Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Selfish

Adjective

Meaning lacking consideration for other people, quite boldly put every single living being is selfish in one way or another. It can be simply not wanting to share the last muffin with your siblings so you eat in secret or ratting out a friend to the teacher to save your skin no matter how small the action is. Put simply, it's being selfish, only looking out for yourself.

"If we are kind to one another, it's usually because we have ulterior motives. If we are good, it's only because we have managed to control and transcend our innate selfishness and brutality" Steve Taylor

I can't speak for every human being in the world but we all are capable of being selfish and at one point in our lives we have, some feel bad for their actions while others don't give a flying fuck what happens to others but that's when the rules of ethical conducts come in.

I enjoy a good ethical lesson as much as the next gal but long story short I know I have been selfish throughout my life at some points and that feeling is like trying to pour acid down my throat I hate it truly I do, and so I tried to make a rule when I was younger to not be selfish or cruel unless it was dire or for a good, cause I wouldn't say good reason because everyone has their concept of a good reason but a good cause is easily justifiable.

***

It didn't take me long to arrive at my mom's place, I was glad to get here in one piece because my head was killing me and I could barely focus on the road with my splitting headache.

"Took you long enough," my ma answered the door

"Hello to you too," I mumbled getting inside

"Auntie," I heard Kyle yell happily running towards me,

"Hey buddy," I said picking him up for a hug

"I missed you," he said in the crook of my neck, it made me feel terrible for leaving him here for so long.

"I missed you too buddy," I said kissing his head

"I'm ashamed to say you're a better mother than that useless sister of yours," my ma commented watching my every move.

"Thank you for taking care of him," I said with a respectful nod

"Nonsense I like his company," she said

"Thank you nevertheless," I said

"Where's Haley anyway?" She asked

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure," I said

"Figures probably getting wasted," she grumbled sitting on her couch, "Close the door on your way out," she said

"Alright, thank you again," I said over my shoulder as I took Kyle's bag and walked to my car, closing the door behind me.

"So how did you like spending time with grandma?" I asked placing him in the back seat with his seatbelt on.

"It was boring gran-gran just watched tv the whole time," he said

"Ah sorry, buddy promise you're going to have lots of fun once we get back," I said

"Yes," he fist-bumped the air making me smile as I drove us home, Kyle was truly my fresh breath of air and the thought of that reminded me of Cole, I truly hoped the idiot was fine.

"What took you guys so long?" Lila asked once we arrived at my place, she was luckily dressed in a cute black mid-length strappy deep v neck loose dress.

"Traffic," I said taking Kyle's bag to the bedroom

"Hey little dude I'm Lila," she said extending her hand to Kyle who shyly shook it

"I'm Kyle," he said

"Oh my god he's so cute," she squealed making him stare wide at her

"Contain yourself, Lila, he's a bit jumpy around new people," I said flopping on the couch

"Ah my bad, you like dancing?" She asked him

"Ya," he said

"Great me too," she said, connecting her phone to my Bluetooth speaker. '' Happy by Pharrel Williams began to play. She hyped the song more than it needed to be swinging Kyle's arms side to side getting him into the song,

"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof," she sang making me laugh, she wasn't the best singer so this was entertaining to watch as she danced like a very crazy monkey swinging her arms and legs randomly but Kyle seemed to enjoy her crazy moves as he joined her. I couldn't help video this very cute moment, Cole would've loved to join them if he were here but again he wasn't and I still hadn't heard a single word from him.

"Yo sad face come join us," Lila called me

"What the heck," I said, joining in, getting loose and just having some fun with some of my favourite people.

Later in the evening, Haley came over to fetch Kyle who didn't want to leave but didn't have a say in the option.

"I don't wanna go home," he whined

"Kyle stop it we're going home you'll see your aunt another day," Haley ordered Kyle, he whined but listened.

