Chapter 46: Chapter 46

Alecia eyes popped open. Her hands flew to her mouth. All she could see was the face, a strong face, which neither smiled nor grinned, but looked at her as if it was complacent. She removed her hands and bit down on the tips of her fingers. The man held her down as Ryder pierced her skin with something. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her irregular quick breaths, but her heart would not stop pounding the blood through her, making her gasp. It must have been a dream. Just a dream.

She tried to roll over and look at her husband, but he was right behind her, his arms wrapped around her in a firm hold. He would never physically hurt her. Doubt crept through her. She reached for his hands and tried to lift his arms; however, they grasped her tightly, and would not budge. She looked at the wall. The face filled her mind. “Ryder, wake up.”

Ryder sat up, and leaned over her face. “Are you okay?”

“Let go of me.”

He caressed her cheek, and whispered in her ear that everything was going to be all right.

She closed her eyes, but an image of the face filled her mind. “Please, let me go.”

He pulled her closer. “I’m going to calm all your fears away.” He kissed her cheek. “Talk to me.”

What could she tell him? He wouldn’t listen. She just had to keep pretending.

“It’s been two months, maybe if we started trying for a baby it would help you,” he said.

Katie squeezed his hand. “I’m fine.” A couple tears fell down her face. “I just had a bad dream about the miscarriage.”

Ryder kissed her tears as he rolled her over to face him. “I love you,” he whispered. “Just push it from your mind.”

If she only could. She looked in his eyes. “I love you, too.” She caressed his cheeks with her thumbs immersing her other fingers in his hair. He smiled even though in the darkness, she could see tears in his eyes.

“Tell me what to do, Alecia, to make you happy.”

She turned her head to the side, and looked at the ceiling as Ryder rested his cheek on hers. She felt so small and so weak. She closed her eyes and tried to will herself to go to sleep, but it didn’t work. All she could see was the face. “Just let me rest.”

He nodded and pulled her firmly into his arms. The last place she wanted to be.

Alecia listened to Ryder walk around the room as he got ready for work. She slipped further under the sheets, blackness filling her vision. When the alarm went off this morning she couldn’t bear the thought of getting up and putting on the pot of coffee. The face was still ingrained in her mind. The sheets were pulled down just below her eyes. Ryder leaned over her.

He half-smiled and bent to give her a kiss. “My sister will be by later.”

She nodded before he pulled the sheets back above her face, shielding her from the outside world. When she heard the bedroom door close, she rolled over and cried, letting the tears pour forth. She couldn’t get the face out of her mind no matter how much she tried. “I can’t live like this,” she whispered. “I want to die.”

Sitting up from the bed, she let the sheets fall. The ache that spread through her was intense. She bit on the sheets as she rocked back in forth, but the pressure wouldn’t release. Her whole world seemed to crash around her. Every fantasy, every hope was gone. Her future didn’t seem promising.

Without looking, She opened the drawer of the nightstand, and searched until she felt the cold metal of the gun.

She clenched it, and removed it from the drawer. Her mind went blank as she raised the black pistol to her forehead and rested the barrel right in between her eyes. The tears poured down her cheeks. “Pull it,” she whispered. “Just pull it.”

She moved her finger over the trigger, caressing it like a child.

She closed her eyes.

“Pull.” Alecia dropped the pistol on the floor and sprang back as her heart pounded against her chest. The gun landed with a thump on the floor. She picked it up. There was not one finger smudge on it. What kind of gun did he own? She put the pistol back up and buried her face into her hands. What was she going to do? If she couldn’t even pull one trigger, how could she flee?

She wrapped herself in a blanket and found a seat on the couch. Not one inch of her wanted to move. A show on the TV talked about the benefits of exercise. She laughed. She didn’t need to exercise to lose weight. In fact, Ryder had commented that she was losing too much. It was true, her clothes hung loose on her body. Maybe now she could have a slice of German chocolate cake.

Someone knocked on the door. She lay down and brought the blanket to her face, but then lowered it. Darkness made her think of the man in her dreams. Taylor's face peeked from behind the door. “Hi, Ally.”

“Hey.”

Taylor sat down next to her and pulled her into her arms – the now familiar embrace soothed her. Alecia leaned her head against her shoulder. “How are you?” Taylor asked.

“I put his pistol to my head.”

Taylor pulled her closer, clenching her tight as if she feared Alecia might actually do it.

“Ally?”

“I couldn’t do it. Not even to get away from him.”

Taylor caressed Alecia's shoulder. “If you leave him, Ally, you must disappear. You can’t go where he could easily find you. But I don’t know if there is such a place. But I’ll try to help you the best I can. “

Alecia turned to her as a small glow ignited. A plan. Taylor was talking about a plan.

“You’ll have to act like you still want him,” Taylor said.

“He knows when I pretend.”

“He wants you to love him so badly, he’ll let himself be fooled.”

Alecia nodded and leaned back into the couch. Could she really make him believe she loved him? Be tender with him. That’s all she had to do and maybe he wouldn’t realize it. But that wasn’t the only issue to overcome.

Taylor gave her the address of an organization that helped hide women, especially han women. It was hidden away in the woods.

Her breath fled from her as the truth of his words sank in. Tonight, she’d make Ryder think she loved him.

That night, when Ryder came home, Alecia had a hot steaming pot of stew with ABC noodles in it cooking on the stove. The scent of the seared beef intermixed well with the onions and whole tomatoes floated around her. Of all the meals she made, Ryder loved this one the best.

She walked out of the kitchen wearing a black silk dress that clung to her curves.

“Hey,” she said, rubbing her fingers.

