uncertain. It's nice of him to want to help me, but unfortunately my mother is too smart and knows when someone is lying to her.
"Yes, but I was around here and..."
"How do you know my daughter?" she interrupts him sternly.
"We met in the boxing studio. Kian is a student of Dad. But I see no reason to have to justify myself to you now about who I spend my time with. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, mother. You can here now "Don't just show up and meddle with my new life like that. Leave Kian out of this and tell me why you're here. After that, I want you to leave, and not just out of my apartment, but back to Louisiana!" She looks at me cynically and, as expected, doesn't seem happy with the answer.
"Estrela, have you been brainwashed? You're hanging out with that guy now? Talking rude to me and you've lost respect for me! I didn't raise you like that!" I laugh.
"It's your own fault I don't have the respect I need for you anymore and I said keep Kian out of it. Don't you see I've got a better life here? I'm almost done writing my first book and I've even found a publisher. My life is finally on the up and you will never decide about me and my life again!" I'm trying to hold back the tears that have been piling up.
"A better life," she sneers. "You don't seriously think you're ever going to make any real money from writing? Well, let's assume your book gets published and sells. It's well received, you make good money for the first few months, but then it slows down, huh do you do then? Write a new one? What happens if that doesn't go down well. What do you do then? Keep writing until it's good, but you're already 30 and half a foot down in the street because you're out of money ? Child, open your eyes!" I ball my hands into fists. Once again I realize how much she doesn't stand behind what I do. She still treats me like I'm a little kid daydreaming. I know very well what the reality is like.
"Mother. Go." I have long since lost the strength to discuss this with my mother. We've held this conversation far too often for that. And it's always pointless.
"You're throwing your mother out, so? ... Then remember, if I go, I can offer you a life with a bright future ahead. You don't know what you lost in Louisiana. Matthew to at-"
"STOP!" I scream. You shouldn't mention him. Didn't she understand that I don't want to have anything to do with Matt anymore? He died for me!
"Oh, child. Come, but don't start crying when you see everything, because then it will probably be too late." She sighs deeply, looks at Kian again and disappears. I stare at the floor until I hear the door slam and I slide to the floor. A few tears leave my eyes. I don't make a peep, just cry quietly to myself. I feel strong arms wrap around me and hold me tight. I claw my hands into Kian's arms and bury my face in his chest. It's good to have someone to hold you. Eventually, as my sobs subside slightly, Kian picks me up in his arms and carries us to my couch. He places me on his lap, strokes my hair soothingly, and just waits for me to calm down completely. He doesn't say anything, doesn't push me to explain to him why the relationship with my mother is so difficult and why I can't hear the name Matthew. But I finally have to open up to someone. I've been eating it for years.
"She wasn't always like that, my mother..." I begin to explain. "But when she broke up with my dad, something happened to her. She changed, and not for the better. She always said she knew what was best for me. Never accepted my decisions. When I then When I finally decided that I couldn't go on like this I started saving money to make it possible for me to live here. I just wanted to get away and I finally wanted to go back to my father. She forbade me to visit him. Even if I talk to him on the phone, she doesn't want it. My father only recently told me the real reason for their breakup. She wanted to protect me from the world my father is involved in. I understand it in that way, but it was cruel how she wanted to protect me. She pulled me away - away from my father and decided to take control of my life, which I didn't want at all." I take a deep breath. Now comes the hard part, the story. "Matthew, he was my friend..." Me feel Kian's grip on me tighten." He was my first boyfriend. I experienced all the first things with him. First date, first kiss, first time. I was in love and young. And as the saying goes: blind with love. It was really perfect between us – at the beginning. Until he changed overnight. He got incredibly jealous even when I was spending too much time with a girlfriend. He didn't want to share me with anyone. He controlled me, spied on me - as I found out.
"Estrela," says Kian softly. "It's fine, you're here - with me. Your ex can never get close to you again, okay?" He realizes that I have a hard time talking about it.
I take a deep breath, then continue: “It got really bad with him, Kian. I couldn't do anything I enjoyed anymore. When he noticed that I spend a lot of time writing, he secretly deleted my documents and I couldn't find anything on the hard drive either - everything was deleted. I was getting so angry and loud that he... reached out and g-slapped me." I sob, the memories flooding back way too fast like it just happened yesterday. I know he can't do it anymore but the shock is still deep. I feel Kian's tense body beneath me. He doesn't say anything and I look at him. He stares at me motionless, seems totally absorbed in himself. I want to pull away from him because I I find it a little awkward when he stares at me like that but he's holding me too tight. Then he wakes up from his rigid state, pulls me as close as possible to his chest, which I start to sob even louder.