Chapter 32: Chapter 32

031

So tell me you love me and if you don't, then lie

"I am considering it," I honestly answered Gabriel when he asked me about Var's proposal.

I was spending my time inside his room while waiting for Gem's therapy to finish. I shouldn't be roaming around the hospital because people knew how I hate to be in our hospital. I even wanted Gem to find another hospital but of course, I know this is one of the best hospitals and I want the best for my daughter.

I just have to avoid my family for the meantime and the best way to do that is hide inside my Gabriel's. It's been weeks since we spent our time here. Luckily, my mother was so busy with her conference and research that she didn't have time to mock me.

Gem doesn't even know that her grandparents owned this hospital. She knew Gabriel and she knew I left home because of my family, yet I never told her anything about them. Or maybe, I don't need to tell her that. She's intelligent. She can look up to it and people talk.

I wasn't even sure if my parents would like to know her. As much as possible, I don't want Gem to be with them, to know them, and be stuck with my family. I experienced too much that until my parents change the way they handle their family I am not letting Gem near them.

Although, there are times when I want to pinch my little girl especially when she announced the proposal to everyone she knew, telling them that we are getting married. In return, I was bombarded with a lot of questions I haven't found the answer to yet.

"You are considering it," Gabriel looked me in the eye, trying to see if I was lying.

I am not lying. I am really considering it. It's not the first time I considered it. In fact, I thought about it. What if it's just me and Var? I think there was a time I even imagined having a family with him. It was so nice and great.

"Have you tried considering the fact that you should have told Loud about his daughter?" He glared at me. "You seriously are going to keep Gem away from his real father."

Gabriel looked at me in disgust as he continued stitching the banana. He smiled upon making sure he made the perfect stitch.

I smiled as I watched him. He deserves to have his license back and I know he already regretted everything that happened. I'd bet what happened even made him a better doctor than he was before.

"If you are going to scold me right now, I better go and spend my day with someone else." I rolled my eyes. I asked him for advice, not for another conversation that would mix up my feelings. I am having a hard time talking to myself. I am going crazy!

I rolled onto his bead and screamed my frustration with a pillow on my face. Ugh! I am not liking this. Why do I have to see Loud?

Why does this need to happen?

I perfectly planned everything before I left him which means not coming back again. Destiny is playing with me...with us. Damn! What should I do?

"You came here and asked for advice," Gabriel scoffed. He threw the pillow towards me enough to hit my face.

I groaned. "At least, tell me something nice!"

"And makes you believe in lies?" He clicked his tongue.

He finished suturing the banana, and then he stood up to pick a chicken breast. Oh gosh! I'm used to it because Loud also does that whenever he was practicing his sutures, Zee too, but poor chicken. I should have eaten it.

"Tell Loud about it. He deserves that!" He added, not looking at me.

I know. Loud deserves to know everything. He deserves to be with his daughter. God knows how much I wanted to tell him how amazing Gem was. Deep down, I know he felt it when he saw Gem. And, I am more afraid of the fact that he isn't doing anything right now.

Is he plotting something?

He's not even bothering me about Gem. Did he really believe what I said? I think so. He saw Judge Maquess so perhaps he jumped into the conclusion that Var is the father.

No... Loud is stubborn.

What is he doing?

Is he devastated?

I haven't seen him since that day or it's right to say that I did, I am just avoiding him and he's avoiding me too. She's Gem doctor and whenever it's time for him to check Gem, I make sure to get out of her room. I am afraid of him, the look in his eyes, the pain, everything about him. I am scared that I will lose myself again.

"How's Loud?" I asked my brother.

"Why are you asking me that? Am I the one who left him?" He mocked me.

"I am asking about Loud as a doctor and not as my ex-boyfriend," I stated. "Did I make the right decision? Is mother treating him well?"

"Loud's surgical talent is exceptional. Mother knew about it. He trains under the supervision of our mother and I never did once hear mother telling bad things about Loud. Honestly, she told me to make sure Loud's going to be one of the best cardiothoracic surgeons," he proudly said like he raised Loud. He did.

