Chapter 50: Chapter 50

Indigo's POV

I smiled when I saw our child waving at my place. Some guests laughed at him. She's the epitome of happiness to us. I'm glad that she was there when Ingrid need someone the most. I think Ingrid must have been secretly crying until she could go to sleep that time. My chest clenched at the thought that I wasn't there during those times.

I still vividly remember when her mother died, there is not a day that she is not just staring to something and deep in thought. There isn't a day that she doesn't cry just to sleep. Her eyelids always need to be heavy just to eat her to drowsiness. That's how she is.

"Love, you should eat," I told her because she always thinks about her siblings while she forgets to take care of herself.

"I don't feel like it…" she said weakly, just staring at one side. She remembered his Mama and maybe even their house.

“You can't be hungry. Eat at least a little,” I told her. I can't help but to be worried about her. Sometimes, even with food, she would suddenly cry. But she always acts strong when facing her siblings. I was even more adamant that I want to stay by her side. I want to be that someone she can cry with whenever she needs to.

“Mama's in heaven now. Don't cry anymore. She's probably happy right now, ” she said to her siblings with a smile but I could see the sadness in her eyes. She was like a child who wanted to cry. She just comforted her siblings.

"Congratulations to Papa, Ma. Have you received my gift to Papa?" I asked Mama from the other line.

“Yes, son! Your Dad has seen it. Thank you! Where are you? Are you going home? It took you so long to go home. We've been waiting for you for a while,” she said to me so I looked at Ingrid who was just staring with the visual aid she was doing.

"Mom, I can't go home," I said to Mom. I often come home for a week to visit our house even though Dad doesn't want to see me there. It's Papa's birthday today but Ingrid needs me. I don’t want her to cry every day.

"You never missed your dad's birthday…" Mama's voice was sullen so I felt pain. I feel guilty about it but I don’t want to leave. Maybe if I leave I won't be able to see someone again. I know Ingrid’s mind plays. I feel like she's thinking about things right now.

"I'm sorry, Ma, I'll just try another time… I love you…" I said. A long silence enveloped the two of us. She really seems to upset me.

"Let's date next week, Ma," I promised with a smile even though she couldn't see me. I heard her sigh.

“Fine, why don't you go home? How many weeks have you not visited here, huh?” she asked me.

"Mom, Ingrid needs me…" I said so she was even quieter on the other line.

"Ingrid again," she commented.

"I love you, Ma, I'm sorry," I said. The call ended and I was just coaxing my sulking mother. I never miss celebrations at home so it's only natural for her to get upset.

I also didn't attend many events because I would prefer to be with Ingrid. When they are inviting me to drink, Ingrid is the only one I think. She never ties me to her. In fact, she was still urging me to visit them but I also did not agree because I would like to stay here with her sibling and her party.

“Chasing after your dream or are you just looking for a burden? You're already a burden in this house, and now, you have the guts to add someone more!” Dad really knows how to ruin a mood. I already know his lines. He still doesn't get tired of belittling me.

“Until now, you are still really stubborn. Instead of making sure that you'll have a decent life, you even engage yourself with people who don't have class. ” I can't help but talk back to him because of that.

"If you're just going to insult the people who made me feel useful, it would be better if we cut our relationship with each other forever. That's what you've always wanted from the very beginning." My voice was serious when I said that. He always told me before that he would cut me as his son. That he was unlucky because I became his child. Well, pretty true. But does he really need to slap me with that?

In the end, I was also guilty of what I said because I saw the pain on Mama's face. I can't hurt her. Even though I was angry with Dad, I didn't want my Mom to be hurt.

"I'm sorry, Ma," I whispered to her. I know how much my mother loves me. I am her only child.

"Talk to Papa, Nak," she said, prompting me to talk to Papa who was hot-tempered.

“Pa, I’m here to apologize, for being rude. But I will not take back what I said,” I told him.

“That girl is important to me, Papa. She's not actually a burden because in fact, she doesn't want to ask for help from me, in fact, she wants to do everything on her own.” It wasn't easy for Dad to lower his pride too. He's a principled man so I know it will take another year before you can convince him. I am the one who keeps on telling him that I'll become a producer for several years and he still won't accept it until now.

What I said is true, Ingrid is the type of person that even if she's not aware, gives me courage. She always believes that I can. He didn't know how much self-confidence I gathered because of her.

“Then your film will be known not just in the Philippines, but worldwide! Oscar?” I couldn’t help but smile because of that. She had so many dreams for me and she was there during the times I'm gradually reaching them.

