Chapter 21: Chapter 21

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Upon which I stand and I come here to talk. I hope you understand

Kids were often asked about their dreams and what they want to be when they grow up. It's a normal conversation between adults and kids.

I remembered dreaming of becoming an astronaut when I was growing up because I find galaxies, constellations, and the entire universe cool. I was waiting for someone to ask me what I wanted when I grew up, but no one asked me.

No one.

I never really cared and just shrugged it off. Not until I realized the reason why they never asked me. Not even my parents or my grandparents.

Well, it's because they don't need to ask. They already know. I wasn't born yet and they knew I was going to be a doctor.

Of course, that is the only choice because I came from generations of doctors both from my mother and my father's side. I mean, no one ever tried to take another path. Not even dared to try breaking it.

It was amazing at first when people asked me what my family does for a living. I would proudly say I came from a family of doctors.

I grew up on hospital floors where they built a home. My parents never go home because they are too busy taking care of other people. They rarely go to any activities in our school except when they are going to put medals on our neck. But they would only go if we ranked first, otherwise they would tell us they're busy.

My parents loved us the hard way. We learned the hard way.

Being first in everything was the only thing that would make them notice us which raised competition between us siblings. We competed for their attention.

I did everything I could to be number one. I studied, but I am not like my parents nor my siblings who could top anything without even studying. I have to sacrifice sleep just to perfect an exam. And, sometimes or most of the time it wasn't enough.

Slowly, I lost it. I accepted that I will never be good enough for my parents so I stopped competing. I let them compete on their own, making me the black sheep of the family.

I was always ridiculed at family dinner because I am not number one in our class, and because I am not like my sister, Gwen, who excelled in everything. We're the only girls in the family so I am always being compared to her.

I admit she was really good, except for her attitude. She's the favorite one but she still hates me. Maybe it was the fact that my parents always notice me, not my good side but my bad side.

I get used to it that I let them have my bad side because at least they still notice me. Quite the rebel.

My family thought I was a disgrace to our whole clan, except for one person. My brother, Gabriel. He's my favorite among all my siblings because when everyone thought I couldn't do it, he believed me.

He always makes sure I get the wing part whenever we have a chicken bucket because it's my favorite.

He once lied to our parents so we could go to the concert of my favorite band, Coldplay.

My brother Gabriel was also the one who told me to pursue music and even helped my former band to get regular gigs at bistro.

When I was a kid, he bought me a guitar using his allowance because I told him I wanted to learn how to play it.

He was there whenever I needed him. He protected me against my parents and was always the first one to defend me against them.

He's the only one I have when everything turns their back on me.

He didn't leave me alone when I ran from home.

I could name hundreds and thousands of little things and even bigger things he did for me and the pages of a notebook wouldn't be enough for me to write it down.

He was so kind to me. It was genuine. He was a very good brother to me and he still is.

So, I would accept it if it was my mother, my father, or Gwen, or even my eldest brother Getro. I would be able to accept it and I would immediately file a case against them because I know how evil they are. I've seen how greedy they are, so it's no wonder.

But, Gabriel?

It was a punch in my heart. It was... I don't know.

I was so devastated. I spent the whole night crying, telling myself it's not true. I should trust him. It's probably a mistake. I don't have evidence and Loud must be lying.

I tried believing every lie I could think of and it's not working. I couldn't sleep. It's killing me. It's three o' clock in the morning. I don't think I'd sleep.

I got out of the bed, took a shower, got dressed, got out of the trailer, and drove to our hospital.

Loud was already at our hospital because of his shift. It also became his home and I hate the sound of it. I mean, how can he manage to roam around our hospital? How can he walk around, talk, and even mingle with the people who killed his mother? I guess he's already used to it and I'm not.

I am so amazed on how he handled everything after all these years.

The sun was already rising when I parked Loud's car. I assumed he left the car for me because he knew what I was going to do.

I walked straight to the elevator and pressed the seventh button as soon as I got inside.

I heaved.

I still don't want to believe it. I wanted to just forget it but I know I would definitely regret not knowing the truth.

The seventh floor was basically my family's home. It's only for us. I even had my own room on this floor though I don't know what they did to it when I ran away.

I had the desire to check it when I stepped on the floor, but immediately went to my brother's room that's equipped with high-end technology.

I stood there and waited for the camera to scan my whole body until it stopped on my chest for a second.

When the door opened, I had a leap of joy for I know I am still Gabriel's favorite sister. He'd still leave his room for me. Yet, slowly as I walked and searched for evidence I started to doubt his whole existence.