"Thanks for babysitting this weekend," she thanked me

"Anytime he's always a pleasure to take care of," I said with a smile

"For you sure," she mumbled

"You need to get some help before I intervene," I angrily said

"Ya ya, I'm on it, glad to see you worked things out with Lila," she said

"Ya crazy story she's lesbian," I said

"I know," she said

"What the hell, how did you know?" I asked

"We hook up sometimes," I stared at her blankly not sure how I could ever respond to that

"Well, I'll let your brain restart while I head home thanks again," she said

"Mhm," I hummed still shocked

"Bye Auntie," Kyle waved his cute little hand at me

"Bye buddy," I waved back

"Later skater," Haley said to Lila who flirtatiously waved back making me gag.

"Gross now I got the image of you and my sister getting it on stuck in my head," I cringed

"I got an image of you and your sister getting hot and heavy btw that's my Christmas wish if you're wondering just in case" she hummed biting her lip, "You're both dressed in sexy cat cosplay lingerie just in case you-" she began

"Ok, that's enough out of you crazy sex addict," I cringed shaking the mere thought out of my brain.

"Oh relax a girl can only dream," she sighed as we sat on the couch staring at the tv, silence enveloped the flat as we tried to figure out what we were watching

"Ok what the fuck is this?" Lila asked

"I'm not quite sure," I said tilting my head as if that would make me better understand what I was looking at, it sort of resembled a spider but a very colourful spider and I hated them with my entire being just seeing it made my skin crawl.

"Ya well I'm changing it," she said changing to Netflix, "I've been dying to watch this," she said starting the movie Fifty Shades Darker.

"It came out last year," I said with a raised brow

"Didn't have the time," she said with a wave of her hand, I just rolled my eyes with a scoff.

"Fine play it," I said feeling a bit bored and tired,

"You bet your cute ass I am," she beamed while playing the movie but not even three minutes into the movie, my stomach was growling loudly.

"Are you hungry?" Lila asked me

"A little," I said getting up to get some crackers

"What did you eat today?" She asked

"Uh I'm not sure I think I ate a price of bread before I left to fetch Kyle, it's just been a pretty hectic day so food was the least of my worries," I said

"I don't know how to say this gently but if you don't start eating properly you're going to be malnourished and quite frankly you're skin and bones already," she said

"I know," I sighed, ever since I was a kid I never ate much because I would always get yelled at for eating too much so I ate less and soon the habit stack, I was a pretty chubby kid and because of my fear of eating I lost quite a lot of fat and thanks to Cole I began doing exercises. My ma tended to hit me on the knuckles with her wooden spoon whenever she found me eating too much and in a way that scared me, I didn't want to eat too much because I was worried if I did I would get in some sort of trouble even though I knew that was an irrational fear but my brain was damn well stuck on the idea.

I curled on one side of the couch while Lila was leaning on the other armrest, she played the movie and throughout it, I was crunching down some crackers.

"It didn't live up to its hype though," Lila sighed as the credits rolled

"Right," I agreed

"Guess what I wanna do right now?" She asked with a devious smile

"Keep your nasty ass thoughts to yourself," I cringed not even wanting to imagine what she was thinking about.

"Oh come on can you blame me after watching that," she argued

"I watched the same movie yet I have a clear conscious," I said

"So you're telling me you're as dry as the Sahara desert?" She asked

"Yes," I answered with a straight face

"You're not human," she said shocked

"If only," I sighed getting up to throw away the box of crackers

"But Anastasia is so damn hot it's unbelievable and very unfair," Lila whined laying on the couch upside down with her head over the couch.

"Mhm," I hummed not sure what else to say

"You don't even care do you?" She asked

"Not in the slightest," I said blankly

"Uhg the struggles of having a straight best friend," she groaned making me smile,

"Are you hungry?" I asked her

"A little what's for dinner?" She asked

"Pizza," I said ordering it on my phone

"Fuck yess I love you," she beamed

"Ya ya love you too," I chuckled

"That pizza better have lots of meat on it," she said

"Well duh we're meat lovers after all," I said

"Marry me?" She asked

"Magically turn into a guy overnight then I'll plan the wedding in the morning," I joked, making her smile.

