Chapter 48: Chapter 48

XLVIII

"Spokane?!" they screech together. "But that's three hours away from Missoula!"

"I know." I sigh.

"You'd have to change school! We wouldn't see each other anymore!"

"We would, just not that often." I try to comfort them.

"Is there nowhere else you can go?" Amber asks, sadness in her beautiful brown eyes.

"My aunt lives even farther, and I don't have grandparents anymore. This seems like the best option."

Liam shakes his head. "I don't like this."

"Why don't you want to stay with me?" Amber asks.

"Because I'll feel like a burden, Amber. I can't just move in with you."

She goes to object, but I stop her with a pleading look, so she closes her mouth. "Does Axel know about this?" Liam asks after a moment.

I don't say anything for a few moments, making it clear that he doesn't.

Liam sighs and shakes his head. "He won't like this."

"Please don't tell him." I plead them. They look at each other.

"I'll tell him when he'll need to know, I promise."

"It's not for sure anyway, right?" Amber asks.

"Right." I smile, but I know deep down, that I'm lying. I need to get my life back together, and I need to do it somewhere away from this town. However, I'm terrified of Axel's reaction.

That's why I'll tell him a bit later, when it's all sorted and when I'll feel it's right. Liam drops me of at Axel's house a minute later.

I frown when I notice that his car isn't in the driveway. Where did he go? Sighning, I take the keys to his house which he lent me a while ago from my bag and unlock the door. His disappearances don't surprise me that much anymore. By now, I have come to terms that he's not the exact person you can rely on to be there all the time. I send him a quick text to ask him where he is, and I take my bag upstairs.

Which room should I stay in? Honestly, it seems logical to be im the same room as him, considering we sleep together all the time anyway. But on the other hand, I don't know what he's thinking and I don't want to come out too strong. Also, I might need some sort of a sanctuary to get away from him for a while. With his moodswings, he might feel the need to hurt me again and I won't want to be in the same room if that happens. So I move past his bedroom further down the hall. The first doors I pass, are the entrance to his bathroom.

I try the next door.

Pale blue walls welcome me, along with a slightly smaller bed in the corner of the room. There is a poster of some music band on the wall, above the small desk. The room is clean, like always when it comes to Axel. This must be his childhood bedroom.

I take a few steps towards his bed, and try the covers. They feel soft against my hand. Sitting down, I continue admiring the room. I'll stay here.

Opening his old wardrobe, I see that the shelves are empty, so I begin to put my things inside.

Then, I begin to search for sheets in Axel's new bedroom. I don't know when he had changed them, and I'll feel better if I just do it. After I'm done, I take my phone to put on some music and to see if he has replied.

No new notifications. Big surprise here. I go to the kitchen and study which ingredients he has, and after a while, I decide to make a lasagna.

Quickly, I jog upstairs to change into something more comfortable. I put on black joga pants, because that's literally the most comfortable thing ever, and a simple blue shirt. Preparing the lasagna only takes me half an hour, and then I'm left with nothing to do. Knowing that it still has to be in the oven for quite a while, I sit on his couch and exhale. I wrap my arms around myself; he's been gone all day and I'm really starting to miss him. The way he speaks, the way his arms hug me like no other, the way he kisses me... I huff and pull myself up from the couch.  By now, it was already six pm and my worry was slowly increasing.

I try calling him, but he doesn't answer.

Of course. Like I could expect anything else.

The evening passes by slowly. I spend it watching Twilight on Netflix and eating about a third of lasagna. I wanted Axel and I to have dinner together, but since he's not here, I had to eat it alone. I leave the rest in the fridge so that he could eat it later.

I don't even know when I fell asleep, but a loud noise wakes me in the middle of the night, and I bolt up from the couch. "Fuck." I hear a whisper and I immediately know it's Axel.

"What are you doing?" I ask and stand up, turning on the light.

He stumbles on his feet, his curls are a mess and his shirt looks sweaty. His posture is unsure and I know, he's drunk. I squeeze my eyes shut and exhale to stop myself from lashing on him.

This the SECOND time this goddamned week that he got freaking drunk. HOW can he NOT control himself, is it SO hard? If I got DRUNK, he would FREAK OUT. But no, he can do ANYTHING he freaking wants.

I narrow my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips to show that I'm angry. "You goddamned idiot." I hiss at him and he just stares at me, still trying to regain balance.

"Soph-" he begins, and slowly takes a step toward me, his arms outstretched like he wants a hug.

"No." I say and raise my index finger in the air. "You just left me at school, without a single word about where you're going and now you came home drunk. I'm really angry with you right now, so stay away from me." I hiss and walk past him upstairs to his childhood bedroom.

"Sophie! Wait, fuck!" he yells after me and I can hear him following me uprtairs. I hurry to the bedroom and shut the door. I worry that he'll fall down the stairs for a moment, but I decide that he doesn't deserve my help right now.

"So I can't 'ucking get drunk anymo?! Am I 'possed to be like a 'ucking dog on a leash because you 'ucking moved in with me?!" I can hear his deep voice shouting. "If that's the case" you can 'ove the fuck out!"

It's silent for a few moments, then he speaks again.

"Fuck. I didn't 'ucking mean that! But you can't 'xpect me to be a 'ucking good guy all of a sudden! So don't be so bitchy and stop 'ucking sulking!"

By now, he's made it through the stairs and I can hear him go into his bedroom.

"Where the fuck are you?! Sophie?!"

I stay silent and lay on the bed, covering myself up with the fresh sheets. Even if he finds me, I'm not sleeping with him tonight. No way.

"Oh come on! I'm too 'ucking tired to play hide and seek!"

Still, I can hear him exit his bedroom and opening the bathroom door.

"Sophie! I'm getting pissed the fuck off!"

And then, I can hear him outside my door. I can barely catch a glimpse of the door knob turning, before he enters the room. He turns on the light and squints his eyes.

"Why the fuck are you here?" he hisses and quickly comes to the bed. "Come 'leep with me."

I shake my head and tuck myself deeper into the covers. "No."

He stands there silent for a few moments, just watching me, before going to lay down next to me.

"No, Axel, leave me alone." I hiss and push him away from the bed. He stumbles and almost falls, but thankfully he catches himself.

"I didn't even 'ucking do anything wrong-"

"Yes, you did." I cut him off. "You're not sleeping in this bed so go back to your room."

"No, I wanna sleep with you." he whines.

"Well, I don't want to sleep with you." I say and his expression turns slightly sad. He stands there just looking at me for a few more moment, contemplating his options, like he can actually think with a drunken mind.

"Fine, fuck." he finally says and leaves the room.

I let out a breath, thinking he's finally giving up and going to his room, but he returns a few moments later with a pillow and a blanket.

"What are you doing?" I ask and he turns off the light, and places the pillow on the floor, along with the blanket.

"What does it 'ucking look like? I'm sleeping on the floor."