Every time I'm trying to stay up all night, she is there to talk to me while editing. Even if she sleeps sometimes it's okay because what's important is that she's by my side, supporting me on what I want.

I was always focused on movies when I was in the cinema but when our film started to play, I was nervously looking at her. I really wanted to watch her reaction and I was not disappointed. To her alone, it's already a win.

When I was feeling down, she was there. She's always comforting me. When I ask myself if I'm good, she's there just to remind me how much she admires me. She saw me at my worst. That's why I was really happy when she was there when we won the best film. She was there when I was happy with my achievement.

"I'll do it," she said because I didn't have the courage to open the email. She was the one who read it and I didn’t know what my reaction was.

"What?" I asked feeling nervous.

"You won!" she said, approaching to hug me tightly. Heck. My heart is so full. Just with this, I already won.

But not all relationships are fine. Everything breaks apart when I got an offer to go to the US.

“Think about it, Indigo, it will be a good experience for you. Maybe when you return to the Philippines, a lot of networks will be trying to work with you,” they told me.

“Oh? He already has a lot of offers right now!” one of the interns said.

"You're good, Indigo, I hope you won't miss the opportunity," Ms. Tina said with a smile.

I just stared at the contract. Ingrid will probably be happy when she sees this. She's always happy with every little achievement I have.

I just lost the excitement I felt when I realized that we will go with her stepmom. I don't really care about her but I know how she affects Ingrid. She was angry with her but not as much as she hated her father. I don't know how to tell her.

“Okay. It's up to you,” her voice was cold. I knew right away that she doesn't like it at all. She treated me even colder when she knew I would accept it.

I just don't want to turn the offer off. Since day 1 it's been my dream and I know she'll understand it too. I know that she'll just be cold at first but I knew Ingrid. I knew she supported me in my dream. But I just don't like her jealousy towards Ms. Tina.

I don't want her to feel that way, she's the only one I love. As much as possible, I make her feel like she's the only one because she's really the only one.

"What if I told you not to go?" I immediately looked at her. I had already known that for a few days but I tried to ignore what she felt.

"You know that this is my dream, right?"

"Can't I be by your side while you are chasing after your dream?" I won't be there with her for a year. I know I’m used to always being by her side and that's also what she feels. I know it will be difficult for both of us but I want us to grow together.

"Can't I be by your side while I was chasing my dream?" When you love someone you will be able to support them, right? I know it's hard but we can do it because we trust each other. I trust her.

Selfish if selfish but I don't want to let go of my dream and her. I want her to be there with me when I reach my dream.

I thought we were already fine but when the contract signing came, she called me in her shaky voice.

"Don't go," she said on the other line. My lips parted and I didn't know what to say.

"Please… just stay here next to me." Fuck. She's crying. I knew that right away.

"Don't leave me here, please…" I don't want to go. I just want to stay by her side.

“I need to go sign the contract, Ingrid. Sorry. ” No, Indigo, chase after your dream.

When our call ended I was just staring at one side. She's hurting. Fuck. I just don't know what to do. Eventually, I also signed the contract because of what my brain was saying.

I also can't really let go. From the beginning, this is my dream. I know she will understand that. She also knows how much I want my father to recognize me. She also dreams with me. She said that she supports me taking my films abroad. I don’t want to disappoint her.

But… I didn't know that when I chose my dream she would gradually move away from me. I didn't know she would slip away.

For how many days she was just cold to me. I was just like air because she really didn't pay attention to me then I saw her crying. It was as if I was being crushed as I watched her cry.

“Love,” I called her.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, she cried even more there.

"I'm not leaving," I said while stroking her hair. I can't leave anymore. I want to be by her side… I just want to take care of her. But she was the one who left me…

“Let’s talk,” she said. I know it's different. From the way she looks at me, I know very well that she has something she wants to say.

"I don't want to, you'll just leave me." She has been staring at me and not insulting me. She has been giving me what I want earlier.

"Indigo…" she called. No. I don't want to. I can't afford to lose her.

"Let's take a break." In an instant, my world seemed to stop. She really did break up with me. I don't want to but when I realize that I'm really the one the reason she cries every night… Reality slaps me that I'm hurting her.

After that day, she really did leave. I didn't see her anymore. I don't even know where she is. I don’t want to know because I might just chase after her.

"You're not leaving?" Cho asked me from the other line. I waited to graduate before going abroad but I just can't. Every day I was just at the bar inviting friends to drink.

"Cheers for those who were left behind," Carver said with a laugh. I murmur a crunchy curse to him so he immediately laughed.

"Why are you angry?" Bren laughed teasingly.

"Drunk call, I'll press," Carver said.