I smiled and found the leap of happiness in my heart. I knew I made the right decision.

"Mother was thinking of sending him abroad to study."

"Really? That's amazing!"

"Yeah," Gabriel nodded. He pulled his white coat from the rack after finishing his sutures. Wait, he was already finished?

I stood up to check it. Oh. He's fast.

"But it would be more amazing if you would tell him about his daughter."

"We'll get to that," I replied, not really sure how to tell Loud about it.

"Also..." He stopped mid-way to the door. "I would love for you to marry Var."

"Oh. Didn't expect that. I thought you were pro-Loud," I joked.

"I'm up for your happiness, Gabriella," he said seriously, which made my heart melt. "You can consider the proposal. But, do you love Var enough to spend a lifetime with him?"

He left me pondering the question.

There's only one way for me to make sure about my feelings. Honestly, I'm having mixed feelings. I am overwhelmed with everything that's happening between us. I am not even sure if I still love Loud or I am just blinded by the idea of regrets, what ifs, and the love that has gone or the hope that we are still going to end up forever. Maybe it was because of Gem?

Var? I don't know. I am afraid that maybe I am just also blinded by the idea that he was the one with me all these years. I don't know if it was real or...how to know? I mean, how am I able to know what's real? Or even identify what kind of love is it?

One thing is for sure, they both have a special place in my heart.

"Should I say my congratulations?" Zee greeted me with a smile that eventually turned to scoff. "Really, Gabriella? Var?"

"What is wrong with Var?" I rolled my eyes. Why are they even shocked? I've been with Var and I've known Var since we were in college.

"Var is great. You know that!" I raised my voice.

"Yeah. I know how great he is that is why I am asking you Gabriella," Zee held my hand and caressed it. "Do you love him enough to be with him?"

"Funny," I laughed. "You are not the first person to ask me that. And, you know what? I don't know."

"Then, know!" Zee widened her eyes.

She wagged her head as she pulled a pack of banana milk inside her pocket.

"I am trying, okay? And, I am just considering it. It doesn't mean---"

"Tell him. He deserves to know, Gabriella. You are both my friends. I chose to keep it from Loud because of you but Gabriella, he needs to know. Tell him before it gets complicated," she urged. She sipped the straw and almost threw up when I pulled to hug her.

"Don't cry," she whispered as she tapped my back.

"Thank you!"

"I am here, okay? For now, you can see Gem. She's done with her therapy and her vaccination," Zee said before rushing to the emergency room.

"Oh, Zack will be here later if you want to talk about the case!" She added and disappeared from the hallway.

Did she sleep? Do doctors sleep? I heard there's a medical emergency in the morning.

Well, I haven't slept well, either. I remembered I still have a lot of cases to work on. I need to go back to Cebu. It's been months since we stayed in the hospital. I have a lot of pending work. And, I guess, it's also time for Gem to go home. Var is getting better, so I might ask the hospital to discharge both of them after Gem's last vaccination. I believe it's better for both of them to heal at home. Gem can do her therapy sessions in Cebu.

"Or, should I say it's better for me to leave this place..." I whispered to myself. We can't stay here for long. Soon, Loud will know about it. What is he even doing --

I stopped upon smelling the brewed coffee inside Gem's room. I almost dropped on my feet when I heard him laughing with Gem. I don't know what they are talking about but they looked so happy I didn't want to interrupt.

I felt a sudden bolt of happiness in my heart. It's just an amazing view to see. I've been wanting that, for Gem to hear Loud's voice and laugh with him. To talk with her father because I know she would love all the stories Loud would tell her. Loud has an amazing way to keep you interested in him. He has the control that would even make you say yes. I hate that. It made me fall for him.

If Gem knew that Loud is her father, would she like him?

"Hey, Mommy! I am done with my vaccination. Dr. Elarde gave me a chocolate ice cream because I did great, right?" Gem turned to Loud with a grin on her face. She licked the chocolate ice cream.

