Chapter 101: Chapter 101

Chapter 101 Alone again

I go home feeling much happier that night. The heaviness in my heart had been temporarily lifted and I resisted the urge to skip home.

I felt on top of the world again, like I could conquer all even when things fall apart around me. My initial anger towards Colton had dissipated, I craved to share with him the exciting news. I'm sure he had a good excuse to not make it to my performance like he had promised.

I open the door of my apartment - our apartment with a smile on my face. "Colton?" I call out.

No answer.

I start walking around the house, weaving my way through the bedrooms and bathrooms. "Colton, where are you?" I ask, becoming a bit worried when I can't find him.

I walk back into the kitchen, and notice something I hadn't noticed before.

It was a note.

A note sitting on the counter.

With shaky hands, I reach out and pick it up. It said;

Lily, I'm sorry. I couldn't bring myself to face you tonight because I've done a bad thing. I relapsed in my drug addiction. Know that I am safe and will be back in the morning, if you want to end whatever we have I will understand. Just know that I tried, I really tried to stay strong but it seemed my demons were stronger.

~Colton.

I look up from the note and crinkle it in my hand. Five months. Colton had been clean for five months and my heart breaks for him. I can't help but feel some amount of disappointment and even anger, though.

I thought we had moved past that, but how silly of me to expect an addiction like Colton's would just disappear without a trace. This is the real world and real, big problems don't just vanish.

Often times, people have to fight for a happily ever after, and even then nothing will ever be perfect.

Part of me felt angry because in a way, it seemed Colton chose drugs over me tonight. He promised me he would come watch my performance, and if only he had showed up, he wouldn't have taken heroin again.

Not only that, but I wanted to celebrate the news with him. A dream that I thought had long gone finally became reality again and I had nobody to share it with.

I was alone again, but so was he.

My heart hurt, it felt heavy again and I brought my hand to my forehead and rested it there. I squeezed my eyes shut, a range of different, conflicting emotions crashed over me. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed......

The therapist had warned me of a relapse, but to actually go through it and the pain of starting from square one again was completely different.

I couldn't imagine how Colton would feel once he's sober.

"I need a bath." I mutter to myself. I go to the cabinet in my kitchen. It was a secret drawer where I kept my own stash of chocolate, hidden from Colton because he eats all the candy and sweets I buy.

I swipe a block of dark chocolate from the drawer and drag my feet to the bathroom. I shut and lock the door behind me, start the bath and fill it with warm, bubbly water. I strip and let myself sink into the stress relieving bubbles.

I grab my chocolate bar and take a swig from the sparkling apple cider I poured myself.

I celebrate my achievement alone in a bath tub on the forgotten part of town with tears pricking my eyes and the sweet taste of chocolate on my tongue.

My small voice breaks and it comes out shaky when I speak.

"Congratulations to me."

The night was a solemn one. Full of worry and eventful nightmares that forced me to stay awake until the sun rose the next morning. I layed in bed until I heard movement about in the kitchen and I instantly knew who had come back.

I got out of bed, my movements sluggish and it felt like the weight of the world rested on my eyelids. I didn't care that I looked tired despite just rolling out of bed and I certainly didn't care that Colton would be seeing me this way.

Maybe a small part of me wanted him to see me this way, to see what he's done to me and see how is own decisions impact me, also.

But I knew he was hurting, too, so let us hurt together.

I opened up the door to my bedroom, it creaked loudly as it did so and it caused him to turn around and look at me.

His hair was messy and oily looking. Dark, wrinkled t-shirt stained with God only knows what and dark bags he wore under his bloodshot eyes. My eyes caught on to something scarlet on the inside of his arms, and I shivered when I saw small bruises and dried, crusted blood on his arms left behind by the needle.

He looked like a mess just as I, I guess neither of us had much sleep last night.

"I feel like shit, let me take a shower first and then we can talk, okay?" He asks, his voice deep and low, sounding sad.

I nod, not saying a word and he walks past me towards the bathroom and shuts the door. I sink down onto the living room couch when I hear the water start and just give myself time to think.

In all honesty, I don't know how to deal with this situation. What do I say? Are there even any right words to say? And what about my emotions? Should I be stern, angry, or patient with him? Yelling and arguing probably wouldn't be the best decision, even though that's certainly what I wanted.