Ryder smiled and walked over to her. He placed his hands on her hips, and bent down to kiss her cheek. “You look so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she whispered and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good.” He traced a finger down her cheek. She turned from him and headed to the kitchen. During dinner, she told him about a novel idea that she was thinking about, and other few bits of information, and in between spoonfuls of soup, he would stare at her with a smile on his face.

Alecia bent her face to the side and peered into his stormy gray eyes. He really had no clue, did he?

After dinner, he sat on the couch and flipped through the channels until he stopped on a game. Alecia slipped on a white slip with lace around the edges. She studied her reflection in the mirror. Every curl seemed in place. She practiced her best smile, batting her eyelashes. Please let him be fooled. Her eyes twinkled. She looked innocent and virginal, the way Ryder liked her best.

She tiptoed out of their bedroom and made her way to him, brushing her fingers over his shoulder.

He turned around and smiled, biting on the side of his bottom lip. She cringed, taking a step back. Did she really have to do this; give herself to this man before she was able to leave?

“Come here.” He held out his hands for her. His eyes were wild with excitement.

She tilted her head to the side. “Why should I?”

He chuckled and got off the couch. “Because you’ll drive me mad.”

Good. She turned for the bedroom with him at her heels. She walked in and shut the door after he entered.

He grasped her and pulled her into his embrace, making her eyes widen. It was easier just to lay there, she realized, as he planted rough kisses on her neck, pushing the straps off her shoulders. The slip fell to the floor, as her body chilled. But she couldn’t just lay there. She had to pretend. She pictured Kyle with his boyish smile - his light blue eyes filled her mind. Her kiss deepened. She would have kissed Kyle lik this.

“There’s my Pretty thing,” he whispered.

If he only knew, he’d kill her.

Ryder took one long last sip of his coffee, set it on the counter and reached for her pulling her into a firm embrace. His lips found hers, deepening into a passionate kiss. “Last night was amazing,” he whispered into her ear before releasing her and heading out the door.

Alecia wrapped her arms around her waist. How long would she have to keep this up? She picked up his coffee mug and finished what remained. She waited a couple minutes, making sure he didn’t return for something he forgot.

She looked at the clock. 8:15. She had forty-five minutes before the maid came. She rushed to her bedroom, threw on a pair of blue jeans and a sweater and went to meet Taylor at a nearby convenience store.

The girls embraced. Taylor pulled from her. “Are you sure, Ally?”

Alecia studied her unsettled eyes. She took her hands and squeezed them. “I have to. I can’t live like this.”

Taylor nodded. “It’s probably not going to work, but I’ll see what can be done.”

“Thank you.” Ally turned from her and made her way to the pay phone. She slipped the quarters in and called her sister’s dorm room. Hopefully, she could catch her in between classes.

“Hello?”

Alecia's heart leapt. “Trina, can you talk?” she half-whispered as blood rushed through her body. Her hands shook, making the phone bump against her ear.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She could hear fear in her sister’s voice.

“Trina, I’m going to leave him.”

The other end was silent as she waited for her sister to respond.

“Trina?”

“Ally, I’m so happy.” There were tears in her sister’s voice. “When?”

“As soon as I can figure things out. I need somewhere to go. It can’t be home, but somewhere Ryder would never think of.” Her stomach turned as she remembered the address Taylor had given her, Taylor had later told her it was a bad idea, she had learnt his father had made several contributions to that place before.

“Kyle,” her sister shouted through the phone. “He’s living with his aunt in New Zealand.”

Every part of her chilled. Kyle, the one person Ryder despised most. Would it be safe? Kyle would protect her, and Ryder knew nothing about Kyle's aunt.

“I’ll talk to him tonight, and we can start planning.” Trina explained that Kyle had dropped out of school and was helping his aunt to run a bookstore.

Alecia turned to Taylor and told her what she had learned.

The girl shook her head. “It’s too close. You have to disappear – start a new life. We’ll need to get you a new identity. Maybe I can find someone to help with that.”

“But he would never guess.”

“Alecia, Ryder will track you down. His family has resources you can’t imagine. When I say disappear, I mean disappear. You’ll have to forget about everyone you love.”

Alecia stilled. She couldn’t forget about her family – she would die without them. Besides, Rydwr wouldn’t hurt her. He might drag her back, but that would be it. She’d just have to take the risk. But what if.... “No, I’ll stay with Kyle.”

Taylor's eyes widened. “Alecia.

Alecia turned back to the phone. “Call him.”

Alecia ran a hand over the smooth plastic cover of the license. “How did Taylor get this?” A Texas driver’s license bearing the name Tracy Walker – the name of a child who’d died the day after she was born. This child’s birth certificate helped Alecia find a new identity, and would help her find a new life. Would it work? Taylor said no one would ever know until Ryder tracked her down.

She shuddered. Taylor had no confidence that she would be able to escape, so why did she help her? That would probably remain a mystery.

Alecia took the driver’s license and the new birth certificate and hid them in a place Ryder never looked, a box where she kept her feminine products. She sat on the cold bathroom floor. Two more days until everything would be in order. Taylor would have the passport ready and a plane would leave from JFK airport to Texas only a few hours after Ryder left for work, giving her ample time to slip out the door of their home to safety. Only two more days of making love to Ryder and pretending she found pleasure. Only two more days, of smiling when he came home from work and acting happy with whatever he bought her. Just two more long excruciating days.

She crossed her legs. The room at Kyle's aunt’s was ready. She smiled. Kyle said, he would kill Ryder if he showed up. He had even begun the process to get his gun with silver bullets. Two more days.

She stood up as the door to their apartment opened. She walked into the living room and smiled.

Ryder held a book she had mentioned she liked.

“You were listening last night.” She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him.

He kissed the top of her head. “I always listen,” he said, tickling her chin.

“That’s debatable.” She kissed his chest, making him suck in his breath. Two more days.