While we waited for the pizza to arrived we just talked and caught up with each other, turns out her Cousin Chad was super into incest stuff that's why when they kissed in public it looked so natural because he was actually into it, I, on the other hand, couldn't judge her on the spot cause that would be rude but I did tell her it was weird for me. By the time the pizza arrived, I was starving and ate half the pizza while Lila only had two slices.

"You see this is what happens when you don't eat, you inhale those slices so fast you didn't even savour them. Later in the night, your stomach is going to give you hell," Lila scolded me

"Ya, I'll cross that bridge when it comes," I shrugged off her warning though I wish I didn't because true to her words at around two in the night I woke up with such severe stomach cramps I thought I was dying.

"What, Zendaya, is that you?" Lila woke up with a startle still dazed and half-asleep

"No," I groaned clenching my stomach as I rushed to the toilet,

That morning I learned my lesson on not eating too much at once so I tried to make a pact to myself to eat at least three meals a day no matter how little.

"Oh come on do you have to go to work?" Lila complained as I got ready for work

"Yes some of us have to earn a living you know," I said

"Uhg boring," she groaned

"Ya because you're incredibly rich," I argued

"All you gotta do is ask for help and you know I'll do what I can to help," she said

"Ya I know but I want to earn my own money and build a life for myself, I don't like relying too much on people," I said

"You're so stubborn," she said

"I wonder where I get it from," I scoffed grabbing my bag, "Later," I said

"Later," she grumbled, covering herself with the blankets childishly, I just laughed and left the house. I took too many days off and now I had to get back to work. It was a pretty sunny day with light traffic so I was in a good mood until I rocked up to work and was greeted by Greg.

"Morning sunshine," he said with a wide grin

"Morning," I said gagging inwardly

"How was your weekend?" He asked

"Good thanks and yours?" I asked

"It was meh but I see you didn't answer my messages, were you busy?" He asked, cocking his head as if I owed him something.

"Ya I was very busy it wasn't an emergency was it?" I asked faking innocence since I did read them but didn't want to answer back because they were just creepy and unnecessary messages.

"Not at all," he said

"Alright then I'll let you get back to work then," I said

"Wait one more thing?" He asked

"Yes?" I asked

"Since you're the boss now do you think you could give us a raise because you know how things are tough now," he asked hopefully, probably thinking he was tugging at my heartstrings, I wanted to laugh out loud but I contained myself. When it came to working things I was as tough as leather so why he even mentioned this to me was his own mistake,

"No," I flatly said, staring him dead in the eyes before leaving, not giving him a second to enquire why I said no. If he thought he could exploit me being the boss now he had another thing coming.

"Morning Harley I didn't think you were coming in today," Sarah said looking a bit nervous

"Morning, ya I wanted to pull my weight you know," I said

"Ya of course understandable," she quickly said

"Alright I'm just going to check the medication in the storage unit," I told her turning around to leave when she quickly grabbed my arm, her nails digging into my skin painfully

"No!" She quickly said, "I mean I already checked everything and nothing is out of place so why don't you go home and relax. I'll call you if we need extra hands," she said with a bead of sweat on her forehead, I knew that look all too well it was the same look I gave Cole the day Veronica died and he was helping me sneak her out of his house, clearly she was hiding something.

"No harm in double-checking," I said with a reassuring smile

"Right of course," She had such a forced smile it even hurt me to watch her, I left her be and headed to the back for staff only room full of our medication packages. It was a lot to count but luckily we had a system that worked and James sent me a file containing what we ordered for the month and I checked that with the invoices Sarah sent me and clearly, something didn't add up because one woman bought MDMA but what didn't make sense was that two of the bottles containing that medication were gone and only one bottle remained. I looked again at my boss's chart trying to make sense of what I was seeing but no matter how hard I looked the bottles didn't reappear. Someone hadn't been taught the swiper no swiping rule when they were a kid and now I had to go figure this out before more things were stolen, this was the exact reason why I didn't want to miss so many days off.

Dang, James was going to chew my neck out for this.