Loud nodded as she stared at Gem. It was a look of loneliness and perhaps longing.

"Yeah, you did great." He brushed Gem's hair like how he used to me before. I missed his touch.

I looked the other way and tried my best to hide my tears.

I coughed, inhaled and exhaled. My chest is in pain. I could no longer hide it from him. He'll know. I am pretty sure he knows.

Gem smiled and waved her right wrist showing a bracelet with a sunflower pendant on it.

"Dr. Elarde gave me a bracelet. It doesn't look like a medical bracelet but he put no spleen here so people would know about it if I ever got into an accident. Look, Mommy!" She waved it and stared at it with pure happiness in her eyes.

I smiled. "Did you thank him?"

"Yes. He's the best doctor!" Gem added as she licked her chocolate ice cream. "Oh, have you eaten yet Dr. Elarde?" She asked after a second while Loud was still checking her, writing something on her medical chart.

Loud shook his head.

"My mother made me my favorite pancake." Gem stood up, gave me her ice cream, and went to the table to open the tupperware with the pancake I made for her. "Do you like pancakes?"

Loud jaws dropped a little as she stared at Gem. Eventually, he laughed as he turned to me. "Yeah. I loved pancakes." He bit and licked his lower lip while staring at it then back to me.

Ugh! Is he teasing me? Damn! Why am I blushing? I hate myself. I shouldn't be thinking about pancakes. I know he's thinking the same because he couldn't hide his smile.

I scoffed.

"Good! You can have this since I can see that you are tired. Is being a doctor hard?" Gem said as she went back to sit on her bed.

"Yeah, it's a bit tiring. Why do you want to become a doctor?"

Surprisingly, Gem nodded.

"Yes, although I don't know if I am perfect for it. I'm still finding what I believe I am good at."

"Surely, you are going to be the best in whatever you want to do if you put your heart into it," Loud inspiringly said.

"I think I want to be a surgeon, too. Can I be a surgeon, Mom?" Gem looked at me.

"You can be whatever you want to be," I confirmed.

"You are such a great kid!" Loud complimented her. Well, Gem got it from his father...she got it from Loud.

Gem widened her smile.

I stood there with a leap of faith that when Gem knew about Loud, she would like him. She would accept him just like now.

Loud bend a little to glance Gem's eyes. "Can you give me a hug?"

I looked away when Gem opened her arms to welcome Loud.

What is Loud doing?

"You smell brewed coffee..." Gem reacted after letting go of Loud who just stared at her daughter.

He knew.

"By the way, can Daddy Var already go home?" She innocently asked. "I want to go home with him and we need to prepare for Mom and Dad's wedding!" Gem giggled that changed Loud's expression from happiness to sadness.

"I am so excited for their wedding. You can come, Dr. Elarde--"

"I think Dr. Elarde has a lot of patients he needs to attend to. Okay? And, we need to change your clothes." I pulled Gem away from Loud before she could say something again. She doesn't know how to control herself. Like her father, she says what she wants to say.

"Say your thank you to Dr. Elarde," I ordered.

"Hmm. Okay," Gem bowed down. "Thank you, Dr. Elarde," She said in a low tone.

"It's my pleasure," Loud replied. "Do you want another chocolate ice cream?" He added.

"Yeah, because this one already melted!" Gem excitedly replied. Though, she still licked the ice cream.

"Good. I'll go back with a chocolate ice cream."

"Thank you!" Gem chuckled. "Also, can you take good care of Daddy Var, too? So that we can both go home." She made beautiful eyes and pleaded.

Loud lips parted. I could sense he was choosing the right words to say. There was a hesitation in his eyes. I clearly know that because he hates Var and he has a lot of reasons now to even hate Var.

"You really love your father, huh?" He confirmed.

Gem, with certainty, nodded. However, I wasn't prepared for what she said next, "Even though he is not my real father."