Chapter 98: Chapter 98

Chapter 98 No nightmares

He admitted that even my touch used to scare him, but he said as trust grew, that fear of me touching him was slowly diminishing.

I realized that I was the same way....I was cautious of men and was easily spooked when men in particular would touch me.

But it seems like trust has played a major role in healing. Mentally, neither one of us are there yet, maybe we'll never be completely healed mentally.

But perhaps the past will become merely memorable scars that no longer ache.

He clenches his fists, anger is brief on his features before it vanishes. He used to argue that nothing was wrong with him mentally, he just wanted to move on with his life and finding that talking about his past to someone just brought back the burning desire to kill those who wronged him.

But little by little, with the help of psychologists and therapists has he allowed his walls to crumble just a bit. It's an eternal battle but its one that should fade - but not vanish - over time.

"I've prescribed him medication that he needs to take every day, it will help with his moods. However, I really think that for this particular case sessions like these will help him feel less closed off and less alone in this problem. Anger management might even help, I can recommend some for you, if you don't mind?" The psychiatrists asks, looking at us both.

It's Colton's choice.

I, too, look at him and he shrugs, seemingly uncomfortable as he lets his hands fidget in his lap. "I don't know....can we just see how these sessions go for a little bit longer? It's too expensive, all of this. But if you both still think I need extensive help after a few months of these sessions, then maybe I'd be willing to do so."

I nod, agreeing with him. I think it's logical to wait and see how things go before jumping on to the next step too quickly.

And, if it saves some money in the meantime then I think it's worth it.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I say, voicing my opinion.

"Okay, good. Then I'll schedule the next appointment for the same time next month, does that work for you?" He asks, his voice full of kindness.

"That's fine." Colton answers.

"Then I'll see you next month. If you have any questions or any new symptoms arrive, please, don't hesitate to call. It's best to nip things like this in the butt quickly because there's no telling how worse they could get." The psychiatrist says.

And Colton and I couldn't agree more.

* * *

Colton and I have been sleeping in the same bed together lately. He refuses to go back to his old home, he tells me that too many monsters lurk there. Of course, not actual monsters but temptations like drugs and alcohol abuse, as well as too many memorable nightmares and somber breakdowns.

Nothing other than little, loving kisses and gentle, innocent touches are shared between us. I think the both of us know our boundaries, both of us too afraid to go further and both of us too mentally unprepared to go further.

Not only that, but it takes time to learn how to handle a relationship after years of abuse and misuse. It really messes with your head - being told that you're dirty and worthless, being told that love doesn't exist, it's all a lie, and even if it did exist, nobody could ever love someone like me. Colton and I went through the same thing.

The human trafficking business also focuses on brainwashing their victims like that. Crushing their victim's spirits with damaging words that are repeated day in and day out until eventually, you forget what it's like on the outside world.

You start to believe that everyone is treated this way. That everyone is made for only one purpose - rape and forced labor.

It instills trust upon the pimps. Many of their victims are ages fifteen years or younger, and children are especially easy to brainwash these lies early on.

Stockholm syndrome sets in and then arises the need not to ever escape the business, but loyaly stick to it.

Some people would never know that those very same prostitutes that are slut shamed and roam the streets at night, are actually victims of human trafficking. Forced to work, feeling empty inside and hopeless. Even some people that are depicted in porn are forced to commit such atrocities on camera, victims of the same place I was once trapped in.

Just another way that human trafficking rakes in their cash. Most people don't know that by engaging in such acts, they are supporting the human trafficking industry.

I remember I watched as several women were forced to perform sexual acts on camera, the film was then distributed out online and posted on various pron sites for the public to view. It's a criminal business that's wealthy and it sickens me that children are the most exploited out of all.

And much of the world is blind to the extent of it.

Slavery never truly ended.

I just wish there was more that I could do, it's a subject that I now have become passionate about.

As usual, my thoughts have run rampant through much of the night, and I'm only snapped out of them when Colton starts to shake and sweat in his sleep. I see the beads of perspiration on his forehead, some drops roll down his face, mixing with the lines of anguish and panic in his face.

I hear his breath - it's labored and he tries to scream, but it comes out like a loud groan. "N-no, NO!" He yells, startling me. I gasp, scrambling to sit up so I can do something. But before I can even lay a finger on him, he suddenly and quickly sits up in bed, threading his fingers through his hair as he screams. His eyes are still closed when this is all happening - he's still very much asleep.

"Colton, Colton!" I yell, grabbing onto his arm and shaking him. His eyes suddenly snap open and he's panting for air, hearing him gasp loudly, it sounds somewhere between a sob and a scream and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him against me and hugging him.

No tears fall down his face but he's making sounds, almost like he's crying, it's deep and labored as he tries to breathe and I know he might fall into a state of panic if he doesn't calm down.

"Shh Colton, it was just a dream. Breathe deeply and try to calm down. Remember the breathing exercises I taught you? Take deep breaths and count, remember?" I ask him, and he nods against me.

It isn't long before I feel his breath against my neck, his gasping ceasing. My heart stirs in my chest holding him close like this and my heart hurts when he goes through stuff like this. How long has he been going through this alone, just as I have?

I don't know how long we sit there for, holding each other like that. It could have been several minutes, I don't know. It was just him and I fighting our fears in the dark that once terrified us.

Eventually, Colton falls asleep and when he does, I gently push himself off of me and lay him back down on the bed, being careful with my movements not to wake him.

I follow his lead and pull the covers up to his chin, watching the subtle way he breathed. It was so gentle, the up and down movements of his chest - so gentle, in fact, that if one didn't look good enough, they'd miss it.

Soon, I shut my own eyes, trying to seek the path of tender dreams once more. When sleep finally does come, it's a serene travel through the road of rest.

And this time, no nightmares stir either one of us from our sleep.