I looked around. The interior design of his room is still the same since I last stayed here except that he changed his favorite black bed sheet into white. The curtains were still black because it’s still his favorite color and he’s nocturnal. He hates the sun, so most of the time he’s working at night throughout dawn and spends the whole day sleeping. That’s also why I know he wouldn’t be here during this time.

I went inside his walk-in closet while trying to remember his safe place. Well, this room is already his safe place because he put some identification system on it that even our parents couldn’t get inside.

I felt a bit sad about the fact that I am indeed his favorite sister.

There’s nothing in the closet. I just missed his perfume that smelled like wine and roses. I see my brother hasn’t changed a bit as I moved around his room. The familiar happiness and nostalgia crawled on me as I sat on his bed. I used to sleep in his room more than my room which made Gwen hate me because she never slept in Gabriel’s room.

I closed my eyes and prayed before I sat in front of his computer which is by far the best place where he could hide the evidence. I was afraid to look at his shelves because I knew I would find something so I decided to open his computer to kill time.

After minutes, I found nothing.

“Ugh!” I face my palm. “Please, Gabriel. Don’t make me hate you,” I whispered to myself as I opened his drawer one by one.

Okay, I am somehow relieved because there’s nothing suspicious inside it. I thought maybe he wasn’t the one who kept the evidence but my brother or maybe they threw it all away. However, I know my brother. He still has a conscience. And I didn't think he would throw away important evidence so I dug deeper until I remembered the hidden closet under his bed.

I heaved.

I was right.

My hands were shaking as I pulled the envelope out of his secret drawer. I could feel my sweat though it’s cold inside. I sat crossed leg on the carpet, leaned my back on his bed and started reading the case.

But I had to stop upon seeing the CCTV footage. I mean, what’s there to read when it’s already in there.

I started to cry. I couldn’t stop crying again. I thought I no longer have tears but it seems to me that my body is very good at producing tears. Well, I am used to crying so it’s no wonder.

It took half a minute before I heard the door open. I know it was Gabriel because of his perfume.

I wiped my tears and lifted my face. Ugh! I hate crying!

“Hey,” He removed his white coat. “You’re home? You are crying? What happened--” He stopped when realized what’s wrong.

“Gab…” His lips parted in shock.

I sadly smiled before throwing the evidence on him. The paper scattered on the floor. Gab slowly wagged his head as he blankly stared at them. I don’t know what to say.

“Gabriel, you are my favorite person in the world,” I stated. “So, I would give the benefit of doubt.”

“Gab…” He shook his head. “I…”

“What?” I sobbed. “Tell me it’s not true. Don’t just stare at me…”

I cried silently as my brother picked the papers on the floor. He stared at them and slowly fell to his knees. That’s how I felt how guilty he was.

“It’s my fault.” He hugged his knees as he started telling me. “I was a resident at that time, a proud arrogant resident who bragged about the privilege of being the son of the owner of this hospital.”

“Did you kill her?” I asked and expected for him to say no but he didn’t say a thing.

“She’s been an in and out patient of our hospital because of her heart condition. Dr. Pervilla was the attending surgeon and he assigned me in that case. At first, everything was going well since she was responding to medication. We treated her through endovascular repair, but slowly she stopped responding to treatment. That’s when we knew she had complications.”

“I don’t know any medical terms so stop explaining it and just t-tell me…” I coughed. “T-tell me if you really liked her?”

He ignored me and continued telling the story. I guess he never had anyone to tell about it, not even me, because I was just a high school student back then who didn't care about medicine. Or maybe he couldn’t tell me because my parents forbid him to tell anyone.

“Dr. Pervilla wasn’t in the hospital when it happened. He was off duty and he told me to take care of the patient. But that night, before it happened, I was high. I mean, I was always high and no one ever noticed that.”

“What? Why…”

“Being high is the only way for me to survive our parents,” he faked a laugh. “I was always high and I got used to it. It’s my way of dealing with my anxiety and depression because I couldn’t say it to anyone, not even you. All I want is for you to be not like me or not like us so I tried everything I could to get you away from our family. I was really happy when you decided to run away from home.”

I bursted into tears. I bit my fingers to stop me from crying.

I never realized about his feelings. I thought he was okay. He was so great at pretending that I thought he was so happy. I failed to recognize his true feelings when all he did was to take care of me.

“The patient coded and they called me. She was dying and I didn't know what to do. I wasn’t thinking straight but I know that I need to save her. I decided to perform the surgery even though Dr. Pervilla told me to wait for him. I couldn’t wait because another attack would kill her.”