"Stupid if I could, I would have done it myself," I said so they laughed. It's true. I just don't know if my number was blocked or if she immediately changed to another number. Either way, I don’t know.

I tried to forget about her but she still really brings me back to her every single day. I even make the Ing & Ind better. I name it hers.

Being a producer is not easy and sometimes I still wonder what's happening with Ingrid. I want to give her business back to her. And I was really lucky, destiny favor me.

I like watching films. I often watch indie films so I was shocked when I saw the short film made by Nueva Ecija. I also saw her name there.

Ingrid Galang.

I play a few more times to see if my eyes were just playing with me but it's really true. I did go to Nueva Ecija. At first, I just wanted to look for a place because Mr. Polido will film a movie there. Until I found the school where Ingrid's name is often mentioned as a producer of short films and whatnot.

Then I saw her… despite the heavy rain, I can still memorize her face. I didn't even know how to greet her with my fast heartbeat. It's like I'm back to being a high school student now that I've seen her. I even gave her my personal number. Getting ready if could meet again.

When someone called, I almost jumped in shock when I answered it but I was very upset when it turned out that it was just Carver.

“Why do you seem angry? What have I done to you?” he laughed while asking me.

"Fuck you, why did you call?" I complain about the irritation I feel. I hope it was Ingrid. Fuck this idiot.

Carver @Carwash: Papi @Indigoat is furious again

Indigo @Indigoat replying to @Carwash: Stupid, why are you even calling??? I thought it was my crush.

Carver @Carwash replying to @Indigoat: Awts, do you have someone else now?

I almost regret that I tweeted because my friends kept calling. Seems like they have nothing to do. As if they're not that busy to even tease.

"Hey, what? Have you seen Ingrid now?” Cho asked me and even shouted.

"You'll wake your child, crazy," I said.

"Atlas will take care of him," she said, laughing. I just shake my head there. Since they got back together, things have happened so fast because they also got married right away. Cho tied him to her. Joke. Atlas was dead over heels to my friends so he chained her immediately.

I was ready and excited when I went to Ingrid's school but all the courage I had was gone when I found out she have a boyfriend.

"Will anyone will be really angry?" I ask. I want to know so I can stop now.

"Huh?" she asked confused.

"Someone will get angry if someone woos you?" I asked again. I want to court her again. I've already decided that.

"Someone will." Fuck. I can’t help but feel disappointed. I really want her to take me back in her life. I want her to be mine again.

I tried to distance myself from her. I want to respect her relationship with someone. Fuck. I only saw it for a few days but every day I remember her face again. How many more years will I spend just to forget her again? I can't even do that. What about now?

But destiny is really fuck up. When you are trying to stay away then you'll meet again. I saw her at the academy where I was doing a workshop. I don't even know how to react when I see her.

One must really stay away from sin. I turned my back to get away from her but I heard her voice calling me.

"Indigo," she called, so I looked at her. I also can't afford to just ignore her voice.

“It took me years to say this to you but I really want to congratulate you. Sincerely. I'm proud of you, Indigo,” she said so I was even more stunned. Isn't it illegal? Is she making me fall for her? Fuck you, Indigo, even if she just called you, you already look like a mad dog.

"Why is he staring at the grass?" I heard Chora ask our friends.

"His ex is back," Andra laughed. She is Bren's girlfriend so we spend a lot of time together. They got to know each other because of me. They kinda suit each other so they dated.

“Is Ingrid back? When? Omg, why aren't you telling me? That's it! You only know me when you need something!” Chora was still scolding me so I just shook my head at her. I just ignore her but she teases me even more.

"I'm going to the academy!" she said immediately so I threatened her.

"She already has a boyfriend," I said.

“We? Is it true? Maybe she doesn't really have one? Did you ask?” they asked. I simply nodded before sipping on my drink.

But it was as if I was slapped over and over again when I heard her talking to him.

"Hello, Baby?" Yes, baby? Huh! She didn't even call me that before. Her voice is very soft but when we're together he always feels cringes whenever I do that soft voice! Unfair!

“I can't wait to see you too, I'll kiss you a hundred times too. Just make sure it's a hundred times, huh? Be careful, my love,” she said. That's it. The pain is real. That's when I finally fell silent. I still love her. I didn't stop.

We both distance ourselves from each other. For a month it was just like that until I accidentally found Sandro's account. He added so I immediately accepted. He doesn't have so many posts. He doesn't even have a profile.

Santino Galang: Big Brother Indigo! Sup?!

Indigo Cornel: Hey, how are you?

Santino Galang: Goods, Big Brother. You are getting richer. Are our movie tickets free??

