Chapter 42: Chapter 42

Ingrid's POV

This is our last day in Manila, Indigo wants to take Raya on a tour in his workplace so both of them are preparing now.

“What are you still doing? You haven't dressed yet. ” I didn't even understand his tone. It's up to him if he's angry or what.

“Can you just take care of Raya? I'll stay here. I know you will not leave her,” I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"I just want to rest too," I said so he kept his eyes on me. I don't know why just looking at him makes me shed tears. I just remembered my Indigo… My college boy… my safe place… for years I haven't seen those eyes so I don't know why I see the concern in his eyes now.

I immediately averted my eyes, my grip was too tight while holding my dress.

"Be careful," I said, smiling at him. He was still looking at me as if I was a puzzle.

He was about to speak when Raya arrived. Looks like he didn't even want to let me do what I want.

"Tatay, let's go?" Raya asked with a wide smile when he approached us.

“Nanay, go to sleep, okay? Maybe you'll do your work again,” Raya reminded me. I laughed and nodded at her. I already said to her that I want to rest.

"Yes, Ma'am," I said so she giggled.

"I love you, Ma'am," she said, kissing me on the cheek.

"I love you too, My love." I even pinch her cheek so she pouted at me.

"Come on, Tatay," Raya said, holding her father's hand. Indigo kept looking at me so I just smiled slightly.

"Take care," I simply said as they go out of the house.

I realized, even more, yesterday that I shouldn't get used to being with Indigo either because maybe the day will come when he will also see the woman he wants to be in his life. Raya is the only one who's part of his life. Not me. Her Mom was right.

Or maybe I just want to prove to her Mom that I don't have any intentions toward her son. I don't know why I'm living on what other people may think but it's not just because of other people. That's his mother.

I just closed my eyes and tried to sleep but I also couldn't fall asleep because of the amount of trouble in my mind. I just sighed before taking some work in the bag. I just distracted myself there. I just busied myself for how many hours.

I got out of Indigo's house when my pentel pen was already empty and there was also no bond paper for me to use. I didn't see Manong Harold so I couldn't say goodbye. He seems to be talking to Indigo's neighbor.

I was disappointed that the store was a bit far from their village. Because the fare was more expensive than what I bought. In the end, I just bought food for the three of us. I was even able to buy isaw for Indigo and myself.

I couldn't help but smile as I remembered those simple things we did back then. The smile just disappeared from my lips when I realized that the college Ingrid and Indigo didn't exist anymore. But I don't really regret what I did back then. Look at him now, he reach so far and he deserves it all.

I was just walking in the street when someone grabbed me. I was about to scream but I met Indigo's sharp eyes.

"Why are you scaring the shit out of me?" I said, still feeling nervous. I don’t know if it was because of panic or just because of him.

"What the heck, Ingrid?" he said furiously.

"Are you leaving even our child now?" he asked me.

“Bullshit. No one is fucking leaving. You will not leave us. If I lost you before, except that it won't happen now,” he said so I furrowed my forehead at him.

"What are you saying? I just bought food and bond paper for my work,” I said confusedly to him. I heard his weak murmur so I just shake my head. I don't know how he saw me here but I seem to know when I saw that he had a private investigator with him again.

When I got into the car, I saw Raya sleeping in the backseat. In the end, I just sat next to Indigo so I wouldn't disturb Raya.

We were just quiet during our ride. We don't have anything to talk about unless it's about Raya.

"Good evening, Manong Harold," I greeted Manong who was also outside when we arrived. He sighed and looked so worried when he saw me so I looked at him in confusion.

Indigo just told him something before we proceeded to enter. He went straight to bring Raya upstairs. In less than a few minutes he's already downstairs.

I turned to him when I finished arranging the food. I can still feel his sharp eyes on me. I should have gotten used to it.

"I bought isaw, just eat it if you want," I said, smiling at him slightly. I was going to peek at Raya above before eating but Indigo already hold my wrist.

"Let's eat together," he said so I nodded.

No one even tried to speak to the two of us. I can't even hear a single noise. As if even sneering is a sin. I laughed weakly at the thought. I'm really losing my mind.

"I'm going upstairs," I said when we finished eating.

"We're going upstairs," he said, so I looked at him in confusion. Eventually, I just shrugged my shoulders before walking first.