“You performed the surgery even though you are on high and you know it yourself?” I yelled in anger. “You should have called someone to help you! You should have called our parents!”

“And what? Call them and let them make me feel like I am an idiot? To show them that I don’t know anything and I am not capable of dealing with my patients?” He fired back. Tears started to fall down from his eyes which he instantly wiped away.

“But…” I wagged my head. “It’s okay to admit that we don’t know everything.”

He faked another laugh as he stared at me. I could feel his pain.

“I operated on the patient and tried to save her. I did everything I could,” he whispered enough for me to hear.

“Why did she die?”

“Because I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I performed an open heart surgery but I couldn’t find what was wrong.”

I closed my fist and stopped myself from punching him in the face.

“Why? Why didn’t you call for help?”

“I was too late. She lost a lot of blood. I wasn’t able to call the Neuro, and it gets complicated. It was too late when Dr. Pervilla came in. It was too late…”

“And, you let Dr. Pervilla gets all the blame? From the drugs to killing a patient? You should be ashamed of yourself!” I screamed.

I hiccuped. I tried to stop myself from crying, but I couldn’t. My heart was in pain that I felt like dying any moment.

“Do you think I want that?” He yelled back and clutched his chest.

He cried like how I am crying.

“I was afraid because I know it’s my fault and they will sue me, they will sue the hospital and I am going to lose my license,” he breathed deeply. “I cannot afford to lose my license. You know how I always wanted to become a doctor. I can’t lose it…”

“So you let an innocent person get all the blame for you?” I mocked him. “While you are here in this place living a beautiful life.”

We fell into silence for a minute until I dropped, “I hate you, brother.”

I threw a pillow on his face and he didn’t do anything. He let me throw everything my hands get on until I got tired.

He went to hug me as we both cried. It was so painful I don’t know how I’ll get by.

“I’m sorry, Gabriella,” My brother whispered. “Every day, I do my best to pay for what I did. I am really sorry but I couldn’t afford to lose my license.”

“N-no…” I muttered. “You couldn’t afford to hurt your ego,” I plainly said. “You killed someone and live freely...that’s not f-fair…”

I pushed him away. “You need to pay for it.”

“Please...the case was already closed. Dr. Pervilla---”

“What did you do to him? Why did he get all the blame for you?” I asked in disbelief.

“He somehow blamed himself,” My brother answered. “A-and his son was sick. He needs medication and treatment. It was so expensive as he also needed to send his son to another country for his transplant. So, mother told him that she will pay for everything if he will be the one to get all the blame.”

“What a very nice way of blackmailing,” I sarcastically smiled. I wiped my tears. I am so tired of crying and it will not end if I do not do something about it.

I stood up and to my surprise my brother kneeled in front of me. It broke my heart.

“Please, don’t tell him. Don’t tell Lauyton…”

“You knew,” I groaned in frustration. “How could you face him every day?”

“We already compensated his family. We even accepted him in our hospital. He’s doing well--”

I cut him. “You don’t know that!”

Loud may not say it but I know that he’s been keeping the pain all by himself.

“I can’t lose my medical license, please…” He held my hand and cried. “Please, my little sister. You know how I love you and…”

“I love you, brother…” I replied back. “I do.”

I caressed his face and kissed his forehead like how he would do it whenever I cry. I wiped his tears and smiled a little.

“But it’s not right…”

“Gabriella,” he pleaded. “It’s already done. Dr. Pervilla was already out of prison. You cannot open the case again. You can’t---”

I shoved his hand away. It hurts, but I already made up my mind.

“You need to pay for it,” I said, acting tough when all I want to do is crawl.

“Are you choosing him over me?” Gabriel stood up, still not believing everything. “You are going to choose him over me?” I could feel the pain and betrayal in his voice. “Seriously?”

“You don’t know what you are doing. Our parents will hear about this and could ruin not only you but him!” Gabriel hissed. “C’mon, we can still find another way.”

“This is the way you’ve chosen, brother,” I bowed my head and expressed how sorry I am.

“I am your family, yet you are choosing a random guy over me?” He frowned.

I shook my head. Loud isn’t a random guy.

He’s the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, but my favorite brother and the first guy I ever loved just ruined it for us.

“I am choosing what is right, brother,” I wiped my tears. Ugh! They wouldn’t stop and I hate it. I am so tired of crying.

I turned my back on him because I could no longer handle it. Seeing my brother in pain can change my mind and that would betray justice. I know I would regret it for the rest of my life if I buried the truth now.

“S-so…” I paused and breathed. “Please prepare to lose everything because we’re coming for you.”