Santino Galang: AHSGSGSHSHHAA JOKE BIG SISTER WILL PINCH ME, SHE HASN'T MOVE ON FROM YOU YET

I stopped because of his chat. My forehead frowned.

Indigo Cornel: I'll be assuming AHSGSGSGHSHAA

Santino Galang: It's okay, Big Sister is single, should I set a blind date? She's looking for a boyfriend. Joke, Big Brother. Maybe you'll tell Big Sister that I told you AHSGSGSGSHSHSHDGHSHAHAHAHA LET'S SEE EACH OTHER SOON

Single? I thought she have a boyfriend?

Indigo Cornel: Is that serious?

Santino Galang: Luh, you haven't moved on to Big Sisteryet, Big Brother?? That's good then! I'm really going to set a date! There is a fee, ah? Free mogu-mogu every day!

Indigo Cornel: Single??

I couldn't stay on one side anymore, especially since Sandro didn't reply. I was so curious that I even managed to call him.

“Hello, Big Brother? Sorry, I was ordered to water the plant,” he said.

“Big Sister is single, ready to mingle. There is only one obstacle,” he laughed so I furrowed my forehead.

"Who?" I ask. He didn't speak so I was even more confused.

"But she's really single, promise," he added.

“I'll set a date? Mogu-mogu!” he said.

"I'll give you even one more box of mogu-mogu." He laughed because of what I said but I was serious especially when I realized that Ingrid really doesn't have a boyfriend.

Fuck. I really wasted another year. I just can’t really avoid regretting but it’s here now. At least I already have my chance.

But heck. I didn't know that I won't just one, get 1 take 1. The first time I saw my daughter. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I felt upset, especially with myself. I wasn’t even there at the times when she really needed me. I wasn't even there when she needed someone to hold on with. I wasn't there when my daughter was growing up.

"Are you a producer?" a girl asked me. I smiled at her and nodded.

"You are my father," she said to me so I laughed softly.

“Silly, Child, I don't have a child. Apart from being single, I only want one girl. I didn't get anyone pregnant,” I said but stopped at the thought. Just one woman. I looked again at the girl who was just staring at me now, she slightly frowned and walked away from me. She just talked to our co-workers instead.

They said she looked like me but with her face, one person entered my mind. Ingrid. I don't know if it's real but I felt like I'm connected to her. I also gradually realized what Ingrid had told me.

Someone will get angry.

But she has no boyfriend. Is it real? I don't know how I feel, especially when the words that she's my daughter really came from Ingrid.

I tried to ignore Ingrid not knowing that she was hurting too. It was as if some daggers had stabbed me when I saw her drinking antidepressant.

“I was about to tell you but you’re already chasing your dream. I can't be that selfish… maybe at first yes but no… I'll probably regret it if I let you be tied to me without chasing your dream.” Fuck. How can I hurt this girl?

“When you called…” I couldn't even continue what I'll ask.

“I’m sorry if I was selfish that day… that was the time when I realized that I was really pregnant…” she said. That broke me. I can't believe I left her alone. I couldn't stand it anymore and just cried when I heard what she went through. I'm not even… I'm not even there…

That's why I hated Mama when she said something to her.

"Mom, it took them so long to come back to me… Mom, she can handle living without me but I can't… I don't think I can live the same way as before without them both…" I said to Mama before I turned my back away.

I was too scared when she and Raya left. I would go crazy with the idea that they would never come back. So did I when she left. I thought I would lose her again.

But now… she's here wanting to spend her lifetime with me…

I couldn’t help but smile on my lips as I asked questions about her students.

"How about Michael, he's smart?" I ask.

"He's not that excellent academically but he's really a great athlete, even if he's silly, he has dreams," she said with a smile, she knows all of her students.

"How about Ryan?" I asked, pointing to her class record. She was checking her student's activities right now.

"He's not good academically and he doesn't know his talent yet but I know there's something he's good at," she said with a smile.

"What about Lia?" I ask.

"She's good when he talks, good at public speaking," she said so my eyes just narrowed. How did she manage to get to know all of her students?

I leaned on her and was the one who was even more tired of asking questions than her. I also got busy watching my film. We both ended up talking about our film. She's a part-time producer and you'll be even more jealous because she's also a stage mom, she has a lot of things to do in life.

“I can’t believe we’re really here now, randomly talking about these things. We are living our dreams,” she said when he finished what she was doing. We’re both looking at scenes on the laptop now.

“Should I cut these scenes out?” I asked while showing her some scenes in my notes.

“Don’t. It was one of the things that made your character strong. ”