Raya is peacefully sleeping so I just kissed her on the forehead.

"Sleep well, My love," I whispered to her.

I went to Indigo's bathroom while he was in the common bathroom upstairs. When I finished cleansing my body I just took the antidepressant I used to take. When I'm stressing a lot and thinking too much.

I almost jumped in shock when I saw Indigo enter his room. He was just wearing a white shirt.

He saw the antidepressant I was holding. I slowly put it back in my bag as if nothing had happened but before I could finally put it back, he was already beside me holding it. His eyes are serious while looking at it, reading things carefully. The lips slightly parted. I could also see the furrow on his forehead and anger in his eyes but when he turned his gaze to me, I saw how it softened.

"When did you start drinking it?" he asked as his eyes remained on me. For some reason I don't know, his eyes were the same back then. Those eyes are so caring and concerned when they look at me. I just bit my lip so hard while looking at him.

"Since when?" He almost fainted when he asked that. You can hear a trace of trembling from his voice. It was so long before I could answer.

"Since you left us," I said. Hesitant to tell the truth. When we really broke up, I said I would live for Raya but I was dragged down by all those bad thoughts every day. I was so suicidal that I didn’t know how I'll take care of Raya once I gave birth to her. Antidepressants was a great help to me up until now. When sadness really eats me away.

"It's already night, let's go to sleep," I said to him with a smile but he still didn't lose his eyes on me.

I was about to pass in front of him to sleep next to Raya but he immediately grabbed me to give me a hug.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered. I no longer realized that I was already in his arms.

“I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most… I'm sorry for being an asshole to you… For days I'm just thinking about myself. I never really thought about what you feel. I'm sorry, Love… ” he whispered to me while still holding me tightly. I just bit my lips so hard and couldn’t even stop crying in his arms.

“I'm sorry… if I left you then. I didn't even ask how you really felt, I'm sorry my love,” he whispered while stroking my hair. Like before, I was just like a child crying in his arms.

Within a few years, I learned to stand on my own two feet but now that he's here I've been paralyzed again. But I don't really want to be dependent on him. We both can't depend on each other anymore. We both grow in our own ways.

"Nanay, why are you crying?" Raya asked when she woke up, looking back and forth her Tatay and me. I bit my lip as I wiped away the tears. I even laughed like a fool as I looked at our child who frowned at me now.

"Tatay made you cry?" she asked me so I immediately shook my head.

"No, Nak, Nanay just has dust on her eyes," I said so she approached me to peek at my face. I know she won’t believe so why am I still trying to excuse myself?

"You're crying." She didn't ask anymore.

"You made him cry, Tatay?" Raya asked her father.

"I'm sorry…" Indigo whispered softly so Raya's eyebrows raise even more.

“No, Love. It's not like that. Your father didn't make me cry. I just cried in the movie I watched earlier, I just realized now that it hurts,” I said. She didn't believe me so I just laughed and hugged her.

"I'm done crying. Nanay is just really tired," I said, kissing her on the cheek.

"You said you'll take a rest," she said with a sigh.

"Let's go to sleep for you to take a rest, and so can Nanay," I said to her with a smile so she nodded at me.

"Are you sure you didn't hurt Nanay, Tatay?" Raya asked, making sure. I laughed softly at her.

"Not really," I said, still pinching her cheeks.

"Okay, you can sleep with us if you didn't hurt Nanay then," Raya said so Indigo just remained standing there. Still staring at the two of us.

"Then I don't think I can sleep with you tonight, Baby," said Indigo so I glared at him. Raya's eyebrows almost met because of what he said.

"So you really make her cry?" Raya asked, confusedly. I shook my head before standing up.

"Come on, let's go to sleep." I even made smiled as I approached him.

"Stop saying things that will confuse Raya, come on," I whispered to him. Instead of speaking he just hugged me tightly.

"Okay, let's go to sleep," he said, standing next to Raya and me. My daughter kept asking questions about the two of us. She doesn’t want to believe that I cry for no reason at all. She was also tired because I always diverted the conversation. She just fell asleep. I smiled as I stroked her hair. I almost choked when I looked at Indigo that's not taking his eyes off Raya and me. When he saw me looking at him, he turned his eyes to me.

"Tell me about you… I also want to know about you…" he whispered to me.